-Tell Me Tomorrow-
'But they all couldn't see
the little bit of sadness in me.'
-Chapter Ten: Et Patri et Filii-
Grimmjow rolled to his side, sculpting himself to the other warm body in the bed. He blinked several times, realizing that the strawberry was still with him. He sighed in contentment, hugging Ichigo closer to himself until his morning wood was poking Ichigo firmly in the ass.
"You might want to take care of that," Ichigo mumbled sleepily, his hips moving of their own accord and making Grimmjow groan.
A dull white light filtered through the horizontal blinds of the window, announcing the start of a new day. It was bitter cold, but there would probably be no snow that year. Grimmjow didn't want to move. He was perfectly content here in his bed next to the berry.
His lower body wasn't complaining either.
"Hey," Grimmjow said, his voice still tinged with sleep. Ichigo slowly turned his body to face Grimmjow, his honey eyes making Grimmjow's heart stutter. A shaft of light flickered over his gorgeous orange hair, the few cinnamon-colored freckles that were sprinkled across his cheekbones and the crest of his nose giving Grimmjow the impulse to lean forward and kiss them.
So he did. Quick pecks along his cheeks, making Ichigo close his eyes, his long lashes sweeping across his cheeks. His face was reddening, which only made Grimmjow want to kiss him more.
Grimmjow finally kissed him on the lips, taking his time. Ichigo responded immediately and eagerly, his fingers beginning to run along Grimmjow's chest and down his arms, making Grimmjow groan again, cupping Ichigo's face between his hands.
"Really," Ichigo breathed, one of his hands moving beneath the waistband of the front of Grimmjow's boxers, "You really need to take care of this."
Grimmjow sucked in a breath as Ichigo's hand gripped the base of Grimmjow's cock, nearly making him buck.
"Ichigo," he grit out, grasping at Ichigo's wrist and meeting his eyes.
Ichigo kissed Grimmjow quickly again, his face serious, "Can I?"
Grimmjow breathed in and out through his nose several times, closing his eyes before looking at Ichigo again, "Is it weird that I want you to?"
Ichigo smirked, tightening his grip and twisting his wrist, enjoying Grimmjow's shudder, "We have to start somewhere, don't we?"
"I feel like a fucking virgin," Grimmjow grumbled, making Ichigo smile like an idiot.
God, if he smiles like that, I don't care how stupid I sound.
"Lay back," Ichigo commanded, shifting his body so Grimmjow could lay flat on his back, "Just relax. You can tell me to stop if…you don't want me to."
Grimmjow almost scowled, "Baka."
XXX
Ichigo lay on top of him, nipping kisses down his face, across his chin, down his neck, making his way towards his breastbone when Grimmjow hummed with contentment. He didn't want to stop. He didn't know if he could stop.
Ichigo had moved his way down Grimmjow's chest, dipping his tongue into Grimmjow's belly button, his fingers scratching at the boxer material. Ichigo had just begun to push the material down when he felt Grimmjow's hand in his hair, pulling slightly and yanking his head up.
"Ichigo," Grimmjow said, his voice husky as he breathed, looking at Ichigo with what could only be worried eyes.
"I want to," Ichigo murmured, placing a kiss at the left hollow between Grimmjow's hip and pelvic bone, "Please, Grimmjow. Trust me."
XXX
Trust? As if Grimmjow had ever trusted anybody in his life.
But he couldn't doubt the sincerity in the berry's eyes, in the sound of his words. His cock was aching for attention, straining beneath the confining material, Ichigo's fingers teasing his pelvic bone, so close and yet so far away, his breath actually reaching Grimmjow's cock through the material.
Trust. Trust. He did trust Ichigo. He knew that. And he was aroused; he knew that as well. He knew that Ichigo wanted him, wanted him bad enough to have confessed that he wanted Grimmjow inside of him. He wasn't ready for that, not yet, but he felt almost a sense of relief as he realized eventually that it would happen. Not tonight, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not even a year from now, but he would, and he'd enjoy it. He liked everything about the vizard, from the tips of his orange hair to his slim fingers, from his attitude to his sarcasm. He wasn't afraid to fight, so why was Grimmjow afraid to feel?
Grimmjow stiffened slightly as he felt Ichigo's fingers move again, tugging harder on the material, his aching cock springing forth. He wanted to be embarrassed, but he wasn't. He should have been running away, but he wasn't.
Grimmjow arched his back when he felt Ichigo grip the base of his cock and take a tentative lick at the head, precum beading at the tip. His hand began to move slowly as if massaging, his tongue flicking out again for another taste. His hot breath huffed out, making Grimmjow's toes curl.
XXX
Ichigo was a virgin. He'd never kissed a boy before Grimmjow. Had never really even looked at a boy before Grimmjow, so it was polite to say he had never touched another cock besides his own before Grimmjow.
He hadn't known it would be so…so…simple. The taste, the feel; neither aspect was repulsive. In fact, Ichigo found himself marveling at the weight of it, the heat of it, the way it pulsed in his hand and against his tongue. He grew more bold, taking the head into his mouth and laving it with his tongue before grasping the base more firmly, feeling more confident. His own length was straining as he heard Grimmjow groan deep in his throat, sending shivers down Ichigo's spine. He released Grimmjow for a moment, a trail of saliva stretching from the bulbous head to his swollen lips.
I want Grimmjow. I love Grimmjow.
Love. Shit. He should have been freaking out. Maybe he wanted to throw up. The butterflies in his stomach and the throbbing in his cock kept him from thinking too much longer about it.
Fuck it. He was already screwed. In over his head, and he didn't care.
He swallowed as much of Grimmjow's cock as he could without alerting his gag reflex, ridiculously delighted when Grimmjow's hips flexed upwards as he gasped.
"Ichigo," he breathed, making Ichigo even more determined in his task.
He hollowed his cheeks, trying to concentrate on what he thought would feel good. He continued to suck, bobbing his head slightly as he stroked what he couldn't swallow with a hand while his other began to caress Grimmjow's balls.
Ichigo had never heard Grimmjow whine before, and it excited him. He sucked harder, longer, bobbed his head more vigorously until he thought he would choke, Grimmjow's hips trying desperately to bring on his impending release.
