Yay some Beth and Sarah bonding in this chapter (yes, they're totally my brotp).

-.-.-.-

Beth's alarm had come and gone. Usually she'd have been up hours ago for her jog, and by now she'd probably be in the shower, feeling her muscles relax again under the hot jets of water. Not today though. Maybe not ever again. She just wanted to lie in bed and stare at her plain white ceiling and never move, or speak, or eat.

She closed her eyes and pictured the pill bottle in the back of the cabinet in the main bathroom. Sitting behind the spare conditioner, unopened for weeks now. She remembered the hollow feeling in her chest last time she rolled two blue pills out of the container and into her clammy palm. She remembered how at first she'd just forgotten to take them because the feeling that usually reminded her she needed them hadn't been there. She remembered how soon the feeling had been gone entirely and instead it was replaced by brightness; like sunshine, only pinker.

Now she lay in bed and she could feel that emptiness claw at her chest, eating away at the sunlight. She closed her eyes, willing herself to sleep again when all of a sudden –

"What the fuck?" Her eyes shot open and she sat bolt upright on her mattress.

A second later more banging against her bedroom door. She slid her feet out from under the blankets and watched as the door shook. It was nine in the morning, who the hell –

"Childs? Open up!" Sarah's voice called through the wood.

"What the fuck," Beth repeated; running across her room and yanking her door open before Sarah broke a hole in it. "The hell Manning?" She snapped then as Sarah stood smirking in the hall with Beth's mother standing perplexed behind her.

"What, no hello?" Sarah teased, stepping into Beth's room without invitation.

"Are you two going to be okay?" Beth's mother asked, looking more at her daughter for an answer than the mystery girl that'd just barged through her front door.

Beth was tempted to say no, she really was, though she knew exactly how Sarah would react to that. "Yea," she nodded instead. "This is Sarah Manning…"

"Oh," Susan seemed a lot more at ease now that she knew who the intruder was, though no less confused. "I'll leave you girls to it then," she smiled, turning to leave as Beth closed the door.

"Sarah," Beth turned with a sigh, not really up for whatever nonsense was about to unfold. "Whatever it is, I'm kind of having a shitty day and…"

"Don't be stupid," Sarah brushed off. "Day's still young Bethany, could turn around."

"Don't call me that," Beth snapped out of instinct. "And no, I really don't think it will," she added.

"God, you and Alison have one fight and suddenly the world's falling apart," Sarah huffed, throwing herself back into Beth's mattress.

"Well yea actually… wait," Beth slowly processed what her friend had said. "How do you know that?" She felt fear prick in her chest when she realised must have Alison told everyone.

"Alison turned up at Fee's last night in hysterics," Sarah explained, and Beth instantly felt that fear subside into guilt. "And well, you know Felix, can't keep his gob shut about his own problems, never mind anyone else's," she shrugged.

"And what… what did she say?" Beth asked hesitantly.

"Just that she thought she'd fucked up… well 'effed' up," Sarah corrected using melodramatic air quotations. "Though don't worry, she wouldn't say why."

"Oh…" Beth crossed the room and sat next to Sarah on the bed. "Where is she now?" She asked quietly, feeling ashamed more than anything that she'd even consider for a second that Alison would tell anyone else what had happened.

"Felix took her shopping with him and Cos," Sarah explained. "He thought some retail therapy might do the trick."

-.-.-.-

"So anyway, then he asked if he could see me tomorrow evening…" Felix was going a mile a minute while they browsed the rails of Forever 21.

"Wait, which one's this?" Cosima asked idly as she pulled an Aztec print skirt out of the sale section.

"This is Colin, god keep up," Felix huffed. "Anyway, I felt bad giving him a flat no because I've not seen him in a few weeks, though I couldn't say yes because I'm going out with Ramon tomorrow, so now I have to come up with an excuse, cos I can't just tell him I have another date… can I?"

"Not really no," Cosima hummed in agreement, placing the skirt back when she noticed the missing zipper (she knew it was too good to be true).

"Exactly, so I was thinking of telling him I was ill? Though then I realised what if I want to see him Tuesday or Wednesday?" Felix sighed in exasperation. "I mean he's not going to want to do anything if he thinks I have the plague or something and that just wouldn't work."

