A/N ~ do not own Glee or its characters, anyone not on the show I invented.
Rated M: I hope you like it!
Chapter 10 Decisions, Decisions, Decisions
Rachel Berry sat on the balcony of her lonely hotel room looking at the stars. It was 3 am and she had spent the evening having dinner, talking and throwing around song ideas with the three women she loved. Then like every evening for the last two months, she went back to the hotel to sleep alone. It was infuriating, it was heartbreaking. It was driving her fucking crazy. Rachel did crazy very, very well, but she had promised Brittany she wouldn't ever go there; not to that scary, dangerous, dark place that made her run rather than face abandonment.
She wrapped her arms around her middle and hugged herself tightly. Crying softly, she vowed to herself once again to be patient and wait for Quinn to come around. Closing her eyes tightly and sighing anxiously, Rachel acknowledged that it was beyond her capacity to endure waiting for what she wanted without losing her mind. Patience was not among her virtues; but this was for Quinn, Santana and Brittany. This was for the big brass ring; a lifetime of happiness, she had to learn to wait. It wasn't going to be easy. Then again, being Rachel Berry never had been easy.
Her instincts told her to go all out; woo the girl back, hire a sky writer to blaze the words "I love you Quinn" across the sky. She wanted to fill their house with flowers and send her cards and funny presents and prove she loved her and thought of her all the time. Grab her and kiss her senseless. But Rachel sang that song publicly in an attempt to court Quinn and it had proven to be a disaster. Brittany and Santana said to give Quinn time. She had tried for two months without any sign of progress. Rachel Berry was desperate and on the verge of doing something she had been warned against doing.
Unable to stop crying, and unable to sleep Rachel grabbed her cell phone and shot off a text.
Hey you awake? ~ RBB*
She was pleasantly surprised when her phone chimed almost immediately indicating a response.
I am now ; ) u ok short stack?
Rachel smiled and breathed a sigh of relief. She wiped away the tears with her shirt sleeve and typed a reply.
I am now ; ) ~ RBB*
She didn't realize she was holding her breath until the returning text came.
Rough nite dwarf?
It was so selfish to burden Santana with her sadness and loneliness; to ask her for help getting through a rough patch tonight. The Latina couldn't do anything to help her through her despair; she had her own doubts about whether Quinn would ever come around or not. She knew Santana was the self-appointed protector of the foursome, so dealt with that additional pressure on her own. In the end, Rachel gave in to her selfishness and fears and reached out in the dark for comfort to the only person she knew would protect her from herself. Santana was the only one she could trust, the only one strong enough to carry them all through this mess that she had brought on herself and her girlfriends.
Yes and I'm so sorry to bother you San ~ RBB*
A text wasn't immediately forthcoming and Rachel got scared. Maybe San got sick of waiting. Maybe she didn't think Rachel was worth it anymore. Maybe she agreed with Quinn. Maybe she was sick of the drama that always surrounded Rachel Barbra Berry. The chime interrupted her internal nervous breakdown.
Rachel we love you please don't quit on us. B and I are not going anywhere and Q WILL come around. It will all be fine. I swear mi amor.
Rachel sobbed loudly and clapped her hand over her mouth. She had called her Rachel, not Berry, not dwarf, not short stack; just Rachel. Santana was talking to her as her girlfriend. It really would be ok. It calmed her knowing that Santana and Brittany loved her and were waiting just like she was. The Latina wouldn't say something that wasn't true. She cried so hard, her hands shook and her eyes were streaming. It was impossible to text Santana back.
Rachel? Please tell me you are not freaking out right now. B and I need you to be strong baby girl. We won't make it without you. Do not do anything crazy.
Rachel tried to respond, but couldn't get her fingers to cooperate.
Rachel?
30 seconds later…
Rachel Berry?
Another 30 seconds later…
Rachel Barbra Berry? Don't make me drive over there tonight. You will not like what happens when I get there.
Then the phone rang…
Rachel answered it sobbing and let her Latina girlfriend comfort her until she was able to sleep.
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Santana woke up with the bright sunshine in her eyes. She groaned, cracked open one eye and saw she had only been asleep for two hours since hanging up with a distraught Rachel.
