A/n: WOW! It's been a VERY VERY long time! And for that I'm a million times sorry! these past two days have had this, like, need to write write write. And that is what I've been doing. lol. So yeah, here's chapter 10! jeez. it's depressing and kinda doesn't make sense but...yeah. lol. So THANK YOU! to everyone whose STILL reading and STILL reviewing! You guys are AMAZING! take a minute to pat yourselves on the back.

i've got nothing to say
i'm out of feeling
you're out of the game
go have a whole lot of nothing
with her.
my head is spinning
my tears are drained

but you've been tamed
you turned your whole life
into something she can hold
just when i thought
nothing was wrong
you let me down again
just when i thought
we had it down
just when i thought
you would stay
you changed your mind
you chose wrong

-Caught in a Blonde By HorrorPops

Chapter 10: Just when I thought Nothing was wrong

"Richard? Whose this?" Richard senior asked.

I gulped.

Cassidy looked pale and pissed. He was looking everywhere but at me and Dick. Crap.

"This...is my friend, Mac." Dick said stepping away from me and into the hallway.

I followed reluctantly and waited for the rest of the show down.

"What happened to your friend Madison?" Cassidy said his anger gone in place of a smirk.

Suddenly I knew what he had in his power. He could break Madison and Dick up, make everyone aware of the...something Dick and I had going on. Maybe even turn the whole school against us.

Jesus.

Was I really ready to give up the small social life I had because of Dick? Was Dick ready to give up his huge social life for me? Was he ready to take taunts about dating the high school computer freak? Was I ready for taunts about dating a guy that only wanted to get into my pants?

The answers were obviously no.

I glanced over at Dick and he seemed to realize the same thing as me. The bottom line was we weren't ready for any of this, not yet, not now. We weren't ready to take on the whole school like Veronica and Logan have done and we weren't ready to seriously love each other and stop beating around the bush. We were stuck and needed to figure something out.

"Cassidy? Can I talk to you?" I asked suddenly looking at Dick who looked confused.

"Sure, Mac." Cassidy said smirking then looking over my shoulder at Dick, "Dick come too."

We left Dick's family looking confused and I heard 'slut' and 'Madison was such a nice girl.' I shuddered when hearing that. Madison a nice girl? If Madison was a nice girl then I was Queen of Neptune. Something that will never happen.

"Dick, did you dump Madison?" Cassidy started after we got as far from their family as possible.

I watched Dick shift back and forth, looking uncomfortable. Finally he muttered a 'no.'

And Cassidy turned to me. "I thought we were...friends."

"We are friends!" I protested when he gave me a yeah-right look.

I considered him a friend. I told him things I didn't want anyone else to know...uh oh.

"I care about you." I said hoping he wasn't going to say any of the things I told him confidentially.

"You just care about Dick more." Cassidy pointed out.

"No! I just...it was a one time thing." I said desperate.

It seemed I cared more about this getting out then Dick did. I tried to ignore Dick's hurt look and Cassidy disbelieving one.

"I care about both of you. I like both of you. Stuff happens." I said not knowing what to say. Everything was happening too fast and my feelings were too jumbled.

"We've been together for almost a year!" I blurted not knowing or having a good reason as to why I said that.

"It's complicated." I added softly.

"Well, we have two choices here, either a, you guys stop or b, I tell Madison and the entire school."

"Beav..." Dick whined, "can't we talk about this?"

Cassidy shook his head and was probably a second away from rolling his eyes.

"It's not ethical. I know, Madison is a bitch, but she still has feelings, she deserves to know when her boyfriend is cheating on her. And you, leading everyone on like this, does Veronica even know? And dating that guy, whatever his name was, and then hanging around me? How inconsiderate are you?"

I was speechless. I considered myself a good person.

"We were—"

"I'm sure. But the thing is, you don't love each other, you probably never will. You come from two completely different worlds, you don't understand each other."

"We—" I started again glancing at Dick who looked torn between rage and depression.

"You. Don't. Love. Each. Other. So stop and move on with your lives. You don't want the entire school finding out, trust me."

I looked at Dick, but he seemed to be avoiding me gaze.

"If you guys keep sneaking around I will tell Veronica and Madison along with everyone else." Cassidy added crossing off any chance Dick and I had of sneaking around even more.

We were over.

Doomed.

And we didn't even have to break up.

"Say your goodbyes, now." Cassidy said.

I'm pretty sure if I was looking at him I would see a smile on his face. Dick wasn't looking at him either. I was looking at Dick.