Ichigo hummed in contentment, and that was all it took.
Ichigo felt hot cum shoot into the back of his throat and he gagged slightly, unfamiliar with the taste. It was salty, but not exactly bad. It wasn't good either, so he pulled his mouth back slightly, the rest beginning to pool in his mouth. He closed his eyes and swallowed, then swallowed again, his throat constricting. He was surprised how tender his lips felt, like he had been scrubbing them with sandpaper. He grasped Grimmjow's dick carefully, sliding his fingers along the cum and spit that had accumulated and unceremoniously wiped it on his own boxers. He hadn't managed to swallow it all, but he would probably be able to do it the next time.
Grimmjow was still breathing quite heavily, his post-orgasmic face making Ichigo's dick twitch. He was painfully hard, but he knew Grimmjow wasn't ready for that. Not yet anyway. He could be patient.
He tucked Grimmjow's cock back into his boxers and laid down beside him, forced to cuddle close due to the size of the bed. Grimmjow pulled the sheet back over them.
Ichigo just stared at him, wondering how someone could have eyes so blue and be human. They were eyes that belonged to mythology, to the gods themselves. And to think, a few months ago he'd simply been staring at them from across a classroom, trying to understand why he felt so guilty staring at the delinquent at all.
Grimmjow sighed, pulling Ichigo closer to him, until their skin radiated with each other's body heat, "I can't believe you swallowed."
Ichigo snorted. Leave it to Grimmjow to ruin a dramatically romantic moment, "Neither can I."
They had this. They still had that companionship, that easy-going friendship. They could joke, they could tease, but they could also be more than that.
"I almost went blind," Grimmjow complained, making Ichigo chuckle. He slapped Grimmjow's shoulder before they both fell into silence.
One of Grimmjow's large hands fell on the front of Ichigo's boxers, making him hiss. He was still painfully hard and he hadn't counted on Grimmjow noticing.
Ichigo stared at Grimmjow with startled eyes, suddenly feeling awkward and unsure of himself. Grimmjow's face transformed into a grin, one blue eyebrow crooked, "Need a hand, Ichi?"
Ichigo snorted and they laughed together, at least until Ichigo realized Grimmjow had moved his hand through the crease in his boxers and was currently rubbing his palm against a certain tender member.
"S-shit," Ichigo panted, Grimmjow still smiling.
"Why are you smiling, ass hole?" Ichigo gritted out, feeling unnaturally violent in that moment.
Grimmjow's eyes sucked him in again, making him shut up, "Shut up, Ichi."
Ichigo had no choice, as his vocal chords seemed to be severed as Grimmjow's hand gripped him like iron and began to move quickly, too quickly as he kissed him.
I'm on fire. Flames everywhere.
His hips jerked sporadically as Grimmjow's thumb pressed against his weeping tip, making him whine as Grimmjow's breath was suddenly in his ear.
"Come on, Ichi," he whispered.
And Ichigo came, came so hard when he opened his eyes all he saw was white spots. Ichigo lay there, a puddle of warm goo as he watched Grimmjow retract his hand, staring at the slight bit of cum that had accumulated on his fingers.
Ichigo's eyes widened in shock and horror, his mouth in an O as he watched Grimmjow tentatively take a lick.
Grimmjow's face contorted like he had just sucked on a lemon, making Ichigo bark with uncontrollable laughter.
"That…tastes…" Grimmjow licked his lips despite himself, "nothing like strawberries. Fucking disgusting."
Ichigo had tears in his eyes as they laughed together, Grimmjow shoving him off of the bed and making Ichigo hit the floor with enough force to wake the dead, or at least the neighbors.
The boys were just zipping up their jeans when they heard Kenpachi start raving in the kitchen, making Ichigo flinch.
"Are ya really that scared of him?" Grimmjow asked, looking at Ichigo with a smirk.
"D-did…you tell him?" Ichigo pulled his t-shirt over his head, anxious.
Grimmjow smirked, "Nah. I chickened out."
"What the hell?" Ichigo looked at Grimmjow with wide eyes, slapping him on the shoulder, "And now I gotta…I gotta do the WALK OF SHAME?"
Grimmjow leered at him, stepping forward, holding his face in his hands and kissing him on the forehead, "Come on, Ichi. You have no problem being cornered in a dark alley full of thugs, but one, little old man scares you shitless?"
"Little?" Ichigo's voice cracked noticeably, "Baka, the man could eat me alive! Of all the dads to pick in Japan, why'd it have to be him?"
Grimmjow grinned crookedly, making Ichigo's fears die, "Because he's the best there is. Come on."
XXX
"Yachi, if you don't stop feeding butter to the cat, I'm gonna duct tape you to the roof!" Kenpachi boomed, currently holding a small, sleek grey cat with intelligent dark eyes.
"But Pantera loves it!" Yachiru whined, still holding a stick of butter she had rummaged from the fridge earlier as she stared petulantly at the cat her father had just commandeered.
"Come on, hurry up. Your mom's here to take you to day care."
"Hooray!" she squealed, running into the living room area to grab her sparkly pink backpack with Nel on her heels.
A car horn honked from outside again, more impatient, making Kenpachi sigh again as Grimmjow and Ichigo entered the kitchenette, Grimmjow going straight for the fridge and pulling out a bottle of orange juice.
"Bye bye Kenny!" Yachiru and Nel called, slamming the door behind them. Kenpachi went to the window to make sure the girls got to the car all right. He had the urge to flip off his ex-wife, but it wasn't really worth it.
He turned and made his way back to the dining room, plopping down in his usual chair, staring at his untouched pancakes, "So, when did'ja boys start fuckin'?"
Ichigo had just gotten a glass of orange juice from Grimmjow. Now most of it was covering the front of his shirt, as he had gagged and spit it out the second Kenpachi had opened his mouth.
"Since this morning," Grimmjow said with a smug grin that made Ichigo want to punch his lights out.
"How long you been together?"
Grimmjow didn't even look at Ichigo as he answered, "Almost three months."
