WARNING: This chapter contains graphic content. Including but not limited to, vomiting, bleeding and graphic violence. If anything about this disturbs or concerns you please do not read it. If you are concerned, but would like to continue. You can feel free to PM me and I will be happy to give you specifics to see if it's something you can read.
I'm awake, not because I want to be, but because I need to throw up. I run to the bathroom as fast as I can and just barely make it. After a couple of great heaves, I stare at the bowl and remember that I never actually ate anything. Lemon drops and whiskey sours don't count as food. Oh, I had a bag of chips, which might explain the texture. I reach up and pull the knob to wash it away.
Sitting back, I notice a pile of wet clothes under my naked ass. It's like sitting on an iceberg. I grab the broken arm of the towel rack and pull myself up on shaky legs. I shuffle back to James' bedroom and search for something to wear. My slip dress is a pile of rags at the foot of the bed; James has a thing for tearing up my clothes. I spot a t-shirt on the floor that looks fairly clean. I grab it and pull it over my head, enjoying how much it smells like James. I don't see any other clothes, so I grab the bed sheet and make a kind of toga. My stomach makes a loud gurgle, reminding me that it's empty. I should at least try to eat something, I think, as I look out the cracked glass of the bedroom window.
It's still dark. I have no sense of time when I'm with James. I leave the bedroom and wander down the hall, back to the kitchen. The bags of food are scattered across the floor, along with a broken piece of the overhead cupboard. I bumped my head on it while we were fucking, so James tore if off the wall and threw it to the floor like it had hurt me on purpose. It was charming, yet really fucking frightening, but that is James in a nutshell. I spot a Snickers bar and grab it. I peel open the wrapper to take a bite. It tastes like paper and maple syrup.
I run to the sink and spit it out. I can't remember when I've eaten anything decent. Maybe a few days ago. I do better with salty food; sweet food always tastes wrong. I turn on the water and rinse out my mouth. It takes like iron and vinegar. I want to cry. I slide to the floor and press my cheek to the smooth wood of the cupboard. I'm so tired, my skin is itching like it's too tight, and I want Jacob.
My throat tightens as I remember my phone exploding into a million pieces, in James' hand. I can't call Jacob. Even if I could, what would I say? How would I explain what's happened? How could I make him understand?
I couldn't, and I wouldn't ever do that to him. I'd rather he hate me than know the truth.
I hear the hollow sound of wood cracking and look up. It's coming from somewhere beyond the kitchen. I reach up to grab the edge of the counter and rise to my feet, thankful for the distraction.
I lift the last bit of the old kitchen chair and slam it against the edge of the wood stove. It shatters into splintered pieces that scatter across the floor. It's messy, but it's the best I can do.
"What did the chair do to you?" Bella's voice is raw, making her laugh sound more like a cough. I look up to see her wearing one of my t-shirts. The pale white cotton is paper thin, hiding nothing. The bed sheet completes the look of her odd makeshift dress. She is breathtaking.
"You're cold," I say, lowering my eyes to the floor. I kneel down and begin to toss the wood into the open mouth of the rusted wood stove. The white sheet appears in my peripheral vision, sliding across the floor as Bella's dark hair comes into view.
"That's sweet of you," she says, as she picks up a jagged piece of a chair leg that I was about to grab. Our fingers touch for a second. She smells like James. I close my eyes as I pull back my hand.
I stand and walk past her to the kitchen. It only takes me a few seconds to find her lighter and the wrinkled remains of the little coloring book that she'd bought for me. I return with them and find Bella where I left her, kneeling in a pool of white cotton, like a bride at an altar. The image is potent and I have to look past her at the stove.
"I guess it was a silly thing to buy, huh?" Bella says in a quiet voice. I resist the urge to comfort her, and tear off the cover of the book. I place it beneath the pile of wood, and place a few crumpled pages in beside it. I reach in with her hot pink leopard print lighter and flick it to life with my thumb. The thin paper quickly catches fire. I feel Bella lean against my arm as I watch the book cover's chubby-cheeked, smiling sun is slowly consumed by blue flames.
"Have you eaten?" I ask, shifting away from her.
"Not hungry," Bella answers with a shake of her head as she leans back. I study her shadowed face. Something isn't right. I wonder why she seems paler than normal, why she's thinner than she was yesterday.
"How long have you lived like this?" Bella's dark eyes fix on me and I awkwardly look away.
