***Saturday***
Jennifer spent a relaxing morning at home and then met Rachel for lunch at a local sushi place.
"So, what did you and loverboy do last night?"
"We had a celebratory pizza at his penthouse".
"Oooh".
"This is not an oooh situation. We are friends, nothing more".
"Sure. Sure, you are".
Jennifer changed the subject so they wouldn't argue.
"What are you doing tonight?"
"Stacie and I have tickets to Billy Joel at the Garden".
"Oh yeah, that's right".
"I still can't believe you didn't want to go to that".
"I've seen him before, he was ok".
"What are you doing?"
"Well, I hit another milestone in the post-Holden era. I had ordered us Broadway tickets for tonight and forgot about it. They came Monday. So, I'm going and I'm selling his ticket".
"Good for you. Don't let his memory hold you back".
"It's getting easier each and every time".
They chatted all through lunch about a variety of other topics and then headed home.
Jennifer searched her closet trying to find a gown. She finally decided on a purple strapless cocktail dress and some modest black heels. Once she was finally ready, she grabbed the tickets and her purse and headed out.
She was standing in front of the theater, trying to sell her ticket when he pulled up. He saw her and got out of the car and headed towards her.
"Still have a ticket for sale?"
She turned to him.
"Jonathan, what are you doing here?"
"Well, I took a chance. I didn't want you to be sitting alone on the off chance you weren't able to sell it."
"You are so kind. And as it turns out, I haven't sold it".
"Well, then let's get to our seats, shall we?"
"We shall".
They went in and he got them drinks and they headed to their seats. He had snuck in some M&M's and Reese's pieces in his jacket pocket.
He leaned over to her.
"Chocolate, or chocolate and peanut butter?"
"Hmmm. That's a hard choice. If we are talking ice cream, chocolate and peanut butter. If we are talking candy, just chocolate".
He slipped her the bag of M&M's.
She flashed him a mischievous smile and stuck them in her purse.
"What's this play about?"
"Well, the ring gives you the power to rule the world. And there are heroes, and protagonists and all that. This one is the final cycle, so it deals with the final war and the renewal of the world. It's all in German".
"How long is it?"
"5 hours".
"5 hours in German?!"
"Naturalique".
"Well, at least they sell beer here".
"That they do".
The lights dimmed and the play began. For the next 5 hours, Jonathan was incredibly lost. However, he noticed that every single time he looked over at Jennifer, he could tell she was incredibly happy.
When they left, they used his car service.
"There's a 24-hour diner not too far from here, that has some of the best hash browns in the city. Want to go?"
"Can we get it to go and take it back to my place?"
"Sure".
They rode to the diner and he got out and went inside and got them a menu.
He came back and sat in the car while they looked it over.
"What's good here?"
"The hash browns are excellent. The pancakes are good too."
She finally decided on pancakes, with a side of sausage, a side of bacon, and a side of hash browns and a large orange juice.
"I'll be right back".
He ran inside and placed the order, and waited the 10 minutes it took for them to make it.
They rode back to her apartment and went inside.
She got out plates and silverware.
"Make yourself at home, and I'll be right back".
She patted his arm as she passed him.
When she came out of the bedroom, she was in some capri sweat pants and a t-shirt, and had put her hair up in a bun.
He took his suit jacket off and his tie, and draped them over a chair.
They sat down on the couch and used the coffee table as a table.
Jennifer found them a movie to watch, and they both got sucked in pretty quickly.
When it was over, she took their plates to the sink and loaded the dishwasher.
"Are you up for a double feature?"
"Sure."
She handed him the remote. He searched the channels but they couldn't find anything so they just turned the tv off.
"So, have you ever thought about not living in New York?"
"Honestly, no. I love it here. I'm close to my dad if something happens, but I'm not too close. I can get to London pretty quickly too, which is important because he spends a lot of time there. And I never run out of things to write about here in the city".
"I see".
"Why, are you thinking of moving here?"
"Not exactly. There is something on my mind, but it's not me moving here full time."
"Oh? What is it?"
"Ever since New Orleans, I can't stop thinking about you. The last thing I would ever want for either of us is to be a rebound. And I keep replaying my relationship with Tara over and over in my head trying to figure out where we went wrong, and what I keep coming back to, is that we weren't friends first. So, I decided that whomever I date next, we will be friends first. And when I had the accident the other day, it wasn't my life that flashed before my eyes, and it wasn't Tara's face. It was yours".
"Me? You mean, you have feelings for me?"
"I do. But the thing is, Tara was gone so much, she and I basically had a long-distance relationship. I don't want that again. I want whomever I date next, I want us to establish a healthy, working relationship that isn't hampered from the start by distance".
"I want that, too".
"So, that's why I asked you if you would ever consider moving away from New York".
"To Los Angeles?"
"That would be ideal."
"I've never even been to Los Angeles. Farthest west I've been is Chicago".
"Ok, so what if you came out to LA for a visit? We could test the waters, see how it goes, and then decide".
"Jonathan, I just signed a contract at work, to work there until at least next summer. And you and I just went through the breakups with Tara and Holden, in a manner of speaking. Even if things hadn't ended the way they had with him, and it was just a regular ordinary breakup, I know how I feel. I don't think I'm ready to date yet. Last night with Tad proved that to me".
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, he and I didn't even have a date, we had a ride. And normally, if I was ready to date someone, I would be emotionally invested in that. And I wasn't. And that tells me I'm not ready to date again, just yet".
"I understand".
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."
"I know that. I also know that you and I have something between us, and I have no idea what it is. But if the circumstances ever change, and the timing is right, we can explore that".
"I'd like that, if the timing is right for both of us".
"Can I ask you a question?"
"You can ask me anything".
"What's your sex drive like?"
"What?!"
