AN: Hi all… I'm back with a new update. Sorry for the wait, but hey… I warned you ;) and I did meet my goal of getting this update out before hurricane Irene hits so…. I'm getting ready to hunker down with the family wish me luck.
Thanks again to everyone who is reading, reviewing, alerting, favoriting and recommending this story. It's amazing to see people from all over the world reading what I'm writing. So thank you! A special thank you goes to bubbaslilsis for her beta work. You've taught me a lot and not just about writing ;) so THANKS! And another big thanks goes to everyone that offered their congrats on the newest TBD addition to the Drew family. My wife and I are really excited so THANKS for all your kind words!
Now moving on to what's really important to you all… I've decided to slightly reformat from now on by adding "Previously on Playing With Fire" to the beginning of each chapter so everyone gets a little refresher since my updates will less frequent as this story moves forward. So if you don't need the refresher and want to skip it scroll down until you see "And now Chapter 10- The Jig Is Up" that's where the new stuff begins. Let me know if you like "Previously on Playing With Fire" or you think it is just a waste of time. I would be happy to take it or leave it based on your opinions.
Hope you enjoy Chapter 10- I've made it extra long since the last two were kinda skimpy! Happy Reading!
Disclaimer- I own no part of Glee. The only thing I own is the hope that these two crazy kids can work it out in season 3 and they don't graduate. Come on Ryan Murphy make it happen. You and I both know Sue could fail them both out of spite! ;)
Previously on Playing With Fire
Santana's POV
Just glancing at Brittany's eyes I could see all the questions she had. Questions I really didn't want to answer; some of them I probably didn't even know the answers to.
Trying to summon all my courage and placing the bottle of water on my bedside table, I finally looked at her. She looked so scared and agitated, like she wanted to pounce on me, but was too nervous to move.
I wanted to comfort her. Promise her that everything was going to be okay. 'Don't worry' I thought and began to say, but at the last second I chickened out. I couldn't be sure everything was going to be okay. How could Brittany possibly understand that I got the shit kicked out of me because some guy liked to role play and took it too far?
Brittany was looking at me so intently and with so much care, I almost felt naked. And I know I felt completely unworthy of her adoration. 'Can I lie to her?' I asked myself
"Santana, what happened?" Brittany asked, genuine concern written on her face.
And now Chapter 10- The Jig Is Up
Santana's POV
'SHIT' I thought as I stared into Brittany's pleading blue eyes. I was hoping to at least have a little time before jumping into to this conversation, but I guess that was too much to hope for.
"Oh, this…" I said smiling, trying to act nonchalant. "It's nothing, I was just stupid, that's all."
'Well… it wasn't a lie' I thought, 'I was stupid.' Somehow over the last few years I fooled myself and thought something like this couldn't happen. 'I was tough; I could handle anything, nothing bad was going to happen to me. I guess I was wrong.'
"Santana…" Brittany sighed "this…" she said motioning to my face and body, "is not nothing. I know you can't get these types of cuts and bruises from falling down the stairs. You can tell me what really happened. You can trust me. I'm a good listener."
'God, I want to tell you' I thought. It seems like it should be so easy. It's just three little words after all: I'm an escort. The thing is, anytime I try to let someone in and show them who I really am it comes back to bite me. My parents couldn't understand when I told them I was a lesbian. Past girlfriend couldn't understand when they found out about my job. 'How is Brittany any different from any of the others?' I thought.
"Santana," Brittany said startling me from my thoughts, "I can see that you're struggling. It's okay, you don't have to tell me if you don't want too, but I hope you do. I just want to get to know you. Maybe I can even help."
Her words seemed sincere which made me feel even worse about my original plan to lie. 'God, I want to have faith in you. I want to tell you the truth,' I thought, but for what felt like the hundredth time, I hesitated.
"Brittany…, really I'm fine." I said trying to reassure her in the hopes that we could move on, but as the words left my mouth they only made me feel worse. Now I felt like a coward on top of everything else.
Brittany looked dejected as she sighed and looked away, causing me to cringe.