Ichigo finally took a breath of air, remembering his lungs needed the stuff. So Grimmjow had been paying that much attention? It'd been four months since they'd officially met and three months since their first kiss. Ichigo didn't know whether to hug him or punch him at the moment.
Ichigo felt his legs shaking as Kenpachi cocked his head to the side, his broad shoulders bunching and contracting as he regarded the two teenage boys, his silver eyes so scary Ichigo wanted nothing more in that moment than to melt through the floor and disappear forever.
"And when were you plannin' on tellin' me?" Kenpachi said, digging into his pancakes, "Next year, or after I'm old and blind?"
"You're already old, and I just did," Grimmjow said, shrugging his shoulders, "Ichigo and me are together. Got a problem with that?"
Ichigo had to brace the side of the countertop to keep from falling over. He seriously felt like he was going to throw up.
Kenpachi's face split into a shark-like smile after chewing on a particularly huge piece of pancake dipped in syrup, "Three fuckin' months, huh? Never seen ya with someone for more than three minutes. I'm impressed."
XXX
It took days, days for Ichigo to get over how Grimmjow had confronted Kenpachi. The man was still scary as hell, but Ichigo felt a little bit better knowing the man didn't give a shit about Grimmjow's sexual orientation. He'd even admitted to 'experimenting' in college, but he'd given that up to go back to 'reliable pussy.' Whatever the hell that meant.
School was a flurry of exams and students itching to be released for the winter holidays. Ichigo actually allowed himself to be thrown back into his studies, concentrating hard on doing well on the exam so that he could focus on what exactly he would do for Christmas with Grimmjow. It wasn't like he'd asked Grimmjow about it yet, but he was hoping the blue-haired delinquent wanted to spend time with him.
XXX
Stark stepped out of the shower, drying himself quickly before wrapping a towel around his waist and wandering into his bedroom. He was angry, and more importantly, he was growing impatient.
His previous plan had failed. Technically, his previous plan had not been able to be performed as he had intended. Complications had risen, and Stark had decided to save the assassination of Aizen for another time, another time when the man was more vulnerable.
A time when he was thoroughly distracted.
Stark pulled out his cell, speed-dialing three.
His trustworthy friend picked up on the third ring. Stark ignored the other male voice in the background. Obviously he was interrupting something, but this was much more important than whatever he had interrupted. His friend knew that.
Stark sighed, running a hand through his wet hair, "I need your help."
XXX
Six days before Christmas, Grimmjow found himself standing on that abandoned stoop, sighing. He hadn't planned on coming here again, but his mind refused to be at rest without knowing that his mom was okay. She was a shitty mother but Grimmjow couldn't just abandon her, even though every bone in his body told him otherwise.
Nel had stopped asking. Grimmjow didn't know whether to feel guilty or not.
Grimmjow touched the handle, his brow furrowing when the door pushed open with barely a tap.
His heart sank when he saw the latch had been destroyed. That took a bit of force. Only a solid kick could do damage like that. Shit.
He stepped inside, wary. He walked down the hallway, passing the leaky kitchen and ignoring the odor of rank garbage. He passed a broken chair and shattered glass crunched under his worn out shoes, wondering where it had come from. Some of it was colored, like glass liquor bottles.
"Mom," he called, thankful he had come in the afternoon and not at night so that he could see properly. When he reached his mother's door, it was open.
He stepped inside, controlling his breathing through his nose, trying to stay composed.
The mattress had been sliced and ripped open, the bureau drawers smashed and left broken on the floor. A few floorboards had been ripped out, and the few pictures that had been hung on the wall were now trashed on the floor, the shattered glass looking like dew on smiling faces.
There was no point in looking. She wasn't here.
More importantly, she'd never be back.
She wasn't dead, at least not yet, anyway. She'd left, left before she could be evicted, and some teenage ass holes had decided to clean house, although there had been nothing of value to take. Nothing but empty liquor bottles and a few useless photographs of a life that was a lie.
Grimmjow stooped down to pick up one of the shattered picture frames that had been lying face down, careful to brush the glass away before studying it. It had been his mother's favorite, the only photo that she had ever seemed to care about. Grimmjow had caught her staring at it with a dreamy expression many times when she had been drunk.
Dietrich Jaegerjaques stared back at him, his arm around Grimmjow's mother, her face youthful and exciting. Her long black hair was pulled back and plated, her grey and pink kimono looking inexpensive but appropriate. Grimmjow swallowed, feeling a lump in his throat. They had never had much, but Dietrich had always made sure his wife looked beautiful, at least in the beginning.
Grimmjow didn't stare at the baby in his mother's arms for too long. He couldn't have been more than a few months, his annoyingly blue hair in magical tufts on his head, his blue eyes dark as he stared back at his older self.
"He loved you."
His mom's words rang in his ears as he continued to stare at the photo, getting angrier by the second.
"I see Dietrich Jaegerjaques in you, boy."
Grimmjow's head jolted up, his mind racing a mile a minute. His mother never kept valuables in her bedroom. If she'd left anything, the delinquent thieves never would have found it, not with how paranoid his mother had been. He practically ran to the kitchen which had also been destroyed. All the cabinets were missing their covers, the drawers lying out on the floor, the refrigerator door hanging open. It didn't matter, though: the power had been out for weeks and there was nothing to eat in it anyway.
He opened the freezer, clawing at the ice box, ripping it out with ferocity. He threw it on the counter, pulling the trap door open, a small clear sake bottle rolling out.
For a moment Grimmjow was confused. It looked like a piece of paper was rolled up inside, like those messages in bottles he had heard in story books that were usually found in the ocean. He popped the cork on the bottle and pulled the paper out, something with weight sliding out of the middle of the rolled up parchment.
He shivered as he stared at the small silver locket, the only jewelry his mother had owned besides her coveted wedding ring. It was a simple rectangle silver locket with an inlaid circle which was supposed to represent eternity, a small cheap green stone glinting within the circle. He had never seen his mother without it. She wore it constantly, her fingers always rubbing against it when she was worried or upset. She'd touch it when she cried. The silver was so tarnished from wear, age, and rubbing that it looked like an antique.
He pried it open, his insides burning as he stared at the microscopic inscription in kanji. It looked like it had been scraped in, not bought or engraved.
