Chapter Nine: Like Toy Soldiers

Ashley's POV

Step by step
Heart to heart
Left right left
We all fall down like toy soldiers
Bit by bit
Torn apart
We never win
But the battle wages on for toy soldiers

I heard the shots and I ran.

I couldn't even tell you how I knew it was Sean, but I did. I didn't leave my bag, I carried it with me. My feet carry me to where the sound came from. I skid to a stop and the entrance of the alley and peek around the corner.

That's when I see Two Tone.

He's standing over a body; there is another one behind him. I know immediately that one of those bodies is Sean's.

"Punk ass bitch", he says before kicking the body in front of him. I want to run out there and kill him, but I stay put. They make their way out of the alley and I hide. As soon as they are out of sight I run to Sean's body, jumping over another in the process.

He was shot four times.

I drop to my knees in front of him, pulling his head into my lap.

Every breath I take feels strained. I keep closing my eyes and opening them, wishing this moment away.

"Sean" Tears make their way down my cheeks and onto Sean's body. My heart feels like someone is squeezing it.

This can't be happening…not to Sean.

Not to my brother.

I move my bag off of my shoulders and lay down on the cold ground next to him. I move his gun away from us and lie partially on top of him. I don't care when the blood soaks my own clothes, I just want to lay here.

"Why is that even a question? You're like my little sister Ash", He throws an arm around my shoulder. "I fucking love you kid", he jokes.

"I love you", I mummer into his shirt.

I've never lost someone I truly care about before.

My mom left me, but she made a choice. I never knew who my real father was and the only other person I had was Spencer.

I get it now.

I get where Spencer is coming from because she lost a whole family. Everyone she truly loved with the exception of Glen is gone. Heaven only knows where he is at this point in time.

But the main thing is I get it.

Because lying next to Sean, I'm feeling more broken than I've ever felt in my life.

It's funny how oblivious other people can be here. I'm lying in this dirty alley, watching people walk by and not one person looks in this direction. If they did look they obviously didn't care.

Not one person realizes that the best guy in the world is lying dead.

I don't call for help, he's beyond that point. After I don't know how long I get up and place a kiss on his forehead.

"Thank you", I whisper in his ear.

I grab his gun and place it in my bag.

I don't want the police thinking this was just some gang member who got what they deserve. I search for his wallet and find a picture of his son and his son's mother. I pull it out and put his wallet back in his pocket. I search my bag for a pen and finally find one. I flip the picture over and scribble on the back;

He was a father.

Because that's what it all boils down to in the end.

Nothing more… nothing less.

I grab my bag and throw it over my shoulder.

"I'm going to keep my promise" Are the last words I say to him. I hope somehow he hears me. I walk over to a nearby pay phone and call 911. A woman picks up and asks for my emergency. "A man's been shot"

I hang up the phone without another word.

/

Spencer's not in the room when I get to the motel.

I gather her things and place them in her bag. I pay our bill and head towards Aiden's place. There I can get Spencer and the money from Sean's room. It takes me nearly an hour, but I reach his house. I thank God when I see none of his goons are around. I look into one of the windows and see Spencer curled into herself on the couch. I knock a few times and she looks over at me. She gestures to the front door and when I walk over to it she is already in the doorway.

"Jesus Ashley, what happened?" I look down at myself and realize I'm still covered in Sean's blood. That explains why the motel manager was in such a rush to get me out.

"Sean's dead", I respond emotionlessly. Spencer's mouth hangs open and she looks as though she may cry. "We have to leave tonight" I try to push past her into the house, but she pulls me into a hug. I immediately shrug her off and she appears hurt. "Hold me when it's over" She nods her head, knowing that I don't want to break down now. "Where's Aiden?"

"He went with Madison to take care of a few things"

"Perfect, we need to hurry" I rush into the house and Spencer follows me to Sean's room.

Don't cry, I remind myself when I see his stuff.

I tear through the movie cases and find the money inside a Player's Club case. There are four wads of twenties neatly placed inside of it. I stuff the money in my bag and see a note at the bottom.