She could feel the tall blonde's head on her bare stomach, the fine hair tickling her. Reaching down she stroked her fingers gently through the long locks. Her whole heart and soul were tied up with these three women and had been since high school. It was going to be ok, it had to be ok. She felt the blonde stir beneath her and smiled. The best part of the day was seeing the radiant blonde wake up with a smile that was meant just for her.
"San?" Brittany said softly.
"Yeah baby?"
"Is Rae ok? That was Rae on the phone last night right?" She said, worry clearly evident in her voice.
"Shit baby, I didn't mean to wake you up last night. I'm sorry. She was just sad. Rachel is fine honey; she isn't going anywhere ever again. She told me she swore to you she wouldn't ever leave again. You know Rachel, she isn't a liar. Short stack is just nervous by nature; she's a worrier and a control freak. Don't worry B. I told Rachel and I will tell you, everything is fine. We just have to be patient." She soothed the upset blonde, "Quinn is going to come around." She prayed silently to whoever was listening that was a true statement.
Brittany sat up and smiled ethereally, "Ok San. If you say it's going to be fine, I believe you. I'm going to make some coffee. Do you want some?"
"Yeah B, I'd love some." She shook her head at the blind trust she received from Brittany and Rachel. She kept telling them it was all going to be ok, but she was just as worried as they were. She knew how stubborn Q was. The pressure was starting to get to Santana. It was eating at the natural confidence that had driven the Latina all her life. It pissed her off and made her want to hit things again.
She had sworn to herself that she would not pressure Quinn. This was completely her decision and the Latina and Brittany had vowed to stand by it. The only problem was Rachel herself. The tiny diva had wormed her way back into their hearts. She was a part of their happiness and she was not expendable.
Santana growled loudly out of sheer frustration and rubbed her hands briskly over her face, it was time to talk to Q. She'd had enough time to think. It was time to make a decision. One way or another it was time to make a decision and get on with all their lives. This living in limbo shit was for pussies and Santana Lopez was no pussy.
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Two hours later, Quinn walked into rehearsals. She was clearly in a great mood. Brittany looked over her drum set and met Santana's dark eyes. The Latina shrugged.
"What's up Q? You win the lottery or something?" Santana smirked at her.
Quinn ignored the comment, "I was up all night looking over those lyrics Rachel wrote." She was literally vibrating with excitement, "I wrote the music to go with the lyrics. I think it's good, really good." She shuffled through her music folder and handed over some sheet music to Santana.
Brittany looked at Quinn and smiled widely, "Are you going to sing it for us Q?"
"Absolutely B, I'm going to sing you guys our first number one hit." She looked at San who was perusing the papers, and said thoughtfully, "Can you call Rachel and see if she can come over?"
Santana was shocked, "Really? You'd be ok with her here for rehearsal?"
"It's her song too S, she needs to be here. I changed the bridge a little and I want her to see if she has a better idea. This song is good, really good. I mean it. It could be our ticket to the big time."
Santana nodded becoming all business, "Hey B, call Rachel and tell her to get her ass over here. Q put music to her lyrics and thinks we have our first huge hit song. We need her input."
Brittany grinned from ear to ear, "I'll go pick her up. I want to see the look on her face when I tell her." She jumped up and headed out while an amused Quinn and Santana smiled fondly.
Quinn said sadly, "She's really crazy about Rachel isn't she?"
The Latina looked up and shook her head, "She's in love with her. I'm in love with her and I know for a fact that you are in love with her. So what are you going to do about it?" She finished honestly, looking deep into green and gold eyes that were now flashing angrily.
"No pressure though right San? Totally my decision?" She snapped sarcastically.
Nearly black eyes locked with Quinn's hazel eyes, "Yes, your decision but you need to fucking make one. You have all of us hanging in some kind of limbo here. It's not fair to anyone involved. I gave you my word and I will keep it, no matter your decision. No matter how I feel about Rachel. You need to man up, grow a pair and make a damned decision so we can move on with our life one way or the other." She started to walk out of the room.
"Hey!" Quinn yelled out, "Wait."
Santana stopped and looked back at the girl she loved as much as Rachel and saw her vulnerability and pain. She turned and crossed her arms across her chest and raised an eyebrow in inquiry.