Grimmjow read it several times, trying to understand its meaning: Neliel Tu Oderschvank.
Grimmjow dropped it to the counter, stepping back and away, feeling nauseated. He sank to the dirty floor, feeling like his head was going to split in half.
What the fuck does that mean? What does that mean? What does it mean?
Angry, he grabbed the rolled paper, his eyes scanning over it quickly:
Didn't know if you'd come back. I know you're angry. You have questions. But I'm not coming back. I can't think about those things now. Your father gave me this pendant. I've never taken it off until now. I never knew what to put in it until your sister was born. I carved her name into it with a needle after she was born. Your father knew. That's why he left. When that baby came out with sea green hair, he knew what I had done. I ruined us. I was weak. But she's your Nel, after all. You'll never find her father. Trust me. He's gone and buried. It's better off that way, don't you think? The only real father she's ever had is you.
Grimmjow's eyes were burning by this point, but he had to finish it. His fingers were clenching the paper so tightly he almost ripped it in half:
I'm sorry. I know it means nothing coming from me, but I am. I'm sorry I was a weak wife, a shitty mother. I love you, my baby blue boy. I love you so much that I lost track of who or what I was. What I had done to tear apart our family…I will never forgive myself. I don't want you to forgive me, either. It's the least I can give you, Grimm. You deserve a good life with your sister. I just wanted to tell you the truth, even though the truth was never spoken.
Do not forgive me. You swore to me that you would make Nel forget my name. Keep your promise, Grimmjow. -Mom
That was it. That was all.
Grimmjow dropped the paper on the floor, listening to it flutter as he wandered back to his mother's bedroom, his hands on either side of the hallway, his mind numb.
He circled her room several times, staring at the destruction, wondering who had trashed the place like this, why the landlord wasn't here taping the place down and locking shit up. It was empty. It had always been empty, even when people had been living in it.
Lives had been empty.
"Fuck!" Grimmjow screamed, slamming his fist into the dry wall. Anger coursed through his veins. He punched the wall again with more force, satisfied when his fist went straight through the cracked drywall and white powdery dust began to shower him, settling in his hair and attacking his eyes.
He could feel it clouding over his skin, settling in his clothing. He continued to punch, both fists now, destroying the wall until he was nearly driven mad by his father's voice in his head.
He was eight years old, watching his father punch a wall in one of their many apartments they had lived in. Grimmjow hadn't even flinched. He'd seen his father punch through dry wall several times in his life already. Didn't help that his father was piss-ass drunk.
He was yelling about something, but Grimmjow couldn't remember. It had to be about bills, about money. Everything was about money, especially since Dietrich loved to gamble. He gambled what they didn't have. He'd pawned his wedding ring a long time ago to pay off a debt.
"Fuck!" Dietrich had screamed, punching the wall one more time before looking at his young son, his nostrils flaring as he tried to control his breathing.
"What the fuck are you looking at, boy?" he growled in German.
"Why are you angry daddy?" Grimmjow had asked.
"Why?" Dietrich said, coming closer to his son, "WHY?"
Grimmjow had whined when his father had grabbed him by the elbows, shaking him, "Daddy, you're hurting me…!"
Slap. Slap slap slap.
"Don't talk back to me, boy!" he spat in Grimmjow's face, finally releasing him. Grimmjow stumbled back, his mother yelling as she came towards the kitchen, her fist raised to strike Dietrich on the back.
He turned on her, hitting her so hard the sound haunted Grimmjow for days.
"Shut up!" Dietrich screamed, watching her cower on the floor.
Dietrich got back in Grimmjow's face again. He must have said something, but he didn't remember now. Dietrich's stale breath assaulted him, making him squirm, "Don't you dare cry, boy.
Don't you dare fucking cry. You're a man, not a baby. Don't you dare fucking cry."
And Grimmjow hadn't. Grimmjow had learned to never cry. Grimmjow couldn't remember a time he had ever cried, and it made him feel extremely ill in his stomach.
The memory ended as he stared at his bleeding knuckles, taking several steps back as his feet crushed more glass. His mother's words were in his head now.
"I see Dietrich Jaegerjaques in you, boy."
"No," Grimmjow murmured, beginning to pick up the few photos his mother had owned, "No."
When he had them all, he went back to the kitchen, pulling a lighter out of his pocket and setting them on fire, dropping them in the empty sink. He watched them burn, the smiling happy faces contorting into black, twisted monsters. That was their true faces. That's what they had always been all along.
He had the letter poised for destruction, his lighter hovering, ready.
He shoved the necklace and the letter in his pocket, wandering out of the apartment in a fog.
He wandered the streets until it was pitch black. He didn't know how much time had passed, he didn't care. He needed…he needed someone.
Numbly, he pulled his cell phone from his pocket, realizing he had wandered to the complete opposite side of town.
Ichigo picked up on the second ring, "I was just about to call you. I was, um, well I was wondering if you had plans with Kenpachi's family for Christmas or not, because my dad said it was okay if you wanted to –"
Grimmjow rested against the side of a building, "Ichigo."
Ichigo stopped his rant, obviously picking up on Grimmjow's tone, "Grimm? Are you okay?"
Grimmjow closed his eyes, "Can I come over?"
"Right now?"
"Yeah."
Grimmjow had checked the time on his phone. It was nearly midnight. On a school night, no less. He had no business disrupting Ichigo or his family at a time like this.
"Absolutely."
XXX
Ichigo had crept into Isshin's room to warn him that a friend was coming over to spend the night. His father had been pretty out of it, so Ichigo was glad that his father tended to go to bed early. He agreed to anything and didn't ask too many questions when he was woken abruptly. It took him a ridiculously long time to function after waking up. He'd pretty much started snoring again before Ichigo had left the room.
Ichigo had already been in his pajamas, comfy sweatpants and a white wife beater. It was freezing outside but the house was warm. He didn't even need socks as he padded around on the wood flooring, waiting for Grimmjow to arrive.
He tried not to panic at the tone of voice Grimmjow had been using on the phone. He'd sounded disastrous. Ichigo prayed with every fiber of his being that it didn't have anything to do with their relationship. Was he coming to break up with him?
