It was five kinds of miserable. The first kind was miserable that had been following her around since she had come back alive, that one probably wouldn't ever go away, it was not unique, nearly everyone knew the pain of loneliness, everybody in her house knew this misery.
The second kind was knowing that she had things to do yet was both unable and unwilling to act. It was the misery of procrastination.
The third kind was closely tied to the first in that she was worried what she was putting off. Another stupid meeting this Monday, followed by a community project that she needed to somehow get the money together. Maybe a sexy Kunoichi swimsuit calendar? Actually, wait. That was a good idea.
"Tayuya!" Kushina called rolling on her couch as the overbearing summer heat stole the life from her. The ceiling fan was spinning as fast as it could before it would fly off and join its people in the kingdom in the land of fans.
The fifth kind of misery (She'll get back to the fourth) was this damn summer heat. Sure Suna had been unbearable. But it was a dry heat. This was like living in hot soup and it sucked, she was sweaty and sticky wherever she went. Apparently, temperature control was not a feature Orochimaru installed in her body.
"Fuck off," Tayuya's voice drifted in from outside. Her assistant was smart, taking this opportunity to fill up a child's pool in the shade outside. Something she wouldn't dare share with anybody. Even as her cute little son stared at her longingly.
And that was her fourth kind of misery. The inability to get her son any kind of girlfriend. She knew he liked girls. He liked Sakura, hell he admitted to liking Karin and Tayuya as well, which meant she was on the right track. It just so happened that Sakura and Karin, well they were.
"Come on Sasuke," Sakura whined when was the last time she slept at her own home again? Ehh, she was the cute kind of boss and was a natural neat freak that was basically their maid at this point. "Don't you want to go to the river with me? I have a brand new swimsuit."
"No way," Karin snarled. Of course, her most recent addition to the household and her fellow Uzumaki came preinstalled with a crush on Sasuke, which wasn't a bad thing per say, given how he was her son now. "He wants to go to the movies with me."
Sasuke said nothing sitting on the kitchen table with two drinks in front of him, one from each girl, despite how refreshing they looked he refused to drink either of them. Drinking one would basically be saying he preferred Sakura or Karin. If anything Sasuke was more attracted towards Tayuya or herself, judging by how often he stole a glance at her.
Not that she could blame him, she was hot as hell - Tayuya was cute too - and was currently probably wearing something a little risky. A blank tank top that left her midriff exposed and a pair of shorts that might be about the same size as a pair of boxers. It was hot. It wasn't like she was always this perverted.
Tayuya was a special case. The girl was adamant that she was never ever in a million years ever going to become any more related to her than she already was. Which meant dating Naruto was in the territory of 'Fuck No' and Sasuke would cause her to laugh so hard she'd fall over.
A perfectly dysfunctional Uzumaki Family. They even came with a divorced crazy aunt and uncle with Jiraiya and Tsunade. There was something there, but with those two it was hard to tell the difference between love or hate. Kakashi was their dog or something.
Wait what was she worried about again?
Fuck. It was hot.
A knock came from the door. It wasn't the random knock that was someone coming to say hi, this was the obnoxious rhythmic knock of someone annoying showing up. She would know, she knocked in the same pattern every time. "Tayuya!"
"No." That was fair. It was their day off.
"Sakura?" Kushina stared at the ceiling fan before looking back at the most responsible member of team seven. Nope, she was making heart eyes at Sasuke. Heh, if she blocked out Sasuke it would look like Karin and Sakura were making lovey-dovey eyes at her. Now, if she just put Naruto there.
Another knock.
"I got it!" Naruto shouted, running a popsicle still hanging out of his mouth. At least she had one useful person in the house. He opened the door and stood there in silence for a few moments. Then slammed it shut. "Mom it's for you!"
Crud. Kushina pulled herself off the couch with a titanic effort. "This better be worth it."
Should she bother to be decent? Ehh, that seemed like a lot of work, she was going to have to get dressed and then get undressed. Ehh what's the worse it could be Jiraiya? Danzo? Random council member? Foreign dignitary? Yea-nope, let them realize that they're dealing with a bitch that has it all.
Plus an Ego. But being fat-headed was an Uzumaki thing.
"Who is it?" She asked her son.
"Four eyes." Naruto shrugged. "Isn't he a doctor or something? Maybe Granny needs you."
Four eyes, four eyes. Oh right. Kimiko. Wait… no. That wasn't his name. Probably. Still, she better see what he wanted, mostly so she could throw him in jail sooner rather than later. Why was she letting him run free again?
With a yawn, Kushina opened the door and put on her best resting bitch face for Kabuto (It was on lease from Tayuya). "What you want?"
"Good Day, Lord. Orochimaru." Kabuto gave her a curt nod a sick smile on his face, he adjusted his glasses so that sun reflected off of them. "I have come to report that I have succeeded in my mission."
