Salut! Well here's the new chapter. I think this one is my favorite with Heartbreaking realizations. I loved writing it and I hope you will love reading it as well.

Time for more Tony-whump and a bit of Tony BAMF too because he deserves it. Enjoy!

Worthy

The air escaped his lungs as the punch hit his chest – thankfully on his non-injured side. He doubted his ribs would have liked it very much otherwise. He caught himself praying at one point that the guy hit the reactor – would have been one hell of pain for the both of them but at least that stupid ass would have been hurt that was for sure. Pepper was in a corner, legs drawn to her body, arms around them, shaking as each sob tore through her body silently. He was starting to get tired of their games – and it was just the second session. He didn't know what they wanted from him but… He knew whatever it was he wouldn't like it and yet he would do it because he couldn't bear the sight of Pepper crying anymore. He could handle the beating but he couldn't handle this. His Pepper hurt, crumbling in front of his eyes.

If doing what they wanted allowed this to stop, he would do it in a heartbeat for her, no matter how much he would regret it, or how angry SHIELD and everyone else would be after.

"Lost your tongue, didn't ya?" The man chucked at him, smirk firmly in place. New punch. Something cracked.

He glared at him and spat. Blood hit him in the face and he flashed him a satisfied smile. "Never. Just don't like wasting my saliva on second-rank jerks, that's all."

There was a flash of light at the corner of his eye and he turned his head to see it better. The little light coming from the single bulb reflected off a blade, some knife – a pocket knife. He moved his eyes back to the person holding it and raised an eyebrow. He was in a daring mood, which may not have been a very good idea right now but he wasn't known for his self-preservation skills – quite the opposite actually.

The man raised the knife to his head, moving it slowly closer to him. He heard a sharp breath and they all froze. Tony's eyes flashed to Pepper who was looking with wide red eyes, a hand over her mouth, her head shaking from side to side as she took in the scene. The man glanced at her and tilted his head to the side.

And Tony started panicking because it was fine when it was all about him, but if they touched, if they went after Pepper. God he would lose it. He started moving and grabbed the chain, gritting his teeth when he shifted his broken finger. He held onto it and, taking a breath, ignoring the pain in his arms and chest, he raised his legs and hit the man square on the chest while he was distracted.

That hurt like hell – he couldn't breathe anymore, he felt like his whole body was on fire and his chest weighed a ton and… his vision was blurry, he heard a crash but then… there was a yell, his head was yanked back, not helping his case. Dark spots danced in front of his eyes and then he may have missed something – momentarily passing out, just a few seconds – because the next thing he knew there was something cold under his eyes, on his cheek – cutting.

"You little piece of shit, you're gonna regret doing this, I swear." He felt the skin break under the pressure, the blade moving down the curve of his cheek, leaving a bleeding gash behind. "I'm sure you don't need that pretty face so much…"

The blade moved back up. The tip was just next to his eye, he could feel it but he still couldn't see and the pain was too much, just so much and he still couldn't breathe. Completely off-track and irrelevantly, he thought maybe if he wasn't a genius, he may not get all of that, maybe he would have already passed out completely if his brain wasn't always working overtime and now… now he was going to… To do what?

"You can work with just one eye…" Glinting in front of his eye, he caught his breath. No, no, no, no, no! He couldn't – he needed. A sob broke out somewhere – Pepper. He wasn't thinking straight – he had to do something.

"No! Tony!" A cry, desperate. Pepper, Pepper… God, no, no, no.

"Enough!" This seemed to clear his mind a bit. It was someone behind him. His vision was still dancing and the pain was still unbearable and he still had trouble breathing. He was panting and his chest was heavy – his mind was screaming at him to get oxygen in his damn brain but his lungs weren't responding well. Or was it his mouth or nose or chest? He didn't know. He needed to get a grip back on himself now. "Get out."

Focus. That was what he needed to do. Focus. Push the pain at the back of his mind and think. He was good at thinking. But then a new pain tore at his arm and this time, this time, he screamed – it was short and turned into a groan almost instantly, but he still screamed despite the fact he swore to himself not to give them that pleasure. He felt the muscle get torn as a blade was dragged down the entire length from his elbow to his shoulder, piercing through the skin, drawing warm blood, way too deep in his arm and god that fucking hurt.