Ichigo instantly felt sick.
He finally decided it would be best to go outside and wait for him so that he wouldn't have to knock or ring the doorbell. He couldn't afford to wake up his entire house, so he hurried back up to his room, threw on a jacket, socks, and shoes before going outside in the cold night air to wait on the front stoop.
Grimmjow appeared about ten minutes later, walking slowly. The moment their eyes met, Ichigo knew something was very, very wrong.
Grimmjow's hands were in his hoodie pockets, his blue eyes looking hazy.
"Grimm?" Ichigo asked, approaching him. Grimmjow didn't reply, just looked at Ichigo like a wounded puppy, like a stray that had been found wandering the streets and was about to be taken in. What the hell had happened?
"Come inside," Ichigo offered, tugging on his arm. Grimmjow's feet moved, his body stiff as Ichigo led him into the house, closing the door quietly behind him.
Ichigo led him to the kitchen, making him take a seat as he set about preparing hot tea. Grimmjow was wearing a jacket, but his face was as white as a sheet and he was probably cold.
Silence stretched as Ichigo prepared the tea as quickly as possible, pouring it into two mugs and setting one in front of Grimmjow. Grimmjow looked like he hadn't even seen Ichigo do it. He just stared blankly.
Ichigo reached forward to grab Grimmjow's hand to remove it from his hoodie pocket. His eyes widened when he saw the dried blood and scabbing on his knuckles, two of them swollen and a bit red and purple, "Grimmjow, what happened?"
"I'm tired," Grimmjow announced, looking at Ichigo but not looking at Ichigo.
"Come on," Ichigo tugged him to his feet, leading him up the dark quiet stairs and towards the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and turned on the light, starting up the water in the shower, letting it get hot as he literally began to disrobe Grimmjow. Grimmjow just stood there like a giant male doll, allowing Ichigo to remove his hoodie jacket and shirt. Ichigo made quick work of his belt and slipped his jeans down, Grimmjow stepping out of them, staring at Ichigo again.
Ichigo was scared shitless. He had never, ever seen Grimmjow act like this, and he didn't know what to do. Was he in shock? He had obviously gotten into a fight, but there was no damage to his face or anything else that Ichigo could see besides his knuckles. Had he hurt someone? Possibly killed someone? Did this have to do with the gang?
Ichigo swallowed the lump in his throat, the hot steam from the shower bringing him back to his senses, "Let's get you cleaned up, Grimm, then you can sleep."
Grimmjow nodded minutely, taking off his boxers and staring at Ichigo with empty eyes, his hand reaching out to grasp Ichigo's, "Come with me?"
It had been so soft. Ichigo nodded, beginning to take his clothes off immediately when Grimmjow let go of his hand and stepped into the shower stall, soaking under the hot spray. Ichigo stepped in behind him, watching hot rivers run down Grimmjow's muscled tan body. Ichigo's eyes couldn't help but travel the expanse of his broad back, his shoulder blades bunching as he ran his hands over his face several times and through his soaked blue locks. Ichigo's eyes traveled farther down, studying the large black gothic 6 tattoo on his lower back above his ass. Six. Sexta. A gang tattoo.
"Grimmjow," Ichigo said, his fingers brushing against the tattoo, "What happened tonight?"
Grimmjow turned around, pulling Ichigo closer to him under the spray, their bodies touching in the most intimate of ways. Ichigo could feel himself getting aroused, but the moment was too strange for him to take advantage of it. He had never seen Grimmjow so quiet, so sullen. It really scared him.
It wasn't really a hug, but Grimmjow's hands had moved to Ichigo's hips, making him suck in a breath as Grimmjow leaned down and kissed him. Ichigo returned the kiss, trying to understand. He didn't know what Grimmjow wanted, what he needed. If he did, he'd gladly give it to him.
"Grimm," Ichigo pleaded, breaking off the kiss and holding Grimmjow's face between his hands. Ichigo shivered at the dead blue eyes. They were almost hollow, like no one was inside of them, like there was no soul. They were still blue but they were empty, "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. Let me take care of you."
Grimmjow sucked in a breath like a sigh, his arms wrapping more tightly around Ichigo as he rested his head on Ichigo's shoulder. Ichigo reached for a bottle of shampoo and began to lather it in Grimmjow's hair, doing his best with the bigger male being pretty uncooperative. It was like he was a marionette doll. Ichigo was completely at a loss. After washing his hair and scrubbing most of his torso with soap, he checked Grimmjow's knuckles, scrubbing the cuts gently and feeling them for breaks. Thankfully he hadn't broken any of his knuckles, but the two on his right hand were swollen and would probably hurt in the morning.
He turned the shower off, stepping out with Grimmjow and toweling himself down before turning to Grimmjow to towel dry him. Grimmjow just stood there, soaking wet as Ichigo got another towel. Grimmjow took the towel from him, rubbing it through his wet hair before quickly wiping his body down, barely drying himself. Ichigo dressed himself again as Grimmjow put on his boxers, but Ichigo took his shirt and jeans from him.
"I'll wash them in the morning," he said, taking Grimmjow's hand and leading him to his dark and quiet bedroom, locking the door behind him. He didn't have the biggest bed in the world, but it was Westernized and comfortable. He dug through his closet for the biggest shirt he had, offering it to Grimmjow. Grimmjow slipped it over his head, the white material straining nicely against his frame. Ichigo drew his covers back, his heart racing a mile a minute.
Grimmjow was still standing there, staring at the bed like it was a coffin.
"Grimmjow," Ichigo said again, beginning to get frustrated. He was so scared he didn't know what to do with him. Slap him? Yell at him? Coo to him like a little baby? It was so bizarre. Ichigo felt like a mother hen leading her chick to the nest.
Ichigo took his hand and began to crawl into bed, hoping Grimmjow would take the hint and follow him. Grimmjow complied, laying down next to him. They were facing each other, staring at each other like they could figure out each other's secrets by staring alone. The eyes are the window to the soul.
What had happened to Grimmjow's soul?
Ichigo cuddled closer to him, one of his hands trailing through Grimmjow's damp hair. Grimmjow sighed, his body beginning to relax.