"Here? I don't know, a few months," I answer with a shrug.
"No, I mean...like, you know," Bella says, suddenly awkward, and I realize she's asking about living with James. Then it suddenly makes sense, my confrontation with James in the bathroom, his strange uncharacteristic loss of control with those men in the alley. He's going to change her; he wants her as a companion. The realization hits me like a blow to the chest. I struggle not to show the strange mixture of pain and anger tearing me apart on the inside.
"A while," I say with another shrug. Bella huffs as she laughs and I look at her, my expression showing some of my anger. I see her shrink from me and my anger drains from me immediately.
"I'm sorry. It's just been a long time," I say, as I reach out to touch her soft cheek, and she presses her cheek into my hand. "I'm not that good with...people," I stumble over my words as I revel in the feel of her pressed against my skin.
"That makes the two of us," she says, as her lips brush my palm. A thrill passes through me from this brief contact. "I just want to know what it's like," her breath is warm against my skin, but her words remind me of why she is really here. James.
"Of course you're curious," I mumble and pull back my hand.
"What's wrong?" She asks, confusion and hurt returning to her voice as she stares at me.
"It's not romantic," I sneer as I turn to stare at the flames licking the inside of the wood stove. "You don't close your eyes and wake up beautiful. You go through excruciating pain and then you're..." I can't finish, my own fear choking me. I'm too weak to face what it takes to be like James and she'll discover that soon enough.
"Well, I didn't think it was going to be easy," she says, placing her warm hand on my shoulder.
"Easy," I say with a humorless laugh, withdrawing from her touch.
"What is your problem?" Bella asks as I stand.
"This is not a game," I say it in a cold, controlled voice. I begin to hate myself again, but I can't stop talking. "You are not ready," I tell her as I stare down at her. It's a lie, and a selfish one at that.
"Fuck you," Bella yells as she stands, the sheet left forgotten at her feet. "I'm more than ready and you know it," she hisses as her finger pokes my chest. She's called my bluff and I have no more will to fight. I nod and place my hand over her finger.
"Bella," I whisper, wishing I could change her mind.
"I'm afraid. I won't deny it," she shakes her head and looks down at the wood stove. Bella sighs as she kneels down and closes the door to the stove, twisting the handle to latch it closed. She stands and pulls my t-shirt over her head. I watch, transfixed.
"I don't want to die," she says as she looks down, her finger tracing the line of her scar.
"You're sure?" I sigh, defeated.
"Yes. I don't care if it makes me a stupid whore," she sneers, making my chest tighten.
"It's not like that," I say, as I grab her chin, making her to look up at me.
"Sure it is," Bella says, as a tear slips from the corner of her eye.
"No, it's not," I whisper as I smile. I touch her tear with the tip of my finger. The anguish in her eyes calls to me, pulling me in. I'm tired of fighting. I'm through with denying what I know is the truth. I close the distance, pressing my lips to hers, expecting her to slap me or fight, but she doesn't.
Bella's presses her naked body against mine. Her hot breath is in my mouth and her fingers are threading through my hair. I want to cry and scream. It feels wonderful, beyond everything I have ever imagined. I slide my hands down her back and lower her to the floor. I can feel the cool cotton sheet beneath my knuckles.
"You're astounding," I say, pulling free of her mouth for a second, to stare at her pale body. Bella laughs as she touches my cheek. I look at her bright eyes, feeling drunk and giddy. I trace her hairline with my fingers and kiss her nose. Her hands brush down my chest and I tremble at the delightful electricity that flares to life everywhere she touches my body. I begin to kiss a path across her face, down her throat, trying to claim every part of her that I can reach. Her nimble fingers quickly unfasten my jeans, and she wraps her warm hand around me.
"Bella," I gasp her name as she pulls me into her. Pleasure explodes through my body at the feel of her surrounding me, holding me, loving me. She moves against me, her eager pace leaves me overwhelmed.
"James," she moans his name as another explosion of pleasure rocks me and a sharp metallic scent makes me open my eyes. A bright crimson line tarnishes the pale beauty of Bella's face, as blood begins to pour from her nose.
"Fuck," I growl, through the night air. The damp sidewalk magnify my footsteps, with tiny splashes, as I walk towards the bright lights of the convenience store.
