Chapter 10: In Which There Are Bratty Puppies Dedication: To my darling Cella - thanks for making me write comedy darling. It can be fun. Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and thusly do not own these characters, though they do own me.
The day after her disastrous date with Jasper, Bella slept in. She just didn't think she could face the Cullens; she didn't think she could lie another day. She was also a chicken. She knew that Jasper could have told someone, Rosalie at the very least, that she was falling for her 'cousin,' and she didn't want to be confronted just then.
Or ever.
Because really, when was a good time for that conversation?
She imagined that Esme and Carlisle would be unnaturally understanding. They would likely feel sorry for her. Poor dear, Esme would say, and Carlisle would look up with those kind, compassionate eyes.
Seriously, how had Emmett or Edward ever managed to lie to them? It felt horrible. They were the kind of people who could make lifelong thieves reform – and Bella was actually a good person, normally, so it was a different kind of torment to lie to them.
Part of her screamed that she should just get it over with. Sure, Edward might hate her then, but maybe that was better. Surely, that was for the best anyway. The sooner that Edward hated her, the sooner she would get over this ridiculous crush.
The problem was, the very thought of Edward hating her made Bella feel like dying in a very
melodramatic teenager sort of way.
Bella burrowed her head in her pillow.
If she was doomed to being a melodramatic teenager against her will, she wondered if she could go the emo route. That would be the best way to get back at Alice. Her best friend was forever complaining about the lack of color in the emo wardrobe. The worst part by far was that Alice loved Bella's full, chestnut brown hair. Alice's own hair was thin and only had body if she wore it in a pixie cut. She would have fits for weeks if Bella dyed her hair black and wore it in her face. And if Bella finally wore make-up, something Alice had been trying convince her to do for years now, only to wear only black eyeliner and mascara, her manipulative best friend would have an absolute hissy fit.
Slightly cheered by the thought, Bella decided it was best to get up and face the music.
She took her time in the shower and finally made her way downstairs at a little past eleven. The house was quiet. She was beginning to wonder if everyone was gone when she walked into the kitchen to find Edward at the counter, sandwich making material spread out around him.
He stopped as he was spreading the mustard over a piece of multigrain bread, looking up as she stepped in the room. The air was distinctly awkward and, as usual, filled with those God forsaken tingles that were becoming the bane and blessing of both of their existences.
"Hi," Bella said. Well, she more mouthed the word as she seemed to have run out of breath. She
couldn't tell if he knew.
"Hey," he responded softly, looking back at his bread. "Do you want one?" he asked, gesturing back at the bread and fixings in front of him.
"I can make my own," Bella said quickly, but Edward just shook his head.
"I make an epic sandwich," he argued, looking up at her from under his eyelashes. He smirked. "Good at everything, remember?"
Bella huffed and smiled, scrambling to find words when he looked at her that way. "Right. How could I forget," she said as she hopped up on the barstool opposite him.
For a few minutes there was only the sound of the knife spreading a hoity toity sandwich spread over the bread. Then Edward asked, as casually as he could manage – which, for the record, was not very casual at all but more tense as the accused at a murder trial right before the verdict – about how Bella's date with Jasper went.
Of course, Bella flushed red and Edward instantly felt sick. "The goodnight kiss was that good, eh?" he tried to tease, but it came out sounding like someone had a vice grip on his testicals. Of course, as Jasper's best friend, Edward was well acquainted with Jasper's affect on willing ladies. How many times had Jasper bragged about going straight for second base after first? If Bella had responded at all to his kiss, Jasper would have gone for a butt grab, if not straight for the boobs.
Anger, jealousy and guilt hit him like violent, waist-high waves at the beach.
"Um," Bella stumbled meanwhile. "I kind of screwed it up," she admitted. She looked down, studying her hands intently. "I guess I'm just a bad kisser."
Relief apparently rendered Edward's brain momentarily useless as the next words slipped out of his
mouth before he could stop them. "You are most definitely not a bad kisser."
Bella looked up, surprised and Edward turned his back to her, suddenly deciding that he needed
something from the fridge. Pickles. Yes. A proper sandwich needed pickles.
The thing was, Edward's unconscious mind was stuck on just how fantastic it had felt to kiss Bella. No matter how he tried to reason with his unconscious mind by concentrating on the cousins bit, it just wouldn't stick.
