And now...angst and lowkey pining. And Tanya being a boss.
(The instagram incident referenced is from the hilarious fic The Man From UNIT by FernDavant on AO3, used with permission. I highly recommend you go and check it out.)
"What did you do to her?"
Quill looks up from her iPad to see Tanya Adeola coming into her classroom and shutting the door behind her. It's Wednesday and she's glimpsed Kalei twice and felt something horrifically close to guilt stab at her gut both times. Well, guilt and something that she suspects might be...longing.
Both are disgusting. Emotions are the most inconvenient things.
(Thankfully, she's been given a distraction in the form of a minor crisis involving Matteusz's over-informative instagram account catching UNIT's attention. She'd suggested leaving the country, but Matteusz has insisted that he knows how to handle the UNIT man coming to inspect them tomorrow. She's immensely doubtful of his ability to dissuade a military official, and has started packing her bags for France just in case. But for now, she is still stuck at Coal Hill. With students asking irritating questions.)
Quill stares back the Adeola girl, still half amazed at her having the nerve to burst in here and challenge her like this.
"What in the world are you talking about?"
"Miss Jacobs," Tanya says, approaching the desk, "She's all weird and quiet and sad, and you're all weird and angry and sad, and since I know you guys have some kind of thing-"
"Oh? And how could you possibly know that?" Quill sneers.
"Because I'm not an idiot," Tanya retorts. "I know you're sleeping with somebody, and I knew Miss Jacobs had a thing for you and that you didn't seem to hate her, which for you is basically getting up on a pedestal and proclaiming your undying love for a person. And I saw you guys on Monday. You have no concept of personal space? Like, it was obvious you just wanted to be devouring each other's faces. I spend time around Charlie and Matteusz, I know that look as well as you do. You were actually, like, way worse."
Quill arches an eyebrow. "Well, look at you, a detective in the making. Say you're right. Say I have been fucking your maths teacher. Why are we having this conversation?"
"Because something's obviously happened, and it had to have been on Monday, which is when the chemistry lab got wrecked and also the last time that anyone saw Mr Richards. So, what was it?"
"Giant alien lizard from Saturday came back. I fed it the economics teacher and then I blew it up," Quill says, shrugging.
Tanya blinks, but then also shrugs. "Okay. What about Miss Jacobs?"
"She was there too. We both almost became lizard food because the arn makes me completely unable to fight or defend myself if Charles is not under threat."
"Wait, seriously?" Tanya asks, horrified. It doesn't surprise Quill that she doesn't know the finer details.
"Yep, that's why I had to bring the dragon to you lot. I can only fight if he's in danger, and only with my bare hands, because if I use a weapon then I'm dead. As dead as I am if I fail to protect him - which isn't the easiest task when I can't use a weapon - or if I try to get this thing out of my head."
"Oh my god," Tanya says with horror and disgust, "Him and April really glossed over that when they explained all this to me. Charlie just said that you were forced to protect him by a thing in your head, as punishment."
"Yeah, well, he's so self-righteous that he can't see this for what it is, even when he's giving me orders in the same breath," Quill mutters.
"What it is being slavery."
Quill sits up a little straighter, unsure of why it affects her so much to hear someone other than herself use that word for her situation. Is it...validation? "Yes, it is," she says, her throat tight, "But try telling him that."
"I just might, actually," Tanya says. "But we've gotten kind of off topic. Miss Jacobs. What happened?"
"Well, I was understandably upset about nearly dying because of the obscene terms of my enslavement, and she didn't take kindly to my vocally expressing the desire to brutally murder a teenage boy who in her eyes I'm supposed to be responsible for."
It's amazing how she can talk about it like she wasn't in tears at the time, like her entire body hadn't been shaking with the force of the emotions waging war inside her.
"So what, she got freaked by you being...you...and called it quits?"
Quill makes a face. "Not as such. I think it was more my lashing out at her and generally shitting on everything that's ever happened between us that she took an issue with."
Tanya lifts an eyebrow and crosses her arms. "Come again?"
Quill drops her eyes and her hands start shredding a loose bit of paper on her desk, her shoulders lifting and dropping in a shrug. "I may have...shouted at her to leave me alone since I'm obviously incapable of caring about anyone. And that she was deluded to think otherwise."