"Santana," she said turning back towards me and looking at me seriously, "I obviously can't make you tell me what's going, nor do I want to pressure you to tell me something you're not ready for, but believe me I know how hard it is to open up and expose yourself to someone. Do you think it was easy for me to tell you I'm a virgin? Because it wasn't, but something just told me that you would understand and I hope you know that whatever it is you're keeping inside, I will do my best to understand too."
I allowed her words to sink in. I could honestly say that I'd never met anyone like her. She was my polar opposite in every way; honest, virtuous, caring and kinda peculiar in a completely adorable way. 'Maybe that's the difference between her and everyone from my past. Maybe that's the reason I seem to trust her and want to tell her the truth' I thought.
"Brittany," I said shaking my head "I want to tell you, believe me I do, but your virginity is actually something you should be proud of. What I'm hiding is definitely not and I'm afraid if I tell you it might change how you see me."
Brittany's look told me that she was hurt by my admission and she took her time before she spoke again. "The fact that I should be proud of it doesn't make what I told you any less difficult" she finally said. "In both instances it's about taking that leap and opening yourself up to someone. It's hard because you're leaving yourself open for rejection not because it's something to be proud of or not. You were amazing when I told you I was a virgin. Let me return the favor. Oh and by the way, I can't imagine there's anything that would change how I see you" she said offering one last thought.
I had to bite my lip in an effort to suppress the swell of emotions. Her words seemed so genuine and again my confession almost slipped from my lips, but once again I stopped. "Brittany…" I said pausing to compose myself, "I will tell you I promise, but I think I just need a little time to sort out what actually happened within my own head first. I'm really tired and I'm still in a fair amount of pain. Do you think we can continue this conversation later? Is that's okay?"
"Of course that's okay! Like I said I don't want to pressure you. I'm willing to wait till you're ready."
"Thanks…" I said feeling relieved.
The fact that our roles had somehow been reversed within a matter of days was not lost on me. A few days ago I was trying to help guide her through the physical aspects of a relationship and today she's trying to help guide me through the emotional. 'Maybe we could both learn something from each other' I thought.
"I guess I better get going then." Brittany said starting to rise from the bed. "Let you sleep an all."
I didn't want her to go. Something about Brittany for lack of a better word felt right, and I knew if she walked out that door I might never tell her the truth. "Wait…" I said grabbing her hand, turning her around before she could leave my side. "Don't go…" I pleaded. "I want you to stay."
She looked at me strangely, and I momentarily got nervous thinking my inability to come clean was pushing her away, but after what felt like an eternity she smiled. Her smile was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. I couldn't help the sigh of relief that escaped my lips knowing she wasn't going to walk away. Her bright blue eyes clearly showed happiness as I gently tugged on her hand to encourage her to sit back down beside me.
This was the only way I could show her that I was trying to open up. It was the best I could do for now. It surprised me how much her opinion of me mattered. It was always difficult to tell someone about my job, but never had I been so worried about how someone would take the news. I didn't care most of the time, but this time I realized that I did care what Brittany thought and it terrified me.
"Will you lay with me?" I asked pulling back the sheet slightly.
Brittany looked conflicted as her eyes darted to look at the raised sheet before returning her gaze to my bruised body.
"I don't want to hurt you" she responded apprehensively.
"You won't…" I said looking deeply into her soft blue eyes, "I promise."
After the statement left my mouth I realized that was a lie. She could hurt me, maybe not physically like she was worried about, but judging from the emotions that were threatening to bubble to the surface, definitely emotionally.
Putting that thought aside I carefully scooted over, encouraging her into the space I was leaving open for her. "Please…" I said noticing her hesitation.
The corner of Brittany's mouth turned up as her eyes looked to the ground before kicking her flip flops off and making the move to join me under the sheet. I scooted a little further into the center of the bed giving her more room, but she didn't take it. It felt like there was an ocean of space between us. It must have been difficult balancing on the very edge of the bed.
"You can come closer if you want" I encouraged, not liking the distance between Brittany and I. Plus I really didn't like the fact that my aching body was preventing me from pulling her close myself.