"I said get out." The voice was cold and almost angry. But he couldn't focus on it. The pain was too much.

And suddenly his whole body was lowered, his feet touched the ground completely, his legs bent because they couldn't hold his weight. He felt arms around his waist, helping him up a bit. His arms weren't above him anymore, he was dragged somewhere – the wall, he could feel it in his back. He was sitting on the floor – cold, so cold against his warm skin. He was sweating, he was hot – there was something cool and warm on his face.

He blinked and his vision cleared a bit. Red sticky messy hair, pale dirty face with tears tracks, blue eyes, warm, worried, loving – Pepper. "You're okay, it's going to be alright. They'll find us, just hold on Tony, please." He moved with difficulty his right hand up and put it on her cheek. He wiped the tear leaking from her eye with his thumb and tugged at her face, making her understand he wanted her to move closer. Finally he could touch her. He had wanted to for so long, ever since the whole thing started, to comfort, to feel she was unharmed and safe and real. Her lips reached his and it felt so good and so wrong. She shouldn't be here with him, she should be home, worrying yes, but without knowing what he was going through.

She pulled away and his vision darkened again. It wasn't black spots anymore. It was dancing lights in the middle of the dark. And suddenly it wasn't lights but stars he was seeing. The dark wasn't his vision failing him but the dark sky of a June night. Those blue eyes weren't Pepper's but someone else's. Blue eyes with blond hair and a taller build than his.

He was far from that place and Pepper's voice faded. He was at the top of Stark Tower, looking over New York, listening to the sounds of the city that never sleeps. His left hand is wrapped around a glass he hasn't touched yet. The chill June midnight air's blowing around him, cooling his warm skin after he worked in the workshop till he couldn't think anymore. It's been seven weeks since the Battle of Manhattan as the press had called it. Bruce, Clint and Natasha are in the Tower, probably already asleep. Rogers arrived earlier in the day after his trip around the country to see what had changed.

He's not used to it yet. Having people around – more than just Pepper. It's… different. He never really knew what it felt like. His father wasn't around enough for him to know and his mother, when she was there, wasn't as warm and mother-like as one should expect. He was closer to Jarvis and their good old New Orleans cleaning lady Rose than his own parents. What did that say about him really?

He exhaled deeply and rubbed a tired hand over his face. He should probably get to bed. He hasn't slept in the last thirty-seven hours and if it's far from being the longest he stayed up in his life, it's still more than he did ever since he's with Pepper – she made sure his old stubborn unhealthy habits got forgotten. It's a good change so he doesn't complain. It's nice to get to bed and wrap his arms around her, have her warm body against his, or eat with her, whether it's a ridiculous sandwich or a full meal. That may have been what he missed during his whole life. Someone to share everything with. If so, he's glad he finally has it.

He heard footsteps behind him and glanced over his shoulder to see Steve joining him on the balcony. He walked to him and stopped a foot or two away, leaning on the rail just as he was. "It's a nice view."

He chuckled. "Really, Cap? Small talk?" He was more tired than he thought if he found himself almost giggling to the idea of making small talk with Captain America on his balcony past midnight.

The soldier shrugged sheepishly and slightly blushed. "I… I want to thank you for… this. Offering us a roof. You didn't have to."

He shrugged and looked down at his glass. "No prob. I have more room than I need." It wasn't supposed to sound as sad as it did somehow. God was he tired if his voice betrayed him so easily.

He saw him nod in the corner of his eyes. "Still. Thank you." Good thing the Captain chose to ignore it.

"You're welcome, I guess." He raised the glass to his lips and took a sip, letting the scotch slip down his throat, not even feeling the burning anymore – he was too used to it by now.

"I was wrong." Tony snapped his attention back to America's favorite hero and raised an eyebrow at him. He had no idea what he was talking about. "I never cleared the air between us. When I left after the battle, we didn't talk and I… I didn't apologize for what I said on the Helicarrier."