Edward had kissed girls before -not nearly as many as Jasper- but he had been dragged out on a couple of dates and to a dance or two. He'd tried the kissing thing more out of curiosity than anything else. He'd found it lacking any sort of pleasure. It wasn't as disgusting as it could have been, but it wasn't the big deal that everyone made it out to be either.
At least, it hadn't been until he kissed Bella.
Silence descended over them, but it was surprisingly comfortable. He was vaguely shocked at the quietly happy expression on her face - as if it truly did please her that he had enjoyed their kisses. As he slid her sandwich toward her, Edward was trying to figure out the best way to ask if she was going to try again with Jasper when the doorbell rang. He muttered a quick, "excuse me," and scampered off to get the door.
Bella sighed, watching him retreat and trying not to notice things like what a nice ass he had. Really, Bella? With a frustrated sigh, she thunked her head down on the counter with more force than she meant to.
"Ow!" she cried, rubbing her head where a nice knot was forming. She was distracted by the click clack of high heeled shoes coming rapidly toward the kitchen.
"You!" Rosalie cried, pointing at Bella as she stepped in eyesight.
For one horrifying second, Bella was sure that Rosalie knew what had happened between her and Jasper. She wondered briefly if Rosalie would use her fists or do the whole catfight thing. Nails and hair pulling just wasn't something that Bella knew how to combat. She'd had a little bit of self defense, so if Rosalie came at her with fists she might be able to defend herself. Then again, that could make things worse. Then she'd be the trailer trash bitch that bloodied up the bride right before her wedding and the one who broke the brother of the bride's pride by calling out her cousin's name mistakenly mid-boob grope.
Rosalie wrapped her arm around Bella's shoulders, thankfully not noticing the younger girl going stiff with fear, and pulled her close. "There you are. I was here earlier but Esme said I had to let you sleep."
Edward came back into the room then followed by an attractive, young woman with long, black hair. She looked to be around Rosalie's age and smiled kindly at Bella as she came in the room. "Bella, this is my matron-of-honor and my best friend, Vera. Vera, this is Emmett's cousin Bella…Alice… Bella," Rosalie stumbled.
"Bella," Edward and Bella confirmed in unison.
"Anyway," Rosalie said, dismissive. "Vera had the best idea last night. She thinks we need a girl's night out."
"And, I have the perfect place too. They just opened up a Gentleman's club on the outskirts of Port Angeles. I think it would be fun times, don't you?" Vera asked, smirking.
Rosalie chuffed. "Sure, you think it will be fun," she groused good naturedly. "You just can't go see the pretty, half-naked boys from the rez because you're already a married woman."
Vera scrunched her nose up. "The boys from the reservation are obnoxious."
"And hot. Don't forget hot," Rosalie returned. "It's not like they open their mouths. They just take off their shirts…and pants."
"It's a waste of money," Vera argued. "If you want to see one of those reservation boys without a shirt on, all you have to do is go down to La Push. It's not exactly a rare sight."
"Anyway," Rosalie interrupted, turning back toward Bella. "So, you're in, right? Either way?"
"Um, don't you have to be 21 to go in those clubs?" she hedged.
"You have to be 21 to drink," Vera said. "You only have to be eighteen to get in."
Bella furrowed her eyebrows. "But I'm not-" she abruptly remembered that Alice was, in fact, 18, "not sure that I want to see naked girls?" she finished.
"See," Rosalie said, "It's just going to have to be the boys from the Rez," she told Vera. "Scott won't mind so terribly much. He knows how you feel about them."
Vera crinkled her nose again. "They smell like sawdust and sweat."
"Vera," Rosalie said pointedly, rolling her eyes, "Your husband is a carpenter. He smells like sawdust and sweat."
"Yak, yak," Vera stuck out her tongue at her best friend, and Bella almost grinned, missing Alice.
Speaking of which, Bella had to concentrate. She needed to get out of this. "I don't know. It's not my thing - naked boys."
"Sweetie, you only get the two choices," Vera said, smirking. Then her gaze dropped a little bit. "Well, unless you want to be swinging toward something unnatural. Like animals or something," she shuddered.
Or cousins, Bella thought wryly.
"Well, you know we won't force you if you don't want to go, but I'd really like you to be there," Rosalie said sincerely, smiling.
Bella sighed to herself. She was a sucker for that kind of request. "I'll try," she murmured.
Trying was easier said than done. Bella belatedly realized that there were not a lot of ways one could fake being eighteen when they weren't.
There were three choices. The easiest would be to tell everyone. Just stop lying. Sure it was simple, but then she'd have to hitch a ride to the airport.