I felt the bed dip as she inched closer. Once she was close enough so that I could feel the lightest hint of her body behind me I scooted back into her. It was like backing into a brick wall. Her body was so tightly clenched behind me.
"Relax…you won't hurt me" I said, reassuring her and reaching back for the hand that was lying on her hip and pulling it to my chest. I could feel her snuggling into my back, molding her hips to my butt and settling comfortably into place.
It felt good to be lying safely in someone's protective arms. The weight of her arm draped over my stomach definitely made the pain from my ribs more noticeable, but I didn't care. This felt good and the pain was certainly not enough to make me want to leave the safety of her arms.
Within no time I drifted off to sleep.
Brittany's POV
Santana's breathing had been even for quite some time. I don't think I even breathed for the first hour or so for fear of hurting or waking her, but the longer she slept the more at ease I began to feel. Her slightly smaller body seemed to fit perfectly against mine and about an hour ago I had finally summoned up enough courage to run my fingers up and down her side. A couple times I thought I had woken her, but I was quickly relieved to find out it was just small intakes of breath being sighed out as I continued to lavish her body with feather light caresses of my fingertips.
'I can't believe anyone could hurt someone like this' I thought, rising onto my elbow to look at her serene face. She looked so peaceful sleeping and without thinking I bent forward, placing a soft chaste kiss to her cheek.
I guess that little bit of contact was enough to stir the sleeping beauty because as soon as my lips left her skin she began to shift and open her groggy eyes.
"Brittany…" she questioned almost like she expected to find someone else.
"It's just me" I said softly, laying a reassuring hand on her hip to try and keep her from moving. I was concerned about her pain, not wanting her to move too much and make it worse. "You're okay. It's just me." I whispered into her ear.
She relaxed back into the embrace and if possible tucked herself even closer. The gesture was almost enough to make me feel content enough to sleep myself. 'Almost' I thought.
"How'd you sleep?" I asked.
"Mmm…" she sighed. "Really good all things considered" she said as she pulled my arm even tighter to her chest.
"You make me feel safe somehow" she admitted, causing a swell of pride to rise within me. I was glad I could offer her at least a small level of comfort considering what she had been through.
"I'm glad I can be here for you" I replied honestly. Although, I still wished I could do more for Santana. "Is there anything I get you?" I asked whispering it into her ear gently.
"No, I'm good. I'm more than happy just to lay here with you" she cooed.
We laid like that for a little while, just relaxing into the comfort and silence of having the other person near. It was nice being able to wrap myself around her. She was so warm, and somehow I felt this overwhelming need to protect her from whatever had harmed her.
"I'm sorry…" I said knowing that was all I could really offer her. "I'm sorry some mean person hurt you."
"It's not your fault Brittany" she responded. "It's mine" she said finishing after pausing for a moment.
"How could this possibly be your fault?" I asked. "No one has the right to hurt someone like this."
"Maybe…" she said trailing off.
"No maybe's about it…" I said sternly.
"Before you continue… "Santana said interrupting shifting painfully around within my arms to face me. "You don't really know me Brittany... I chose this."
"You chose to get beat up?" I asked not understanding how that was even possible.
"No, but I chose what caused this" she replied. "Brittany…I'm…" she hesitated again freezing momentarily "a-n escort" she uncharacteristically stuttered out.
"So…" I responded not seeing what the big deal was. "I use escorts all the time. How else do people get around the city if they don't have cars or don't like the smelly subway?"
"Wait…." she said looking confused "huh?"
"Escorts drive me around all the time. In fact an escort drove me over here last night. I will say, you don't seem like an escort. Every time I ride with an escort I always feel like I want curry for dinner when I get out of their cars."
"Brittany…" Santana said drawling out my name "Those are taxi cab drivers. They're not escorts" she said looking at me strangely.
"Then what's an escort?" I asked, struggling to think what an escort could possibly be.
There was silence for awhile and I could tell she was thinking. I only prayed that my confusion wouldn't cause her to lose her nerve and revert back to not wanting to talk about what had happened to her.
She was no longer looking at me which I didn't think was a good sign. Her eyes were darting back and forth between our bodies and everywhere else around the room. 'Please let me in' I thought pleading with my eyes.
