A/N: For the first time, I wrote a chapter that is mostly dialogue and I must say I'm rather happy with it. I want to give a big thank you to the people who take the time to read and review. More often than not, I've revised the events of the story based off the advice you have given me. So again, thanks for helping me out with the story thus far.

Chapter 10: The Navesink Banks

The Circle Tower-Outside of Lake Calenhad

The past is never dead, it is not even past.-William Faulkner

Kallian sighed and leaned her head against the cool stone wall.

Around her, the Templars moved about the entry hall in a blur of motion as they examined and chanted over the mages that had been subjected to Uldred's captivity. Though he had been grateful to them for saving lives, Greagoir had refused to allow anyone out of the Tower without a thorough observation to ensure that no abominations slipped into the outside world. It was a considerable delay, but Kallian hadn't argued because she simply didn't give a damn at this point. An entire day of traversing through a haunted tower had left her feeling utterly exhausted. So with only the feeblest of glares, she had sat quietly while a stuttering Templar had butchered the Chant of Light while waving a hand around her head.

After he helpfully declared her free of any taint, Kallian had gotten up and found an unoccupied bench in a dark corner of the room. From there, she had watched the long process of purification as several dozen mages were subjected to the same treatment she had enjoyed. Both Alistair and Wynne had been surprised and delighted to learn that they were able to save so many of the magic-users. As far as anyone could tell, the psychotic leader of the blood mages had been keeping them captive in the hopes of turning them into abominations.

A delightful bald fellow with crazy eyes, Uldred had wrested control of the Tower because he had worried that the Chantry held too much control over the mages. From what Kallian had gathered, Uldred had attempted to defeat the First Enchanter by reaching deep into the Fade to summon a demon. Unfortunately for everyone involved, he had royally fucked that up and become an incredibly powerful abomination. Within a few days, the overwhelming majority of the Circle mages were either dead or roaming the halls of the Tower as abominations.

As he had been capable of turning into a 12-foot tall demon, killing Uldred had not been an overly simplistic task. It had taken some doing, but Morrigan and Wynne had eventually managed to set him on fire with a potent spell that had cooked him inside of his chitinous shell. An effective strategy to be sure, but the disturbingly appetizing smell of his burnt flesh had lingered with Kallian for far too long afterwards.

Eyes cracked open a fraction, she watched Alistair as he stood with Irving and Greagoir in the center of the room. Kallian hadn't really spoken with the First Enchanter in any great length, but she had gotten the impression that he was an extraordinarily boring man. Feeling that she should leave the political and diplomatic discussions to those who gave a damn, Kallian had turned down Alistair's offer to speak with them. With nothing else to do while she waited, Kallian gently rubbed at her eyes while she marveled at just how tired she was.

"Do you mind if I sit with you?"

She lowered her hands and peered up at Leliana to see the other woman smiling at her in a perfectly cheerful manner. Shrugging, she gestured towards the empty seat next to her. "Go for it, I won't stop you."

"Thank you"

Leliana took a seat next to her and sat with her hands in her lap. For a long time, she smiled at Kallian without saying anything. It made Kallian feel self-conscious, and she shifted uncomfortably before looking sidelong at the bard. "Is something on your mind Sister?"

"It is nothing important," Leliana leaned against the wall and relaxed from her proper posture. "I was just curious as to why you were here instead of over there with Alistair and the mages. Aren't you curious as to whether or not the Circle will provide aid?"

"He can handle it."

Leliana's eyebrows crept up in response. Though she kept her eyes lazily fixed on the churning mass of people in the room, Kallian could tell that the Orlesian wanted to push the subject. To her credit however, Leliana simply made a neutral noise and toyed with her unstrung bow. A few moments of strained silence passed between the two of them before Leliana cleared her throat in a delicate fashion. "Are you happy with the way things turned out?"

