AN1: Thank you, everyone, for the reviews, alerts, and faves of this story. I really appreciate them all.
AN2: The angst probably will start here.
Disclaimer: I don't own R&I.
Chapter 10
The rest of the Sunday morning was spent in silence. The previous night was totally awkward for the younger ladies. Good thing, Constance, and Angela were really great in entertaining so from time to time, Jane and Maura were able to exchange few comments regarding the topic they were having. But they never dared look at each other longer than they always used to. After the warm dinner that Constance and Angela prepared, they had a moment and talked everything except the incident that had taken both Maura's and Jane's mind. They watched a movie and when they were all already exhausted, they retreated to their respective bedrooms. Jane did not stay at Maura's bedroom that night, having the feeling that she wanted to be alone and analyze everything that has taken place. She knew that Maura might think that she's avoiding her though it wasn't really her intention. She just needed an idle time to think. She even thought of going back to her apartment right at that moment but thought that it was too much and might hurt Maura for running away though in the first place she was the reason why they were in that situation. But she must admit, she was already tempted capturing the doctor's lips that moment. She wanted to take the risk. And she didn't where the urge of kissing her best friend came from. It was just there, lingering.
Unknown to Jane, Maura was glad that her detective friend decided to stay in the other room. It was not that she doesn't want to spend time with her, it was just, she needed time to analyze everything. Yes, that morning, she admitted to herself, that probably or might be, she has feelings for Jane. But what was it for the detective? She doesn't know. Was she playing around? Or she actually wanted to act on herself and reciprocate her feelings for her? No, this is too early to conclude that. She had a lot of questions running through her mind. And she needed answers. There's only one way to find out though. She has to her out of her room and go to the other room and ask that one person who was responsible for her confusion and running her heart wild. Her best friend. Maura stayed up late that night wondering and analyzing everything until she finally drifted off to sleep hours before the normal waking hours.
In the morning, after taking their breakfast, and chatting with their mothers for a little while, Maura went back to her room and made an excuse saying that she will just read some articles about medicine. The three nodded. Jane, on the other hand, still wanting to get out of the house, but didn't manage to do it, retreated herself to the doctor's office room and decided to indulge herself in reading again. She needed to relive her stress after all and figure out how she will approach Maura again without being awkward by her presence.
Angela rolled her eyes at the actions of the two. Constance was amused to the highest level of her amusement. Maura and Jane were worse than a twelve-year-old boy who just developed a feeling for his best friend.
"Really? They are worse than I thought." Angela muttered.
Constance chuckled. "Stubborn and dense. They are hopeless."
"What do you say we leave them alone?" Angela grinned.
As if sensing what Angela wanted to say, Constance nodded and smirked. "I agree with whatever you have in mind."
Early that afternoon, Jane and Maura were already settled in the living room but they're still not talking, yet. Maura was on the kitchen island, still 'reading' the article she was reading that early in the morning probably for the fifth time of that day while Jane sat on the couch and watched TV but never really understood what was being said or did in the screen. Just by knowing that each other wasn't that far from each other, makes them feel awkward. How will it not be? They never talked about it since they woke up. They never had the chance or better said, they never took a chance to talk about it. So they indulged themselves in doing things they thought will help them relax.
Angela and Constance emerged from the backdoor, well dressed. "Hi girls." Angela beamed at them.
Both Jane and Maura turned to look at them. "Ma, you're dressed. Where are you going?" Jane asked.
"Mother, are you going somewhere this afternoon?" Maura turned to her mother.
"Oh yes, dear. I invited Angela to accompany in a gallery of a friend of mine. I hope it's okay for both of you to be alone." Constance said.
"Coz it looks like you two need to be alone." Angela whispered but loud enough so Constance can hear.
"What is it Ma?" Jane raised an eyebrow.
"I said. I agreed to the invitation. You know earlier when everyone was silent, we talked about arts. And my fanciness about it. And Constance here shared to me her own fanciness about arts and her works, too. Isn't that amazing?" Angela smiled widely.
"Really Ma? I never thought you liked arts. And I never thought you two were becoming fast friends." Jane smirked. She knows what Constance and Angela were up to. And she wanted to get back at them in every way possible.
"Well yeah, I have for awhile. And Constance was really fun to talk with."
"And so are you, Angela." Constance smiled.
"Well, enjoy your afternoon. I hope you two will have a great time." Maura said with a confused smile but still unaware of the facade of the two older women.