The second choice would be to find some type of fake I.D.. Oh, sure- movies and countless teen-oriented television shows made it seem easy, but Bella wasn't in the 'nefarious deeds' club. She had no sixth sense when it came to that kind of thing.
Plus, did Forks even have a seedy underbelly?
Her third choice was to figure out a way to sneak in. Abruptly, she remembered the native boys from the beach. They seemed harmless and yet mischievous enough to help her out. La Push was small - there was every possibility that they would have the hook up to help her out.
Of course, Bella's decision presented another problem: how in the hell was she supposed to get to La Push? She couldn't exactly ask Jasper to take her back, now could she?
"Wow, if looks could kill, your laptop would be ash," an amused voice interrupted Bella's browsing. She looked up to find Edward leaning in the doorway of her room, smirking.
She couldn't help but smile, despite her annoyance, and the truth came out before she could think about it. "There are no taxis in this town."
Edward looked confused. "Why do you need a taxi? I don't know if you noticed, but our garage is brimming with cars," he laughed.
Realizing she had to tread lightly, Bella answered carefully. "I don't want to be a bother to anyone."
"It's no bother," Edward assured. "Where do you want to go anyway?
"Oh," Bella stumbled, "you know, don't worry about it. I'll figure it out."
"Seriously, Bella, it's not like there's that much to do around here. You'd be interrupting an oh so titillating day of doing nothing of great importance." When she still didn't give in, Edward studied her embarrassed looking expression. "This isn't a girly thing is it, 'cuz I can get Mom if you need-"
"No!" Bella cried, blushing furiously. "That's not – look I just wanted to go down to La Push again. I mean, it looks like it's only misting outside today and there aren't any beaches in Phoenix."
"Oh," Edward responded dumbly, looking sheepish. "Well, actually, I did order a gift for Emmett and Rosalie from one of the master carvers in La Push. I could drop you off at the beach while I talk to them," he offered.
Bella thought for a moment. It might not be likely that she would find the same boys on the beach. Then again, she would be a lot closer to her goal. Of course, Edward's presence would greatly increase the likelihood she would be caught-– but desperate times and all that. She had to get there somehow. "Alright," she finally agreed.
The automatic rush of pleasure Edward felt at the idea of being alone with Bella in La Push was astounding. He swayed on his feet. If he was a cartoon, he would have floated right off into the air-– maybe with little hearts where his eyes were.
Edward turned around quickly, telling Bella that he just needed to find his keys. Really, he just needed to get rid of the ridiculously flighty feeling. Replace it with something more masculine. Like…hunting. Right. There were wolves in the woods around La Push. He didn't like wolves. He could hunt them down.
Of course, he didn't own a gun.
And the wolves were protected on the reservation – something about being sacred animals.
But it was still manlier to think about. Guns and blood and killing your own meal. Bringing home the bacon for your family.
Feeding his cousin-wife Bella and their web-footed gaggle of children with sacred wolf meat.
Edward sighed to himself as he retrieved his keys. This was going to be an interesting afternoon.
~0~
Jacob and his friends turned out to be a lot easier to find than Bella expected. Of course, jumping off cliffs tended to do that - draw attention to a person.
Bella had been planning to reroute to the few shops in the town as soon as Edward was safely out of eyesight when she heard a loud, wild whoop. She look over just in time to see a russet-skinned blur launch itself off a cliff and into the frothy water below.
She screamed, sure she had witnessed a suicide. Then she heard more whoops and looked up to see a few more human-shaped beings on top of the cliff, cheering. Still, she ran to the waterline, scanning anxiously until the blur reappeared, considerably closer now. She recognized Jacob Black instantly. As he caught sight of her he grinned, holding his head above the water as he dog paddled quickly in her direction.
It was almost cute. "Hey BB!" he shouted as he got to the point where he could stand in the surf. "What's up?"
"BB?" Bella asked, perplexed.
"You said your name was Bella Brandon, right?" Jacob returned, grinning as he straightened up.
Holy shit - this kid's pastime was obviously lifting whole cars. "Uh, sure," Bella agreed, not really knowing what he asked.
Realizing what she was looking at, Jacob smirked. "So, where's your boyfriend?" he asked, stretching nonchalantly.
Bella was momentarily distracted trying to count exactly how many abs he had. Seriously? "Um – he wasn't my boyfriend."