Finally after a very long and painful silence she spoke, "Have you ever seen the movie Pretty Woman?"
"Yeah" I replied, unsure of where she was going with this.
"Well, Julia Robert's was an escort" she said.
"Santana…I don't think Julia Roberts drives a taxi."
"NO…" she said covering her eyes frustratingly with her hands. "Being an escort has nothing to do with driving a taxi." Before continuing she paused and sighed again, "Do you remember how Richard Gere's character hired Julia Roberts in the beginning to be his date and then gave her money to have sex with him?"
My eyes focused wide and my mouth fell open as realization dawned on me. "Ohhhh…" I said in response as my brain began to process the new information. 'Whoa, I wasn't expecting that' I thought, fumbling around in my mind for an educated follow up.
Before I could come up with something to add, Santana spoke. "Now you see why this is my fault?" she asked.
"No" I responded without thinking.
"Brittany you don't get it" she huffed clenching her eyes out of frustration.
"NO Santana, you don't get it" I said looking at her sternly. "I see what's going on here. I'm not stupid and no matter what you do, no one has the right to hurt you like this. If you believe you deserve this or caused this in any way than you're the stupid one, not me."
"Brittany…" she began, looking shameful. "I'm sorry if I made you think you're stupid because your not. In fact, you're clearly much smarter than I am, but I'm not sure you understand what I actually do."
"I get it! You're Julia Roberts and you have sex with people who pay you like Richard Gere." I said easily.
Santana's eyes widened in, "W-Well…" she said her voice shaking. "I guess you do get it" she finished looking frightened.
I could feel her heart hammering against my chest and she looked like she wanted to flee, but thankfully she didn't or maybe she couldn't. She took her time before she continued and asked, "Are you okay with this? It isn't like the movies where everything comes up roses and sunshine. This is real life and I would certainly understand if this was too much for you. It is for most people."
I was coming up empty with anything conclusive after thinking for awhile. "Honestly…" I said pausing, "I don't know. I don't know enough about you or your job to know if I can handle it, but what I do know is that I have no right to judge you or what you do. I think you and I have both probably faced enough judgment from people and I don't think you need any more from me. So I can promise that I will try to understand as long as you work with me. I can't understand if you aren't honest, which might mean you have to tell me things that aren't easy."
Santana looked shocked. Her eyes were wide and she was staring right through me. My heart ached knowing the suffering that most likely had been going on within her. 'I guess most people don't bother to get to know her once they find out' I thought. I decided that I wasn't going to be another person that discards her because she's had to make some tough choices. I can try and understand. Hopefully she can be honest with me.
"Santana…" I said trying to break the Latina out of her trance. "Are you okay?"
I was starting to worry that her eyes were stuck in the position they were in since they hadn't moved or even blinked. I remember hearing about a guy back in Lima who got his eyes stuck when he stared too long.
"SANTANA…" I said again this time louder, cupping her bruised cheek gently and hoping her eyes weren't stuck permanently.
She finally blinked in surprise at the contact and still it took her another moment before she spoke. "You're amazing" she finally said focusing on me.
"No I'm not" I said, responding sheepishly to Santana's compliment. The weight of her words and her burning stare were causing me to look away feeling bashful.
"YES you are" she said, pulling my chin back towards her, taking me back to the night we met when she had done the same thing. "Not many people would be willing to try and get to know me after finding out what I do, so thank you for trying to get to know the real me."
I didn't really know how to respond. I'd never really been comfortable with compliments so I said the only thing that came to mind, "You're welcome."
We both sighed in unison making us giggle, acknowledging the awkwardness of the moment.
"So what now?" Santana asked after the momentary chirp of laughter passed.
"I say we give it some time. Something traumatic happened to you and I don't need all the gory details right now. I just want to focus on the problem at hand and that's helping you feel better." I said smiling and trying to move past the weight of Santana's big reveal for at least the time being.
"How are you going to do that?" she asked skeptically. "I already took my pain meds."
"This always makes me feel better when I'm hurt" I said closing the distance between our faces and kissing the bruise gently under her left eye. "Does that hurt?" I asked after pulling back, wanting to make sure I wasn't going to cause her any additional pain if I were to continue.