"My cousins having a baby." I whispered wanting for Dick to look at me one last time.

Just one time...but he never did before I got into that elevator and disappeared up to the next floor.

I felt tears bubbling but I tried to force them down because I had to face Veronica and my family. I put my fist in my mouth so I wouldn't let out any sound. I knocked my head against the wall wanting the tears to go back in.

Dick and I were over.

For good.

There was no running back and begging. Hell it wasn't even his choice. It was Cassidy's choice. Cassidy basically blackmailed us. Stupid jackass.

I took a deep breath in and tried to act like everything was ok. But in the reflection of the doors my hair was messy from my hands running through it so much, my cheeks were red from embarrassment, and my eyes were sad. I was a broken mess and I couldn't vent or tell anyone why.

The doors opened and I took small steps.

"Where were you? What took so long?" Veronica asked as I sat down next to her.

"Sorry." I muttered quietly.

"What's the matter? It's looks like your cat was just run over."

"I don't have a cat."

"I know that...Mac, seriously what's the matter? You look really sad." I glanced at her slowly.

I was really sad.

"Nothing." I whispered clutching my hands. I dug my fingernails into my palms to keep from crying. I was trying to take the concentration off my current situation and keep the tears from coming.

It worked, basically.

Until I felt one tear escape.

Just one.

That was all I was letting.

At least for right now.

We left the hospital after a few more hours. My parents and everyone else stayed. Just Veronica and I went. My parents said I looked distraught. And needed to be taken somewhere.

Veronica offered and we drove back to her place. Logan and Wallace were there and I was surprised to see a bucket full of ice cream.

"Girl, why do you look so down?" Wallace asked as we walked in.

"I'm not." I said quietly sitting on the couch with the bucket in my lap. I grabbed a spoon and dug in.

"I'm fine." I said again shoving a spoonful into my mouth.

"Totally fine." I said again taking another scoop.

I saw Logan and Veronica look at each other side ways. I continued shoving ice cream in my mouth.

"Let's watch a movie." Veronica announced after a long silence.

I nodded and scooted over on the couch.

I watched.

I don't remember anything that happened. I don't remember the storyline or characters. If you asked me, Monday, if I saw a movie over Thanksgiving break I would say no. I guess it was a funny movie, everyone kept laughing.

I wasn't.

I just ate.

And ate.

And ate.

I didn't care.

Cassidy made me break up with Dick. I know we could sneak around, but he was probably too worried about his social status and Madison. Why would he give that up for me? What was so special about me?

I wasn't. Was the answer. I was just plane old Mac.

But in a way I was also worried about Veronica, Logan, and Wallace finding out. I mean, what would they think of me? I know I shouldn't care, but Veronica is always saying how big on an ass Dick is. Wallace makes fun of him for his dumbness. Logan and him are friends, yes, but...it's complicated. Like everything else.

It sucks.

Like everything else.

I glanced at the bucket of ice cream and winced. There was probably a few more bits left and it was done. Whoops.

I set the ice cream down and curled into the side of the chair. The movie was still on and everyone was watching. I crossed my arms over myself and looked out the window. It was dark slowly lightening up, though. I realized I'd been up all night. I felt like sleeping.

"Veronica? Can I go to sleep in your room?" I said suddenly.

Everyone looked at me and she nodded smiling. I got up and started walking to her room. I heard Logan ask 'what's up with her?' Veronica must have shrugged because I didn't hear a reply.

Walk.

One step.

Two steps.

I fell into the bed just pausing to take my shoes off. I curled into a ball and felt the tears I was holding in before let out.

One tear.

Two tear.

Three tear.

Four tear. A

n ocean wave of tears.

I shoved my fist in my mouth to keep from making sound. I couldn't breath. Snot was running everywhere. I grabbed a tissue to try and clean up.

It took me awhile, though, to pull myself together. As I tried falling asleep I suddenly realized. If I was taking it this hard, did it matter what everyone else thought? I felt like my heart was breaking, I would never be held again and no one would care about me for the rest of my life. Was it worth it? Did this mean I did actually love Dick? Is this how I know I love Dick, by not feeling whole when he's around? By crying when someone says I can't be with him because they'll tell everyone about us? Was it worth people finding out if I could just be with Dick?

I jumped with fright when I felt a buzzing against my leg.

Where r u? I miss u :-( happy thanksgiving btw. -Dick.

All of the answers were 'yes.' It was worth it.

(A/n: So? How was it? I know it was depressing...lol. But was it good?)