"I don't know. If Alistair gets the First Enchanter to agree to help us than I guess it was all worth it." Kallian gave an emphatic shrug. "Still, I can't shake the feeling that I'm not really cut out like for this stuff. I'm a thief from Denerim, not the type of person who goes charging into a magical Tower looking to kill demons."

A slow smiled spread across Leliana's lips. "I know what you mean. It's days like today that make me wish I had just taken Lady Cecile's advice to find a nice man to marry. While it may not have been as lively, I think it would have been a far less stressful life to lead."

"Hmph…take it from me Sister, marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be."

"You are married?" Leliana swung her head up to gawk at Kallian in surprise. "I had no idea!"

A sinking feeling went through her gut as Kallian realized that she had just more or less committed to talking about herself. If she really wanted to, it wouldn't be hard to write off what she had said and end the conversation here and now. The only problem was that would require her overtaxed brain to spit out a suitably believable explanation for what she had said. After a few seconds of mulling it over, she decided she may as well just talk.

"I'm not; it was an arranged marriage that didn't go through."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

Kallian gave a shrug. "Don't be, I only knew my fiancé for a day and he wasn't…really my type."

Leliana raised a hand to stifle a small giggle that bubbled up from her throat. "Oh dear, it was one of those types of arranged marriages? Several of my friends from Orlais were committed to relationships with men who were either too old or rather hard on the eyes. It was one of the reasons I was not so keen on the idea myself."

"It wasn't that," Kallian shook her head. "He was one of the most handsome men I have ever met."

"Ah, so it was a problem with what was on the inside then." Leliana's eyes danced with amusement. "Don't tell me, let me guess: he was not clever enough for you?"

Kallian felt her lips curl into a smile at the enthusiasm in the other woman's voice. There was something infectious about the bard's good mood and it made her want to play along with the guessing game. "He was a blacksmith's apprentice who knew how to read and write. That was about as educated as an elf could get back in the Alienage. I'd imagine he was plenty smarter than I am."

"Hmm…he had no charm?"

"He was a like a poet when we first met."

"A poor sense of humor perhaps?"

"Oh no, he was friendly and seemed to laugh easily."

"If he were so perfect, he must have been full of himself."

"Not that I could tell."

Leliana winkled her brow and gave Kallian a searching look as if she thought she was being tricked somehow. Keeping her own face carefully neutral, Kallian stared right back and waited for the next question. Leliana gave her a small smile and shrugged. "Alright then, if he wasn't ugly, rude, boring, or arrogant, why didn't you want to marry him?"

Kallian smirked at her. "He was male."

It took a moment for it to sink in, but eventually Leliana's mouth made a small "o" as she caught Kallian's meaning. Though she seemed a little surprised, Leliana didn't seem all that shocked by her revelation. Same sex relationships weren't uncommon in Thedas, but there was a considerably large group of people who felt that it was something that should not be brought up in polite company. Orlesians in particular were rather stuffy when it came to the subject. Leliana however, just gave her a wry grin as she lifted one her legs to hug it against her chest.

"I can see how that would be a problem for you. What kept you from going through with it aside from the obvious?"

Kallian felt her smile disappear. "We actually made it halfway through the ceremony before someone protested the union and the entire thing was called off. I got recruited for the Wardens right after that and it all sort of became a mute point."

A fairly awkward silence fell between them as Leliana waited for her to elaborate and Kallian simply stared at her feet. Telling the other woman about her botched wedding was one thing, getting into the circumstances that led to her recruitment was another matter entirely. Leliana had proven herself to be good people, but that didn't mean that Kallian was going to go spilling her life's story to the shem. Still, it was kind of nice to talk to someone about something other than the Blight for a change. Kallian tried to think of something else to say to keep the conversation going.

"I…uh, I had a really nice dress though." She felt her face heating up even as she said it. "It was just…you know, the nicest thing I've ever owned. Now that I think about it, that was the only thing about that day that was absolutely perfect."

