Chapter 10: Casting Call.
(It's where people audition and stuff)

Sawyer couldn't know what time it was but he did know it was an ungodly hour for him to be awake. Gunner wasn't even up yet and he was usually the one to wake everyone else.

The incessant pounding on the door continued, loud and obnoxious. Sawyer could count four pairs of hands banging but he didn't care if it was a thousand. He buried his head under his Oceanic Airlines pillow, determined not to wake up.

"HELLO," someone shouted from outside. "WAKE UP! OPEN THE DOOR!"

The voice filtered through the cotton in his pillow but even though it was muffled he still recognized it.

From his other side he could hear Kate groan in annoyance only a second before he could feel her foot digging into him and shoving him out of the bed.

He knew how to read these gestures well by now.

She'd grown accustomed to shoving him out of bed whenever she was too tired/lazy to get up and tend to something.

It all started right after Gunner was born when he'd start crying in the middle of the night and she'd shove Sawyer out of bed when she meant say, "Pick him up," or "you change him" or "feed him."

And when he asked how exactly he was supposed to feed him, considering he didn't have those specific womanly parts required, she would answer by throwing a pillow at him. Hard.

This time, judging by the force of the shove and the accompanying groan he knew that what she meant was, "GO OPEN THE FREAKING DOOR."

He was laying on sand now and he was wide awake. He could see Kate roll over on the mattress he had stolen from the top bunk in the hatch. She was already back to sleep.
The banging continued.

Picking himself up, he went to the door and swung it open.

"Somebody better be dead or dyin'," he warned in a low husky voice, weighed down with sleep.

The grey of dawn cast shadows over the faces of the four children standing at Sawyer's door. Jack's quadruplets, as annoying as ever, suddenly transformed themselves from an angry mob into smiling little darlings. Sawyer still saw the angry mob.
Josefina, the one who had demanded the door be opened, leaned to the side and peered behind Sawyer to see Kate's sleeping figure. It was exactly what Jack always did every time he came to Sawyer's hut before she'd woken up.
Sawyer couldn't believe it.

"What do want!" he hissed, making sure not to raise his voice for the sake of Gunner and Kate. "And I don't want you to tell me," he said, pointing an accusing finger at Josefina. "You still haven't learned what an 'indoor voice' is."

Jack Hugo handed him a sheet of paper as Jack Juan Locke said, "Our father. Want you to come to a. Open casting call."

Sawyer grabbed the piece of paper and looked at it. It read,

"OPEN CASTING CALL FOR JOSE'S PLAY
Bring your talent, people. I only want the best.
3 p.m. next to my hut.

Write out a Resume of all your previous acting experience if you have any. And don't bother auditioning if you don't. Unless you're Kate. If you're Kate then you can audition as much as you want, baby.

And bring headshots!"
It was hand-written, and Sawyer could see that the rest of the sheets in Jack Hugo's hands were too.

"Don't ever wake me up again."

With that he shut the door in the quad's faces.

Claire was hyperventilating. Then she was crying. Then she was screeching.

"SOMEBODY TOOK MY BYEBEEEEEEE."

And after screeching some more, she abruptly stopped, wiped her eyes dry, and smiled.

"Ok, that was great Claire," Jack said. "But the line is actually, 'Thank you for saving me from that pervert. I think I may be, just may be, falling in love with you, Jose.'"

Although Claire was enthusiastic and eager to be in the play, by the way Jack whispered in Alex's ear and by the way Alex crossed something off her notepad, it didn't look like she'd nailed the part.
The auditions had started a half hour ago when Jack stepped out of his hut.
He had looked up at the bright blue sky, his hand shading the simmering sun from his eyes. He sighed deeply, taking in the fresh beach air. There was no breeze and it was hot as hell. The perfect conditions for casting. Performances were always more intense when the actors were perspiring heavily, especially around the face area. Beads of sweat dripping from one's forehead was gold. Maybe the heat would cause some to scream out their lines. That would be fantastic, he mused.

He had found a good spot a few feet away from his doorway, and drove a large wooden placard down into ground. It read REDNECK SUSHI AUDITIONS – LINE STARTS HERE in thick, chunky brown letters.

"Looks good," Alex exclaimed.
Jack sniffed the sign. "Would've been better if we had some ink, but oh well."

"Should've used markers, jackass!" Sawyer said. He was there at 3 pm sharp because Kate had dragged him along.
Alex and Jack had searched the hatch for hours, looking for something suitable to write on wood but they had come up short. Originally, there were several boxes of markers in the hatch, but they had disappeared mysteriously long ago. Curiously, Sawyer's pockets were bulging.

Jack and Alex had used up all the ink in their pens hand-writing every page of the numerous scripts. They had spent the time sharing stories with each other. (Jack shared stories and fantasies about Kate while Alex shared stories and fantasies about Kate's boobs.

