Summary: Tag to 12x03 - Mom leaving hits Sam hard

"Mom, it's okay, you're home now." Dean explained, walking closer to Mom.

Mom's gaze rose to him. "No."

Dean looked confused.

"I'm not..." She took a breath. "I miss John, I miss my boys."

"We're right here, Mom." Sam spoke up.

"I know." Mary nodded. "In my head."

Sam didn't really know what she meant but still nodded.

"But I'm still mourning them, as I knew them. My baby, Sam. My little boy, Dean. It just feels like yesterday, we were together in Heaven, and now...I'm here, and John is gone, and they're gone, and every moment I spend with you reminds, every moment I lost with them."

Realisation slowly appeared in Dean's expression.

Sam screamed internally, begging, pleading with his Mom not to do this. The words hadn't left her mouth yet, but he knew what was coming.

"And I thought hunting, working, would clear my head..."

"Mom..." Sam could feel his throat shaking as he forced the words out. "...what you trying to say?"

"I have to go." She stated.

Dean's jaw clenched in anger as he turned his head away, eyes filled with unshed tears he was refusing to let fall.

Sam lowered his head, closing his eyes for a few seconds as he tried to breath through it before forcing his gaze back up to his Mom.

"I'm sorry..." She turned to Dean. "I'm so sorry. I just need a little time."

Mom went to step closer to Dean but he backed away from her, eyes refusing to meet her gaze. Clearly hurt by this, Mary reached over and picked up Dad's journal from the table before crossing the short distance to Sam.

"I love you." She pulled him down into a hug before turning to Dean. "I love both of you."

And with that, she walked out the library into the war room before shoving the journal into her duffel and walking up the steps.

The vibration of the door slamming closed caused Sam to flinch. Screwing his eyes closed, Sam took a couple of deep breaths as he desperately tried to not cry.

After a few seconds, Sam opened his eyes and looked to his brother.

Dean was leant forward, hands resting of one of the library chairs. Anger was radiating off him but his expression was nothing more than pure emotion. He looked distraught, even though he was making a good effort to try and hide it.

"D'n..." Sam spoke up, softly.

Dean slammed a hand against the chair sending it smacking into the library table causing Sam to jump before he stormed off.

He wanted to go after his brother. He wanted to comfort him and say that it was all going to be okay, that Mom would be back, and that they would be a family again in the end, but he didn't know that for sure. Mom had said that just needed some time to clear her head, but did that mean for certain that she would come back once she'd got everything worked out?

This was all his fault and he knew that. She'd left because of him.

Sliding down the wall to the floor, Sam brought his knees up to his chest as he leaned back. Tears slowly began to make their way down his cheeks as sobs tore through his throat. Losing the last few threads of his composure, Sam broke down, burying his head amongst his arms.

Slamming the door closed behind him, Dean growled in anger before he grabbed the chair by the desk and threw it against the wall, it didn't break but did make an almighty crash as it hit the floor.

Breathing heavily in rage he sat down on the edge of the bed. The photos of them when they were younger lay atop the comforter. Mary holding a baby Sam with a hand on the shoulder of his four year old self taunted him as a tear trickled down his cheek.

She'd just walked off. Walked out on them.

She'd told them that she was happier in her life in Heaven then she was with them.

They were her family, not Dean and Sam as they were now.

Dean knew that he shouldn't have done that to Sam. His little brother was bound to be upset to and scaring him like that wouldn't have helped anything.

Grabbing the photos, Dean stood up from the bed and threw them down onto his desk unceremoniously before leaving the room and making his way back down the corridor the library.

Hearing the sound of light sniffling, Dean sighed.

Walking into the room he looked around for a few seconds before he noticed his brother sat behind the table. He sat down next to him and very softly placed a hand on his little brother's shoulder.

Sam looked up and over at his brother, lip quivering.

"I sorry..."

Dean furrowed an eyebrow. "For what?"

"She left 'cause of me, just like said other day." He paused. "She said that she misses her boys." Sam took a breath. "Her baby Sam in Heaven isn't deaf. She's happy up there because she has her perfect family..." Tears continued to stream down his cheeks. "I sorry..."

"Sammy..." Dean's was heartbroken.

"I so, so sorry, D'n..."

'Stop' Dean signed. "You have done nothing wrong, okay? Nothing. If she wants to be like that then she can. We've been fine without her for years and we'll be fine without her now."

"You love her, D'n."

"I do, I won't deny that, but not more than you. I've told you before, Sammy, there's nothing I'd put in front of you, and that includes Mom." He paused. "And if she wants to be like this; if that is her reason for leaving then..." Dean took a breath, closing his eyes for a few seconds. "...then she's not the woman that I thought so was."

"She said Dad was in Heaven with her." Sam cracked a smile, wiping tears from his eyes.

Dean smiled too. "Good."

"When he was at graveyard and climbed out Hell he went to Heaven. He been there all this time. I glad they were together."

"When Amara did what she did, and I saw Mom for the first time, it never dawned on me that she would be pulled out of Heaven. That she would be pulled away from Dad." Dean began. "I mean, we didn't know Dad was up there, but I never thought about how they were happy, I only thought and what it would mean for us having her back."

"That not make you selfish, D'n, that just make you human." Sam reassured.

"But Dad, he spent his whole life avenging her after she died. He was apart from her for so many years. He went to Hell and was tortured for thousands more, dragged himself out of Hell and finally got a spot in Heaven just for us to rip Mom away from him once again."

"We technically not do thing. Like you say, Amara did it."

"Yeah but we sprang her so, same thing really." Dean looked at his brother with a smile before noticing something. "Why aren't you wearing your hearing aids?"

"Broke one of them." Sam smirked.

"When?" Dean furrowed an eyebrow.

"When ghost threw me into shelves." Sam might as well have ended his sentence, 'duh' due to the tone he answered with.

"Good answer." Dean smirked.

Sam laughed.

"Just forget about this for now, Sam. It wasn't your fault and we've got bigger fish to be dealing with." Dean stated.

Sam nodded. "She come back."

"Maybe she will, maybe she won't." Dean stood up before offering a hand to his brother.

Sam took it and allowed Dean to pull him to his feet. He felt a rumble in his stomach and then saw his brother burst out laughing.

"Hungry?"

The rumble must have been loud. Sam smirked. "Starving. You make burgers?"

Dean rolled his eyes. "Fine."

Sam smiled. 'J-E-R-K'

'B-I-T-C-H'