The Smashing Dead
Episode 2: Starved for Health
Part 5
Ike slowly backed away from Marth.
How? Why? No…
Ike suddenly remembered everyone was sitting in the kitchen.
"Ness!" Ike gasped.
Ike bolted down the stairs, nearly tripping over them and entered the kitchen.
"Don't eat that!" Ike yelled to Ness.
Ness obediently dropped his fork.
"Jeez, Ike. Did ya find something?" Link asked.
"Oh sit your ass down, Ike." Oak scoffed, "This lady has made you a meal."
"Yeah Ike. What's gotten into you?" Ash added.
"Marth is upstairs with his fucking legs cut off!" Ike exclaimed, "You're eating him!"
There were small murmurs around the table. Ike knew he sounded crazy. The only one who seemed to listen to him was Zelda, who took away Toon's plate.
"Now calm down Ike. You're scaring the kids." Link said.
"Ike, what the hell is wrong with you?" Ash said.
"Don't indulge him, Ash." Oak said, "There's always something up with this guy."
"We need to get the kids, everyone, out of here!" Ike persisted, "We need to go NOW."
"…Everything could've turned out ok for you guys…" Dark Pit mused.
"He would've died anyway." Pit added, "We gotta think about living!"
"Settle down, Pit." Palutena said, "I was always taught not to waste. It's how I lived and how I raised Pit and Dark Pit! Now you got monsters roaming around that do nothing but eat people. And for what? To continue to until they eat some more!"
"You're all sick. SICK IN THE HEAD." Ike hissed.
"Ike, that's not a very nice thing to imply." Palutena warned, "Pit's right; we go after folks who were gonna die anyway, one way or another."
Dark Pit looked up from the table. His face twisted into a maniacal grin.
"Like you."
Everyone was frozen for a long moment.
"Ness, run!" Ike screamed.
"No one's going anywhere!" Pit took out his bow and Dark Pit took out his gun.
"What the…what…the fucking…what…FUCK." Oak sputtered.
"Put your guns down!" Ash ordered, "We're walking out of here!"
"Everyone! Everything will be fine!" Ike said.
"Ike…Ike!" Ness whimpered.
Pit suddenly grabbed Ness's shirt collar, nearly flipping him over. Molten steel pulsed through Ike's veins.
"You fucker! I'll tear you apart!"
Dark Pit pushed Ike back with his gun. There was a crashing sound coming from upstairs. Marth dragged himself into everyone's sights.
"Please…someone…" Marth begged before fainting.
Everyone was frozen in fear. Ike looked at Ness, who looked more frightened by the rest.
"Ness-"
Thud.
"…Open the goddamn door!" Oak screamed, "You can't keep us here forever!"
"Will you stop banging that door?" Link yelled back, "We have to find another way out of here!"
Ike painfully turned his head and saw Ash vomiting in the corner.
Oak continued to babble at the closed door, trying to break it down.
"Ike!" Ness gasped.
Ike sat up and slightly shook his head, clearing it.
"A person! They tried to make us eat a person!" Ness said.
"But you didn't do it." Ike pointed out.
"No…"
"Well the rest of us did!" Oak yelled, "If you hadn't dragged your feet-"
"Professor, not now." Ash sighed.
"Are you ok, Ness?" Ike asked, ignoring the professor, "Did they hurt you?"
"No."
"OPEN UP."
"Ike! Those psychos have my family! And we're stuck in a damn meat locker!" Link revealed, "We've gotta get out of here!"
"I'm scared…" Ness whispered.
"Don't be. I'm gonna find a way out of here!"
"Can I help?"
"Sure, look for loose screws or loose panels…anything we can pry away to get a passage out of here."
"Okay."
Ike looked around, the only thing he found was an air vent, but it was screwed in tight.
"I'll break the damn door down!" Oak shrieked.
"Professor, don't!" Ash warned.
"Hrgh!"
"Easy…" Ash said.
"Oh…no…"
"PROFESSOR!"
Oak fell to the ground. Ness stared at the scene, scared.
"Professor, no!"
Ash pumped his chest.
"He's not breathing, I think he had a heart attack!"