"It'll be okay," Ichigo mumbled, resting his forehead against Grimmjow's. Grimmjow grunted, closing his eyes as Ichigo's fingers continuing their ministrations on Grimmjow's scalp, soothing small circles that Ichigo hoped would lull him to sleep.
The room was dark but Ichigo saw Grimmjow open his eyes again. He was breathing normally through his nose, just staring. Ichigo suddenly felt like he was trying to soothe a startled animal. If he could just get the wild animal to relax, to feel safe…
Grimmjow's calloused fingers sent sparks of fire along Ichigo's skin as the fingers moved along the side of his jaw and along the back of his neck. Their foreheads had still been close, so it hadn't been much of a distance to close in the first place. The kiss was chaste, Ichigo's heart skipping at the simple contact.
Grimmjow pecked against his lips again before gently tugging and sucking on Ichigo's bottom lip, practically making his eyes roll into the back of his head. Ichigo's hands gripped at Grimmjow's hair tightly now, insuring that his face wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. Tongues danced, teeth nipped. Ichigo's leg crept slowly over Grimmjow's tilted hip, their positions changing slightly so that their neglected crotches could rub together. Grimmjow groaned deep in his throat, making Ichigo shiver as he slowly began to grind himself against Grimmjow's half-hardened member.
"Ichigo," Grimmjow husked, making goose bumps race over his flesh before a spark of warmth ignited in his stomach.
Ichigo ran his hands down Grimmjow's chest, regretting having given him a shirt as he felt the heat of his flesh through the material. Ichigo lost his breath as he felt Grimmjow roll over the top of him, pinning him solidly to the mattress, their arousals in need of more friction.
Grimmjow licked at Ichigo's earlobe, making him whine.
Grimmjow breathed against the side of his neck for a moment, beginning to nip along his neck and collarbone, his fingers pulling at the shirt material. Grimmjow began pulling the tank top over Ichigo's head, his arms moving to accommodate the bluenette. Grimmjow's kisses, nips, and licks continued down Ichigo's torso, making lava pool in his stomach and groin.
Grimmjow was becoming increasingly more aggressive, which both thrilled and confused Ichigo. Of course they had kissed and touched in the past weeks, but they hadn't done anything this aggressive since Ichigo had sucked him off in Grimmjow's room. He wasn't complaining, as Grimmjow was currently working on getting Ichigo out of his sweatpants, but the other part of his brain worried that Grimmjow was pushing himself dangerously fast down a road he had never traveled. Grimmjow was very slowly beginning to accept the fact that he was gay or bisexual, so for him to be jumping right into what Ichigo was fearing to be foreplay for anal sex baffled him.
He didn't know how to stop it. He didn't know if he should stop it. All he did know is that he didn't want their first time to be because Grimmjow was angry, hurt, or confused.
Ichigo yanked on Grimmjow's hair, forcing him to come back up for a kiss. Grimmjow accepted it, Ichigo lifting his hips. Grimmjow moaned, his hips flexing, making Ichigo dizzy.
"Let me take care of you," Ichigo whispered against Grimmjow's lips, "I know you're hurting, but don't force yourself. I don't want you to regret anything with me."
Grimmjow breathed out, resting his head against Ichigo's chest, "I don't regret you. You have to know that."
"Two weeks ago you were afraid to let me suck you off, now you're ready to fuck? It's not the same as a girl, Grimm. There's a lot of messy prep involved, and you're in a pretty fragile state of mind right now."
Grimmjow didn't reply. Instead, he rolled off of Ichigo and pulled him close, his arms wrapped around Ichigo's middle, "I'm tired."
"Okay."
"I don't know what I'm doing anymore."
"We'll figure it out," Ichigo promised.
"She lied…" he mumbled, settling his chin on top of Ichigo's spiky orange hair.
Ichigo moved his arm more comfortably across Grimmjow's hip, content to have his face in Grimmjow's chest. He was so warm, "I'm here."
Grimmjow took another deep, steady breath, releasing it in a gust, "You're not going to make me explain."
Ichigo didn't know if that was a question or a statement of fact. He shook his head side-to-side, his fingers bunching in Grimmjow's shirt, "I'm not going to make you do anything. I trust you. You know that."
Grimmjow nuzzled his nose into Ichigo's orange locks, the berry's heart stuttering again at the incredibly unexpected moment of intimacy. Grimmjow was a delinquent. Grimmjow beat people up for money. Grimmjow was a gangbanger. Grimmjow was a cuddler. Baffling.
"You know what?"
"What?" Ichigo asked into Grimmjow's chest, feeling his own eyelids getting heavy. It was already past midnight and they would have to get up early in the morning for school. Ichigo was looking forward to his few measly hours of sleep, especially with Grimmjow wrapped around him like this. He felt safe. Complete.
Grimmjow's breath made Ichigo's scalp tingle, "I think I'm falling for you."
Ichigo's entire body stiffened, his fingers so tight in Grimmjow's shirt that he thought he might rip it. Had he heard correctly? Had those words really just left the delinquent's mouth?
Ichigo's heart was beating faster than the wings of a hummingbird, "Grimm?"
"Hm?" Grimmjow grunted, his breathing so easy Ichigo knew he was moments from deep sleep.
Ichigo swallowed the lump in his throat, his arm tightening on Grimmjow's side, "You mean it?"
Grimmjow sighed as he hooked his arm more comfortably around Ichigo's middle, "Mm-hm."
Any more speech would be useless at this point. Grimmjow's chest was rising and falling steadily, his breathing still slightly tickling Ichigo's scalp, one of his tattooed arms draped lazily around his middle, keeping him close.
Ichigo buried his face against Grimmjow's pectoral, staying like that for nearly an hour, dissecting everything Grimmjow had said that night. His behavior before still spooked him, but obviously it was something they could work out. Something drastic had definitely happened that night, but Ichigo knew that it was better to be patient and wait for Grimmjow to be ready than to attack and nag. He didn't want Grimmjow turning away from him, not now. Ichigo felt like giant monarch butterflies had taken flight inside of his stomach.