Anyway, there was a large crowd of people outside Jack's hut, waiting for the auditions to begin. While Jack took this as a sign of his popularity as an Artist, a community leader, and just an all-around popular hunk, it was actually more an indicator of the level of boredom on the island. This was basically the only game in town. He turned and saw everyone gasp and stare at him in awe. They obviously respected and admired him greatly.

In actuality, they were taking in his appearance.
Gone was the sweaty, sleeveless tshirt-wearing, backpack-carrying, crying, action-figure of superhero doctor Jack Shepard. Atop his head laid a red beret that he'd found in Sayid's luggage with the badge torn off (he thought it best not to affiliate himself with the Republican Guard).
His eyes peered behind square-framed glasses with the lenses popped out (he didn't want to ruin his perfect vision).
A faint mustache decorated his previously thin upper lip. Or maybe it was just a smudge. (No one wanted to get close enough to check it).
And beneath his pursed lips, a dark, pointy soul patch darted out towards the crowd. A long sleeve, tight-fitting black shirt covered his torso, one of his nipples poking out from a hole on one side as if to say hello. Amazingly he had even found a pair of white sailor pants to complete his new persona.

What stood before them was a man transformed, forged from the flame of creativity and the clothes from the plane that no one else on the island had wanted.

At the moment he sat alongside Alex on chairs brought up from the hatch. Before them was the ping pong table- also borrowed from the hatch- bearing a messy display of dozens of blank sheets of paper strewn about and just a few resumes. Charlie's, at the top of the bunch, was simply one of the many DriveShaft albums he'd packed in his luggage.

"Next!"

John Locke walked into the space designated the 'stage' and rubbed his palm over his bald scalp contemplatively. "She aint gonna be. Your damn muse so long. As my name is James Fordham, Jackass," he said.

It wasnt a bad audition at all until he added, "And we all know it!"

"Right ok, no adding anything extra to my lines," Jack said. "The words on those pages you hold in your hand- that script- are genius. Any additions are just poor flickers of a dying flame in comparison. I know I what I'm doing, John."

Locke walked off the stage, passing Sayid who was on the way up. Sayid, the most apathetic of the survivors (aside for Ana Lucia), may have surprised everyone by auditioning for Jack's play. But he was about to surprise them even more with his impeccable line-reading.

"Before I start I would just like to say that although James Fordham, the character I am auditioning for, is clearly a cliche of a one-dimensional villain made to look dumber by his redneck accent, I can still see some glimmer of hope in bringing life to him."

And then he cleared his throat and began.

"I may be a redneck, Sunburn, but I got a whole world of knowledge to show you in the back of this here restaurant. And by a whole world of knowledge I mean a whole lotta ass-grabbin'."

('Sunburn' was Jack's poor substitute for 'Freckles' but incredibly Sayid made it work).

His hands came to rest at his sides and he stared at Alex and Jack waiting for his critique.

Jack sat back in his chair and blew some air out of his pursed lips as he looked over some of the papers in front him. He picked up Sayid's resume and leafed through it. "You're from," he paused, scanning Sayid's resume with his eyes, "Iraq, is that right?"

"Yes, that is correct."
"Uh huh, so that makes you, what, Indian?"
Sayid looked at Jack sternly. "I am Iraqi."

"Okay, okay, that's really great for you," Jack condescended. "I'm just gonna lay it straight. When I wrote the part of James Fordham I didn't have an Indian in mind."
"I am Iraqi!" Sayid shouted. "I studied abroad at Juilliard receiving a Masters in theater! I have done Shakespere in the most prestigious theater in the middle east! My southern accent is unmatched!"

Jack smiled an cocked his head towards Alex. "I'm gonna need you to escort him off the stage," he said. "I've been to Phuket. I know an Inadian when I see one."

Although the sight of the soldier being escorted away by the waif should've elicited at least a snicker from Sawyer, he was too busy being painfully bored to even notice. He would have rather been chopping wood.
Or sleeping.
Or clawing his eyes out.
Anything else.

To pass the time he had taken Kate's script and skimmed through the pages to see what exactly she was auditioning for.

The play's synopsis, went a little something like this:

An accomplished and revered Latino doctor from the big city, Jose Manuel Luis Fernando Guadalupe Eduardo Christina Arturo Stuart Diego Montoya Shepardo gives up his material life to become an artist in the heartland of America. As with all tormented and complex starving artists, he moonlights as a dishwasher at Redneck Sushi, a Japanese restaurant in Kansas. He hates his bully of a redneck boss, James Fordham, and is moments from quitting one day when a beautiful woman, Kay Austen, shows up at the restaurant and applies to be a waitress. She is hired on the spot by the boss, who begins to sexually harass her whenever the opportunity arises.

