Hey, y'all! I realized I never did leave a hint last time about this episode's couple so, better late than never! It's a certain new-age pair...both with strange powers, one of past memories and one of unbeatable strength. I think it's obvious. And, y'all guessed correctly on today's SS replacement! Congrats!
"Hello, Mapleshade!" A cheery voice calls. The tortie doesn't even turn around to greet the cat.
"You're not Silverstream, go away." Mapleshade growls.
"Well, Silverstream needed another mental health day. I hear you can be quite a handful! What was that you wore yesterday? Oh yeah. That. I'd rather not think about it…" The voice chuckles. Mapleshade hears a thud, which can only mean the cat dropped a bag on the floor.
"There are hooks on the left wall for a reason!" She snaps, still not turning around.
"Oh. Whoops!" The cat giggles. Mapleshade's ears twitch with annoyance. "Anyway, you can't be too much of a match for me, even if you are a load of trouble!" The cat boasts. "I mean, I am the leader of Riverclan. Not much can get past me, I can tell you!"
"Oh, shut up-" Mapleshade checks the note Silverstream left her. The silver tabby's swoopy cursive was too hard on the elderly cat's eyes, even with her spectacles. "Put a sock in it, Mustystove!" Mapleshade hisses with her best translation.
"What's a sock?" Mistystar asks, cocking her head to the side quizzically. "And it's Mistystar, by the way. Leader of Riverclan? Daughter of Bluestar? One of the most amazing, well-known cats ever?" Mapleshade whirls around and meows in a tone dripping with sarcasm,
"Oh the all-mighty, all-powerful, all-knowing, noble leader of Riverclan doesn't know what a sock is? Gasp!" The Dark Forest warrior's amber eyes glowed with malice.
"What is your problem?" Mistystar snaps, glaring at Mapleshade.
"My problem? I have a problem, now?" Mapleshade laughs maniacally. "My problem is you oh noble relative of Mr. High-and-Mighty Crookedstar himself! MY KIN SHOULD BE LEADING RIVERCLAN, NOT YOU SCUM! DIRT AND LIES RUN IN YOUR VEINS, NOT BLOOD! YOU ALL ARE A BUNCH OF DIRTY, STINKIN', NO GOOD, SONS OF BI-" She yowls, only to be cut off with a smart-mouth question from the blue-gray she-cat in front of her.
"Well, what about Silverstream? She's his daughter not just his niece." The Riverclan leader smirks, clearly thinking she'd won.
"Silverstream's the exception that proves the rule." Mapleshade purrs sweetly, all previous evidence of rage gone, replaced by sickeningly false, sugary kindness. Mistystar's smirk falls right off her muzzle, and her eyes glaze over as she thinks of a witty comeback to throw at Mapleshade. Suddenly, the doorbell rings, and "We No Speak Americano" blasts through WCC co. once again. Mistystar's paws flying to her ears and she wails in pain,
"OWWWWW! OH, MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! AHHHHH!" Mapleshade just shakes her head and mutters,
"What a wuss. But, I really should change it…Sweater Weather is so much better!" The tortie struts over to the door and opens it, the music shutting off abruptly. A large golden furred tom and smaller gray furred she-cat stand in the doorway, waiting politely for the ruffled tortoiseshell in front of them to escort them in. Instead, the grouchy she-cat looks them up and down and meows, "Who the heck are you? Wait, if you're the new maid, go straight back to last door on the right…it's a mess in there." The golden tom opens his mouth to speak, but Mapleshade narrows her eyes suspiciously, "On second thought, if you're another couple of girl scouts come beggin' for funds, I'm not here. Make up your minds." Mistystar runs up behind Mapleshade and shoves the older she-cat out of the way.