"Tell him you have to study?" Cosima offered, turning her attention to the rail to her left now.

"Oh god no, it has to be realistic, we're not all geeks," Felix looked almost disgusted at the thought. "No I was thinking more along the lines of…"

Alison stood back a bit from her two friends staring between them in disbelief. Did they always talk about relationships this much, or was this just some twisted way of rubbing salt in her wounds? She pinched her brow and exhaled slowly through her nose. This was going to be a very, very long day.

-.-.-.-

"Oh," Beth nodded. "She's probably having fun then."

"Can't say the same for you," Sarah replied, giving her friend a sceptical once over.

"I think I really fucked up," Beth replied after a moment.

"Wanna talk about it?" Sarah questioned hesitantly – she wasn't really the kind of person to get mushy and emotional, but she'd sure as hell go there if that's what this called for.

"No, not with you anyway." Beth smiled weakly at Sarah when she spoke.

"Oi, I can be a shoulder to cry on too ya know," Sarah huffed.

"You'd probably take pictures and use them as blackmail."

"Yea, but only once this whole thing blows over… I'd never blackmail you when you're feeling so bummed out," Sarah reasoned, and Beth couldn't help but crack a smile.

"Well you could be waiting a while…" Beth sighed, running a hand through her hair.

"It can't be that bad," Sarah countered. "Whatever happened it can't be that bad… you guys will make up."

"I was a real dick though Sarah," Beth could feel that lump in her throat again, and willed herself not to cry. "I was like, the queen of dicks."

"Which is quite something for a lesbian," Sarah teased, trying to ease the tension she could feel building in the air around them.

"I'm not a-"

"I know, I know, you're bi or whatever; I get this spiel enough from Cosima, and Jesus don't even get me started on Delphine's spectrum theory," Sarah cut her off quickly. "Just tell me what happened yeah?" She prompted. "You don't even have to say what the fight was about… just open up a little Childs."

"I… we…" Beth trailed off and took a breath (open up, she could do that, she could open up). "She found out something about me and I was mad at her for knowing it… but then she only made it worse by trying to talk about it and I dunno… I snapped."

"Would this thing be the same thing that has you skipping out of school the second the final bell goes on Tuesdays, and the same thing that has your mother acting like you're going to go crazy any second?" Sarah questioned.

"Uh… yea."

Sarah nodded, and allowed herself time to mull over everything in her head before she spoke again. "Alison's special you know…" she said finally.

"You think I don't know that?" Beth murmured resentfully.

"Obviously not," Sarah remarked offhandedly.

"Look Sarah," Beth could feel anger bubbling inside her, and she stood abruptly from the bed. "If you've just come here to give out and this is your backhanded way of doing it I don't need-"

"When have I ever been backhanded about anything Bethany," Sarah interrupted, staring up at her friend with a bemused look. "If I'd come here to shout you and everyone else in this neighbourhood would know about it, trust me."

"Well then why are you here," Beth sighed, her shoulders dropping in defeat.

"To tell you Alison's special," Sarah repeated slowly. "And," she continued when Beth didn't snap at her. "To tell you that when Felix was twelve and he realised he was gay, it was Alison he told first, not me, his best friend since he was eight, Alison. And when Cosima realised she liked girls it was Alison that held her when she cried, and it was also Alison she went to for advice when she realised she had a major crush on Delphine. And to tell you that when I thought I was pregnant when I was sixteen it was Alison's doorstep I went to with a shopping bag full of pregnancy tests, and it was her that sat up with me all night, even though she had a big test the next morning, because I was too afraid to pee on one."

"Why're you-"

"Because Alison's special," Sarah repeated for the third time. "And whatever it is that you don't want to talk to anyone about, you can talk to Alison about it, because she will be there for you, just like she's there for everyone."

"What if I'm scared to?" Beth countered, half challenging Sarah, half hoping she'd get an honest reply.

"Elizabeth Bethany Childs," Sarah began sternly.

"That's not my middle name either," Beth groaned, though she knew Sarah was ignoring her.