"Shit! Is he dead?" Link said.
"He's not dead!" Ash insisted,
"Fuuuuuck…if he's dead…"
"HE'S NOT DEAD."
"You know what has to happen, Ike." Link said, "Think about it. You saw that poor bastard at the motel. How fast he turned."
"What are you saying?" Ash demanded.
"Ash, I'm sorry. I'm truly, truly sorry." Link began, "But in a few minutes, we're gonna be stuck in a locked room with a six foot, two hundred pound, SERIOUSLY pissed off dead guy."
"Fuck you! We can bring him back! Ike!"
"We'll mourn for him later. But right now, we have to keep him from coming back."
"No!" Ness cried.
"Goddammit Link! He's not dead!" Ash insisted.
"We can't kill him if he's not dead, Link." Ike said.
"Remember how hard it was to get that guy off of Zelda? And Oak's twice his size!" Link replied, "It's him or us."
"Look man, back at the store when we all though Toon was bitten, I gave him the benefit of the doubt…Maybe we should do the same now."
"That was different. Toon wasn't bitted, but come on! We know this guy isn't gonna make it!" Link briefly looked away, "Remember what Little Mac said, we gotta destroy the brain. Come on Ike, you can't be in the middle of this one! You gotta have my back this time!"
"Goddammit, Ike. I NEED YOU. Please help me!" Ash begged.
"You're right Link…we need to get this over with…" Ike agreed.
"You fucking monsters! Both of you!"
"I don't wanna watch!" Ness ran to the corner.
Ike pulled Ash away from the dead professor. Regret was already washing over him. Ash struggled against Ike's grip before Link smashed a salt lick into Professor Oak's head. Everything was quiet while Ash mourned over Oak's body.
"Ash…I'm sorry I-" Link said.
"Don't you fucking touch me!"
Ike heard Ness crying in the corner.
"Ness." Ike went over to the child, "Are you okay?"
"Why Ike?" Ness sobbed, "Ash said he wasn't dead!"
"He was dead Ness…"
"But what if he wasn't?"
"H-He was…I promise."
Ness wrapped his arms around Ike, crying into his shoulder.
"Shh…" Ike calmed, "I know, I know. But you have to be strong right now. I need you to be strong. Think about something else…something hopeful."
"Like what?" Ness sniffed.
"How about your walkie talkie?" Ike suggested, "Those pretend talks with your mom and dad. Don't they make you feel better?"
"Sometimes." Ness whispered, "We're gonna get out right? You found a way out?"
"I'm working on it." Ike walked over to Link, "I wonder…There ought to be an air duct behind this unit. Maybe big enough for one of us to fit through."
"I don't know Ike…seems like a longshot." Link said.
"Does it come off?" Ness asked.
"I think I could take it off, if only I had something to remove the screws…" Ike said, "The multitool!"
Ike felt around his pockets.
"Of course they took it. Shit."
"Maybe there's something else we could use. I've got a rock." Ness offered.
"A rock won't help…but a coin might do the trick. Do you have a coin?"
"No."
Ike suddenly remembered Oak talking about sixty cents in his pocket. Ike sighed. Should he really do this? Ike cautiously walked over to Ash, who was still mourning over Oak.
"Get away."
"I just need to-"
"I said get the fuck away!"
"Ash. I-I'm sorry."
"Don't talk to me Ike. Just don't fucking talk to me." Ash sobbed.
"Look, Oak would have wanted-" Ike began.
"Fuck you! You think he wanted THIS?"
"Of course not! But-"
"You don't know what he wanted, you never knew him! You never have him a chance!"
"Maybe not!" Ike retorted, "Maybe-maybe I should've tried harder! But I know he loved you like a son. He'd want you to get out of here."
The room was silent for a long moment.
"I think I may have found a way out." Ike explained, "But I need something to remove the screws on the air-conditioner. If you had something I could use, a coin or something…"
"No."
"Well what about him?" Ike nodded at Oak, "Look, I know this is a terrible time to ask, but back at the motor inn, Oak said something about keeping coins in his pocket."
"In other words, the professor is more useful to you dead than alive."