"No, silly! These are the two cats of our newest couple! Hello Lionblaze, Cinderheart. Right this way…" The daughter of Bluestar purrs, guiding the newest victims-I mean, couple into the building, making sure to step on Mapleshade's splayed out form, hard, on her way back in. The tortie just looks up, shooting Mistystar a sour glare. Pulling herself to her paws and rubbing her now throbbing head, Mapleshade meows,
"Yes, ouch, welcome. I'm Mapleshade, your counselor. This is, of course, the forever arrogant brat Mustystove, my anger management therapist Silverstream's replacement for today. And my assistant…where in the name of-"
"Starclan." Mistystar supplied easily, looking bored. "And my name's Mistystar."
"I was gonna say Starclan." Mapleshade grumbles, "Where in the name of Starclan is my assistant? Hawkfrost should've been here over an hour ago!" At the warrior's name, both Lionblaze and Cinderheart's fur bristles.
"You can't be serious! You hired that-that criminal to be your assistant?!" Lionblaze meows in disbelief.
"Well, she's a convict as well." Mistystar points out casually.
"Too be fair, Silverstream hired him." Mapleshade mutters. "And I only have three-wait, no, four…ummm five? Six? Well, I only have a few life sentences and besides I'm reformed!" She argues. Cinderheart looks at her angrily.
"I will not stand to set a single paw in the same building as him." She growls, meaning Hawkfrost. "He killed my best friend!"
"Honestly, toots. You live in the Clans. What did you expect, to live happily ever after and lie in the sun together forever?" Mapleshade scoffs. This earns her a sharp look from the gray cat's mate. "Any who, shouldn't we get on with the session?" She meows quickly to change the subject. Both Lionblaze and Cinderheart nod stiffly. Mapleshade walks over to the large oaken door that leads into the counseling room. "Hey, Musty! Since my assistant has mysteriously disappeared, grab me some tea, will ya?" The ex-Dark Forest warrior shoots over her shoulder. Mistystar glares at Mapleshade as if she focused hard enough, she'd be able to bore a hole through the other she-cat's head with just her gaze. Unfortunately for her, Mapleshade and her two guests disappeared behind the door. Mistystar's about to turn to the stove when she hears the large door creak open. Mapleshade's tortie head pops out from around the corner. "And Mustystove? Make sure it's not Lipton!" The she-cat mews cheerfully, vanishing behind the door once again.
"And your problem is…?" Mapleshade asks, pushing her spectacles further up on her muzzle as she stares at the couple on the couch.
"Well, she won't be my mate just because I have a stupid prophecy!" Lionblaze meows.
"We have different destinies! It's Starclan telling us to give it up, already!" Cinderheart argues, even though her eyes are full of love.
"Whoa, whoa, hold up. I've read The Last Hope. Didn't you two get this whole thing sorted out after the battle?" Mapleshade meows, holding up a paw.
"That was only implied." Lionblaze says. "In real life, even after Cinderpelt's spirit left her, Cinderheart's made this whole fuss about the whole "Power of three-ish four" thing! It's all in the past now! Right?" He looks at Mapleshade pleadingly.
"Cinderheart? Your thoughts please?" Mapleshade turns to the fluffy gray she-cat. Lionblaze slumps back onto the couch with groan.
"Well, he's undefeatable! He should be busy protecting the whole Clan, not just little old me." She mews humbly.
"My job is done! The prophecy's fulfilled! We can be mates now, and build a life together!" Lionblaze tries to persuade his love.
"Well, unless one of you dies first…" Mapleshade meows, thinking aloud. Both cats glare at her. "Sorry! Sorry! Carry on…"
"Anyway," Cinderheart continues, "What if you have to save the Clans again in the future, if there's another legendary, series ending battle? What would you do then, if your loyalties were split between me and your kits or the fate of the entire lake? Huh?" Lionblaze shifts his paws uncomfortably under the heat of his "mate's" stare.
"Well, I, uh-" He's saved by the ringing of his cellphone. The golden tom pulls it out and answers. "Hullo?"
"Huh! Those little cell-thingies are everywhere now!" Mapleshade meows, looking at Lionblaze's shiny, red-cased Cat-oid. "I might actually have to get one. I mean, gotta stay hip." Cinderheart looks at the old she-cat strangely.
"You mean…you don't have a cell phone?" The gray she-cat wonders. Suddenly, Mistystar bursts into the room.