I'll read it later.

"What's going on?" Spencer asks.

"Sean left us some money, but we have to get out of here now" Spencer runs her fingers through her hair and runs out of the room. I follow behind her as she runs upstairs to a random room. She's already inside and when I get to the door I see her leaning over a bed. Inside the bed is a young girl with bruises all over her face.

"Come on… you have to get out of here" Spencer is frantic as she helps the girl sit up. "I lied to you, these are bad people and whatever they tell you is a lie. You need to go home; whatever is happening at home isn't as bad as what's out here"

"But you said…", the girl starts. Spencer shakes her head and tears are flowing from her eyes.

"I lied… I'm a bad person, but I'm going to fix it okay? Me and my friend Ashley are going to drop you off at a police station" She cups the young girls face and stares into her eyes. "This life isn't for you… save yourself. Go to school and graduate. Go to college and fall in love and all of that stuff you read about in the corny movies. You hear me?" The girl nods her head and my heart breaks.

Because it's too late for me and Spencer to have these things.

/

I'm waiting with Spencer nearby the police station. Spencer gave me her jacket to cover up most of the blood. I'm leaning against a wall serving as a lookout.

Spencer is talking to the girl, who I found out is named Sam.

"I'm so sorry" It's the tenth time Spencer has said it to the girl. I don't know the whole story, but Spencer rarely apologizes. That alone should tell me something. Sam doesn't say anything; she silently walks in the direction of the station.

"Wait here" I say to Spencer. "Hey kid" She stops walking and turns to face me. "We've been homeless for four years. My life has always been fucked up, but Spencer… she used to be normal. She had a mom, dad, and two brothers" The girl just continues to look at me. "She had a loving family and then one day… she didn't" She doesn't need the details, their not mine to share. "I'm not trying to justify what she did to you. I just want you to know she wasn't always like this and she's trying to fix it"

"Whatever"

"No… not whatever. Whether you see it or not she's saving you"

"I was fine before she came along"

"No you weren't" I protest. "This…" I gesture around us. "This is not a life for a kid. You should be at home with your parents"

"They're getting divorced!" She yells.

"SO FUCKING WHAT!" I lower my voice when I realize Spencer can hear us. "My best friend was murdered tonight... "She lowers her head shamefully. "His son is never going to see him again and you're upset because you'll have to split your time between two parents?" I shake my head and stare walking backwards. "Kid… I wish I had your problems" I turn around and walk back to Spencer. She's watching me with worried eyes.

"Do you think she'll forgive me?" I don't answer Spencer's question. I press a soft kiss to her forehead.

"Let's get out of here"

/

I buy us two Amtrak tickets to Sacramento. I figure it's far enough away for us to figure out a plan. On the bus Spencer falls asleep immediately, laying her head on my shoulder. I place one of our blankets over us. The bus isn't full and the driver turns off the lights. I remember Sean's letter and turn on our overhead light.

Spencer stirs in her sleep so I make sure to read the note quickly.

What up lil sis?

I know you may be hurting right now, hell I was hoping this day would never come, but it did. We both have to face it. I want you to know that your determination for Spencer gave me hope. I've seen people do a lot of crazy things. But I've never in my life seen someone so devoted, like you are with Spencer. The first day we met when I saw you ready to die protecting her, I thought…this girl is something special. Ever since that day I've been proud to know you. I've been ready to do whatever it takes to help you. It's the reason why I didn't run when you told me about Two Tone. I knew what was up and I couldn't let you down. So don't let me down and get Spencer away like you promised. I love you kid, you are blood in my eyes.

P.S. She loves you too, even if she hasn't said anything yet.

I fold the paper up and turn off the light. Spencer moves the blanket to cover me fully and snuggles into me. I let our seats back as far as they can go, which isn't much. Spencer and I face each other, despite the darkness. We don't say anything and soon her lips are on mine. There is no making out or confessions of undying love. It's just her lips on mine.

Nothing more… nothing less.