Leliana practically beamed at her. "If you ask me, that's the most important part! When I was a little girl, I would spend hours imagining the dress I would wear when I got married. It was always pink, and the more bows and ribbons the better."

"Glad to know I wasn't the only one." Kallian grinned crookedly and relaxed a fraction of an inch. "The damn thing must have cost my father a fortune in supplies. If my cousin hadn't sown it herself, I doubt we would have been able to afford it at all."

An odd expression crossed over the bard's face and she gave Kallian a slightly hesitant look. "This may be inappropriate, but may I ask you a personal question?"

"Just don't be disappointed if I don't answer."

"Well…I do not understand why your family would choose to set you up with an arranged marriage with a man." Leliana bit her bottom lip as she looked over at Kallian. "I'm aware that in general, arranged unions are often done without the consent of one or both parties; but I cannot help but feel that would be even harder for you. It just seems…a little callous of them."

Kallian took a deep breath and turned away to find somewhere else to look. It hadn't been too long ago that Kallian would have cheerfully told Leliana whatever she wanted to know about her. Then, she probably would've tried to see if the pretty redhead would be interested in a drink or two. That version of Kallian had been able to hold innocent conversations without flinching every time someone moved their hands too fast or asked the wrong type of question.

Yeah, and look where that got her.

She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the hard stone of the Tower's wall. Next to her, Leliana fidgeted as the pause between them grew longer. A huge part of her wanted to stand up and tell the other woman to mind her own business. She could hide behind the mask of aggression that had been so effective in keeping the pack of shems she traveled with from getting to close. It wouldn't be hard to do, and if she was hurtful enough, she might even keep Leliana from trying again.

With a sharp shake of her head, Kallian opened her eyes and steeled herself against the impulse. If she could handle becoming a Gray Warden, then there was no reason she couldn't answer a simple question about a family she would never see again. Giving Leliana a tight smile, Kallian leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees. "My father never knew that I leaned in that direction. I never told him."

The Orlesian woman was quick to mask her surprise at receiving an answer. With a nod of her head, she gave Kallian a quick smile. "I know it is difficult to speak of such things with those for whom you care the most about. Even when you know them well, it can be hard to know how they will react to such a thing."

"That wasn't the reason I never told him." Kallian held up a hand to stop her. "My father would've still loved me even if I had decided to start wooing Darkspawn or something. Knowing about it would have just taken something away from him I guess."

Leliana tilted her head to one side. "My apologies, I do not understand."

"Hell, I dunno Sister…it's just complicated alright? I mean, I don't even really get it most of the time."

"Well, if you feel like explaining it, I'm willing to listen."

Kallian folded her arms and glared into the crowd. Her inability to articulate herself was frustrating. It was bad enough that Leliana was prying into her life, now she was supposed to figure out how to explain her own twisted rational.

"Look, when you lived in the Alienage, you had to find something different. A bunch of people turned to the Chantry 'cause they liked to pretend that the Maker gave a damn about them. If it wasn't that, it was drinking, fighting, or fucking." She grimaced and shook her head. This wasn't what she had wanted to say. "The point I'm trying to make is that everyone had their own way of ignoring all the problems that they had. Not all of it was healthy, but that was usually the only thing that kept them going. In my dad's case, it was raising a family."

She paused a risked a glance up at Leliana. Though she was clearly listening attentively, the other woman's face gave no indication of what she was thinking. Having gone this far, Kallian saw no reason to stop now.

"Anyway, that was what he was all about. When he was a kid in one of the border towns, his parents got themselves killed when they joined up in an uprising against the local government. So, I guess he thought that when he started a family he do whatever he could to make sure that everyone stayed safe. He didn't gamble or drink like a lot of the other men did; he just saved his money and worked hard enough that we always had firewood and a little food. It wasn't easy for him, but it made him happy."