"If he was alive, he would have the key to getting us out of here. Do you think he'd keep it to himself?"
"What do you want?" Ash demanded, "My blessing to loot his corpse?"
"Your permission." Ike corrected.
"Do what you have to do…"
Ike slowly reached into Oak's pocket.
"Ah, here we go." Ike said to himself, "Two quarters and a dime.
"Fucking Mandibuzz…"
Ike walked to the air conditioner, holding the coins in his hand.
"Alright. Now to get these screws off."
Ike used a quarter to remove the screw.
"You got it?" Link asked.
"Yeah." Ike replied, "One more should do it."
Ike removed another screw and removed the air-conditioner, with the help of Link.
"Well, there's our way out, Ike." Link sighed, "Looks like it'll lead right to the back room."
"It's too small for us to fit through." Ike said.
"I can do it." Ness piped up.
Ike walked to Ness.
"You know you don't have to do this, right?"
"I know. I just want to go home."
"This'll help us get back home." Link said.
"Okay." Ness mumbled.
Ike lifted Ness into the air duct.
"You're gonna be alright." Ike said.
"What do I do when I get to the other side?" Ness asked.
"See if you can get to the other side of the door and open it." Ike answered.
Ness nervously crawled further into the air duct, going out of sight. There were noises coming from every side of the room. Then there was…silence.
Ike's heart was beating quickly. Had he made a mistake? Was Ness in danger? Suddenly, the door whipped open and Ness entered.
"Are you okay? Did anyone see you?" Ike ran to Ness.
"No. But there's a man outside." Ness's voice quivered.
"Come on, Ash. We gotta go." Ike told the teen.
"Just leave me alone."
"Ike! I can see him outside!" Link whispered.
"Ash, it's not safe in here-"
"For God's sake Ike!" Ash blurted, "I didn't even get to say goodbye."
"Ike, get in here! I got an idea." Link quietly called.
"Stay here. Take care of Ash for me, alright?" Ike told Ness.
"I will."
Ike crept after Link, and saw the Hyrulian staring at the bloody room.
"I knew there was something wrong with this room. It's a goddamn human slaughterhouse!" Link muttered.
Link took guard at the door, not saying anything else.
"So what's the plan?" Ike hissed.
"That dumbass out there is caught up in his own rant, so we could sneak up on him." Link whispered, "Just stick behind me, in case anything goes down. When we get the front, grab his gun."
"Sounds good." Ike replied.
"You got anything to fight with?" Link asked.
"Uh." Ike grabbed the nearest object, "A hay…thing."
"Alright. Stay close."
The two snuck into the barn and saw Dark Pit sitting in the doorway, talking to himself. Ike and Link crept towards a Dark Pit as his rant got clearer.
"…and I know you're a goddess, Lady Palutena. But you got to stop playing favorites with Pit!" Dark Pit sighed, "I know you've been guiding him since the beginning, but that doesn't make him better! Or any more mature."
"Pittoo? What are you doing outside the barn?" Pit walked up.
"Shit!" Link hissed.
Ike and Link dove to the nearest barn stall and waited.
"Guarding the damn barn, like you said." Dark Pit growled.
"Well, quit sitting on your ass out in the rain like a weirdo." Pit said, "Lady Palutena says we can't keep that many people alive without not getting trouble. We keep one and kill the rest."
"Can I pick which one to keep alive?" Dark Pit asked.
"Not the kid." Pit said, "Not enough meat on him to trade."
There was a loud moo in the stall next to them.
"Oh I know, Maybelle." Dark Pit laughed.
"Take a peek through the crack." Link whispered.
Ike opened the door a tiny bit. Dark Pit was continuing with his rant and set up traps. The same traps that were in the forest.
"What's going on? Can you see him?" Link demanded.
"This sick fucker thinks this is a game!" Ike whispered, "We'll take him out together."
"How?"
"He doesn't know we're out. He's gotta walk past us to get to the meat locker. We can attack when his back is to us."
"Sounds good. See what he's doing now." Link whispered.
Ike slowly cracked open the door and saw Dark Pit. His bow was out and an arrow already knocked. It was aimed straight at Ike's head.