Quinn closed her eyes in pain and then opened them and started to talk, "So she sang to me, her big public apology, and another grand gesture. Big deal, what are we in high school? I get it, really I do. I know she meant it and she's sorry but what's changed really? We opened up to her and got vulnerable, made love to her, accepted her as one of us. Once again, when the going got tough, Rachel got going. She ran away to New York like a child. Life is not a fucking musical; you don't come back, sing a love song and the lovers run into each other's arms in slow motion and live happily ever after."
The Latina nodded, "I know Q, I'm scared of giving my heart to her and having her tear it to shreds again. I mean it is Berry we are talking about and she is a selfish person, it's who she is. But to be fair, in high school, she was a kid; a bullied, tormented and lonely kid, because of us and our clique. I understand why she ran and I can let it go. Besides she already fucking stole my heart back, it's no longer a matter of giving it to her again, she's got it." She laughed wryly, "And life will always be a musical to Rachel. That is never going to change Q. It's part of her damned infuriating charm. B has her innocence and this unwavering belief that people are good, Rachel lives this magical dream life in a movie musical bubble of hope and you have this big fucking heart that hurts for everyone. How am I supposed to not love and protect all of you? I'm the only fucking one with both feet on planet Earth."
Quinn had tears rolling down her cheeks, "Do you want to know what I'm waiting for?" She waited until Santana nodded for her to continue.
"I really need to know, to have it proven to me that she is different, that she has changed. That she doesn't just think about herself, that she doesn't just care about her own selfish needs. That she is capable of putting us first or at the very least equal to her own shining star! I haven't seen that yet, I don't know if we ever will from the girl." She was standing stock still, trying to contain her own volatile emotions. She was speaking in the cold, steely, controlled voice that told the Latina she was desperately trying to stay in control emotionally, "A relationship; one on one, is hard enough San, but the four of us? It's almost impossible as is and that's not counting a crazy Rachel." She finished sadly.
The brunette nodded, "I agreed not to pressure you and I won't but I want to say two things and I'll drop it. The first thing I want to say is I think she has changed. She realized the song was a mistake and she backed way off and gave you space. It's not like her, I was waiting for her to deluge you with charm and gifts and songs and attention. At the very least I was waiting for her to name a star after you or some stupid shit but she hasn't. In my opinion, she is putting you first and respecting your need for safe distance right now. The second thing I want to reiterate is our particular D/D arrangement. Rachel knows it's part of the deal. I think a good spanking or threat of one would keep the crazy to a minimum. Frankly, I'm surprised she's lasted this long without fucking up. Two months, keeping her ass out of trouble has to be a new Berry world record." She scoffed, "What I'm saying is, I think she is different or as different as Rachel Berry is ever going to be. Don't let fear keep you from all the good she has to offer. That's all I'm saying Q. The decision is still yours."
Santana walked away leaving a confused and sad Quinn Fabray standing alone with her fear and desperate feeling of aloneness.
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The foursome had finished the song; music and lyrics. It was good, really good. They had been practicing with the full band and had included Brandi the keyboardist and Melanie the bass player on the song input. They had all worked together to write a few more songs that they could incorporate into a new set list. The band had a slightly different sound but not so radical they would lose their existing fan base. They had wanted to still capitalize on Quinn's enormous sexuality and popularity so most of the songs were geared towards Quinn.
The smaller brunette had written a song though just for Santana. It was bluesy and sexy and captured her essence. It was the perfect song for that deep, smoky, growly voice that was unique to Santana Lopez. She had surprised the trio with the song one night when it was just the four of them. With no fanfare or loud announcement, she sang it directly acapella from the sheet music. Rachel was shy and humble when she finished and went and sat back next to Brittany with her eyes downcast ready to hear their judgment. She was still new and a bit uncertain of her talent as a songwriter.
Brittany's blue orbs shone with adoration, Quinn was speechless and impressed. Santana looked at the diva and tried to hide the desire that had lit her body on fire hearing that song written specifically for her.
"You wrote that for me? You want me to sing that?" She said in a voice husky with lust and emotion.
Brittany looked over and smiled, she knew what Santana was feeling. Quinn smirked and looked away.