"That changed when mom got murdered in the markets. He tried not to let me see it, but you could just tell that he had lost a big part of himself. After that, he tried to keep me from stealing; but we needed the money with mom gone and neither of us wanted me to become a whore. It was around then that planning for my future became his major obsession. Even if it meant he'd go hungry for a week, he would save half of what he made down at the docks each week. Even before I was close to marriageable age, he was in contact with a number of families from other Alienages to make sure he could find the best man for me to marry. I tried to talk to him about it once, but he got so excited about the idea of me having a family that I just couldn't tell him."

The heel of her right foot was tapping up and down in a nervous motion. "So that was it I guess. All he wanted was for me to have a few kids and live with a good man. I think that after a while, it became more important for me to live in safety than for him to live at all. Around when he announced my engagement, I realized I couldn't live with myself if I ever took that away from him. He wanted me to marry and have kids….and those were things I could never do with another woman. So, I never told him and just sorta went with it."

Kallian fell silent and stared at her hands. At some point, she had stopped speaking to Leliana and simply began thinking aloud. For a time, the hustle and bustle of the Tower's entry chamber had fallen away and she had been 15-years old and standing in front of her father once more. Somewhat lost in her thoughts, she started slightly when Leliana's soft voice drifted over to her.

"Did you ever tell anyone?"

"Yeah sure, both of my cousins knew that I liked girls and why I never mentioned it to anyone." Kallian felt a smile spread across her lips. "It was just them and this one barmaid from the Gnawed Nobel. Everyone else just assumed I was a very virtuous young lady who was saving herself for marriage."

Leliana gave a small laugh and shook her head gently. "I'll confess Kallian, I find myself envying you. Even in such a place as you describe, I think it would be wonderful to have a group of people who cared enough about each other that they would give anything to make the others happy. I might have been a better woman if I had someone like your father in my life."

"Err…thanks, I think."

By this point, the conversation had grown personal enough that Leliana looked as uncomfortable as Kallian felt. It was with some relief that she noticed Alistair shaking hands with both Greagoir and First Enchanter Irving. Judging from the broad smile he was wearing, Kallian was inclined to think that all had gone well for their little party. She stood up and stretched the soreness out of her protesting muscles. Though it hadn't been exactly relaxing, her conversation with Leliana had felt good. These weren't things she had ever talked about in great length, and it felt nice to speak with another person after keeping to herself for so long.

She hefted her pack up and slung it onto her shoulders as Alistair pushed his way toward where they were sitting. As he approached, Alistair gave her an odd look and stopped several feet away from her as though he was afraid she'd bite. "Are you doing ok?"

"I'm all good, why do you ask?" She watched him in puzzlement as he avoided her eyes.

"No reason, I was just making sure."

His eyes darted to her face then quickly snapped over to look at Leliana. Frowning at his weird behavior, Kallian searched his face for a moment before shrugging it off. "So how did it go with Irving? We better have gotten the mages on our side after all the shit we went through to get them out of there alive."

"Oh we got them alright, plus a promise of aid from the Chantry from Greagoir himself. We'll be fighting the Blight with a few complements of Templar knights on our side in addition to the mages that the First Enchanter has promised." Alistair looked extremely proud with himself.

"Good to hear, we are probably going to need all the help we can get."

"Funny you should say that," Alistair rubbed the back of his neck. "I was just talking to Wynne and she mentioned that she wanted to help us on a more direct level. Look, I know that the two of you don't exactly get along but we could—"

"She can come along."

He blinked. "Oh…alright then"

"I don't like her, but her healing is pretty much invaluable. If it's the difference between me living and dying, I can tolerate her."

"Good, then I guess it's settled then." He smiled to himself like a kid who had just stolen candy. "Oh-ho, Morrigan is going to absolutely hate this."

Kallian raised an eyebrow. "When do we get to leave this place?"

"Greagoir's arranged for that delightful ferryman to take us back to the other side once we're all ready. Wynne's getting a few herbs together, but we should be ready to leave in a few minutes."

"That will be nice; I think I've seen enough of this place to last a lifetime." Leliana's tone was light as she walked by them with her pack.