"Score," said a second boy, emerging from the surf. Bella vaguely remembered him as Quil Ateara. He grinned at her impishly. "His loss, our gain."
Feigning playfulness, Jacob shoved Quil, sending him sprawling into the waves. "Anyway," he said, ignoring Quil's loud string of curses, "what brings you back to First Beach? I'm pretty sure it's not the sun."
"I don't know," Bella said carefully, trying to be somewhat charming because she needed a favor from these kids, "I'm pretty white. Whatever little sun you get on this beach would probably give me a tan."
Jacob grinned at her again and Bella found herself wondering if teeth that white could possibly be natural. "Anyway," she said to herself and him, "I heard there was a s-strip club up here. Is that right?"
The younger boy's eyebrows shot up, obviously not expecting that. "Sure. The Wolves' Den," he rolled his eyes.
Bella bit her lip and then huffed, trying to decide the best plan of attack. She put on a slightly condescending look as she gave Jacob a once over. "How old are you anyway?"
He stood up straighter, quirking an eyebrow at her. "Age is just a number, baby."
Using a tactic she'd picked up from Edward, looking up from beneath her eyelashes and pretending she didn't feel ridiculous, Bella allowed herself to smile. "Alright, well here's the thing. I need to be there tonight, but my birthday is a few months away. Tell me you have the hook up."
They were joined then by Quil and the last blurry figure, now dripping wet, Embry. "What are you trying to say, pale-face? You think we all know each other?"
Bella's facade crumbled. "No - that's not what-" she started to explain, but then the three boys broke up laughing.
"Relax," said Jacob, "Embry was kidding. We do 'got the hook up.'"
Quil scoffed, "But why are you looking for them? Sam, Paul, and Jerad are alright, I guess, but who needs them when you got the younger, hotter models right here?" he flexed.
"Well, thanks but I'm not exactly shopping in the boys or men section," she smirked.
"You said that guy wasn't your boyfriend," Jacob said easily. "What's the harm in looking?" He paused, cocking his head thoughtfully. "Unless you're shopping in the women or girls section..."
"No," Bella said, smiling wryly. "My heart's kind of off the market right now," she said with a sigh.
"Ahh," Jacob nodded understandingly. He actually was pretty easy to talk to. "Why do you want to go to the Wolves' Den, then?"
"It would mean a lot to the people I'm staying with. They think I'm eighteen," she admitted.
"Sounds problematic," Embry snickered.
"Age is inconvenient," Bella shrugged.
"Tell me about it," Quil commiserated.
Jacob contemplated. "Alright, BB. Here's the deal. I can get you in," he baited.
"And?" Bella prompted, a little nervous about what they would ask for in payment.
"Just a little kiss," Jacob said, grinning and tapping his lips. "No tongue. I promise."
His boys were snickering and saying, 'Go, boy!' under their breath.
Bella considered this. "No tongue?" she verified.
"Scout's honor," Jacob said solemnly.
"And you swear you can get me in?"
Jacob nodded. "I promise."
For some reason, Bella believed him. It seemed like a relatively simple price to pay at this point. "Fine," she said quickly, before she could change her mind.
Embry and Quil whooped. Ignoring them, Bella stepped up to Jacob. She was surprised when he wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her close. She didn't have time to protest before his lips were on hers.
It certainly wasn't bad. For a moment, Bella tensed when he didn't immediately let her go. Then she realized resignedly that his favor was worth more than a peck. She relaxed into the kiss.
Then he pulled her closer. Bella's hands came up, pushing him away slightly.
He didn't stop kissing her, but he didn't try to deepen their kiss either. Bella squirmed.
That was when she heard Edward's furious voice. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
Edward quickly pushed himself between a surprised Bella and Jacob. The latter held his hands out in a peacemaking gesture. "Whoa, whoa buddy. Calm down," he started.
"Don't tell me to calm down," Edward shoved Jacob back, completely oblivious to Embry and Quil who came to back their friend up.
"Edward!" Bella protested, finding her voice again. "It's okay... I ... I agreed to ..."
Edward swung to look at her, complete devastation on his face. "Oh," he said quietly.
Jacob looked back and forth between Edward and Bella. He raised his eyebrows at Bella. "Wow, go girl. You know how to work it, don't you?" he seemed highly amused. "So this is the guy who has your heart?"
All the color drained away from Bella's face as she stared at Edward with wide eyes. He was staring incredulously back.
Looking back and forth between them again and his perpetual grin fell a little bit. "Ohhhh, that was a secret, wasn't it. Um. Whoops?"