"No…" she said as her eyes rolled back and her lids noticeably fluttered.
I knew I had done something right given her reaction so I switched to the bruise around her right eye, paying it equal attention by placing a delicate kiss to the darkest area of that bruise.
"How bout that?" I asked again.
"Mmm…" she cooed "it feels nice."
Smiling in response to the way Santana answered I continued to kiss my way around her face. She had bruises everywhere; the bridge of her nose, on both sides of her chin, even up into her hairline and I didn't miss a single one. The kisses were soft and slow so I wouldn't hurt her. I wanted to make her feel good and judging by the look in her eyes I was succeeding.
The last kiss I wanted to apply was to her lips. Her bottom lip had a nasty split running down its length and I didn't want it to break open so I whispered, "don't move", before slowly leaning forward. My bottom lip slowly reached for hers wanting to sooth all her pain and make her realize that she was worth being cared for. This kiss, like the others was gentle, but it had more behind it. Somehow, even though most people would call it nothing more than a peck, it still took my breath away as I pulled back.
I was surprised to realize that she actually listened and didn't kiss me back. So I rewarded her good behavior with another kiss. This time I lingered a little longer than a mere peck, but still I applied zero pressure to her injured lips.
'I don't think I've ever kissed anyone that delicately before' I thought. My lips hovering millimeters above hers, mixing our breath together so that I was unsure if I was breathing in her breath or mine. Her eyes were still closed and I'm sure she wanted to deepen the kiss judging by her soft whimpers and heavy breathing, but she didn't. She allowed me to continue to kiss her without moving even an inch.
Satisfied that I had paid each cut and bruise equal attention I moved lower, my nose grazing along the skin of her neck before placing a short kiss to her t-shirt covered collar bone.
"Lay back" I said pulling away and helping her move so that she was now resting completely on her back. "Where does it hurt?" I asked resting on my elbow.
"Everywhere…" she sighed out causing me to smile knowing it probably didn't hurt everywhere. 'At least she's well enough to try and get me to kiss her everywhere,' I thought, 'She can't be that hurt.'
"Very well…" I said smirking a little. "Let's get this shirt off so I know what areas I need to pay particular attention too."
Carefully, I helped Santana out of her shirt, managing to remove it with only the slightest hint of a groan from the Latina.
'Holy moley' I thought once her shirt had been discarded to the floor finally looking at her heavily bruised torso. It really did look bad and if there was ever a justification for murder I was sure the guy that did this certainly seemed deserving of that fate.
"That looks really painful" I said recoiling.
"You have no idea…" she breathed out making me think it was more due to my tenderness than the actually pain from her injuries.
Thankfully, Santana had a bra on which I was grateful for since my goal in doing this was only to let her know that I cared and that I wanted to help her feel better, not for it to turn sexual. If she didn't have a bra on I knew that would definitely make things a lot more difficult.
Keeping my eyes glued to her body, studying the bruises along her ribs I moved lower, stopping to straddle her mid thigh. I noticed a particularly disgusting looking bruise wrapping around her ribs, curling to her back, deciding to start there I said, "Stay still…" causing her to wordlessly acquiesce with my request.
Taking her response to mean that it was okay to continue, I leaned forward and began kissing along the tender purple flesh of her rib cage. The muscles in Santana's stomach quickly tightened and she let out a moan which I wasn't sure was pleasure or pain.
"Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?" I asked fearing I had hurt her.
"No, please don't stop" she pleaded "It feels really good. I'm just sore that's all. You can keep going."
Noticing her desperation and not wanting to deny her even though I now had some reservations about continuing I carefully leaned in once again with my lips. I peppered delicate kisses even lighter than before along her ribs and stomach until I made it to the waist band of her shorts.
Not sure what to do next I paused and breathed in deeply. Santana noticed the halt in my movement and looked me in the eye. "It's okay" she started to say. "You don't have to go any further. You probably don't even want to anymore after what I told you" she said looking ashamed.