Ah. That. He waved a disinterested hand. "It's fine. I wasn't nice either. You're not just an experiment lab, Cap."

The captain smiled a bit. "Why aren't you letting me apologize?"

He sighed and made a sweeping gesture, turning fully to him. "Suit yourself then Capsicle."

He shook his head and crossed his arms, smile still tugging at his lips. "You never do take things seriously, don't you?"

He raised his eyebrows. "And here I thought you wanted to apologize." He sighed dramatically and put his empty hand over his heart. "My, my, captain, you can fool a man with your whole goody two-shoes attitude." Rule number one: never go into a battle of wits with him. He thought the Captain had learned about it – you can't expect to win even when he's half dead on his feet.

He rolled his eyes. "Point and case, I see. Really Stark, can we be serious for two minutes?"

"Fine, kill-joy." He gestured at himself. "This is the serious me and he's all ears. Shoot."

He sighed, but thought better this time and didn't say anything more about it. Hey maybe he was getting the number one rule! "You're a hero. As much as the rest of us. You proved me wrong and I shouldn't have made assumptions. You were willing to sacrifice yourself and… Out of all us, I'm realizing you were the one that had the most to lose."

Tony frowned then. "What do you mean? We all have…" He was blaming his lack of understanding on his sleep-deprived self.

"I was frozen for seventy years. I have nothing left in this world. Bruce… Bruce lost everything when his experimentation turned wrong. Natasha and Clint are with SHIELD because they don't have anything to lose in the first place."

"They do – each other," he interrupted, tilting his glass a bit in the direction of the tower where only the light from the bar was on. At Steve's skeptical look, he added: "It's obvious in the way they look at each other. Anyway, go on."

Steve nodded. "Thor… Well Thor may have things to lose but he's… It's different for him because he's a God I guess, he may not have died – Loki didn't after all." He pointed at him. "That left you."

"Yep, I figured that out too. I'm kinda not bad at math, you know. Six minus five equals one – me." He couldn't help himself really, he had to add something. And it was so easy to infuriate the good captain.

He rolled his eyes again. "You have a life, Tony. You have your company, people that count on you, and you have friends – I heard you talk with that Happy guy and Natasha said something about a colonel. And you have miss Potts."

"Pepper," he rectified. He knew where Steve was going, really. He just didn't want to hear it.

"Pepper." He took a step forward. "You were ready to sacrifice all of this to save everyone in New York."

He looked away, shifting slightly on his feet. He didn't do feelings and all the emotional crap and talk for nothing. He wasn't good at it and just avoided it as much as possible. That was the number two rule when it came to him. There was a reason why Pepper and him didn't really talk about feelings and just went with the stream – he was shitty at it and Pepper was perfect that way because she knew him and didn't need him to talk about it to know it was there. That didn't mean that one day he wouldn't just jump that big bump and talk feelings but right now they were both happy with what they had.

"Stark? Stark? You still there?" Oops, way to get distracted, genius, he reprimanded himself, turning his attention back to Rogers;

"What?"

The soldier took a step back in surprise at his tone. "You… You zoned out on me for a moment."

"Yeah, that happens. Genius here," he gestured at his brain, "it means I have many things in my head and I get sidetracked."

Steve raised a bewildered eyebrow but didn't say anything about his explanation – which was good cause he was aware it was bad. "So… thank you again. And well… I'm sorry for all I said. Underneath the suit there is a person worth knowing."

Brown eyes snapped to blue earnest ones at that. And didn't that make him feel stupidly happy and warm and… No he wasn't fuzzy inside. But truth was he was. Because it was one of the nicest things someone had ever told him and it came from the one person he had admired when he was a child before he started resenting him for having the attention of his father even when he was supposed to be dead. It shouldn't be so important to him, and yet it was.

During all those years of the media turning him into a despicable man, of his own self-degrading thoughts and feelings, he really ended up believing all of it. He wasn't really all that shocked that people didn't see him as a hero. He wasn't one. He had killed thousands of people through his weapons and then with his own hands when he turned Iron Man. He didn't regret it, he didn't feel sorry for them (the ones he killed through Iron Man, not the others).