Bella didn't respond. She was busy finding the ground entirely fascinating.
"Anyway," Jacob said, awkwardly. "Bella, what we talked about - no problem. And... I'm just going to ... not be here." He motioned with his head to the other boys and they retreated rapidly.
For a long time neither Edward or Bella spoke, then the former sighed heavily. "Ah, this is wrong."
Bella lifted her head, wondering what, exactly, he was talking about.
"I should be able to leave you alone," he started, running his hands through his hair. "I shouldn't have interrupted you and ..." he trailed off, gesturing to Jacob's retreating figure.
"No, Edward you don't understand," Bella tried to explain, but Edward cut her off.
"I get it, Bella. I do. I mean. We can't... You were just trying something else, right? Anyone but me. I get it. We shouldn't think about each other the way we do. We should... fuck," he stumbled, obviously in pain.
Bella couldn't stand to see the anguished look on his face. "Edward, I...I... I'm not your cousin. I'm not Alice," she blurted out suddenly.
To her surprise, Edward laughed bitterly. "God, I wish that was true."
"It is true!" Bella admitted to her feet. "Your cousin - the real Alice... She's... Well, she's a pain in the ass, but she's my best friend. And I just couldn't stand to see her so upset, and -"
"Whoa, just ... what are you saying. If you're not Alice, who are you?" Edward demanded.
"My name is Isabella Swan. Alice - when her mother told her she had to come here, she was so upset. She convinced me to go instead. She said that no one would know," she whispered. It sounded so stupid to her now.
There was utter silence for full minutes as Bella waited for the furious yelling to start...or for his footsteps walking away from her.
Instead, his hand cupped her cheek and pulled her face up. When she finally met his eyes, she saw they were wide - not quite believing. "You're not Alice?"
Bella shook her head.
"You're just Bella," he clarified.
Bella nodded.
Another few, long heartbeats and then a breathtaking grin came over Edward's face. Abruptly, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her up against him so hard that they both let out an, 'oof'. He barely let them each take a breath before his mouth was on hers - strong and incredibly joyous.
Bella made a startled little noise in the back of her throat and then all but melted into their kiss. Her arms snaked around his back, gripping the fabric of the light sweater he wore.
They parted, panting because they'd both forgotten to breathe through their nose. Edward grinned again and stooped for another kiss when Bella backed away slightly.
"Wait, wait!" Bella pleaded.
"I swear to God, if you tell me you're kidding…" Edward trailed off.
"No, I'm not kidding. But…you're not mad at me? I mean, I've been lying to you and your family," Bella responded incredulously.
"Bella," Edward smirked at her, "Ever since the moment we met I've thought I was losing my mind. I thought I was a pervert - what with the fantasizing about my cousin non-stop and all. I'm pretty stoked that our babies won't have webbed feet."
"We're having babies?" Bella squeaked.
Edward flushed red. "Shit, that came out wrong. I mean - Emmett just put it in my head, that's all."
"Emmett knows?" Bella's voice was making Alice-like increases in tone and volume.
"Emmett and Jasper," Edward admitted, rubbing the back of his neck self-consciously. "I'm kind of bad at hiding my feelings for you, I guess."
At this Bella smiled shyly. "Your feelings for me?"
Edward rolled his eyes. "Bella, I'm fucking crazy about you. I mean - I'd have to be pretty fucking nuts for someone to get around the whole cousin-ick factor, right?"
Now Bella grinned, and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him again.
Not in the mood to talk about realistic things - like what was going to happen now - Edward and Bella spent the rest of the day essentially making up for all the making-out they'd missed out on during the majority of their teen years.
In fact, they were still doing that - their legs tangled together in a not so innocent fashion - on Edward's bed a little later that afternoon. With Edward's hands up her shirt and his shirt completely off, both of them were more than a little distracted.
Which would explain why they didn't hear the door opening, or the horrified gasp of the person who stepped through Edward's doorway.
A/N: Dun dun dun. Who could it be! Thank you all for your kind birthday wishes. I had a fabulous time on the cruise. Alaska was unbearably gorgeous. Mike, Chaske, and Jodelle were awesome. Mike in particular is kind of hot and made of amazing. Thank you to my girls josieswan and dizzygrl28 for beta work. Sorry about not responding to last chap's reviews. I'm back now so I should be able to respond to this chapter's. I love y'all. Hit the button ma thinger. PLEASE!