Alistair watched her leave and then looked back at Kallian with the same odd expression he had worn when he first approached them. For a moment, he looked as though he was on the verge of saying something. Then, he simply gave her an awkward nod and moved to follow Leliana. Watching him go, Kallian scratched at the side of her head before rolling a shoulder into a shrug.

Shems were weird, what else was new?

xxXxx

With an undignified grunt, Kallian hauled the iron pot out of the river and nearly toppled over as the weight of the water dragged her to one side.

She gripped the pot in both hands and headed back in the direction of the campfire with quick little steps as she tried to deal with the burden. Though she had no way of proving it, she was beginning to think that making her fetch the party's water was Alistair's idea of a practical joke. Kallian had no problem with helping out, but literally every other person in the group with the exception of Wynne would be better suited to hauling the gigantic pot about. For shit's sake, Sten's arms were practically bigger than her entire torso.

A bit of water slopped over the rim as she dropped it down beside the fire with a sigh of relief. From her position by the fire, Wynne looked up from the pot she was stirring and gave Kallian a hesitant smile. "Thank you for that, dinner will be ready soon. It's been some time since I last cooked, so I'm not sure if that will be a good thing or not."

"Well, seeing as I've been the one cooking up until this point, I'm sure she'll manage." Alistair wandered over with Leliana close behind. Both of them had their arms full of wood that they placed into the existing pile on the ground.

"It's true, he's awful. What is it anyway?" Kallian leaned forward and stared at Wynne's pot with a wrinkled nose.

"A vegetable medley, I was going to make a stew, but Sten was kind enough to offer to provide the main course. I'm not quite sure where he went, but he assured me that he would have it soon." Wynne looked about as though she expected the seven-foot giant to be hiding behind them.

Alistair grimaced. "A vegetable medley, that sounds…healthy I guess."

"Thank you, I'm rather proud of it."

Kallian shook her head and drew her knife as she took a seat by the fire. A week or so back, she had borrowed a whetstone from Alistair and had spent her spare time keeping her weapons as sharp as possible. It was probably unnecessary, but she found the repetitive gesture soothing despite the sound it made. If she kept it up, she'd probably wear the blades down to nothing. Not that it mattered; in her experience replacement knives could pretty much be found anywhere if one was willing to look.

A rustle in the distant underbrush signaled the arrival of Boss. As soon as he saw Kallian, the gigantic hound barreled straight towards her with a constant stream of happy barks. Putting her knife away so she wouldn't accidently stick him, Kallian smirked when the dog butted her with his head and made a chuffing noise from deep in his chest. She ruffled his ears and turned her attention towards where Sten now approached from the same direction from which her dog had appeared.

The Qunari had something massive draped across his shoulders, and when he got close to the fire, he slung it down on the ground with a rattling thump. Kallian felt her eyebrows creep up as she saw what he had brought them.

"That's a bear."

While she had never actually seen a bear, it really couldn't be much else. It was about a hundred pounds heavier than Boss, and she could clearly see the gigantic teeth and claws that made them so feared in Ferelden. Its dark black fur gleamed wetly with blood, and unless she was mistaken, its neck was broken. Sten walked a little closer to the fire and turned to face her.

"Yes, it is a bear."

It was Leliana who voiced what they all were thinking. "Sten, why did you kill a bear?"

"I was told we needed meat." Sten nodded at Wynne. "I found it."

"Yes…thank you Sten this will be perfect. The only problem I see is that I'm not quite sure if I will be able to prepare this in time for supper." Wynne gave the bear's corpse an apprehensive glance as Alistair poked it with his foot.

"Wait…where is your weapon?" Kallian stared at Sten. While the giant was completely unarmed, the dim light of their campfire revealed the thick crust of blood that covered his forearms. "There is no way in hell you killed a bear with just your hands."

"No, the warrior helped." Sten nodded to Boss, who accepted the recognition with a quiet dignity.

