A/N from iGoToExtremes: We happily present the next installment of our little saga, written by my eloquent and talented co-author. I am certain you will enjoy it.
A/N from wants2beawriter: Thank you all for sticking with us during this lull. I take full responsibility for the delay in posting. Had some major writer's block, but thanks to my fabulous co-author we were able to hammer out a lovely chapter. Hope you all enjoy!
Special thank you to Kenz for the beta work! We really appreciate the help from such greatness!
Disclaimer: We do not, nor have ever owned Glee.
"Okay so tell me everything! When did you two get back together?" Kurt said excitedly as Rachel took a small sip of her water.
"Isn't it wonderful?" Rachel sighed somewhat dreamily, but froze when Kurt nodded and clapped his hands together.
"So, is it safe to assume that you two love birds will be making things permanent in the not so distant future?" Rachel's eyes narrowed in response.
"Love birds? I think you are taking things a little too far Kurt. Finn and I have come to an understanding if you will." She replied as she tossed her empty bottle in the recycling bin and wandered out of the kitchen, leaving behind a now confused and frustrated best friend.
"Hold it right there Miss Thing. You do not get to tell me in one breath how wonderful if it is to be back in a relationship with my brother and then that you and he have reached 'understanding' in the next! What gives?"
"It is simple really," she replied and then shook her head when Kurt crossed his arms and rolled his eyes.
"Nothing is simple with you two; not then, not now, not ever," he mumbled.
"No, this time it is. We decided to take things day by day and see what happens. It is really the best of both worlds," she said imploringly.
"Right and how, pray tell, is this situation the best of both worlds?" he replied with a wave of his hand. Rachel nodded and clasped her hands behind her back, slowly rocking on her bare heels.
"Well, he and I are casual, but…" When Kurt scoffed she held up one hand to hold him at bay, "…no, hear me out, Finn and I obviously have unresolved feelings for one another."
"And this is news how?"
"Ugh, Kurt, you know what. I think it is best if you and I do not discuss my relationship with Finn as you are clearly not going to be supportive!" she spat, spun on her heels and stormed into the bathroom.
"Oh no! You do not get to have a typical Ms. Berry storm out on me!"
"GO AWAY KURT!" she screamed through the now running shower. He pushed open the door.
"Not supportive? Did you just have the audacity to say that to me after everything? " Kurt argued his voice squeaking with hurt.
"No, no you are right and I apologize for saying that. It's just…he and I are trying this out and while I understand you don't approve it…"
"Don't approve? Honestly Rachel I don't know which one of you is slower on the uptake." When Rachel growled in response Kurt laughed loudly.
"Are you insinuating that I am somehow not capable of making good decisions?" Kurt laughed again.
"Do you really want me to answer that question?"
"Fine, so I haven't necessarily made the best choices in the past, but it is because I am being cautious and responsible that I am not rushing into a full-fledged relationship. He and I are free to come and go as we please without any…"
"Poppy-cock!"
"Excuse me?" Rachel said angrily.
"You heard me! You are deluding yourself if you think you two can have a sustainable casual relationship without hurting one another again and you know it!"
"We can! I won't hurt him again. I can't hurt him," she argued her voice dropping to a whisper.
"And how do you think that is going to happen? Are you two exclusive? Because I can guarantee if he finds out you are seeing and I use the term 'seeing' loosely, other people, he will be devastated."
"Who said I am going to see other people?"
"Please, you said you two were going to meet up once a month. Are you telling me that you, the woman who has had more action in the past 3 years than I will ever have in my lifetime, is going to remain celibate?" Rachel peered out from behind the shower curtain.
"I can. I know I can."
"Rachel, you use sex to bury your feelings and what is going to happen when you have no outlet?"
"I have nothing to bury anymore. I don't have to pretend that I don't…"
"Don't what?" Kurt asked knowingly.
"Nothing Kurt. I don't want to talk about this." She groaned and pulled the curtain shut.
"You need to talk about this or you will be at square one! You can't just have a sexual relationship with him. He isn't wired like you are. He can't handle it!" Kurt yelled, his voice up almost an entire octave.
"OH! You don't think he can handle it? That's why he and I have been having sex ever since the night at the club? He seemed to be handling it just fine; it is me that almost died when he walked away which is why we haven't been intimate since…shit."