Mission? What mission? She turned her attention to the Kabuto's left where a slightly shorter than him figure stood wearing a brown cloak. She was slender, and her bare feet were chained together. Peeking under the hood Kushina saw a few strands of red hair and a pale face. Oh right! Kabuto was supposed to find Naruto a girlfriend that was like her! "You have, have you? Are you going to introduce us?"
"Yes, Lord. Orochimaru." With the snap of his fingers, the girls cloak fell away revealing what might as well be a miniature version of herself. She had long crimson red hair that stopped just short of her ass and the body of a sixteen-year-old that put Tayuya's to shame in a couple areas. But she was also really cute. "I present to you Subject, B132056345, a hybrid clone from using your current body's DNA as well as that of Naruto Uzumaki, Tsunade Senju, and numerous other stabilizers to make sure that everything went well during her development. Her development is now that of a normal sixteen-year-old girl so she will be able to live a normal life as a love interested for Naruto Uzumaki."
Kushina blinked, eyeing the girl up and down. She was wearing a sundress that was a nice yellow color showing off her figure. The girl also gave Kabuto the evil eye like she wanted to punch him. Kushina like her. "So let me get this straight, instead of going out and finding a girl, you made a girl."
"Yes, Lord. Orochimaru."
"And you made her using my DNA and Naruto's DNA as well?" She raised an eyebrow turning her attention back to Kabuto. "To be Naruto's love interest and future mother of his children?"
"Yes, Lord. Orochimaru, but I assure you, while she does have your DNA and that of Naruto's any children she births." The Clone Punched Kabuto in the arm letting out a savage growl. Yep. She liked this girl. "Will be stable."
"Uh huh." Kushina let out a low growl that made the girl smile. "That's creepy as fuck."
She slammed the door in their face. There was no way that she was going to set her son up with what was basically his older sister. Even if she was probably no more than a few months old. Wait. Naruto's Sister made her, her daughter. She opened the door again grabbed the clone by the arm and pulled her inside. "I like her, I'm keeping her. Piss off, no more cloning. Your mission isn't over."
She slammed the door shut again.
"So uh, do you have a name?" Kushina asked her new daughter. God, she had a teenage daughter now. She was so not ready for this.
"No, I have number." The girl grunted each word. Great, looks like someone was going to have to teach the girl basic speech, probably a bunch of stuff. The clone lifted up her wrist showing off the bar code that was tattooed on her. "You give Name? Lord Oro-"
Kushina slapped a hand over the girl's mouth. "No, you don't call me that, Call me Kushina or if you're comfortable with me, mom, okay?"
The girl nodded, and Kushina let her hand drop. "You give name. Mom?"
It took all of her willpower not to stomp her feet and squeal. At least the girl - no, her daughter - understood her well enough so that was good. "Awesome, now let's see a name for you. Uhh, well you're going to be Naruto's older sister so uhh Naruko or maybe just Naru? What do you think?"
"That Lazy."
"Don't sass me, You're Naruko now, that was we can use both!" Kushina smiled pulling her newfound daughter into a hug. "Now then, I'm sweaty as hell, so let me get changed and I'll introduce you to everybody. Feel free to explore the house."
XXXX
This was hell.
This was a special kind of hell that he did not deserve. Sasuke groaned as Sakura tried to offer him an orange slice and Karin an apple slice. He wanted the strawberries, the ones that Tayuya had hoarded for herself and was currently eating in her oasis while reading her book. "Leave me alone."
"Aww Sasuke," Sakura leaned in close smiling. "I completely agree, why don't you get lost, Karin?"
"Me?" His other live in stalker tried to act offended. "Clearly he's talking about you. You don't even live here!"
"I've known him longer."
"True love knows no bounds."
Great, they were arguing again. He didn't have the energy to deal with this today. He wanted to take a nap, maybe try to train when it cooled off, or talk to Tayuya as the only other sane person in their house. And of course, try to not stare at Kushina wearing basically nothing all day.
He watched as she bounced down the hallway a giant smile on her face. Apparently, the slamming of the front door was a good thing. Shame he couldn't hear the conversation over these two preening over him. Why couldn't they understand that he wanted nothing to do with them?
More importantly, why was he still here?
That answer came in when a woman walked into the kitchen and stole his breath away. Her long red hair flowed behind her like a pair of bloody angel wings. She was beautiful, with her one purple eye and one blue eye, and a pale face that was round like Kushina's. If anything she almost looked like a younger version of his wannabe-mother. "You Sasuke?"
He nodded and she parted Karin and Sakura like they were a branch in her way. She placed one arm around his shoulder and straddled his waist. "I Naruko, or Naru, not sure. Am Naruto Sister."
She kissed him long and hard. "And you Boyfriend now."
On second thought this was heaven.
AN: No one guessed Fem Naruto? Anyways I wrote this in two hours after losing my job(I hated it) so uhhh have fun!
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