Grimmjow had come to him when he was hurting. Grimmjow had sought him out. Grimmjow had been fucking vulnerable.
Vulnerable. God, what a fucking scary word.
"I think I'm falling for you."
Ichigo finally fell asleep to the sounds of Grimmjow's soft breathing and the steady beat of his scarred heart.
XXX
Morning came all too quickly. Ichigo slapped at his alarm clock after several attempts to disentangle himself from Grimmjow's grasp. It had been difficult. Obviously Grimmjow was a heavy sleeper.
Ichigo left him in bed to quietly bring Grimmjow's clothes to the laundry room. He'd have to hand wash them to save time. After scrubbing them with some detergent in the small sink, he through the jeans and t-shirt into the dryer. Ichigo always woke up an hour early to prepare for school, so the forty minutes would be fine to have them nice and dry and warm for Grimmjow to wear in the cold weather.
Ichigo returned to his bedroom to rut in his closet for an outfit to wear to school, nearly changed when he heard the sheets rustling and the springs creak as Grimmjow shifted his weight.
Ichigo looked over, his breath hitching.
Grimmjow was lying on his back, his head tilted to the side, his blue locks unruly as ever, the slightly-tight white shirt having ridden up to the center of his chest, his boxers dangerously low on his fit hips, exposing a trail of fine blue hair. The comforter had been kicked off sometime during the night, the sheet now wrapped half-hazardly around one of his legs. It was almost comical, but the delinquent was too gorgeous for it to be funny.
Ichigo immediately decided that he never wanted the delinquent to leave his bed, awake or otherwise.
He was just adjusting his belt when he saw Grimmjow blink awake, his cobalt blue eyes settling on the berry almost immediately after realizing he wasn't in the bed alongside him.
"Morning," Ichigo murmured, offering Grimmjow a small half grin.
"Mm," Grimmjow answered, sitting up slowly and running his hands through his hair and over his face, "Time is it?"
"Almost seven. Come on, we have to hurry up if we're going to have breakfast."
Grimmjow stood up from the bed, adjusting his boxers and fixing his shirt, "My clothes."
"They're in the dryer. Should be ready after we eat," Ichigo answered, ignoring Grimmjow's raised eyebrow, "Come on."
XXX
Ichigo didn't have time to dazzle Grimmjow with his cooking skills, so he settled for buttered toast, jam, fruit, and strong coffee. Ichigo hadn't known how much Grimmjow loved coffee until he witnessed the boy finish half the pot in less than ten minutes. Seven slices of toast smothered in strawberry jam and a handful of grapes later, Grimmjow finally looked sated.
Ichigo had just finished his second piece of buttered toast when he heard socked feet padding on the floor, stopping in the archway of the kitchen.
Karin's dark eyes looked startled to see the blue-haired delinquent sitting in her kitchen, but only for a moment when she realized her elder brother was sitting next to him at the table.
Ichigo watched her go to the refrigerator to retrieve orange juice, ignoring them. It thoroughly pissed him off.
Grimmjow looked at Ichigo out of the corner of his eye, setting his empty coffee mug down. Ichigo looked back at Karin, righteous indignation flaring up inside of him. Grimmjow knew about what Karin had said, about what she had seen. Grimmjow peaked at him again, his eyes worried but his body relaxed. Ichigo realized that this had to be awkward for him, but he wasn't running, just sitting quietly at his side, waiting for Ichigo to make a decision.
Ichigo was finding more and more reasons to fall in love with the bastard by the second.
"Is Yuzu up?" Ichigo practically barked. It was the first time he'd talked to her since the incident. Since they went to the same school and rode the bus together, Karin was in charge of rousing and helping dress her sister for school.
Karin set her glass down, her dark eyes meeting his before she shuffled out of the kitchen without another word.
Ichigo watched her leave, disappointed.
XXX
School was filled with nothing but uncooperative students and fidgety teachers. Gifts were handed out in the hallways between classes, in the cafeteria, in the classrooms themselves. Teachers barked for order, but they weren't fooling anyone. They were just as excited for the Christmas holiday to begin as the students were. Two weeks of freedom before being smothered in the final semester of Ichigo's high school career. He'd thought about Karin practically the entire day.
He found her after school, kicking the soccer ball in the backyard against the wooden fence, her shots strong and accurate. He'd seen her play a few games, had been religious in going to her middle school tournaments.
He wandered closer, hands in his jean pockets, the hoodie to his sweater pushed back halfway due to his unruly hair, "Let's talk, Karin."
Karin spun around, the soccer ball forgotten as it rolled back from the fence to her side. Her obsidian eyes squinted slightly, "About what, Ichi-nii?"
"You know what," Ichigo shot back, shifting his weight to his other leg, "You won't even look at me. It's not a disease, Karin. I promise you won't catch it. I had no idea you hated me so much."
Karin's jaw clenched, her stance rigid, "I don't have to say anything to you."
"Yes you do! Are you going to keep treating me like dirt because I'm gay? Why haven't you told dad, huh? Why aren't you telling anyone? It's disgusting, right? Do you have any idea how you've been making me feel? The way you look at me Karin…god, mom would be so disappointed in you."
Ichigo regretted the words the moment they left his mouth, but there was no taking them back now. Karin's lip trembled, her eyes watering.
Shit. Ichigo took a step forward, "Karin, I…"
"You don't know ANYTHING!" Karin suddenly screamed, kicking the soccer ball as hard as she could, sending it clear across the yard before she looked at Ichigo again, tears streaming down her face as it got redder with her anger, "You don't know what I go through at school, what the kids say about me and Yuz. I push everybody away because they make fun of Yuzu; I protect her because nobody else will! I know what they say about me, that I'm a demon, that I don't have any feelings, that I'm not normal! My twin sister, the one person I'm supposed to have no matter what isn't able to be the person I need! Instead I have to watch HER and provide for HER, no one has time for me, not even dad!"
She wiped her face with the backs of her hands before continuing, "He's too busy with Unohana-san, and all Yuzu talks about is that Nel girl, and now…and now the one person I thought I had left…"
Ichigo didn't know what to say, what to do.
