Author's Note: First off I would like to start off by replying to breathemusicforme: YES! If I wasn't such a sucker for Cook and Effy, I could totally see him and Katie being great together. Second of all, thank you to everyone who has read/reviewed this story! You're all lovely.
So this is what love feels like, Cook thinks to himself in Effy's bed. Or rather, this is what it feels like to be loved. The door slowly creaks open and Effy walks in with a small smile on her face. He can't believe this is the same girl that he watched have nervous breakdown in the middle of the highway. He looks over at Effy's nightstand and picks up the bottle of pills, examining them.
"You haven't been takin' your meds, Eff?" He asks as he shakes the almost full bottle.
"They're anti-depressants, I'm not depressed anymore."
That answer doesn't totally satisfy him, but he's afraid to question her. He must be doing something right if she's stopped taking her medication. He uses that to justify her answer and tries not to think about it. So she used to suffer from psychotic depression, that doesn't mean things can't change. Things have definitely changed.
Effy knots her fingers in Cook's hair and kisses the side of his face, placing the drugs back on her nightstand. The pills make her numb to her own emotions. She stopped taking them after Freddie's memorial service because she was tired of hiding from what she was feeling.
"I'm okay, you're okay. We're all okay." She whispers and nuzzles her face into his neck.
Cook has no idea what that means. He hopes it's good, it sounds good. Besides, he's not a psychiatrist- it's not his place to say what's right or wrong in his girlfriend's brain. He lets out a long sigh and closes his eyes.
"We're all okay." Cook repeats as he falls back asleep.
"Did you have fun fucking my best friend?" Effy sits at the kitchen table and takes a sip of her orange juice.
"You really want me to answer that?" Tony laughs and takes a drag of his cigarette.
Effy wonders if Tony and Michelle are still dating at all. She doesn't really care if they are, but Tony's clearly back to his old ways. She watches as he pours himself a cup of coffee and sits down.
"Naughty little minx, that Katie Fitch is." He smirks and dumps a heap of sugar into his cup.
"Fuck off, tosser." She regrets even starting the conversation.
Is Katie still upstairs? Effy didn't even think to ask. Cook's still in her bed sleeping, so it's possible Katie's still here too. She's surprised that between her and Tony, she's the one who's found love. If Tony loves Michelle, he wouldn't be fucking Katie Fitch while he's home on break.
"You're not saying anything, but I can tell you're judging me." Tony exhales a puff of smoke in front of her face.
She snorts a laugh stares at him from behind her glass of juice. He's such a prick, but she loves it. He's the old Tony.
"What'd you think of Cook?" Effy asks casually, trying not to let on the fact that she's seeking her older brother's approval.
"He's an idiot. But he's good for you, Effy." Tony shrugs with a cocky smile on his face. That's all she needs to hear. Effy leaps up from her seat and smacks the back of his head before walking back upstairs to take a shower.
The party is out of control. Effy doesn't think there have ever been this many people at the Stonem residence. The best part is she's actually enjoying her party this time.
"Here, Effy. Saved this special for you." Cassie Ainsworth winks and hands Effy a small pink tablet. She stares at it for a few minutes before distinguishing it as acid. She knows she should take it easy, but it's just too tempting. Besides, Cass saved it special for her. Effy throws the pill in her mouth and chases it with a shot of whiskey.
After about a half hour all of the colors around Effy start to blend. She can't even tell if she's walking or not. But she's moving, gliding almost. It's like she's on one of those flat escalators they have at the airport, except she can't get off. Effy swings the door open to her room and plops down on her bed face first.
"You okay, Eff?" Effy looks up to see Freddie standing in the doorway. She knows it must be her mind playing tricks on her, but he looks so real. If only for the moment, she'll convince herself he is.
"I'm sorry." She whispers softly.
"What are you doing?" He sits down on the bed next to her.
"I have no fucking clue."
He looks exactly like she remembers him. Nothing has changed. Apparently death has been kind to him. Is he even dead? If he is, how is he sitting in front of her? Effy's mind is fucked. She can't tell what is real and what isn't. She reaches out to touch his face. He feels real. He smiles softly, but his eyes are filled with sadness. Hers are too, because as she touches him, she doesn't feel the spark anymore. She feels like she's betrayed him by not returning his feelings anymore.