"My God… that is sooo not the reason I stopped." I said reaching up and caressing her cheek and pulling her gaze back towards me. "I want to take off all your clothes and kiss along your entire body tasting you and helping you feel better, but one- I still don't think I'm ready and two- I have a feeling your body is not quite up to that type of strain just yet."
Santana looked disappointed, relieved and amused all at once which made me giggle.
"Your confidence has improved if you think that will cause me to strain" she said giggling as well "I like you when you're cocky."
"It's not really confidence… it's just my observation. I could have sworn you were struggling when I watched you a moment ago and that was only with soft pecks along your body. I think if I were to continue you'd really have to strain to keep your composure" I said winking and trying not to be coy.
"Damn…" Santana said laughing "I just got called out. You totally would turn me into a puddle of Jell-O if you continued so I guess you're right again; unfortunately. We should stop, but I want you to know that I won't be laid up like this for long. So whenever you feel like continuing I will be more than happy to be at your mercy."
"I'll keep that in mind" I said leaning forward and kissing the center of her stomach this time, allowing my tongue to reach out slightly causing Santana to gasp.
"Now that was just mean" Santana said smiling once I sat back up, letting me know that she was being sarcastic. "My mind knows we should stop, but my body has a mind all its own and often times it doesn't agree with my head so you doing that is just giving it false hope and that's just wrong."
"Sorry…" I said laughing "I'll try to control myself."
"Don't try too hard" she said cocking her eyebrow up suggestively.
"Santana…" Tina said flinging the door open startling me "You…" she started to say finally noticing the two of us in bed together. "Oh shit, I'm sorry" she stammered leaving her previous statement unfinished. "I didn't know…" she continued turning to face the door looking embarrassed.
Santana and I both realized that she was close to naked, so I helped her cover herself with the sheet.
"Tina it's okay, you can turn around" Santana said smirking slightly.
"Sorry, I didn't know you were still here Brittany."
"It's okay. I actually should be going I have a ballet class to teach soon." I said looking at the clock and getting out of Santana's bed.
"Take care of yourself and try not to do too much." I said leaning in to kiss Santana's forehead. "I'll call to see how your doing later."
I started to head for the door when I heard Santana call out, "Thanks Britt."
The new nickname made me smile. "You're welcome" I responded, turning to leave and loving the connection we were building.
"It was nice meeting you Tina" I said turning and grabbing the door knob to shut the door behind me.
"You too Brittany" Tina replied.
As I shut the door I heard Tina apologize for walking in without knocking, which made me chuckle, surprisingly not feeling even slightly embarrassed. It wasn't until I shut Santana's apartment door that I realized the full weight of what had just occurred between Santana and I.
'Santana gets paid to have sex with people' I thought, crinkling my brow. 'On the bright side at least she was honest about it before anything really happened and it's not like she's getting paid to sleep with me' I thought while pushing the down button for the elevator.
The elevator doors opened and I walked in as they shut behind me. 'I think I can accept her job if she talks to me about it' I thought.
It wasn't until I was sitting in a taxi on my way to the studio that I actually started to think about what Santana actually did with these other people. 'Oh shit…' I thought, picturing Santana having sex with different people. 'This isn't going to be as easy as I thought. Why couldn't Santana actually be a taxi cab driver?' I thought, looking up at the man behind the wheel.
AN: You know it's trouble when Brittany starts cussing… stay tuned! ;) I wonder how this reveal is going to affect Brittany and Puck. O wait I don't have to wonder… phew! Sorry peps you do. :p
The big reveal is done now comes the hard stuff. What'd you all think? Happy that Brittany didn't blow up and there wasn't a big scene or are you disappointed because you were expecting angst. I hope the former rather than the latter. I was thinking a lot about it and most escort Brittana stories Brittany is the escort and Santana finds out unlike this story. I can totally see Santana not accepting it if Brittany was the escort and making a big scene, but Brittany I just couldn't picture her blowing up about it. She's much more level headed than Santana and less likely to jump to conclusions so I hope it worked for you.
And who among you is ready to sign up to have Brittany as your nurse next time your hurt? ;) ;) Santana is one lucky chick!
Peace out!
Thanks for reading!