A/N: I am sorry it takes me quite some time to post these chapters. I had a lot of mid-terms lately and had to focus on studying. And now I'm going back to writing. Hope you enjoy this chapter :)

In a week of training MacTavish started to get along with Matt very well. They had some training together and had casual chats now and then. It didn't seem like a huge impact for John but it eased his ptsd symptoms and helped him acclimate to his life in military. Though fighting ptsd was more difficult because the sorrow of missing Nathalie was killing him but John had his life going back at tracks.

"Thinking of someone?" Asked Matt walking up to John who was sitting beside the barracks resting after long day of training.

"How'd you know?" Answered John with a question.

"It's visible." Said Matt and sat down next to him. "So who is she?"

"You can see right through me that easily?" John was surprised. He kept everything to himself. Not even once he mentioned any of his problems or causes of pain. Not teammates, not Nathalie, not wounds that were gone but still made him flinch while running courses.

"You're not that easy to read through. It took me a while and I am also a very lucky guesser." Laughed Matt. "Now about that matter with your girlfriend. Tell me. Get it off your chest."

MacTavish hesitated a little but decided that it won't hurt telling him since he was friendly. And it was better than telling the psychiatrist who listened mainly because it was his job.

"She is not my girlfriend sadly. She could have been but I didn't take the needed step and let it all go away. Now it kills me because I know that she was all that my life was missing."

"Can't you call or write to her?" Asked Matt.

"I did call her a few times but she didn't answer. I feel like a fool." Complained John.

"Love finds a way. If she loves you and she's the one you will be together."

John laughed. Matt was naive; there wasn't a way they could meet under any circumstances. If she didn't answer his call it meant that she took a different path and probably one without John in it.

"I really doubt it." Laughed MacTavish. "It's been a while. If she wanted she could have called back already."

Matt nodded and they sat there in silence for a few minutes. Matt was thinking about something until he remembered why he was looking for MacTavish in first place.

"Oh shoot." He cursed out loud. "MacTavish, I had to tell you to go to MacMillan's office like an hour ago."

"What are you talking about?" Asked John.

"MacMillan wants you in his office. I hope it's nothing urgent because if so both of us are dead men."

MacTavish shook his head and got up. His friend was not only naive but also forgetful. What a combination. John waved to Matt and walked away in the offices direction wondering what MacMillan wanted from him. MacMillan once was Price's superior but left active duty and so Price took his position and one day became superior to MacTavish. From all that Price managed to tell between the missions MacMillan saved his ass plenty of times but there was a time when Price was saving his superior. John thought about it a lot. Price saved him a couple of times but he didn't return the favour. You're overthinking damn it. Thought John when he reached the office. That's why you have ptsd. Because you can't move on and become stronger. You, John, always have to cling onto the past and drag yourself down. It's past and in the present you have far more important things going on.

He shook his head, sighed, and knocked on the door. Once he heard MacMillan calling him in he opened the door and walked in closing it behind him. "General." Greeted MacTavish.

"Sergeant MacTavish..." he trailed and shuffled a bunch of papers. "Sergeant, sergeant, sergeant... That's what I wanted to talk about with you." He kept going through piles of documents looking for something.

"Come again, sir?" MacTavish asked.

"Your rank, MacTavish. This might be the last time someone calls you Sergeant. Ah, there it is." He said the last sentence to himself as he found what he was looking for. He handed a paper to MacTavish and told him to sign it. John hesitated looking at it. 'A Lieutenant?'

"If you hurry up we might get some free time before dinner unless you want to stand here and stare at the paper while others finish your dessert."

John signed and gave back General the page waiting for him to say anything else. MacMillan smiled to him and John did the same. "You are a great soldier, Lieutenant, I hope you keep going the right way."

"Yes, sir. May I go now, sir?"

MacMillan nodded and John left the office. His mood and self-esteem was boosted greatly. Now the promise he made to become stronger had a base. John knew he had to work and be worthy of the rank that he had.

Once he walked back to the barracks he saw Matt talking with his other teammates. They seemed content and when Matt saw John coming back excused himself from the group and walked closer. "So, what did MacMillan want?" He asked.

"I don't know how to tell you, man." MacTavish tried to look sad and trick Matt into thinking something went absolutely wrong.

"What? What is it?" Matt caught the bait and John burst out laughing.

"The thing is... I'll be able to boss you around, Sergeant." Said John and grabbed Matt into a headlock. "I got promoted to Lieutenant."

"You ass." Said Matt slipping out of Johns grasp. "Congrats."

"Thanks." Said MacTavish and walked closer to the barracks with Matt. "I'm going to go in." He said when they were right next to it. Matt nodded and John walked in. Soon he found himself in his room staring at the phone. He looked at the number on his phone's screen and hesitated. He wanted to dial it but knew that once again there won't be no answer. He thought of it a lot, of what he would do if the person answered, what would happen if he heard her voice? Nathalie... he thought and finally pressed the button to call.

Meanwhile Nathalie was sitting in the kitchen with her father, Yuri, and a bunch of others when her phone rang. She took it out of her pocket to see an unknown number. Nathalie had a feeling she knew who was calling her; no, she was 100% sure about the callers identity but she couldn't answer in her father's house and especially in his presence. What would she say 'oh, hey John, I am doing great, just chilling at my terrorist father's house'. She kept looking at her phone while the melody was playing.

"You're not going to answer?" Asked Makarov.

"No." She answered him with a serious face. "It's an unknown number and since you have been calling me from unknown numbers for past few months I now have an irrational fear of answering phone calls."

Yuri laughed at her response and whispered "Sass monster."

She did love being sassy and sarcastic but inside she was dying. Nathatlie wanted to talk with John more than anything else in life and she apologized to him mentally for thousands of times.

Once the phone stopped dialling John fell onto his bed disappointed. He wished to hear her, to know how she was doing and maybe even share his news about being promoted but Life is cruel. He thought. Or maybe she is? Guess she didn't need me though Nikolai said otherwise. It would probably be the best to try and forget the past. And her. The thought was painful to him. John knew it was a difficult and thought that it was for the better.

He got up and threw his phone on the bed. There was one good way to get the thoughts out of head and it was running. John got himself a sweatshirt because he knew that if he goes for a run outside the base it would last far too long. Once he was leaving barracks Matt got his attention. "Hey man, where are you going?"

"For a run. Why?"

"Well when you're back come over to Jack's room. We are gathering after dinner to hang out."

"Alright." Said John and jogged of towards the gate to leave the base. He was determined to change his way of thinking because he was drowning in his thoughts slowly suffocating himself and that got into his way of becoming a better soldier. The images of Gaz and Griggs getting shot flashed through his mind when he was running outside the base. He knew that he couldn't get rid of the memories so easily but it was one step forward to the goal. And there was another thing he was determined to do. John knew he had to see the horse racing track that Price loved so much. It was another step towards sanity.

John went through small forest that had a road perfect for running and despite the fact that he decided to push the thoughts of Nathalie out he couldn't stop thinking of her morning runs. Maybe she was doing the same thing I am doing right now? Maybe she was getting her head clear? He thought. Ah, concentrate, MacTavish, concentrate on your goal.

And indeed Nathalie's morning runs were just like his evening runs. They both had things they wanted to run away from, their past that was haunting like a lonely ghost clinging onto the life. The mistakes they've made, all the wrong decisions and last words that they didn't say.