"Even I have a cell phone, Mapleshade! Get with the times!" She laughs, setting a mug of steaming tea down in front of the tortie.
"What took you so long, Mustystove?" Mapleshade gripes, lifting the hot cup.
"Well it's not like I magically know the way around your little kitchen, now, right?" The blue-gray cat rolls her eyes irritably. Mapleshade ignores her Silverstream-replacement and turns to where Lionblaze sits, still on his phone.
"Yahuh. Alright. Yep, she's right here, hold on." The golden furred warrior passes his cell to Cinderheart, saying, "It's for you."
"Hello? …Oh, hi, Jayfeather! Got any news from my yearly physical? Or am I healthy as a kittypet?" The she-cat asks cheerfully. Her face loses all of it's cheer once she hears his response. "Oh, no. Seriously? This isn't a joke, right? Oh, no! No!" She yowls, quickly hanging up.
"What is it?" Lionblaze asks worriedly. "Do you have cancer? Kidney disease? Leukemia? Some other fatal illness?" Cinderheart shakes her head.
"Lionblaze…I'm expecting kits." She mews quietly. The tom's jaw drops with shock.
"Seriously?"
"I know! Isn't it ter-" She begins, looking distressed, but he cuts her off abruptly.
"-rific!" He cheers, bouncing up and down. "I can't wait! We're definitely mates now, Cinderheart!" He purrs. Then, a thought dawns on him. "I've got to tell Leafpool! She'll be a grandmother! Oh, and we must get you back home quickly! You need to rest! I can't wait to meet our kits!" He squeals, pulling Cinderheart to her paws and practically dragging her out the door. "Thanks Mapleshade!" He yowls over her shoulder. Cinderheart just shoots Mapleshade a "Oh, whatever. Now I guess I'll just have to deal with it." look. Mapleshade just grins and waves good-bye with a paw while taking a dainty sip of her tea. She spits it out almost as soon as it hits her tongue.
"AGH! IT'S LIPTON! DIE, DIE, DIE!" She shrieks, hurling the cup not at the floor, but at Mistystar instead.
"Ow, my face! My beautiful, elegant, regal, leader-ish amazing face! Now I'll be disfigured like my uncle! NOOOOOOO!" The she-cat wails. Mapleshade swivels toward the Riverclan leader.
"YOU ARE A RELATIVE OF CROOKEDSTAR WHO IS NOT SILVERSTREAM! AND YOU GAVE ME LIPTON! YOU. MUST. DIE!" She screams furiously, launching herself at Mistystar. "DEATH TO MUSTYSTOVE! DEATH TO LIPTON! DEATH TO MUSTYSTOVE! DEATH TO LIPTON!" Mapleshade screeches, biting and clawing at Mistystar.
"No! Don't hurt me! You can't hurt me, you filthy Dark Forest warrior! I am leader of Riverclan, daughter of Bluestar, niece of Crookedstar, and therefore superior! You aren't allowed to hurt-OW! NO! Spare my face! Spare my money-maker! AAAAAHHHHHH!" The blue-gray she cat yowls. In the midst of all this commotion, Hawkfrost bursts into the counseling room.
"Sorry I'm late, Mapleshade I brought you some tea to make up for i-HOLY STARCLAN!" The brown and white warrior gasps, looking at the knot of the two writhing, wrestling she-cats screaming dirty curse words at each other while separately wailing about death, Lipton, and dead relatives. "In the name of Thunderstar, what in the territories is going on here? I leave to do one appearance on The Yellowfang and Nightcloud Show and I come back to this?!" He meows frustratedly. Noticing that the two cats weren't getting off each other any time soon, he leaps into the fray, intent on keeping both his former leader, and his employer/ex-girlfriend, intact.
Now that, my friends, is a difficult task. Our next couple is definitely not new, in fact, they're probably one of the oldest couples ever! Older, even, than Raggedstar and Yellowfang...can you guess who? Here's a clue...their names are opposites! And that's you QOTD! Update soon, love y'all bunches, and happy Valentine's Day!