"And is that...true?"
Quill says nothing and keeps shredding the paper, now intently focused on the satisfying sound of it tearing.
"Wow, you really are something else," Tanya says, snorting, "Someone actually shows an interest in being your friend, or your girlfriend, or whatever was going on between you two - and you go and ruin it, what, because you were pissed about almost dying? How was that her fault?"
"Rage isn't logical, little one," Quill snaps, glaring, "You don't have to tell me that it wasn't her fault, I'm not an idiot."
She might have been the reason I didn't run sooner but it's Charles and this thing in my head that puts me in danger at every waking moment, and she's the one that pulled me out of the way of that thing's claws. She saved my life. And I repaid her by pushing her away.
All of the fire goes out of her in an instant and she deflates, rubbing her temples. Why is she talking to Tanya Adeola of all people about this? Why is she talking about this at all?
"I don't think I have it in me to care about Miss Jacobs at the moment," she says more quietly, "Not when my people remain unavenged and the wrong distraction could result in my failure. I can't let anything else get in the way."
"Yeah, well, sometimes distractions are the only things that keep us sane when the world is going to shit," Tanya replies, "But I guess that's down to you. I just think everyone needs someone. Even you."
"I don't need anything but the destruction of the Shadowkin," Quill bites.
Tanya looks at her, gaze clear and too knowing. "If you say so, Miss."
Quill's annoyance with her finally resurfaces and she scowls at the student that she would never admit is her favourite - or rather, the one she hates the least. "This conversation is over, and should never have happened. Don't try and interfere in my personal life again."
"Yeah well, I wasn't actually doing it for you," Tanya retorts, "But she can do better, so if you're not going to make an effort to fix this, maybe that's for the best."
"Maybe it is," Quill agrees, "Now get out."
By the time Friday morning rolls around Quill has seen Kalei three more times. One of those times they came face to face in a corridor and stayed stuck there for a moment before Quill had managed to force herself to go around her and keep walking. The nausea it brought on had lingered for at least an hour.
Actually, Quill's not entirely sure that it's gone. But as it turns out, she has other things to worry about.
(Thankfully, not UNIT, for the moment. On Thursday Matteusz proved himself to be a semi-decent strategist - the UNIT man left their house confused but more or less convinced that the 'alien boyfriend' on Matteusz's instagram is just a character Charlie plays. Moving to France is not necessary for the moment. Quill's not entirely sure if she's disappointed or relieved, but supposes it would have been an inconvenience, even if not having to see Kalei around the school would be nice.)
Enter Dorothea Ames.
Despite answering the mystery of Francis Armitage's first name, the new headmistress with all her friendliness and smirking leaves Quill with only more questions and the unshakeable feeling that Ames is not remotely trustworthy.
Then, as if her week isn't horrific enough, Charlie commands her to attend parent's evening. After what happened on Monday, the sheer injustice of it all rises up in her and she carefully walks away so that she can face away from the class and hide the tears welling up in her eyes. She has poor control over her emotions, but the prince will not see her cry any more often than she can help.
But it all goes out the window at lunchtime.
She normally stays inside her classroom, but recently it makes her think about the lunchtimes spent in there with Kalei and so she heads outside to get some fresh air. That's when she overhears the prince and his consort talking. About the Cabinet of Souls.
Which is not empty.
Every bit of rage from Monday comes back to her in an instant, filling her chest until she's sure it's going to burst. She has to force herself to go back inside to avoid confronting Charlie, and pushes through the sea of students with shouted orders for them to get out of the way. She spends the rest of the school day plotting how to force Charles into using the Cabinet on the Shadowkin.
When the final bell tolls she can't get out fast enough.
"Hey, Quill," someone says as she strides through the hallway, and whoever the voice belongs to actually has the nerve to grab her by the arm.
She practically snarls and the diminutive biology teacher flinches.
"Jesus, who peed in your cereal?" She asks Quill. "I just got told to tell you that Ames wants to see you in her office."
"Whatever," Quill mutters, striding away without another word.
With great reluctance, she makes her way to the office that has been completely redecorated for Dorothea's use.
