Chapter Ten: Long December.
Everyone in life thinks they know who they are, what they want, or where their going.
Are we ever really right, or do we just lie to ourselves to satiate the hunger inside?
The hunger to be normal, to be real, to be loved, and most importantly to feel alive.
Do we ever really feel alive or do we just deceive ourselves into thinking we do?
It had been five months since I said a word to any one or anything.
The sun had disappeared for good, as winter trudged on through.
It fit my mood perfect, gray skies, dark nights.
I stared aimlessly at the wall for hours trying my hardest to will it to collapse on top of me.
I was a walking zombie, I paid attention to no one, and no one tried to talk to me except one person.
Edward was like a puppy dog, anywhere and everywhere I went he was sure to be close behind.
Today was no different, as I sat on the couch closest to the dark corner staring into space, thinking about nothing.
No one was paying attention to me, and I rather enjoyed it that way, so when Edward crept on me I was sure it went unnoticed by any one else.
He had been doing this for months now, and I always ignored him and stared straight at the wall.
"Can you believe Christmas is almost here?",he said in mock enthusiasm.
My eyes were trying to burn holes into the wall.
"You know what I miss the most about them?", he said in a whisper.
I continued to stare at the wall, he usually started whatever he was going to say by sending a little piece of his soul my way.
"I miss him playing ball with me and teaching me things only a man could teach a boy, and I miss her sitting on my bed at night while I laid there and listened to her talk about her day", he said to nobody.
I didn't listen, I couldn't; didn't he understand that I was already unraveling at the seems, at an alarming pace and the more he did this, the faster I came undone.
"She had this long beautiful brown hair that went all the way past her shoulder blades, and hung in loose curls, ya know?", he said.
"She use to hug me all the time, and tell me she loved me every chance she had. As if telling me once a day wasnt enough, she just wanted to make sure I always knew she loved me", he said quietly.
"I know I was too old for it, but she use to sneak me notes into my lunch bag, and hide it in the middle of my napkin; it was like our little secret, and I didn't care if I was 14 reading love notes from my mother, I didn't want them from any one but her", he said as a tear slid down his cheek.
My heart was burning at his words, why couldn't he stop?
I turned to him for the first time in months, my eyes were pleading as I stared into his.
I think this egged him on, I don't think he understood the hint.
"She loved to bake; Oh God! How she loved to bake!", he said," There were always cookies ready or cakes to nibble on".
"She used to hum and dance around the kitchen while she baked or cooked, and she pretended it annoyed her when we tested the thing she was making, though we secretly knew she loved us sneaking in the kitchen with her", he said.
"Stop", I barely squeaked.
I guess he didn't hear me, I guess he thought I was telling him to go on.
"Oh God, how my parents loved each other, it was written all over their faces, it was present in the way they walked and talked", he said.
"Please stop", I said again.
"I don't think it was fair how much my parents loved me, I think thats why I miss them so much; I wasn't spoiled but they always made sure I knew how much they loved me", he said as more tears slid down his cheeks.
"Please stop", I finally spoke up a little bit more, but he couldn't hear me over his silent sobs.
"Do you miss your parents Isabella?", He said finally looking at me.
I couldn't answer, I couldn't even breath.
"What was she like? I bet she was beautiful", he said with a small smile.
"Please stop Edward, Please", I sobbed more loudly though no one but Edward could hear.
"It's okay to miss them Isabella, it's okay to be sad and it's okay to remember them and cry", he said as he inched closer.
"You have to stop", I said growing more alarmed and moving farther away.
He was mistaking my tears for a silent truce between us, but my tears were not tears of bitter sweet remembrance; they were tears of pain.
"We can remember the happy times with our parents together, you don't have to do this a lone", he said in small whisper.
It happened the minute his skin touched my skin, and those last few words left his mouth, "You don't have to do this a lone".
.FLASH.
I crawled into the corner to hide as I heard the shouts getting louder.
"Where the fuck are you Isabella?", I heard my mother slur her words.
My mother only called me Isabella when she was beating on me and putting me down.
"Where are my pills at Isabella?", I heard her screaming as she tore through the kitchen throwing the remains of the garbage around on the kitchen floor.
I clutched the almost empty bottle in my hand, as I tried to disappear into the wall.
I had been in the process of flushing the pills when I heard my mother and Phil in the room down the hall, searching for it.
I made a run for it down the stairs and tried to think of where to hide.
This was the fifth time this week I flushed her medicine down the toilet, or poured the bottle of liquor down the drain.
"Who the fuck does she think she is, stealing our stuff, the little fucking brat?", I heard Phil screaming from upstairs as he searched the bathroom trash.
