Sorry it has taken me so long to update but as we all know life tends to get in the way. Hope you find it worth the wait and I would love to hear from anyone who reads this, positive or negative! Twilight is not mine.

I suggest listening to John Mayer or The Weepies while reading this chapter. Hope everyone enjoys it, there should be another update by Sunday at the latest. Any suggestions or things you would like to see happen?

Chapter 10

EPOV

I walked slowly on the ever-familiar path to our meadow. There was no need for my speed now. I could never rush this, just like I could never rush her. I took in every detail, the smell of the moss, which grew on the trees and rivaled even Carlisle's age. The life of the forest as I made my way to the meadow, the soft flutter of wings, the distant bubbling of a creek. I forever inscribed these soft noises of our woods into my memories. I could never experience comfortable silence in the presence of another again. I made my way through the brush that so easily would have tripped my forever-fragile Bella. The edge of our meadow grew closer with it came the distinct scent of Bella, my long dead heart clutched and for the sweetest of seconds I was able to envision that she would be standing in the middle beckoning for me to come closer- always inviting death in. It was tainted, however, by the smell of wet dog and the sickly sweet smell of vampire.

I freaked, there was no other description for what happened to me at that moment. Never before had I cursed the speed of my vampire mind. In a millisecond I had imagined thousands of slow painful deaths for my Bella. She could have been mauled by a pack of those dogs across the treaty line or she could have gotten caught in between a fight between a passing vampire and the dogs. She had a constant propensity to walk into danger without even realizing she was doing so. What I feared most yet selfishly hoped for was that a vampire had bitten my sweet Bella and the dogs distracted him before he could finish her. I hoped that I could spend the rest of my eternal life with the one I love, and spend all of eternal hell with her as well. I was quickly abashed at my own thoughts. How could I be so selfish, she deserved death rather than an eternity of soulless existence. As I berated myself I still couldn't stop the onslaught of torturous deaths for her, each worse than it's predecessor. I walked around the meadow following the scent of Bella and cringed as it mingled with vampire and werewolf. I followed her scent and found she must have left this place alive, in fear but alive, a trail veered out of our meadow and into the forest and yet her scent remained. She had left. She was safe, from everyone but herself. I could never imagine my Bella taking her life. Alice's vision showed me though I didn't know her as well as I thought I did. It showed me a Bella beyond my imagination, one that could take life for granted and had no grasp at how hard we had been fighting fate to keep her alive. I left to keep her safe, to keep away her biggest threat. I was suddenly racked with anger and guilt; these emotions were so familiar, yet they were completely different. This time the guilt was the same… but the anger is what shocked me. I was angry with her I had never been angry with Bella before. The pain I had carried so vehemently upon my long dead heart intensified as my anger grew.

As quickly as it had come my anger with Bella subsided and I was filled with self-hatred. I had just condemned the angel who accepted the monster within, and loved me unconditionally. There was no way Bella would ever commit suicide. My angle was entirely too selfless to do such a thing, she would have thought of Charlie and her mother first, my Bella always thought of others first. I knew at that moment there was no way in heaven, hell or on earth she would have jumped to her death on purpose. Alice had been wrong before, why not now? I may be fueling my own self-denial and insanity but I would rather live in my head where my pre-conceived version of Bella fits than to live in this world where Bella no longer exists. I feel like she is near me but, I'm just not close enough. She is not dead and I will not rest until I find her.

Sorry it has taken me so long to update but as we all know life tends to get in the way. Hope you find it worth the wait and I would love to hear from anyone who reads this, positive or negative!