She is not in any way prepared for finding out that not only does the new headmistress seem to know about her living situation, she seems to know about everything. She knows about aliens. That Quill and Charlie aren't of this world. That Quill has the arn in her head.
Dorothea doesn't seem remotely concerned by any of these facts. No, she's concerned about squirrels. And birdsong. And flower petals.
Humans. Mad, the lot of them.
Within a few minutes, however, Quill allows herself to be convinced that the flower petals actually are a threat, no matter how unassuming they might appear. Whether or not she actually cares about them ravaging the earth is up for considerably more debate, but she supposes that - like fleeing to France because of Mattuesz's instagram - it would be rather inconvenient.
That's when the gamechanger is laid on the table.
Dorothea offers to help her get rid of the arn. To help her get her free will back. And even though Quill is sceptical that it's even possible, Dorothea seems to be bizarrely certain she can pull it off, so hell, she's listening.
It's all sounding rather too good to be true - the 'not without risk' part aside - when the real problem becomes clear.
"What are your thoughts on genocide?" Dorothea asks.
As it happens, Quill has quite a lot of thoughts on genocide. Despite how she acts around Charlie, it's actually quite a sensitive subject since her people and his were more or less victims of it. She is as against it as a general concept as the next sane person. But there are exceptions to every rule, and nothing overrides her need to avenge her people, to wipe out the Shadowkin.
Destroying the Rhodian souls in the Cabinet to do so? Not a problem, she owes the Rhodians less than nothing. They took everything from her. She is more than happy to return the favour.
The problem is Dorothea wants to use the Cabinet to destroy the flowers. Quill just can't allow that. She has other plans for the Cabinet, and that is one area where she is not willing to compromise. Still, she goes along with the plan for now, calling Charlie and telling him and the others to come to the school.
"Oh, given that it won't be long before the petals start killing full sized people, may I recommend that you also call Miss Jacobs and advise her to lock her doors and stay inside?"
Quill's head snaps around so fast it almost hurts. Dorothea is smiling at her, a glint in her eye.
"What did you just say?"
"Kalei Jacobs," Dorothea says lightly, "She's the only thing keeping the maths department together at the moment, you know. And although I'm under the impression that the two of you have had a bit of a falling out, that doesn't mean either of us want her eaten by petals."
"How - how do you even know about that? About any of that?" Quill asks sharply.
The headmistress seems to find that quite funny.
"My dear Miss Quill, is it really so surprising that if I'm able to discover you're a slave from another planet, I'm also able to learn about the nature of your relationship with Miss Jacobs?" Dorothea makes a face. "Well, to a point. Tell me, was it purely sexual, or was there more to it than that? There wasn't quite enough evidence to determine-"
Quill cannot believe her. "What it is, is none of your business," she says, aghast, "And I'll ask you to grant me at least a little privacy, thank you. Next thing I know you'll be giving me handcuff recommendations."
Dorothea quirks an eyebrow and smirks at her, as if to say, well, I could, if you like.
Quill rolls her eyes - how is it possible for one woman to be so infuriating? - and takes out her phone to call Kalei. As annoying as it is to concede to Dorothea's point, Quill doesn't want the maths teacher eaten by petals.
It occurs to her as the phone continues to ring with no answer that Kalei has very little reason to accept a phone call from her. But finally the call picks up and Quill puts it on speaker.
"Hello?"
"I know you have very little reason to listen to me," Quill says briskly, "But I need you to lock yourself in your apartment with Xenophilius and not come out until I say so. Those flower petals you've no doubt seen around are dangerous and multiplying."
"Petals? What the hell are you talking about? I'm not doing anything until you explain the giant alien lizard and how you knew about said giant alien lizard-"
Dorothea snatches Quill's phone. "No time for any of that just now, I'm afraid," she says, "Though the both of you are certainly to be commended for your handling of that particular situation." She smiles but then tilts her head slightly as she regards Quill. "However, Miss Quill, if you could avoid feeding other faculty members to alien threats unless absolutely necessary, it would be much appreciated."
"Miss Ames?" Kalei sounds incredibly confused.
"It was necessary," Quill tells Dorothea, "I was a second away from death even with the extra time it bought me."
Dorothea lifts an eyebrow. "This time, perhaps, but just for future reference, if you could keep it in mind."
"Sure, whatever."