But never would he have thought someone would one day tell him he was worth knowing. He couldn't see his own worth past the things he created, past his brain, so really he didn't expect anyone to see something worthy in him. But somehow Steve Rogers, perfect little soldier, too good and nice and innocent, saw something.

"Stark?"

He snapped his gaze away from those piercing eyes and emptied his glass in one go. He nodded curtly. "Apology accepted, Rogers. Now if you don't mind, I'm gonna go to bed. It's been a long day." And a too emotional one.

He didn't stay for a reply and left the balcony. He put the glass down on the bar and walked to the elevator, back stiff, thoughts churning in his brain.

"Tony? Please Tony, say something, move, I don't know, just… give me something, anything." This was… This was Pepper. Why… It came back to him with the pain and he groaned, closing his eyes tightly. "Tony, I'm here, hold on. They'll come, they'll find us."

He felt her hands on his face and believed her. They will come, yes. He trusted them on that. They will come.

Because along the way he got into their heart and they got into his. Because along the way they thought he was worthy and they made him believe it.

And he finally fell unconscious.

Clint whistled when he closed the door of their car, looking over in the direction of the Malibu mansion. He knew Tony's love for big modern houses but this… This was better than the Tower – more peaceful, more lonely, and with a wonderful view. This was his dream house.

"It's nice, isn't it?" Rhodes said while walking to the front door. They had decided to go from there and then moved out in all directions if needed. "I remember when Tony built it."

"You mean he was…"

"Partly. He worked with some architects and workers, but yeah he helped build it. This," he gestured at the house, "was what he wanted."

"Well it's great," Clint finished, following the colonel inside. The others followed as well, everyone except for Natasha looking in awe at the house.

"Jarvis?" Rhodes called upon entering. The door closed on its own behind them.

"Hello colonel, it is a pleasure to hear you despite the circumstances." Jarvis sounded genuinely pleased but they could hear the underlined worried tone – which showed just how much of a genius Tony was to make an AI capable of emotions. Of all Tony's creations, Clint thought Jarvis was the most impressive one by far. Then it was Iron Man and the reactor. But the AI was definitively at the top to him.

He smiled bitterly. "You too Jarvis, you too. Do you have anything for us?"

They all installed themselves on the cream sofas around the coffee table and mentally prayed for a positive answer because it would save them so much more time. "I may have a possible location, colonel." The hesitant tone of the AI made them all pause.

"Jarvis, what is it? How do you… know?" Steve asked, frowning.

"Sir has… Sir has a GPS unit inside…" A new hesitation but Rhodes seemed to understand what was going on – he knew Tony and Jarvis the best after all.

"Of course, God Tony you're a genius…" He let out a humorless, short, slightly hysterical laugh, throwing his head back. The Avengers exchanged a look in concern. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to team up with a crazy man…

"Could you explain?" Bruce asked.

"The one thing no one would ever take away from Tony because it would completely go against their original goal?" he questioned, raising expecting eyebrows.

"The reactor," Natasha breathed out. "He put a GPS in the reactor?"

"Not in the arc reactor itself, miss Romanoff, but in the cavity that contains it." Jarvis' voice was filled with smugness and Clint couldn't help but smile, because really he had every reason to be proud of his creator. Tony was a real genius, a damn resourceful one when he wanted to be.

"Does this mean we know where our friend Stark is?" Thor asked, standing up, head held high.

"A four miles wide perimeter is what I can give you, colonel. I cannot hope to reduce it any further." Jarvis sounded sorry, but it was so much better than what they had when they came in that a four miles circle was the best thing they heard of all day.

"Jarvis, it's perfect. Thank you." They all stood up and the colonel immediately started moving.

He walked to the stairs near the little fountain/fall thing Clint couldn't believe was actually there because it was ridiculous but nice in a strange Stark-way. He went down and they all followed him, only to raise eyebrows when they discovered it led to Tony's lab. Why would he go there?

He pushed into a code and opened the glass doors. He navigated between the desks and different machines with ease, letting the others look around at the old armors behind the windows and the several computers suspended everywhere. They saw the small kitchen area in a corner and the couch with a TV and then…

"Shit, those are the most awesome cars I've ever seen, why can't he have them back in New York?" Clint exclaimed, gaping at the sight of the dozens of classical, luxury and sports cars.