"If you're afraid to open your heart up to Alison Hendrix in case she like pushes you away or some shit then you need to get the fuck over yourself, yeah?" Beth wanted to say something back at this, though Sarah didn't give her a chance to butt in. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to Ali, and now granted I didn't know you before you knew her, but I'm willing to bet Alison's the best thing that's happened to you too?"

"Yea," Beth nodded dumbly, finally sitting back down on the bed again.

"Well then there yah go ya silly tit," Sarah laughed, nudging Beth's shoulder with her own. "You just gotta like take the leap or whatever, and trust that no matter what shit you have going on Alison'll try her best to help, yeah?"

"Yea," Beth nodded again, realising that probably for the first time ever Sarah Manning was right about something.

"And you know… if she's not enough you've got five other people that are here for you too," Sarah mumbled. "Just don't get any ideas about making-out with us," she added, trying to balance out the soppiness.

"Sarah if ever there's a day I make a pass at you, just know I was probably forced at gunpoint," Beth chuckled.

"You're just jealous cos you couldn't get with this," Sarah mocked.

"Shut up, dipshit," Beth snorted, now full on smiling as her friend ran her hands up and down her sides trying to be sexy.

"Whatever you big lesbo," Sarah laughed, her tongue jutting out between her teeth. "Just promise me you'll talk to her?"

"Thought she was out with Felix and Cosima?" Beth reminded her.

"Yea but not for-fuckin'-ever." Sarah rolled her eyes. "They're gonna be back by one or two, cos Cosima and Delphine are going to some foreign film bullshit."

"You mean Alison's out for the morning with two people that're more than likely gonna be talking about their love live?" Beth dead panned, torn between feeling guilty and being amused by the situation.

"Best thing for her," Sarah shrugged, seeming not to notice the extraordinary flaw in her un-extraordinary plan.

-.-.-.-

"So yea, it's this like totally independent French film," Cosima was explaining, hands going a mile a minute even though she was behind the closed changing room door. "Like completely neo-realist and all that jazz, but it's also in this like really cute old cinema, you know the one down town, ow," she paused when her hand ricochet off the side mirror.

"The one they were thinking of closing a few years ago?" Felix nodded thoughtfully; sitting cross legged on the bench outside with Alison silent by his side.

"Yea, yea, yea that's the one. I mean it's been there since like the twenties and it's got all that old style décor and architecture so I mean it'd be totally romantic, you know?"

"Plus you know, cinema is an ideal place for making out," Felix added, knowing all too well that for all Cosima's brains she wasn't one to be into neo-realist French cinema – she was more of a documentaries girl (which always ended up being mind-numbingly boring when it was her turn to pick films to watch).

"Yea… well duh," Cosima agreed. "Though you know I kinda want this to be like a proper date, you know? Like we've not really gone on a proper date and it'd totally suck balls if when she goes back home for the summer and her folks ask her what Canada was like all she can talk about is like school and hanging out with us."

"I dunno, pretty sure she could describe the ceiling of your bedroom in vivid detail," Felix teased.

"Holy watershed dude, we totally need to get you laid, this drought's making you fantasize about lesbian sex," Cosima sniggered as she pulled her head into a top.

It had only been an hour and already Alison wanted to bury her head in her hands and find a way to put her friends on mute for the rest of the morning.

-.-.-.-

"Just promise me you'll talk to her, yeah?"

"Yea, of course," Beth nodded, her lips quirking into a barely there smile. "You'd only hunt me down if I didn't."

"Glad we're on the same page," Sarah smirked. "Now that we've got this sorted though, get me some food and bring me to your Xbox."

"Excuse me?" Beth dead panned.

"You heard me Childs, I walked all the way here to have this bloody heart to heart, the least you can do is feed me and let me kick your ass at some Halo."

"I didn't ask you to," Beth fought.

"But aren't ya glad I did?" Sarah smiled sweetly.

Beth rolled her eyes. "You want a bacon roll?" She offered finally.

"Eggs too if you have 'em," Sarah nodded, looking now like she'd never seen food before.

"I'm starting to get the feeling you only came here so you wouldn't have to make your own breakfast."

"What can I say… Mrs S claims I'm old enough to pour cereal and milk without serious injury… I disagree," Sarah shrugged, and Beth couldn't help but laugh.