"Don't mind me, I'm just still here, completely out of the loop, being patronised," Kalei says, with annoyance.
"No patronising intended, Miss Jacobs," Dorothea says gently, "You're simply uninformed, which is unfortunate but a problem to be dealt with at another time. For the moment, it would be much appreciated if you could keep yourself safe as previously recommended."
"Keep myself safe? From petals? How could I possibly be in danger from-"
"I'm afraid there really isn't time to explain, Miss Jacobs, you're just going to have to trust us on this," Dorothea says apologetically, "We'd have you safe, if possible."
"Don't say we. If Quill cares she can tell me herself," Kalei says, her voice tight. Quill almost winces but with Dorothea's gaze on her she just presses her lips together. "But don't worry, Miss Ames, I'll do as you say. Can't endanger the maths department, can we?"
"I knew I liked you." Dorothea is smiling, and looks at Quill expectantly for some reason. "Well, Miss Quill?"
"What?" Quill asks, immensely confused. Dorothea does a little nod at the phone, as if to say, go on. "No, no, this isn't the time for interpersonal drama. Give me the phone."
She hangs up the moment it's back in her hand and puts it into her pocket. It feels heavier than it should and she knows she shouldn't still be thinking about Kalei now that the conversation is over, but she is.
"...do you think she's actually going to listen to us?" She asks a moment later.
"If she doesn't, I'd wager it would be your fault from whatever transpired between the two of you on Monday, but we've tried and don't have time to worry about it now," Dorothea says. "Now let's get on, I imagine Charlie and the others will be almost here, we should go to meet them."
Quill has to admit that she's right and follows her outside. By the time she reenters the room, Charlie is on her heels and the rage in her is so potent that she throws self-preservation to the wind to whirl around and strike him across the face.
The agony is mind-searing, so much worse than any previous incident because it's Charlie that she hit. She screams, doubled over, but forces herself to choke the pain down.
"Worth it," she pants, before the teens both get angry with her.
The resolve she has been building for weeks melts away. After what happened on Monday, after what she has learned today, she can't keep pretending to be unaffected by all of this. She is hurting and grieving and aching for the resolution that killing the Shadowkin would bring.
But Charlie denies her. Again and again and again.
In his bedroom, when the cabinet is open and ready, he comes close to actually considering her request. She can see it in her eyes. But then the petals are vanquished and he gives in like the weakling that he is.
She shouts and pleads but it all falls on deaf ears. When it comes to her he is stone. Even when there are tears in her eyes and she's talking about watching her people die, he is unaffected, because he doesn't consider her people worthy of his empathy.
He'd deny it, but it's true.
"She'll get over it," Quill hears Dorothea say as she storms out of the room. As if Dorothea hadn't been infuriating enough already, the blatant dismissal of her feelings turns the despair in her chest to rage.
When she comes out onto the street, she knows there is only one thing she can do that will make her feel better.
Driving her fist through the car window once she reaches the school carpark is so immensely satisfying that she knows immediately that she made the right decision. So she kicks off the wing mirror and starts climbing onto the bonnet of the car so that she can smash in the windscreen as well.
"You do you realise that's not my car?"
Well, shit.
Quill slides off the bonnet a little sheepishly after staying stuck with a leg over it for just a moment too long. Dorothea is approaching her and smirking. Always smirking, always so damn smug. It makes Quill want to punch her in the face. Repeatedly.
But the conversation with Dorothea, as Quill is quickly realising conversations with Dorothea tend to go, is not what she expects.
Dorothea is still going to help her take the arn out. There is a chance, however small, at freedom. Quill unfortunately can't bring herself to believe that it will work, but she'll turn up on Monday and see what happens. Even if it doesn't work, at least she will have gone out trying to win her freedom.
That's a good death. There's no shame in that. She could die well.
"But surely the aim should be not dying well," she murmurs as she walks out of the carpark. The Doctor's words are ones she's thought about a lot since the prom. She's not Charlie, she doesn't take whatever the Doctor says as law, but she does admire the Time Lord a lot for the most part.
Not dying is a lot more appealing when one's life is actually worth living, though. For all his preaching, the Doctor has the kind of freedom that makes drives Quill nearly out of her mind with jealousy.
