Renesmee

Over the years, Irina became more than just a friend to me. She became a part of my heart. Dad knew. He thought I just confused because I never knew anyone outside of our family. He was excited, when we discovered the other hybrids. He hoped that I would hit it off with Nahuel but I simply couldn't get Irina out of my heart. There was just something about her. I explained it to Nahuel and he was very understanding. He suggested that the three of us shack up instead and after that we became good friends. I started to see the differences between friendship and what I felt for Irina. Its strange because it wasn't sexual. I wasn't attracted to her but I loved her. It was her soul that I found alluring. What I felt for her was unique and now... Now I was bound to the beast who took her from me.

With Jake is was a feral attraction that bound me every atom in my body to his. No... It was more than just attraction. I had this overwhelming feeling that I couldn't describe. Every time he touched me, it felt like being touched by the purest love that ever existed. It was terrifying, which was why I kept him drugged, but it was also thrilling and addictive.

All my life I had an advanced mind but in terms of love, I felt like such a child. This thing with Jacob was completely different than what I felt for Irina. It made my feelings for Irina feel like a crush or a bosom friendship at most. Maybe dad was right. Maybe what I felt for Irina was just the confusion of a little girl who couldn't know the difference between friendship and love. But it didn't matter. The fact was that she was gone forever because of him.

When Maya told me her plan, I was hesitant. Billy had nothing to do with Irina's death. Why should an innocent human pay for the treacheries of his son? But Maya convinced me. It wasn't until I looked into his eyes that I felt the weight of my mistake. They were his eyes reflected back at me in the face of an old man. I suddenly felt the need to apologize to him. He asked me why? Why would I hurt his son in this way? I tried to explain it to him but he didn't understand. He said it wouldn't work. That I was not meant to have his blood stain my innocent hands, the hands of his best friend's granddaughter. I grabbed him by the neck when he mentioned Charlie. The knife he was holding fell on the floor and an instant later Jacob Black was at the door. I couldn't see the hate, I only saw pain in his eyes.

I needed him to hate me. I needed to break the curse. I grabbed his father's neck tighter and then the pain in his eyes radiated into me. All the images of Jake and his father flashed into my head at once. All the happiness, love, pain, everything that made Jacob who he was, was tied to this man I was about to murder. I felt Billy touch my hands and the moment he did, I simply couldn't do it. I couldn't take this man away from Jake. I collapsed and grabbed my head as his hatred started to permeate my thoughts. I felt like my head would explode and then I saw her. I saw Maya through his eyes moving through the room and then digging her wretched fingers into my Jacob. The scent of his blood filled the air and before I knew what I was doing, I took Billie's kitchen knife and threw it across the room into her back. It wasn't long before it all went dark. The pain was simply too much.

"You're back." He said coldly before I even opened my eyes. I was laying on a bed in a basement of some sort. The roof was low but probably tall enough for Jacob to stand. He wasn't standing though. He was sitting on a sofa across the room glaring at me. I could feel his anger and hate in my head. I could hear his thoughts too.

'Murderous bitch! She tried to kill my father. I can't do this anymore.' He thought over and over again.

"I can't do this anymore." He said out loud. His thoughts cleared from my head. He had calmed down and his thoughts finally muted.

"Then what the hell do you want?" I asked him again tersely as my own anger started to rise. I guess I didn't have to kill his father after all. He hated me enough to want to break this imprint. That part was abundantly clear.

He sighed and then he reached behind his back and pulled out a gun. I tensed for a moment. This wasn't what I expected. I was sure he would fight me, that he would give me a chance to defend myself. He placed the gun on top of the coffee table and sat back on his chair to take a sip of his beer. I moved slowly to the edge of the bed sitting at the foot of the bed so that I was closer to the gun.

"You see Lock Ness. I have a bit of a problem. I already lived with the pain of losing my first love. It wasn't exactly a picnic but it was manageable. You are much more than she ever was. You're my soulmate and I can't bear to live another second imprinted to a woman who hates me. Who actually had the audacity to threaten my family. So I'm granting you your wish. Kill me and go back to your family. As long as you swear to leave my family alone, the pack won't come after you. No one will punish you for this so go ahead." He told me. I didn't know if he was serious or if he was testing me. I got up from the bed and walked over to the table. I took the gun and checked to see if it was even loaded. It was. I looked at him. He took another swipe of his beer and glared back defiantly.