"I'm sorry, Freddie." She doesn't really know what she's apologizing for, but she keeps repeating it.
Tony has no idea what the fuck is wrong with his sister. She is definitely on something, but she is also off the rails. Why the hell is she calling him Freddie? He doesn't know all that much about the Freddie situation so he isn't sure what to say. He keeps telling her he isn't Freddie, but she just ignores him and apologizes again. It's like she's lost in a world of her own.
"You always loved me best." She smiles and kisses his cheek. This is a beautiful moment, Effy thinks, one for the books.
"You obviously didn't love me since you're fucking Cook again." Effy hears the words and they eat her up inside. She becomes filled with anger. Anger at herself for abandoning Freddie the way she did. She's the most selfish person she knows. She feels like the words are crawling all over her skin and it disgusts her. She starts clawing at herself and ripping at her bedspread.
"Effy, what the fuck?" Tony tries to shake her but she doesn't hear him. She starts hitting anything she sees. She smacks her lamp off the nightstand and tears her posters off of the wall. He doesn't know how to stop her, he just watches helplessly. Clearly he's been gone too long.
"Effy, stop." Cook walks in and stares at Effy sternly.
The minute Effy sees Cook, something inside of her snaps. He's the reason Freddie hates her now. Her fists start pounding into him, but her wrists are too weak to cause any damage. He grabs both of her arms and holds them at her waist.
"It's me, Cook." He tries to catch her eye contact long enough to snap her out of whatever this is.
"I know who the fuck you are." She struggles to break free but he's too strong for her. She looks behind her and Freddie's still sitting on her bed. She's waiting for him to tell Cook to let go, but he doesn't. He just watches. He's disappointed in her, she can tell. Her emotions are torturing her right now. She feels like her whole body is on fire inside, but frozen over on the outside. Suddenly she bursts into a fit of tears, without even realizing it.
"This isn't what Freddie would've wanted. You and me, this isn't what Freddie would've wanted."
Cook was running out of ways to end this episode. She's angry, but incredibly sad. He has never seen her like this. He turns her around to face Tony.
"He's not Freddie, yeah? That's Tony, you're brother."
This doesn't register for her. She starts crying more and apologizing to him repeatedly. Cook is getting frustrated now, he just needs to get Effy back. He can't even control what comes out of his mouth next. He turns her back to focus on his face and notices that she's trembling slightly.
"Listen, I don't give a fuck what Freddie would've wanted. Wake the fuck up, Eff. Freddie's gone. He's gone."
Effy wrinkles her brow in confusion. Where did Freddie go then? She looks over her shoulder and Tony's sitting on her bed. When did Tony get here? Wait, where's Freddie? She becomes manic, worrying that she missed her only chance to talk to Freddie once and for all. Cook pulls her forehead up to his and presses them firmly together.
"Hey, I'm right here. We're all okay."
She hears those words, those three precious words and she suddenly realizes that this is all a hallucination. At least, Freddie was a hallucination. This is all very real.
Cook notices that she's calmed down and he loosens any holds he has on her. She looks completely hopeless and broken right now. She looks like a child. He figures any minute she'll start hitting him again, but instead she presses her face into his shirt and starts crying uncontrollably.
"I want you." She whispers, barely loud enough for him to hear, "You're the one I want."
Tony and Cook breathe a sigh of relief as they lay Effy down in her bed and tuck her in. She wakes up, if only for a minute, to beg Cook to stay with her.
"You saved her tonight." Tony says as they walk into the hallway.
"She just…needed saving." Cook shrugs. He doesn't like to make a big deal about the things he does for Effy. They seem to mean a lot to other people, but it's not that out of the ordinary for him.
"You're a good man, James Cook. I couldn't imagine anyone better for my sister." Tony smiles and squeezes Cook's shoulder.
"Freddie. Freddie was better for your sister. He always will be."
For a moment Tony's disappointed he never got to meet this Freddie McClair, he sounds like quite the guy. He feels like Cook is worried that he'll never be able to replace Freddie. Tony wishes he'd realize that no one is asking him to.
"He must be pretty furious at you for snatching up his girl then?" Tony jokes and nudges Cook's side.
"Yeah well, I couldn't help it. I just love her too fucking much, you know?"
Tony stares into Effy's room and smiles at her sleeping peacefully in her bed.
"I know exactly what you mean."