Jose decides to stay to protect her from James and to use Kay as his muse. Kay is actually an escaped fugitive, and the fear and loneliness that comes with her pitiful and shameful existence takes a toll on her psyche, leading to an affair with their pervert of a boss. Kay actually finds Jose much more attractive, but with him being a former-doctor and present-artist/dishwasher, he is woefully out of her league and she has to settle for James.
Kay helps Jose with his art and they form a close, platonic bond. Thanks to Kay, Jose's art takes off and becomes the talk of the town in Kansas. He proclaims his love for Kay and asks her to leave Redneck Sushi with him, forever. Kay cannot, and confesses that she is really an escaped fugitive and that James knows - he is blackmailing her into staying with him. Horrified by this villainy, Jose pledges to save Kay from the evil James and live happily ever after in a big house with a white-picket fence, a german shepard, 5 kids, and a mini-van.

Also, at one point in the play Jose saves a bunch of people from food poisoning or something.

Sawyer watched Gunner running around with Soon-Yi and Jack Eko and wished he was having as much fun as his son seemed to be having.
Kate brought him out of his reverie.
"Do you think I should say my lines in a British accent?"

Sawyer turned to look at Kate. "The play's called Redneck Sushi, Freckles."
"I know but I think Kay would have a British accent. She seems dignified."

Kate was auditioning for the waitress's role and no, she did not seem dignified.

"Can you even do a British accent?"

"Thee rine in Spine fawlls minely on the pline."

No. The answer was she couldn't.

As Sawyer just stood there, staring at Kate- and only staring because he knew insulting her awful British accent would result in an onslaught of hormonal tears- Charlie turned around from his place ahead of them on line.

"You think Kay would have a British accent?" he asked, delighted. "Fantastic! I'm auditioning for the Kay Austen part as well."

Kate smiled at him but her eyes betrayed her seemingly cunning thoughts . "Good luck, Charlie."

It was only when he turned back around that she muttered to Sawyer, "There is no way he is going to get that part. I have a much better accent."

Jack called Charlie up to audition.

And now Sawyer had to say something. "Of course you're getting the part! You're auditioning for a character named Kay Austen! Your name is Kate Austen!"

She stared at him blankly.

"The play's about you! It's about us! Jack's in love with you!"

Charlie's audition could be heard as Kate contemplated this.

"You're so hot, Jose," Charlie said. "I didn't know any hot former-doctors-turned-artists lived in this part of Kansas. I think I may be, just may be, falling in love with you. More."

"Just because our names are similar doesn't mean that Jack's still in love with me and that he wants to have 5 kids with me and a house and an SUV and a german shepard."

Before she knew it Kate was called up to audition as a now crying Charlie walked off the stage. Standing a few feet away from Jack and Alex, she looked at the script briefly and coughed, readying her throat for the line reading.

Jack stopped her before she started. "Can you please read from Act 2, scene 1, let's say... line 13?"

Kate found the line. "Wow Jose. A hairy chest is really hot. And not gross at all."

It was like his dreams were coming to life.

"Yougotthepart!" The words exploded out of his mouth and he could not hide the glee on his face as he stood up to clap.

"You've got the part!" Jack exclaimed as he ran over to Kate, giggling uncontrolably. Alex ran up after him, wasting no time in ripping up a piece of paper into tiny shreds and throwing them over Kate's head."Great audition!" She said. "You're such an amazing actress."
"But I didnt even get a chance to–"
"You were perfect. Exactly as I imagined you for the role," Jack said. "So, is Sawyer next?"

"I ain't auditioning, Jackass," Sawyer said, walking up to them. And despite being totally against this play, he still turned to Kate and said, "congratulations" after kissing her on the cheek.

"But I wrote the part with you in mind," Jack said.
"Oh yeah? You see me as the sexually harassing hick pervert, do you?"
"Yeah."
Sawyer frowned. "Yeah, I guess I could see that."

"Listen, I know you'll probably be really bad at this," Jack began, placing his hand on Sawyer's shoulder and looking him in the eye. "But you're bad at a lot of things. I still want you to audition."

Sawyer slapped Jack's hand off his shoulder. "Ain't gonna happen, Tennessee Williams."
"Who?" Jack asked.

Sawyer took hold of Kate's hand and called out, "Come on Gunner, we're leaving!"

A bead of sweat suddenly formed at the top of Jack's brow as he watched Sawyer and Kate walk away- and it wasn't from the heat. He was suddenly very nervous. He decided this was the best time to announce something to the crowd that he had been keeping from them. Also, their interest as a whole was dwindling and he liked to keep things going with announcements.

"I have an announcement to make!" He announced.
Everyone stopped to look at him, including Sawyer and Kate.

"If Sawyer doesn't do this play," Jack said, pausing here for effect, "the Others will kill us all!"
That seemed to get their attention. And realizing how important that made Sawyer sound, Jack quickly added, "They threatened to kill me too!"