"Don't kill me, I'm just thinking. We could still have a physical relationship even if we aren't having an emotional one".
"Jonathan! I cannot believe you would ask me that!"
"You said to ask you anything".
"Well, I didn't mean that".
"Ok, I apologize".
"Let's look at our options, shall we? Let's say we did go to bed together, and we hated it. It would effectively kill our friendship that we have, however weird it might be. Now, let's say we went to bed together and it was wonderful. Do you honestly think we would be able to continue going to bed together without getting emotionally involved? And if we weren't, we would still be facing the same obstacles we are facing now-you on one coast, me on the other, neither of us ready for a new relationship. So, no matter what we do, we end up back at square one".
"You're right. It was a stupid idea".
"No, it wasn't. it was a good idea with bad timing."
They were quiet for a few moments.
"It's the loneliness that gets to me more than anything. I mean, even when she and I would fight, and boy let me tell you, that was one thing we did well, no matter how angry she was at me, she would still let me hold her at night while we slept. And in the morning, she was always willing to talk calmly and rationally as long as I was still holding her".
"Ok, look. I get that you and her had a special relationship. But she also had a special relationship with my fiance, so if it's all the same to you-"
"I get it. I'm sorry".
"It's alright. And for the record, I know what you mean about the loneliness. I don't want to say it gets better, because I don't believe it changes at all. I believe that we just find a way to adapt".
"That makes sense".
"Well, I think I'm going to head home."
He looked at his watch.
"Shit. It's too late to get a cab. Guess I'm walking".
"Jonathan, that's at least 40 blocks".
"I know".
"You can stay here if you want".
"Are you sure that's a good idea?"
"We are both adults. We both know nothing's going to happen. But maybe, just for tonight, we can beat the loneliness".
"Alright".
She locked up and turned out the lights, and they headed to the bedroom.
She turned down her side of the bed, and then stepped into the bathroom to change into her nightgown.
When she came out, he had stripped down to his boxer briefs and was on the other side of the bed, under the covers.
She turned the light out, and he wrapped his arms around her.
He kissed her temple.
"In case nobody told you today, you looked beautiful tonight".
"Thank you".
She fell asleep in his arms, and both of them slept better than they ever had.
***Sunday***
They slept till almost 9, and then woke up. Jennifer made some coffee and had just poured a fresh cup when he came out, dressed in his suit pants and dress shirt.
"Morning".
"Morning. Coffee's ready".
"Great".
He took a sip and let out a satisfactory moan.
"What kind of coffee is this?"
"My special mix. I grind the beans of three different kinds and mix them together".
"It's absolutely amazing".
"Thank you".
"Level with me. Friday night, you said you had things to sort out. Am I the thing?"
"Well, I meant my relationship with you, but yeah".
"So, are you flying home today?"
"Yeah, I think I will."
"Well, I hope you have a safe flight. Any idea when you will be back in New York?"
"Not at the moment. But it's always a possibility".
"What's the cliché? If you're ever back in the city…"
"And if you're ever in Los Angeles…"
"Right".
She stepped forward and gave him a long hug and then saw him out.
As soon as the door was closed behind him, she headed to the bathroom. She turned on the shower, stepped in, and let the tears fall.
***Later that afternoon***
Rachel had come over as soon as she heard Jennifer crying on the phone.
They sat on the couch and she told her everything.
"He showed up at the theater. He said he didn't want me to sit alone all night, since that was supposed to be Holden's seat. And he sat through the entire 5 hours of the opera with me, even though he didn't understand it. We picked up breakfast at a diner and brought it back here and he told me he wants us to be together, to be more than friends. But he won't let us".
"What do you mean he won't let you?"
"He made a very good point, which was that he and Tara and me and Holden, our relationships were basically long-distance ones since they were both gone and together all the time. He said he doesn't want our next relationships to be a rebound one, and he doesn't want to do a long-distance relationship, because he wants it to be healthy, and functioning, and working. And I agreed with all of that. And then he suggested he and I could be friends with benefits but I pointed out why that wouldn't work".
"Um….fill me in. He's hot, you're hot. Why won't it work?"
"Because. We are friends now, and we don't want to lose that. If we go to bed together and don't like it, we won't be able to salvage our friendship. If we go to bed together and we do like it, we will either have to enter into a long-distance thing which he doesn't want, or we would have to agree to not do it again, which wouldn't be fair to either of us, and no matter what, we would end up back at square one. So, we agreed, that if I ever found myself on the west coast and the timing was right for both of us, we would explore it, but that was all. And then he had to stay the night because it was too late to get a cab. And he was a perfect gentleman. But when he left this morning, it broke my heart. I didn't want him to leave. I missed him the minute he was gone".
"Do you want to be in a relationship with him?"
"I'm open to it. I wasn't aware that I was till this morning after he left, but I am. But I can't tell him that, because I made a big deal last night about not being ready".
"I think he will forgive you for that, Jennifer".
"Why is this so damned complicated?"
"Life makes it that way."
"How about a good old-fashioned slumber party, except we all go home at the end of the night? We can order Chinese, and watch a funny movie, and just forget about boys all together".
"I'm good with the Chinese. I'm good with the movie. I highly doubt I'll be able to forget about boys but sure".
Rachel called Stacie and Alexandria, and then ordered their Chinese. Within the hour, they were eating and trying to cheer her up.
"What if we take a girl's trip? Just the four of us".
"Where would we go? And when?"
"We could go over New Year's. Somewhere warm and tropical".
"How about Maui?"
They all agreed, and Jennifer got out her laptop and they all booked their tickets.
Rachel got them a discount on their hotel, and Stacie booked them some sightseeing packages.
"4 nights and 5 days in paradise. I can't wait".
"And only 3 weeks away".