"You're always home after school to make us dinner. You came to all my soccer tournaments. You're the only friend I have, Ichi-nii, and seeing you with Grimmjow, I just…I DON'T WANNA BE ALONE!"
Ichigo grabbed his sister, hugging her against him as she started sobbing into his sweater, her hands clutching at the material, "I'm SO SORRY, ICHI-NII! I'm so sorry I said those things! I was angry!"
Ichigo rubbed her back soothingly, the pieces falling into place. Of course Ichigo hadn't been thinking about Karin's perspective, and the more he thought about Karin's words, the more he felt like an idiot. Karin had always been fiercely protective of Yuzu. He knew Karin loved Yuzu as much as she loved herself, but it had to be hard having a twin that was in need of constant care and attention. Add the fact that she didn't have a mother and her father was constantly working and had just started dating one of his colleagues after years of being alone, a sweet doctor from Karakura General named Unohana. Isshin had even talked to Ichigo about it before officially beginning dating Unohana, afraid that it wasn't the right decision for the kids, but Ichigo had been all for it. His dad deserved it. He didn't want him dying from stress.
Apparently Karin had taken it personal, but Ichigo was also relieved. Karin would have been just as angry if she had seen him kissing a girl in their yard, right?
"So you…you don't care that I'm…that I like Grimmjow?" Ichigo asked quietly after Karin had stopped sniffling.
She lifted her head, wiping her eyes for the last time, "You're my brother, Ichi-nii. Why would I care about something as trivial as that?"
"Trivial?" Ichigo grinned, ruffling her dark hair, "Three point vocab word, yeah?"
"Shut up," Karin replied, slapping his hand away with a smile, "I'm thirteen years old. I know a lot more than you think I do."
"You're definitely smart," Ichigo admonished, getting down on his haunches to be eye level with his sister, "You're a good kid. Don't force yourself to be something you're not. Don't bottle emotions up like that. It'll make your hair gray."
Karin looked away from him for a moment, her eyes shifting, "I am myself. Kids think I'm scary."
Ichigo grinned, "You are scary. So, you just gotta find the other monsters in your class, ne?"
Karin's face lit up in a smirk that mirrored her brother's, "You think so?"
"Know so," Ichigo nodded, standing up straight again, "Come on, Yuz wants to make a gingerbread house."
"You know I'm not good at that stuff," Karin mumbled, following her brother into the house.
"We can make gingerbread cookies too," Ichigo said, ruffling her hair again, "enough for your class's Christmas party tomorrow, ne?"
"You really think that will work?"
Ichigo followed the sounds of Yuzu's preparation in the kitchen, unable to keep the grin off of his face, "Never underestimate the power of cookies, kid."
XXX
Grimmjow hung up the phone, resigned to his fate.
He had to do it. He had to suck all the poison out of his life, end it once and for all or he'd never be able to move on. He had people he needed to protect, a life he wanted to make his own, and that would never happen if he continued to be the puppet of the Hollows.
He'd decided the moment he'd read his mother's letter, the moment he'd heard her words ringing in his head for the last time. He'd pictured his father's eyes and known that if he continued to walk the path he was on, he'd end up just like those eyes. He'd become the monster that slapped a child out of anger. He'd hurt everyone around him, everyone he had left, anyway.
He'd hurt Nel. He'd hurt Ichigo.
Bile rose in his throat at the thought of losing either of them.
It was two days before Christmas. Tousen was not pleased.
"Tomorrow night, then. How convenient."
Tousen's tone of voice had been as good as a death sentence. It was pretty much what Grimmjow was asking for in the first place. Members had been called already, informed that there was going to be a 'meeting' on Christmas Eve at their 'headquarters'. They hadn't gotten much information, but the entire gang, including Aizen, got together about four times a year to talk about potential new members, initiations, drug shipments, and other activities that were considered unethical.
Tousen thought Grimmjow's decision was perfectly timed, then. They'd be able to kill two birds with one stone, as it were. Why have the entire gang get together for a second night just to beat Grimmjow into the ground for his impending disloyalty?
But he was determined. Hell, if Kenpachi had survived being jumped out of the Soul Reapers, he sure as hell could survive the Hollows dis-initiation.
"I got a bad feelin' 'bout this, Sexta," Gin said from his new chair he had just ordered for his apartment, a white globe that was hollowed out. He sat perched inside it, his mysterious blue eyes boring into Grimmjow.
Grimmjow looked at his best friend, "It'll be a real shitty Christmas, Gin."
Gin nodded and lit a cigarette.
I want to apologize for the length, and also apologize for not fulfilling my cliffhanger of the previous chapter. There was just too much to get done. I didn't realize how much I had needed to answer. I spent more time on this than any of you will ever care to know.
TMT Playlist:
"Bitch I'm Sexy" by Dark Lotus [the Hollows…when I hear this song I just picture the gang lol]
"The Older I Get" by Skillet [Grimmjow/Ichigo]
"Dove and Grenade" by Hollywood Undead [Grimmjow]
"Vindicated" by Dashboard Confessional [Ichigo]
"How I Can Just Kill a Man" by Rage Against the Machine [Starrk]
"Soundtrack 2 My Life" by Kid Cudi [Gin]
"Game On" by Disciple [Shirosaki]
"Alphabet Bitches" by Lil Wayne [Nnoitra, because he's a man whore in my head]
"P.O.S. Is Ruining My Life" by P.O.S. [The song responsible for the fic in the first place]
"The Quiet Screaming" by Legion of Doom [Gin/Shuhei, possibly Grimmjow/Ichigo]
"Bruises" by Sugarcult [this is the song I was listening to when Grimmjow and Ichigo were punching each other in the beginning of the fic lol]
"Space Bound" by Eminem
"You're Going Down" by Sick Puppies
"Say Goodnight" by Bullet for My Valentine
"Jesus Christ" by Brand New
"Nightprowler" by Living Legend
"Strange and Beautiful" by Aqualung
…If anyone thinks they have a song that would fit the mood of this fic, or have a song that would work well with how I have portrayed one (or more) of the characters, please let me know and I will add it to the list. I just love making playlists for my ipod and these songs are on my ipod under "TMT playlist" so I thought I would share -TPP