She's just turned the first corner on the way home when she realises what she is doing and comes to a stop.
She can't go home. She can't go back to the house and be with them, be with Charlie after everything that has happened today. She can't look that conniving little royal in the eye, after he lied to her for weeks about the Cabinet and then refused to even acknowledge her pain, let alone do anything to lift it.
Quill finds a bench to sit on and buries her face in her hands, taking in deep gasping breaths. It's difficult.
Her head and heart are both such messes of conflicting emotion that it's near impossible to make sense of them. As she takes in several deep breaths, they shudder with the weight of everything she's feeling. Tears prick at her eyes again.
She just wants to avenge her people. And then she would be more than happy to accept her death, should it come. God, she would happily accept death compared to this feeling of drowning, of complete helplessness, of never being seen by the only person who should understand what she's going through. Of never being seen by anyone unless they want her to do something for them -
Except Kalei.
Oh god, how she misses Kalei, even though it's only been a few days. Even in such a short span of time, she had come to take her for granted, to take being seen for granted.
"Idiot," she says to herself. Controlling her rage is not something she is capable of doing but it doesn't excuse how she treated Kalei.
Was it fear? Fear of someone actually caring enough to not run away screaming? Fear of what caring about somebody could mean? How dangerous that could be, but also how wonderful, the kind of wonderful that seems so completely too good to be true? Partly, yes. And partly just the anger and the need to be allowed to scream and not be asked stupid questions by a clueless human.
Of course, Kalei is only as clueless as Quill allows her to be. And with every second that passes, the more certain she is that Kalei's apartment is the only place in the world right now that doesn't want to make her feel sick when she thinks about going there.
Her feet take her there while her head is a thousand miles away. She can't stop thinking about the Cabinet, about how she's so close to being able to kill the Shadowkin but she can't because the same person who enslaves her won't agree. It mean that she's crying silently as she walks, but that can't be helped.
In the lift of Quill's apartment building, an old woman with a walker eyes her worriedly. What is it with humans and their bizarre need to care about people they've never talked to in their lives?
"What are you looking at?" She snarls at her, making the woman recoil and avoid her gaze until Quill leaves the lift.
When she ends up in front of Kalei's door, she gives three sharp knocks.
Kalei opens it and her eyebrows go up when she sees Quill. Her mouth opens to say something but a moment later concern flashes through her eyes and her face softens.
Quill is surprised to find that her heart aches upon seeing her. Not even just her heart, but her whole body, longing for Kalei. How could she ever have been so blinded by rage that she pushed away the only person who can make her feel anything positive?
"I...didn't know where else to go," Quill says, voice thick with emotion, "I - I can't be in that house right now, not with him, and I know you have quite frankly every right to slam this door in my face, but you wouldn't believe the truly awful day I've had and I just can't do this anymore-"
Speaking becomes impossible when her own sobs choke her and she puts a hand over her mouth to try and keep them in.
"Oh, Andy."
That's when something strange happens. Kalei, who should be angry with her, reaches out and pulls her close. Her arms wrap around her body so that she's holding Quill and squeezing her tight.
On instinct Quill goes stiff, because it's bizarre and would have been completely impossible among her people due to their bodies being covered in quills. Not to mention that most Quill physical contact is inherently violent even when done for affectionate reasons - the only non-violent Quill gesture being the touching of noses, reserved only for those closest to you.
This is different. Bigger, somehow just as gentle, and oh so different. Something nags at her brain, telling her she knows what this is -
Oh. A hug. This is what a hug feels like. She's always wondered, since coming to this planet and seeing the strange gesture of affection at work.
It's...wonderful.
Quill sinks into it with a shudder of sheer relief and clutches Kalei as hard as she can, another sob escaping her. This is what she's needed - to be held, to have arms around her and a voice telling her that it's going to be okay, because she's never had that in her whole life and never needed it more than right in this moment.
"I'm sorry," Quill whispers into her shoulder.
One of Kalei's hands strokes the hair at the nape of her neck, over and over, lulling her into stillness. "I had a feeling you might be."
So next chapter goes back and shows Kalei's side of things, getting to this point.
Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought! (And thank you to everyone who has left reviews so far, I've replied to the ones I can, the site keeps playing up.)