Chapter 10 The Big Bad World Isn't Far Now

"Hey," James said during one of his and Lily's patrolling sessions.

"Yes?" she replied.

"You know there's a Hogsmeade trip next weekend and I was wondering if you would go with me. If you would like to that is."

Lily opened her mouth to reply no as usual but after a moment she shut it again and just nodded.

"Yes?" James said trying not to look too excited.

"I suppose. Since we are friends now," Lily explained.

"Well I...I'll...I."

Lily laughed, "Is James Potter actually speechless?"

"Yes I think I am. Did Lily Evans actually say yes?"

"Yes I think I did. Don't make me regret it."

"Oh I won't," James promised.

Severus hadn't planned on going to Hogsmeade. It had been enjoyable third year but after that he really couldn't see the point. The other Slytherins enjoyed going because there were no teachers and they could do what they wanted to the other students. Severus preferred to stay away from all that.

He decided he had no choice but to go after he overheard a conversation of Potter and his friends.

He was going back to his dormitory after dinner and wasn't really paying attention to where he was going. His mind had been elsewhere recently what with Lily spending so much time with Potter and all. At first he thought it was just his imagination when he heard Potter's voice coming from inside a classroom saying, "You will never believe what Lily just said."

He realized it wasn't when he heard another voice reply back, "I don't know Prongs, was it 'no'?"

"Actually it wasn't. She actually said yes. We're going to Hogsmeade together. I guess my change of tactics worked."

"I have been telling you to change tactics since third year," a third voice said sounding slightly annoyed.

"I know, Moony. Maybe I should have listened."

"You were bound to figure it out eventually," someone else said.

"I don't know, Wormtail, I thought he might be single forever."

There was the sound of someone being smacked and then Severus heard footsteps coming towards the door. He hurried off before they came out and saw that he was eavesdropping.

It was then that he realized that maybe ignoring Lily wasn't the best idea. He had always know that it would be hard, but he hadn't thought about how bad the consequences could be. If she was friends with Potter then who knew what might happen?

Then another thought hit him. What if Potter knew he was standing outside that door? What if he only said those things to try to start a fight? Severus wouldn't let that happen. He had always got the feeling that Potter didn't really believe that his and Lily's relationship was over. Everyone else had accepted the fact but Potter still acted like he always had. Now that could have just been because he would always hate Severus, but Severus thought that there was another reason as well.

If Potter thought that Severus was still keeping Lily from him then he would do anything to get her away from Severus. Severus knew he couldn't lose Lily. So there was only one thing to do. He would have to go to Hogsmeade and see if what Potter said was true.

Lily stood with Alice waiting for their dates. The rest of their friends had gone already and it was just the two of them.

Alice spoke suddenly, "There's Frank."

He saw the girls and walked to where they were standing. He said hello to Lily, kissed Alice, and asked if she was ready to go.

Alice said goodbye to Lily and walked off with Frank leaving Lily alone to wait for James. Finally she saw him coming. She glanced at her watch and saw it was exactly the time they had arranged on.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi," she replied.

"You ready to go?"

She nodded and they left the entrance hall. She couldn't help but smile. She hadn't been on a date in forever. What neither of them knew was that Severus had seen the entire exchange and he was not smiling.

Severus followed Lily and Potter from a distance. They went into the Three Broomsticks and Severus slipped in after them. He sat at a table at the back of the room without speaking to anyone. He tried not to act like he was watching Lily but he was. He watched the way she laughed at the things Potter said and how he smiled at her.

He didn't know what was going on between Lily and Potter. He hoped that it was nothing but it didn't look like nothing.

He stood up quickly and left the Three Broomsticks. On his way out Lily glanced over at him but she looked away quickly and Potter didn't notice him at all.

On his way back to the castle he passed a pair of seventh year Ravenclaws standing so close to each other he could barely tell they were too separate people. He walked away quickly but he still had a chance to recognize them. They had been inseparable since the end of fifth year and everyone knew that they were going to be married as soon as they left school.

Severus nearly stopped when another thought hit him. If Lily and Potter were dating, and he had a horrible suspicion that they were, then what if they were married? They couldn't, could they? They hadn't even been friends for all that long. Getting married that soon would be awfully rash.

But the thought still haunted his mind. They might and he would lose Lily forever.

At the end of potions the next day Severus knocked over Lily's cauldron on his way out. He knew she wouldn't want to make her friends late so when she came out a few minutes later she was alone. Severus was waiting for her.

"Lily," he said. "I need to talk to you."

"Oh are you speaking to me again?" she asked.

"You know I didn't want to."

"You didn't to what? Talk to me?"

"Ignore you."

"Well you did. You haven't spoken to me all year."

"I'm sorry," Severus started.

"I don't care," Lily said but Severus was sure he heard her voice crack and when she ran from him he was sure it was not in the direction of her next class.

"Why weren't you in History of Magic?" James asked when he next saw Lily in the library later that day.

"I...I don't know. I was going to be late after having to clean up in potions and I was distracted so I went the wrong direction and I just...didn't go."

"It's alright. We didn't learn anything important anyway. Although Binns probably wouldn't have noticed even if you did walk in halfway through the class."

"No, I suppose not. I..." Lily stopped part of her wanted to tell him how upset she had been after potions, but she couldn't tell him about Severus. Severus who never failed to hurt her even when he wasn't trying to. If James found out about that he would probably kill Severus and even after everything Lily didn't want him dead.

Really she would have liked to be friends with him again but at the same time he needed to know how she had felt the entire year. Maybe eventually things would be okay between them but not right away. And if they did make up it was going to be on Lily's terms.

"You what?" James asked.

"Today was just a bad day. And with everything that happened in potions I just couldn't take it anymore."

"Who spilled your cauldron anyway."

"I did," Lily lied. "When I stood up I knocked it over. I'm so clumsy sometimes."

"We all love you anyway," James started and when Lily smiled slightly he continued. "I love you anyway."

"James," she said, her voice not sounding quite like she wanted it to. She had meant to sound wary but instead she sounded almost thankful. That at least he cared about her.

She closed her eyes when he took a step closer to her. She knew what he was thinking and she couldn't bring herself to move away, to tell him no.

When his lips met hers she returned the kiss like she was supposed to but her heart wasn't in it. Deep down, in a part of her heart that she didn't want to admit existed anymore, she wished it was Severus she was kissing.

Severus had never kissed her but she imagined if he did it would be nothing like kissing James. James was so gentle, as if he expected her to pull away at any second. Severus was never gentle, ever.

When they broke apart James was smiling and Lily smiled, as well. Because if he was happy why shouldn't she be happy?

All the seventh years knew that the school year couldn't last forever no matter how much some of them wanted it to. Plans had to be made and the future had to be thought about. Mostly they tried not to think about it.

But they sometimes did and the everyone had heard all the rumours. Who was getting married, who was looking for a job, and who had no idea what they were doing.

Severus knew all this, as well. He knew which of the Slytherins were going straight to You-Know-Who, whose parent's positions as Death Eaters would make it easier for them to get in the inner circle, and who wasn't quite sure they wanted to join.

No one talked about those people much. The other Slytherins, the ones who had known where their loyalties lay since the moment the hat put them in the house, would whisper about those people to each other and cast them sideways glances across the room.

Severus had spent the whole year trying not to be classified as uncertain. He thought he had succeeded. He was one of the ones whispering about the others, not being whispered about.

It had come at a cost, of course. But Lily was happy, that much was obvious, and he told himself that was enough. It wasn't, not at all. Not when it was Potter who made her happy. But he'd tried and she hadn't listened. All he could really do was wait and hope she would come around.