"I know, they're great." Rhodes walked to one black Jaguar and raised an eyebrow. "I'm not going to wait any longer than I have to to get there."

"You're gonna take one of the cars?" Steve let out bewildered by his nerve.

Natasha held up her phone. "I'm calling SHIELD for a quinjet. It'll be quicker than any car here." Clint shook his head.

"No way am I going into the quinjet if I can borrow one of those little jewels."

"You can't. But if you want to, you can come with me into this one." Clint crossed his arms and looked back at Rhodes.

"Why can't I take one and you can?"

"I can't take any car. Just this one. Birthday gift from Tony. I let it here because it's safer than my home," he explained, shrugging.

"The quinjet is on its way. Are you done gossiping like girls?" Natasha asked, tilting her head to the side, an eyebrow raised, eyes looking between the two of them.

Clint shrugged and joined the colonel's side. "I'm going with him." He opened the passenger door. "See you there."

They both got in and the colonel started up the car. The humming of the motor filled the silence and Rhodes smirked, feeling the car answering under his hands and feet. Clint inhaled the smell of leather and what he usually associated with luxury and smiled, relaxing in the comfortable seat. With the roar of the motor, the car moved swiftly and sped out of the garage, the door opening automatically thanks to Jarvis.

In a matter of seconds they were speeding across the roads of the Californian coast, going North where Tony and Pepper were.

"A birthday gift?"

He made a face. "I turned forty two years ago. Tony thought it needed to be a big thing."

"It must be nice. I mean… you know if you have any problem money-wise Tony will help you in a blink."

Rhodes glanced at him. "Yeah, That's Tony. Not just money you know. Anything really. If I get so much as a reprimand in my file, you can be sure he'll erase it in seconds without you knowing he did it. He just… He's not good at the friends thing and at the same time he does things right."

Clint hummed in agreement. He understood what he meant perfectly. The genius had taken them all inside his home, which was something so right and nice, but they hadn't seen him for days on end after they had all come in because he was avoiding them. And yet there were little signs that showed he wasn't full on rejecting them: new uniforms (stronger, more flexible) for all of them, new blades and guns for Natasha, some basics phones or computers with detailed directions for Steve and Thor, new arrows for him. He had come to get Tony could do everything a friend would do, but he needed time to actually face and trust them.

Which made what they did even worse.

"That's why I'm mad at you for what you did." The archer turned his head back to the colonel, wondering if he read his thoughts somehow. "Tony learned a long time ago he couldn't trust anyone just because they asked for it. It's…" He shook his head, taking a sharp turn at seventy miles per hour. Clint grabbed the door's handle and held on. "It's not easy to live with him and he can be reckless and he does do things that could get himself killed. There's no denying that."

He sighed. Somehow Clint wondered if the colonel was really talking to him or just saying things to fill the silence. He didn't seem to register his presence anymore, more lost in his thoughts and focused on his driving – very similar to Tony's, there – than on his surroundings.

"But that's because we can't understand. That's why I can't believe Banner did that. The man is intelligent. He works with Tony, he should have known better." He ran a hand over his head, before putting it back on the wheel. "Imagine an ants' nest and multiply it by ten and you get the idea of what Tony's mind is." Clint widened his eyes. No way. "It was worse when he was in MIT because back then he had nowhere to put every thought he had." He snorted. "He's a genius, damn it, maybe you should get that inside your head. Where you can see ten possibilities, he sees a thousand and acts on the one that will have the best result. He doesn't care if it means people are gonna get angry at him for doing something he wasn't supposed to do – he knows better."

Clint nodded and looked out through the window, watching the hills flying by. He was finally understanding Tony better and he wondered how they could have missed it – didn't he say it enough he was a genius? Didn't he tell them more than once that he got sidetracked because of everything always running through his mind?

We'll find you, Tony, and I swear we won't make the same mistake twice, he vowed.

And voilà! What do you think? Like it, hate it? What do you think is next?

Please review!

AngelShep