Rachel stuttered uneasily, "Only if you want to, I mean it was just an idea I had, a suggestion. I know I'm new to songwriting and as such my freshman efforts, especially without Quinn's beautiful musical melodies to combine with my alliterations, might be left wanting but it was something I couldn't get out of my head. I just wanted to show you how much I appreciate you and your talents as well. I know Quinn is the lead singer and I'm not trying to rock the boat or anything. The last thing I want to be is Yoko or anything, causing dissension among the existing ranks. I mean all three of you are tremendously vocally skilled, especially after years of practice and of course my tutelage in New Directions but….."
Santana stood up and tried to cover the crack in her voice by coughing, "I need something to drink, dry throat, I'll be right back." She hurriedly left the room leaving a nearly devastated Rachel sitting on the couch.
Brittany laughed at the look of anguish on Rachel's face and she put her arm around the smaller girl and hugged her into her side, "She loved it silly, that's why she had to go into the kitchen. She didn't want you to see her cry."
Rachel quickly looked to Quinn for confirmation. The punk singer smirked at the diva and nodded her agreement, "It was a beautiful song Rach. It's perfect for San. We could add one or two more for her as well. Something along a Janis Joplin, Amy Winehouse, Bonnie Raitt, Joss Stone feel to it. I think it will assimilate well with our current new songs and new act. That is if this song wasn't a fluke and you think you can come up with some more bluesy rock tunes?" She challenged, knowing that would motivate the diva even more.
Brittany looked over the auburn locks of the diva and winked at Quinn, who just rolled her hazel eyes and shook her head fondly. Quinn started making song suggestions, getting right to business again but only to hide how deeply moved she was by Rachel's thoughtfulness towards their Latina girlfriend.
Soon the new and improved Unholy Trinity was ready to unveil to the public. They had continued to play small local bars and stages with the old set list until they found a larger venue that was suitable for the big reveal as Rachel called it.
The diva had made good on her promise to use her connections and had found a band willing to let them be their opening act at The House of Blues show. She had worked tirelessly to promote the gig. The diva had talked the band into cutting a CD with a mix of the new music to sell at their big show. Brittany designed new T-shirts with a new logo for the band. Santana practiced her bluesy riffs until her fingers bled and Quinn hadn't taken a drink in two months. Everyone was excited about the new songs. The rehearsals had an air of excitement around them. Word had spread around Akron and Cleveland that Unholy Trinity was going places and the local rock media even picked up on it. Quinn and Santana had been approached about interviews but they deferred to Rachel and she became unofficially known as the band manager and media representative. She had been on Broadway and that was a big deal. It made her a minor celebrity in Akron, Ohio. Things were coming together in a good way for the group.
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The night before the gig, rehearsals went really well, everyone was relaxed and loose. After numerous play throughs, they found a set list order that worked for them. They were a no frills rock and roll band, so they didn't worry about pyrotechnics or flash, they let their talent speak for itself.
Brittany cracked everyone up when she asked Quinn is she was wearing her strap-on for tomorrow's show. Rachel very seriously insisted that she must, her groupies would expect it. She tried to stamp down the feelings of jealousy that arose from just thinking about those girls who would flock around her girlfriends' tomorrow evening. Rachel silently scolded herself to remain professional.
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The next night, the band was on the stage playing the intro to one of their popular opening songs, they were in the dark surrounded by pink smoke. The lasers were swirling dizzily around the stage and the audience was hushed in eager anticipation. Just then a blinding spotlight hit the stage revealing Quinn and the sold out crowd went wild. "Q,Q,Q,Q,Q,Q,Q,Q,Q!" They were screaming madly. Stomping their feet. The noise was deafening.
The new songs were well received. Santana received almost as much frenzy from the audience as Quinn did and Rachel was backstage feeling the high as if she had been on stage herself.
She had cold water and towels for everyone as they walked off the stage looking jubilant. They could feel it; they were a success tonight, a big one.
Rachel led them into the cramped dressing room reserved for the opening act and was congratulating everyone. She was almost as excited as she had been when her off Broadway play had opened, almost. Looking around, she noticed in the excitement Quinn had not made it to the dressing room. Worried that she had been waylaid by some groupies who had made it backstage, she went looking for her.
She made eye contact with Dougie, the big gentle ex-biker who was in love with all the girls and guarded them from overzealous fans. He nodded and made his way over to her, wading through the excited band members who were hugging and clapping each other on the back.