"I am not even going to discuss the fact you just disclosed that you and my brother have been hooking up regularly for the last few days, nor the fact that you have been flat out lying to me, but we are going to address your last statement. You love him and you need to face it. Do you remember what happened the last time you broke up?"
"It isn't the same and I never said I loved him," Rachel argued pathetically.
"Right and the Pope isn't Catholic. You love him. Why can't you say just say it?"
"Because," she said simply.
"Because why? Rachel, you have to know he loves you. That he has loved you since he was 16 and never stopped, even when you broke his heart 10 fold."
"That…that's why!" She whimpered, no longer knowing what was water from the shower head and what was tears. "If I say it out loud…then it is true and I won't be able to take it day by day. You know how it is with us. We dive in head first. Our relationship becomes so intense that it is all-consuming and co –dependent."
"But you aren't the same people. You have grown as individuals and your lives are no longer intertwined in every possible way. You can't do what you are doing forever. Eventually one of you will break."
"That may be true to an extent, but I am not ready…"
"Stop! You have to stop making everything about you! What about him? Do you think he really wants this type of relationship? Oh and don't tell me he was perfectly okay with a casual fling because we both know Finn couldn't do casual if his life depended on it. He is the poster child for monogamy!"
"Please, can you just trust that I know what I am doing and no one is going to get hurt?"
"No, no I can't. I sat by and watched as you two unraveled well before either of you knew it was happening. You have to either commit to this or let it go because you can't afford to fall apart this time around. You have the opportunity of a lifetime at your fingertips and if you screw this up…"
"Don't you think I know all this? I know I should be solely focusing on my career, but I can't ignore the fact that it all seemed to happen when Finn finally showed back up in my life."
"God Rachel, your thought process is giving me whiplash!" Kurt sighed. "You can't have it both ways. You either want a future with him or you don't!"
"That is the problem…I have always wanted a future with him, so much so that I completely lose myself in him. I am no longer Rachel Berry, future Broadway superstar, I am…Finn's Rachel or Finn's girlfriend…I can't be that girl!" Kurt shook his head angrily and yanked the shower curtain open shocking a very naked Rachel. "KURT!"
"Please, like I haven't seen you in worse states of undress. At least you're not passed out in the hallway. Now, you need to listen carefully. If you don't want to be that girl, then don't! Be the strong young woman that he fell in love with, the girl he depended on, MY BEST FRIEND! Stop being this selfish, self-deluded, weak person you have become. Do you want to be happy, Rachel?" Rachel wrapped her arms around her upper and lower body as an emotional protection as well as physical.
"Of course I want to be happy."
"Then be happy. Stop wallowing and pretending. Take your life back!" Rachel let out a shaky breath.
"How? How do I do that?" Kurt gave her a knowing smile.
"I think we can come up with something."
"Wine?"
"Check."
"Wine glasses?
"Check."
"Cork Screw?"
"Check."
"Food?"
"Check."
"Blanket?"
"Check."
"Candy?"
"Candy?"
"Yes Kurt, candy! I told you that!"
"Fine, yes, I picked up those stupid sour patch things." He sighed.
"Then why did you make it sound like I was crazy?" Rachel asked exasperatedly.
"Because I had hoped you would have forgotten and brought something like dark chocolate sauce with long stemmed strawberries for dessert."
"Those sounds divine, but…but those stupid sour patch things were Finn's favorite when we were younger and I…I just want him to know that I am serious about our future."
"While I appreciate that you are finally making a proper decision I don't understand how his favorite childhood candy has that much significance," Kurt replied casually as he placed the last of the items in the basket.
"I know it doesn't make much sense to an outsider." When Kurt froze, the napkins hitting the floor Rachel stammered, "No, not that you are an outsider, it's just that I want him to know I remember the little things, as I believe those little things are important. Does that make any sense or am I just grasping at straws?"
"No, I do understand. You want him to know you care. It is sweet in a sickening type of way, but sweet none the less. Now, are you ready to sweep my brother off his feet?"
"Yes," she said unsurely and then asked, "What if he doesn't want permanent? What if after a month apart he decides that he really was happy with just a fling? Or what if…"
"Look at me," Kurt interjected, taking Rachel's hands in his, "Now breathe." She took in a shaky breath and nodded. "He loves you. He wants a future with you."