'Just finish it.' I heard his mind yell at me.

"So the big bad wolf has a death wish. What does that make me? Little red riding hood or the hunter? Either way it won't bring grandma back you sick bastartd!" I told him and threw the gun back on the table.

He threw the beer against the wall and it shattered into a million pieces. The he got up and with one hand he threw the coffee table against the other wall which also exploded into pieces and then he was on top of me. Either hand was on each side of my face, and I looked up only to stare at his furious eyes.

"You think you can just do whatever the fuck you want to me and my family? Hell, even your family? You think you can just torture all us and put us through hell for your sick pleasure? Because that's not how it works! You are not going to keep me locked in some cell so that you can put my dick in your mouth whenever the fuck you feel like it! You will either kill me and get past this or you will forgive me because I am not putting up with your selfish psychotic crap. Your family may take your bullshit but I sure as hell am not!" He spat at me. The he straightened and walked over to the splintered coffee table to pick up the gun. The he proceeded to point the damn thing to his head and suddenly I went cold.

I had to remind myself that I wanted this. This would solve all my problems, but just like when I saw Maya about to kill him, my instinct stepped in the way.

"Stop!" I yelled out and realized I was crying. Every ounce of power I had in me projected out and Jacob collapsed to the ground by the sheer force of my command. He kicked the gun to the other side of the room unwillingly because it was what I wanted him to do.

"You are the most selfish person I've ever met!" He told me angrily. I took the gun and made my way out the door.

"I'll kill myself. Your power has limits and the moment you're guard is down, I'll do it." He threatened. I turned around and glared at him.

"Why?!" I yelled at him.

"Because I can't live like this, damn it!" He yelled at me.

"Then I was right to hate you. First you take away the person that held my heart and now threaten to take my..." I stopped unable to finish.

"Your what? Your soul? You're my soul too and you took yourself from me. You took yourself from your family, the people who's heart you belong to. You hurt them, punished them, for what? For not taking the side of a madwoman? What makes you any different from me?" He asked me. I said nothing. He came forward in a threatening stride. His angry, accusing eyes, matched his predatory walk but I stood my ground stubbornly.

"For three weeks, you took me. You held me captive. You used me. You loved me and then you gutted me. You gutted my soul. You broke me. Then you turned yourself into a murderer, all for a woman that was never meant to love you and that probable never did. Then you go and destroy the people who actually do love you. The people who would have given everything for you!" He said angrily. He was standing only a few inched from my face. I looked away to hide the tears that were starting to form over the guilt of hurting my family. I didn't want to hurt them but I just couldn't deal with the anger.

Jacob took my by the shoulders and pushed me hard against the wall causing it to crack. It hurt a little but I gave him what he wanted anyhow. I looked at him with newly formed tears in my eyes and let him see the guilt and remorse I could no longer hide.

"I had to look into your grandfather's eyes and feel sorry for him. For what you did to them in the name of a love that only exists in your head. Fuck! You don't even know what love is. If you did? You would have never treated your family the way you did. You would have never..." He stopped for a moment, trying to hold back his own tears. "You would have never treated me this way either. You would have never even attempted to cross the line you were about to cross with my father. My FATHER!" He said in a broken voice before he let me go. He finally looked away to wipe his face with the back of his hand and I put my mouth over my hand trying to muffle the sob that was about to escape. He heard it and looked at me again. His face was hard, angry, and full of pain. Pain that I put there on purpose.

"I don't want your forgiveness. You can keep it." He continued. He took another step towards me. I was still against the wall with nowhere to go. He took my face in his hands and kissed my forehead gently. "I just want my soul back but you can't give it back can you? And I can't take it back either, so where does that leave us?" He asked me.

"Fucked." I said simply. He chuckled humorlessly, then he cradled my face in his hands and wiped my tears away with his thumbs.

"I love you but I really fucking hate you." He told me seriously. I felt a shudder run through both of us.

"So do I." I whispered hoarsely unable to find my voice. There were so many emotions coursing through me that I felt like I would explode.

"Just kiss me you asshole." I told him fiercely and instantly he smashed his lips against mine.