Dougie was at least two feet taller than Rachel and he scoured the hallway looking for the missing singer.
Unfortunately Rachel saw her first; she was over by the men's room door talking to Jesse St. James. Actually, if the tiny diva had stopped and taken a moment to notice the singer's demeanor, she would have noticed Quinn giving the man a piece of her mind.
All Rachel saw was the sleazy would be manager and promoter near her Quinn. She remembered the night he gave her heroin. It brought back the pain and memories of Santana describing how they had nearly lost Quinn previously to drugs and despair. Gone were Brittany's and Santana's warnings about fighting, gone was her composure and completely gone was her patience.
Dougie looked down curiously when he heard a sound like a bear growling coming from the slight brunette. He was taken by surprise when she quickly launched herself down the hallway like a missile. He was kind of shocked by how fast she was and it dazed him before he could take off after her.
She was at a full run when she broadsided Jesse St. James with a hit that would have made many a quarterback cringe. Quinn was shocked past words as Rachel was yelling and pummeling the loser. Not wanting Quinn in danger, Dougie grabbed her and turned his back to the fight, moving the singer out of what he perceived to be the line of fire.
Finally coming to her senses Quinn yelled, "Not me Dougie, get Rachel. Grab her before that asshole hurts her." She said frantically.
In the midst of all the noise and confusion, the rest of the band made its way into the hallway and was astounded to see diminutive Rachel Berry kicking the snot out of Jesse St. James. Because of the crowd that had gathered and the cheering onlookers, Dougie, Quinn, Santana and Brittany were all pushed away from Rachel.
Rachel and Jesse had regained their feet and she was throwing roundhouse punches at his head and face as Jesse was hunched over trying to block the blows. The air was blue with the words coming out of Rachel's sweet mouth and the Unholy Trinity was shocked at this version of Rachel they had never seen before.
Having seen enough, Santana angrily forced her way through the crowd. She grabbed the fist swinging diva by the waist and dragged her into the empty men's room. Brittany and Quinn quickly joined them as Dougie stood guard outside the door giving them privacy.
Rachel was heaving, trying to catch her breath. Tears of rage were pouring down her cheeks. She was quaking with emotion and adrenaline.
Santana was furious, "Are you out of your fucking mind? He is twice your size; he could have really hurt you." She yelled loudly, startling the tiny brunette.
Brittany grabbed some paper towels and wet them with cold water and tsked as she gently cleaned Rachel's knuckles noticing how swollen and bruised they were going to be very soon.
"I can't believe you didn't remember what I told you would happen if you punched Jesse. We talked about this Rachel. You are in so much trouble." Brittany softly scolded the emotional diva.
"He was going to hurt Quinn. I mean he did before, I couldn't let him hurt Quinn again." Rachel said sorrowfully, "If I'm in trouble for that then I gladly accept whatever punishment I have coming to me. You can paddle me every day for a week and I still would do the same thing. It isn't about me. No way was I going to let that drug pushing loser anywhere near our girl."
The Latina angrily stared down the diva, "Once again your flair for the dramatics has written a check your ass can't cash. I don't think we need to paddle you for a week but you are in huge trouble Rachel Barbra Berry. B and I both warned you about what would happen if you got into it with Jesse." She sighed and tried to harness her anger and worry, "Now I have to try to explain why our band and media manager just kicked the shit out of Jesse St. Douchebag in public." She turned and glared at Q and then back at Rachel, "Madre de Dios, can't we just have one gig where someone doesn't lose their fucking mind and need to be spanked afterwards?" She shouted waving her arms around the air.
Quinn and Rachel both looked crestfallen as they watched her storm angrily out of the room.
Brittany engulfed Rachel in her arms, "You can't scare us like that. We can't lose you Rachel. San is right, Jesse is a sleazebag, and he could have hurt you." She looked over Rachel's head at a crestfallen Quinn, "You either Q, why were you talking to Jesse anyway?"
"I'm sorry B, he grabbed me and dragged me over to the men's room to make me some half assed offer. I was telling him off and threatening him with a restraining order when Mighty Mouse made her appearance."