"How…how do you know?" Rachel asked and Kurt smiled tightly. He wanted to tell her that Finn was moving to New York and wanted a future with her more than anything else in life, but as much as he wanted to, it wasn't his secret to tell, no matter how horrible of an idea he thought keeping it from Rachel was.
"I just know my step-brother, so trust me. He will be over the moon at the prospect of a Rachel and Finn part II or III, how many times are you two?" Kurt said jovially as Rachel shoved at him playfully.
"Stop! I just want this to be perfect. I don't want a mini-series, just a happily ever after," she replied tearfully. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder giving her a gently squeeze.
"And you will have it."
"This was all amazing Rach, but you know you didn't have to go through all this trouble," Finn murmured as he pressed a kiss to the side of her head. She snuggled her back against him and shrugged.
"I know I didn't have to, but you are leaving tomorrow, so I wanted tonight to be special."
"Well you definitely made it that. It makes me really not want to leave." Rachel turned so she was sitting on her knees facing him.
"Do you mean that?" He smiled slightly confused by her question.
"Of course. I'd love to stay longer, but…" Rachel took his much larger hands in hers and shook her head.
"No, I mean, do you…I want you to…" She sighed and closed her eyes.
"What so you want me to do? You are confusing me here," he asked, giving her hands a reassuring squeeze to continue to which she nodded.
"I…I want you to stay…" She peeked an eye open and saw him staring at her with a curious expression and then she swallowed nervously, "…permanently."
"Permanently as in…?"
"I want to make us permanent. I…I love you and…"
"Really? You…" he asked quietly, now knowing how exactly to respond. She leaned up further and kissed him softly.
"I am so sorry for wasting time with the stupid casual nonsense. I should have known that I could never do that with you, but Kurt said…" He suddenly tensed and she furrowed her brows in confusion. Shouldn't he be happy?
"What did Kurt say to you?" he asked, almost panicky, and Rachel sat back down on her bare heels.
"He…nothing really, just that he knew you loved me too and wanted a future with me, but I guess he didn't know you as well as he thought, huh?" She pushed herself off the ground leaving him on the blanket covered ground in shock. "We should get back before it gets dark." He grabbed her hand and pulled her onto his lap causing her to gasp at his sudden change in demeanor.
"I love you too, which I have never made a secret of, but…are you sure? You want to make this…us work? Even if I am living in Cleveland?" She nodded and wrapped her arms around his neck.
"It isn't ideal and yes, I would much rather you live here with me, but given the fact that you can't, I will do whatever I need to, to make this work. I don't want to be me without you anymore. I…can't be me without you."
"Really because you said you couldn't be you with me, so…" She kissed him again and quickly pulled back smiling.
"See, that is where I was so incredibly stupid. I forgot who I was because I thought I needed to be someone else to be with you and it is so illogical, but you were succeeding and I wasn't and I thought that somehow if I changed or conformed we would fit, but the thing is we always fit. Just Finn and Rachel," she breathed out quickly then added, "If that makes any sense at all." He cradled her face and kissed her softly.
"Yeah, it makes perfect sense because I wasn't me without you either." She wiggled out of his embrace and laid back between his legs, resting the back of her head against his chest.
"I really do wish you could move here. I mean, I am not expecting us to move in together right away, but it would be nice to know you are in the same city." He physically tensed and kissed the crown of her head.
"You know, we should get back. My flight is really early and I can't miss it. I have a meeting in the afternoon." She groaned and looked up at him.
"On a Sunday? What kind of meeting could possibly take place then?" The relocation kind, he replied silently, but couldn't tell her now. Not when they were so close to having absolutely everything.
"Some higher ups are coming to the station, so I need to meet with my staff to make sure that everything is ready to go for Monday's early show." She shrugged, stood up and held out her hand smiling brightly when he took it.
"So, I guess we need to clean up and go, but I do have a question." She asked as she picked up the wine glasses.
"What's that?"
"Well…do you want to spend the night? We don't have to actually do anything. In fact, I kind of prefer if we don't; at least for now, I really just like the idea of waking up with you in the morning, like we used to. You know now that everything is out in the open and we are us again."
He tossed the final items in the basket and tugged her close to him.
"I think I'd like that too."