Edward's confused; he doesn't understand why I'm taking him to the store, but he is quiet. Edward knows that he fucked up and he is scared. I knew that his bullshit was getting too out of hand; I knew that I'd have to deal with it eventually. I just not think it would happen so soon.
I grab the handle for the glass door and yank it open. A lighthearted little chime fills the air as I step into the artificial light.
"Hi," the store clerk says looking up at me. He looks like a nice Asian kid; it's too bad he has to die.
"Hey, there," I say with a smile and walk up to the counter. I press my fingertip to the plexiglass counter, as if I'm going to ask about one items inside the case. He looks down, so predictable, and I seize the collar of his shirt. He makes a choking sound as I haul him across the counter and grab a fist full of his hair.
"He has a family!" Edward screams, and I stop. I stare at the clerk's throat, and lick my lips. "His name is Ben," he adds in protest.
"You should have thought about that before you fucked Bella," I spit at him. I sink my teeth into the warm flesh of the clerk's neck. Blood fills my mouth, dripping down my chin as I drink it in, taking large gulps. It fills the dark pit of hunger and rage inside me.
"James!" Edward screams as I drop Ben against the counter. His blood spills out across the counter and oozes onto the floor at my feet.
"No," I snarl at him, but as Edward cringes away from me, my anger fades to disappointment. "You're not ready," I sigh and walk away.
I slam the door open, shattering the glass around me. We've run out of time. I've taken care of Bella, but there's nothing I can do to protect him, not anymore.
"James, please," he calls after me, but I ignore him. It's time to let Edward pays for his mistakes.
I run back toward the house as fast as I can, one thought consuming my mind.
Bella.
I turn corners, rushing down alleyways, praying that I'll reach her before he does. It's my fault; I should have never interfered. No matter how much I love her, I shouldn't have gotten in between them. I am a selfish fool.
"Bastard!" I hear the scream as something slams me into the side of a nearby building. Brick crumbles around me, in a red waterfall. His face is inches from mind. "Where is she?" he snarls in my face as my head start to throb. Somehow, I know his meaning. Bella.
"I don't..." I choke under the weight of the pain in my head, like a heavy drumming, stabbing at my mind. It's like the normal pain I feel when I'm around other people, but magnified by tenfold.
"Bullshit! I can smell her on you," his hisses, his dark eyes fixed on me. I remember Bella's face as I entered her, her beautiful pale body beneath me. I remember how she moaned James' name, but I can't remember anything else.
"I don't know," I shake my head as I struggle to remember, but the pressure is too great, I can't focus.
"Where is she?" he screams in my face and something inside my mind tears open. It flows over me in a white-hot torrent of words and images.
You-smell-like-blood-and-sex.-Did-you-fuck-her.
"Jacob," Bella gasps his name, her face is flushed and shining, like she's been crying. Her black dress is hiked up around her waist. Her pale legs are spread wide before him. She's wet and trembling under his mouth. His tongue slides over her in long strokes, as he savors her sweet flavor
She-never-loved-me-enough.-How-dare-you-touch-her.-I'll-kill-you.-Hate-you.-Bella.
"I love you, Bella," he groans, the feel of their naked skin pressing together overwhelming him. Bella's panting beneath him. He can hear her heartbeat drumming in his ears and he begins to shake. Fire eats him from the inside out, tearing him apart as his ears fill with the sound of her screaming.
Bella.-Please-say-she's-alive.-I-am-going-to-tear-you-open-and-eat-you-from-the-inside.
"STOP!" I scream and push him away. He goes flying across the alley to smash into another building. I'm shaking as I stare at my hands. I don't understand. How did I do that?
"You son of a bitch!" he screams as he leaps into the air.
I'll tear you apart, you fucking leech!
I watch in horror as his body explodes to reveal a giant wolf and I think of James. Just as the wolf starts to fall, I realize that I deserve this, so I close my eyes. A loud yelp cuts through the air and I open my eyes to see the wolf collapse in front of me. His body shifts back into the man who attacked me.
"Hello, Edward," a female voice says my name and I look up to see a short, blonde vampire. Her pale skin and red eyes give her away immediately. I shake my head, because I do not know any other vampires, apart from James. Yet there's something unmistakably familiar about her.
"Jane," I say her name, though I don't know how I know it, and she smiles.
Author's Notes:
As always, I would like to thank Kimpy0464 for being an kick-ass beta.
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