"We should go." Constance said to Angela.
The two were about to go out the door when Jane called out for one last time. "Enjoy your date ladies." Jane said with a childlike grin on her face and waved goodbye to the two. Maura chuckled at the remark.
And since Angela was stubborn as her daughter, she fought back. "Yeah sure. You two have fun here. Go clean, or get everything out of the closet. Or cook or better yet talk. Stop being like a twelve-year-old."
The moment the door was shut, Jane and Maura were remained frozen in their respective seats, staring at the closed door. Did they just hear Angela right? Or their minds were just playing tricks on them? Surely, they heard her correct.
"That was interesting." Maura muttered and slowly shifted her gaze to Jane. The brunette met her gaze halfway, still a little stunned.
"Yeah, very." Jane nodded.
Maura suddenly put down her articles on top of the kitchen island and felt like not reading anymore. But stared at it eventually as the letters becoming hazy. Jane, on the other hand, turned off the TV then stared at the black screen. She suddenly felt making excuses to go out but felt like being an ass and a child or a twelve-year-old just like what her mother said so she hesitated. She stood up and got herself a beer. After opening it, she drank it to half then stared at her best friend. Then she realized she missed talking to the blonde. She studied her first, but since Maura was looking down, she couldn't pinpoint her facial expression. The last resort was to go and talk to her.
After a long idle moment between the two and with a silence that was quite deafening to their ears, Jane approached Maura and sat beside her. She nudged the blonde doctor to look up at her. And Maura did. She looked up and found Jane smiling down at her. So smiled back. "What are you reading?"
"Holocaust." Maura simply replied.
Jane quirked an eyebrow at the response. "Was that the one that kills people with fire?"
Maura smiled brightly, enthusiastic at the prospect that her best friend was probably interested in the topic. "Yes, it is. It was an amazing article though the content was really horrible."
"I know right? But why are you reading that? I mean really? History."
"Yeah. I saw this article from my old files and it caught my attention so I read it." Maura said. "Did you know that Adolf Hitler was the one who ordered to kill the Jews with fire known as the Holocaust?"
"Yeah because Adolf Hitler was threatened by them that's why he ordered it."
Maura narrowed her eyes at her best friend. "Wow you know History. That's great. We can talk a lot about it more."
Jane shook her head and made a disgusting face. "No Maura. I'm not interested in History."
"Oh. What subject are you interested in?"
You.
Jane shook her head again but this time, it was to clear her thoughts. "Listen we just happen to have a World History subject when I was in high school that's why I knew about that Holocaust thing."
"Oh. So what do you want to talk about then?"
Jane sigh. She has to do this because it's now or never. She needed to clear the air off around the two of them and go back to normal and do things that they usually do without being awkward around each other. "Listen, about what happened yesterday...hmm..." Maura was intently looking at her and listening carefully, waiting for Jane to continue and finish what she was about to say. "I'm sorry about it... you know... I was just a...having...fun... but really I'm sorry." Her face reddened for stammering. She looked like an idiot and she mentally kicked herself for that.
Silence.
Maura smiled and nodded. "Jane, that was just you being a child."
Jane raised an eyebrow. She didn't expect that kind of response. "Really Maur? Me? A child?"
"Yes. I'm sure. You know when you're not stressed and you're in a good mood, you have the tendency to be a child. Most of the times."
Jane swatted Maura on the shoulder playfully. "I hate you, Maura Isles."
"No, you don't hate me. You just don't like me stating the truth." Maura grinned. "But you know you're not like a twelve-year-old kid like what Angela told you."
"Really? What am I then?"
"Four? Or maybe five?"
Jane faked her gasp. "Maura." And they both chuckled. After laughter, they both wiped their eyes with tears.
"So are we good?" Jane asked.
"Yeah. What happened earlier was just us being weird."
"Yeah. When there was nothing really to be weird about." Jane replied. Or so they thought.
"Agreed." Maura smiled. Glad that the tension between her and Jane eased.
"Anyway, tomorrow, I'm going back to work. Now that we have a lot for the other suspect of your abduction and who burned down my apartment. We need to focus." Jane said seriously.
"I understand. I also decided that I'll go back to work tomorrow, too." Maura turned to her best friend.
"Are you sure about that Maur?"
"Yeah. I need this. I need a distraction to keep myself away from my horrible thoughts."