I was hiding behind the couch in the living room, trying my hardest not to breath or even blink.
I heard my mom opening the back door and heading to check the trash out back.
I knew it was now or never, and I slowly and quietly got up and peeked my head over the sofa.
Coast was clear, but as I went to get up and leave, I dropped the nearly empty medicine bottle behind the sofa.
I bent over to pick it up, and discard the evidence but dropped to my knee's in pain as a belt met the bare of my back.
"She's in here Renee! The little Bitch is in here!", he said again, as he dealt me another blow to my back.
I started to try and crawl to the other end of the couch, but found myself face to face with my mother.
"Were you going somewhere my darling?", she said with a cold snarl.
"Please stop", was all I could say.
"It's killing you mom, please stop", I cried.
"Please stop mom, it's killing you", I heard Phil mimic me.
"Yes, please stop, its killing you", I heard my mothers cold laughter.
She grabbed my by hair and pulled me out from behind the couch, as the bottle rolled from my hand.
"There!", I heard Phil shout as he ran towards the bottle.
My mom turned to follow him, of course there would be an argument over who got the most pills.
While they were chasing the spinning medicine bottle into the kitchen I made a run for it into my room and hid in my closet.
I heard them shouting at the top of their lungs at each other.
I heard my mom start punching Phil and him trying to push her away until he finally got tired of it and hit her back.
She would curse in pain as his fist met her face, but would only return the favor.
My mom may have been small, but she could take pain, and was the one usually beating up on Phil.
"Get the fuck out of my house, leave!", I heard Renee screaming at Phil.
"You don't have to ask me fucking twice! I ain't fucking coming back once I leave either! You better get a fucking cage for that little bitch upstairs! Fuck you cunt, I hate you, Im gone!", Phil screamed in her face.
"OH no you don't! You can have the house and her! I m not fucking staying here with her or you! You're both fucking dead to me! You fat fucking loser! Who the fuck would ever want you! You're a horrible lay!", my mom screamed back at him.
Phil stormed out first, and I heard the car speeding off.
I heard my mother sobbing in the next room as she packed her stuff to leave.
I crawled out of the closet, and inched closer to my bedroom door, as I heard her walking past.
I walked out slowly and called out to her,"Please don't leave me mommy, we can get you help, it doesn't have to be this way", I sobbed hysterically.
She started to cry uncontrollably as she stared at me, and I moved closer to comfort her.
"We can do this together mommy, you don't have to do this a lone", I said inching closer to her on the carpet.
She was shaking as waves of nausea took over her body in tidal waves.
"Don't let Phil bring you down, we can do this together", I said as I leaned in to hug her.
She turned on a dime as she slapped me across the face.
"Shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up bitch!", she screamed at me.
"I don't fucking love you! Get the fuck away from me! I hate you, don't you get it?", she said as she gathered her things and not even two minutes later I heard her peeling out of her parking spot.
I was left a lone curled up in my closet in the dark, hiding from the monsters inside my house as blood trickled down my face, and my back burned from the skin that the belt removed.
.Flash over.
"No!", I screamed, over and over again.
My backside hurt as did my face, as if it happened yesterday.
I couldn't get out of it, I was stuck inside the vision of my closet, crying my eyes out.
I felt Edward trying to move closer to me, but Noah screamed for every one to back up.
"It hurts!", I screamed, "It hurts!"
My back felt like it was on fire, and as everyone tried to move me away, but the fire was a blaze on my back.
"You're hurting her!", Edward yelled, "Stop whatever your doing, is hurting her!", he was pleading.
If only he knew that the slightest touch from him set my skin on fire, that the heart ache he felt for missing his loving parents, was nothing I felt to the pain of never being loved.
The pain shooting through my body was unbearable and I started to convulse, my head smacked off the ground once, twice, three times and all I saw was black.
I tried to blink away the darkness, because the darkness reminded me I was a lone.
I heard people gasping, and someone panicking, "Stop her from moving, there's blood everywhere".
I felt hands touch my head, and the darkness tried to take me back to the past, and then I heard Noah yell, "Edward back up".
Noah whispered a warning into my ear, and not even two seconds later the needle was shooting liquid sleep through my veins.
I opened my eyes to see if I could see, and finally I saw Edward in the background smashing bloody fists into his hair as he was watching my limp body being moved, as Jasper was pulling him away.
I felt Noah carrying me away, but a second later I felt my head slam against the ground.
I couldn't feel the pain this time, because the needle was numbing me, but I heard someone yell, "He slipped on the blood, someone grab a mop, we need help, NOW".
All of the sudden someone tried to move me again, and the pain shot through my head finally.
"Goodbye cruel world", was the phrase that swept through my head before I blacked out for good.