Brittany giggled cutely, "I shouldn't be laughing, I'm still angry with you Rachel, but Mighty Mouse is a good nickname for you." She kissed Rachel on the top of her head, "I have to go find San and make sure she doesn't hurt anyone." She walked to the door and then looked back sternly at Rachel, "I am very disappointed in you Rachel. You are in very big trouble." She uncharacteristically narrowed her eyes at the diva. Rachel felt butterflies in her stomach and a jolt of something hit her at her core. She didn't understand how she could feel something almost like anticipation at being threatened by a spanking.
Quinn stood there silently for almost a full three minutes, which felt like a lifetime and a half to Rachel. Finally the singer walked over and took the diva in her arms, "Thank you for protecting me." She whispered in her ear, causing the brunette to break out in goose bumps. She wrapped her arms around Quinn's waist and nestled her head into her chest. It felt like home. It was the most intimate and unguarded they had been with each other since high school.
"Did you mean what you said, that it wasn't about you? You called me your girl, did you mean it Rachel?" Quinn continued in a soft comforting tone of voice, anxious for an answer.
Warm, shining pools of melted chocolate stared up into Quinn's eyes, so full of emotion, the punk singer felt her heart crack open and some of her fear and anger escaped, "Oh Quinn I've loved you nearly all my life and Santana and Brittany since high school. It's all about you. I trust that you wouldn't do drugs tonight or get drunk or go with Jesse. I believe in you sweetheart. I was just appalled that he like he had the right to talk to you at all after last time. I don't care about what happens to me. I would kill anyone that threatened any of my girls." She sobbed breathlessly.
Quinn leaned down slowly and carefully placed her soft pink lips on the diva's, kissing her delicately, almost reverently. Rachel stood up on her toes to kiss Quinn back. She closed her eyes and saw fireworks play behind her eyelids and yearned for a deeper connection. Pushing her body closer against Quinn's, she deliberately bit the singer's lower lip.
The punk singer growled and returned the kiss with fervor and passion. She could taste the salty tears on Rachel's lips and suddenly she wanted to taste all of her again. It had been so long.
The diva opened her mouth without prodding and attacked Quinn's eager tongue. They tasted each other as they hungrily devoured each other's mouths. Someone moaned; Rachel didn't know if it was her or Quinn but it made her legs go weak at the knees. The only sounds in the room were the moans and pants as the women showed each other the love they felt for each other.
They were startled by a hand slapping the wall and they broke apart breathlessly. They saw an amused Santana leaning against the wall with her arms crossed, "Not the most sanitary of places to make out, but who am I to judge." She shrugged, "The only problem is we have a few drunks out there who need to piss and Dougie can't hold them back anymore. So can you too keep your clothes on, we have a second act to play?"
Quinn and Rachel blushed mightily as Brittany winked at them both and followed a smug Santana out of the men's room.
Rachel turned to Quinn, "Can you ever forgive me for hurting you? I'll try never to do it again. I'm your friend first but I will love all of you until the day I die." She said sincerely.
"I already have Rachel. I already have. I want to spend the rest of my life with all of you. Can you ever forgive me?"
Big brown eyes looked shocked, "Whatever for?"
"For almost giving up one of the loves of my life out of fear." She said tearfully.
Rachel smiled gently and patted her forearm, "I already have Quinn, I already have."
Quinn smiled angelically as she leaned over and kissed Rachel on the nose cutely, "Welcome home princess, welcome home."
Rachel placed her small delicate hand in Quinn's warm one as they started to follow the other girl's. The diva stopped suddenly at the door.
"What is it Rach?" Quinn said lightly.
"You don't really think San was serious do you? I mean she wouldn't really spank me for protecting you would she?" She questioned apprehensively. Her anxiety levels increasing seeing the amused Fabray eyebrow snake its way halfway to her hairline.
"Brittany warned you about hitting Jesse?"
Rachel nodded slowly.
"And Santana told you the rules that include no fighting?"
Rachel grimaced and nodded again.
"She told you the consequences of breaking the rules?" Quinn said firmly.
"Oh boy, I'm really going to get it aren't I?" Rachel squeaked.
Quinn chuckled in amusement, "Oh yeah, you are definitely gonna get it princess. Don't worry, you'll survive." She half dragged the reluctant brunette out of the safety of the men's room.
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To be continued…. Thanks for reading…. Let me know what you think of the big reunion…