Jane nodded. "Okay. Whatever you need to do to make you okay."
Silence.
"And Maur? There's one more thing."
"Hmm? What is it?"
"I know I promised that I'll stay with you until you feel safe enough. But is it okay if I go back to my place? Promise this has nothing to do with what took place yesterday." Jane quickly added the last part. And now it felt like she's being defensive and disgusted.
Maura gave her a reassuring smile then nodded but the thought of being alone in her own house and not having Jane around all the time, disappointed her. "Whatever you need to do Jane. It's okay. And like what I said before we begin this friendship, I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't like."
Jane smiled back and put an arm around Maura's shoulder. She already felt comfortable doing it again. Now it got her thinking. Why does it everything feels easy with Maura? "Thanks, Maur."
"Anytime Jane."
"I do have one question though."
"Yeah? What is it?"
"Maur, what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?"
Maura was surprised at the question. She hadn't seen it coming. "But Jane. That's impossible. It's a paradox."
Jane raised an eyebrow with an amused expression on her face. "Oh? How so?"
"You see both of them cannot exist at the same time. Because if there is such thing as an unstoppable force, there can't be anything as immovable object. It is flawed Jane." Maura explained, but unsure of her response.
Jane was silent for a while, then nodded, then smiled. "Okay."
That night, as what Jane told Maura earlier that afternoon, she went back to her apartment. Upon entering, she suddenly felt cold and empty. And what was stranger is, the one she used to call home felt like it belonged to another person and not to her. She slowly went to her bedroom and slumped herself on the bed. She feels a little strange and relieved. Relieved because she finally cleared the tension between her and Maura. Strange because there's still uneasiness she felt after leaving Maura's house. But the good thing is, they were back to their normal selves around each other. But something's amiss. She knew after that incident, something between them changed. To her, especially.
She sat up and turned on her radio to settle and calm herself. She really needed to clear her thoughts she seemed to be having about Maura. She went back to her old position, closed her eyes and indulged herself in the sweet melody coming from the radio. But it's as if fate is playing tricks on her, while she was reliving the memory of her and Maura yesterday particularly the moment she was on top of her because of her clumsiness, a soft melody of love song played on the radio.
Been running from these feelings for so long
Telling my heart I didn't mean it
Pretending I was better off alone
But I know that it's just a lie
So afraid to take a chance again
So afraid of what I'd feel inside
But I need to be next to you (need to be next to you)
Oh I, oh I
I need to share every breath with you (share every breath with you)
Oh I, oh I
I need to know I can see your smile each morning
Look into your eyes each night
For the rest of my life
Here with you, near with you
Oh I
I need to be next to you
Need to be next to you
Right here with you is right where I belong
I'll lose my mind if I can't see you
Without you, there is nothing in this life
That would make life worth living for
I can't bear the thought of you not there
I can't fight what I feel anymore
'cause I need to be next to you (need to be next to you)
Oh I, oh I
I need to share every breath with you (share every breath with you)
Oh I, oh I
I need to know I can see your smile each morning
Look into your eyes each night
For the rest of my life
Here with you, near with you
Oh I
I need to be next to you
I need to have your heart next to mine
For all the time
Hold you for all my life
I need to be next to you
I need to be next to you (to be next to you)
Oh I, oh I
Need to be, need to be next to you
Share every breath with you
Oh, oh I
I need to feel you in my arms, babe (oh...)
In my arms, babe (oh I...)
I need to be next to you
Oh I, oh I
(oh I...)
Jane listened to the song while her eyes were closed. This was the first time she heard the song but it somewhat pierced her heart. It's like, the song was telling her something. The moment the song ended, she opened her eyes and found tears flowing from her eyes on her cheeks. She wiped them as her heart fluttered and felt like bursting from her chest realizing what her mind was thinking throughout the song. Maura. It dawned on her, she has feelings for her best friend. But not that just platonically. She's willing to admit that. There might be a big possibility that she's in love with her. She felt warmth in her heart knowing that who's occupying her heart currently is Maura. But she felt scared also. Scared not because of what she's feeling. Scared that if she pushed this through, she knows Maura will just attract more danger because of her which she didn't like to happen. That's why she couldn't tell her. No. She won't tell her. That's why she came to that last resort of her. Feel the possible agony than risk everything.
AN3: The song is entitled as 'Need to be next to you' and Leigh Nash owns that song. :)