Looking down, Kallian noticed for the first time that her dog's muzzle was an absolute mess. Where he had been rubbing against her, thick red smears now covered the previously clean clothes she had put on after returning after her bath. After a day spent in the Tower, the chance to be clean again had been worth the quick trip into the chilly river. Pushing Boss's head away from her leg with a groan, Kallian shook her head in resignation.

"I will prepare the corpse during my watch." Sten rumbled and dunked his hands into the water pot Kallian had brought from the river. Ignoring, her exclamation of dismay, he began to studiously wash the filth from his arms. "The mage can use her powers to keep the meat fresh."

"Magic can do that?" Alistair looked over at Wynne.

"I'm afraid I have no idea."

"Of course it can be done, 'tis rather simple if one knows what they are doing." Morrigan stalked over from the shadows and sat down beside Kallian. "I suppose I would not expect a sheltered Circle mage to be familiar with the technique as 'tis actually useful."

Wynne gave no sign that she had even heard the barb that Morrigan had thrown at her. "Well, I suppose we can just have bread and the vegetables for tonight then. Here, hand me your bowls and I'll dish you up something."

As she handed her own plate over to the mage, Kallian frowned at Alistair. "Ya' know, the very least those Templars could have done was offer to give us dinner considering we did their entire job for them and everything."

"Trust me; you really don't want to eat Templar rations." He gave them all a bright smile. "I mean, the way those guys cook a meal, you'd think that spice was a sin!"

Six pairs of eyes blinked or glared at him in silence. Alistair's smile slowly disappeared and he gave a small sigh as he looked down at his meal. For a little while, the entire party sat clustered around their campfire and ate their food in silence. Though she had never been a big admirer of vegetables, Kallian found that she rather enjoyed Wynne's cooking. She'd just finished scrapping the bowl clean when Alistair cleared his throat and set his mostly untouched meal down.

"It's great that we have the support of the mages, but we've also got a whole lot more to do to be ready for the Blight. We lost a big battle at Ostagar, but the losses we inflicted on the Darkspawn were not insignificant. It was too earlier in the development of the Blight for that kind of engagement. In a conservative estimate, I would say that it will take them several months to amass a force large enough to overtake Ferelden. Ostagar was a nightmare for us, but winning it must have taken a huge commitment of force for the Archdemon."

Kallian felt a chill run down her spine at the mention of the Archdemon. For the past few weeks, the monstrous form of the creature had appeared in her dreams and left her gasping in terror. Though Alistair had explained the nature of their enemy, she still couldn't comprehend the fact that something like that could exist. Even thinking about its putrid skin and milky eyes made her want to throw up the meal she had just eaten. Wanting to push away the feeling, she focused twice as hard on what Alistair was saying.

"We have to use every moment we have left before the invasion begins. I've been giving it a lot of thought in the past few days, and I think our best bet is to travel to Orzammar and speak with the Dwarves. It's less than four day's travel from here if we move quickly." He rubbed his hands together. "More to the point, the Dwarves represent a tremendous economic and military presence in Ferelden. Having their forges and warriors behind us would make me feel a lot better about our chances."

Leliana spoke up from beside him. "How can we be sure they will not simply turn us over to Loghain? In my experience, the Dwarves care for only one thing: the preservation of their trade lines. Aiding us might cause their most important trade partner to abandon their relationship. It would be enough to make them considering murdering us all and pretending like we never brought the treaty to their door."

"I won't say it isn't a possibility, but I cannot help but think it is unlikely." Wynne pursed her lips. "The Dwarves pride themselves on their honor and on their neutrality. Killing or betraying us to Loghain would violate both of those virtues. Furthermore, Loghain can't issue an embargo on Orzammar; Ferelden's economy would be devastated within days. He needs the Dwarves even more than they need him."

"I'm inclined to agree with Wynne on this one; with the treaty and the Dwarves insistence on isolationism, I think we're safe." Alistair mused.

Kallian idly flicked her knife between her fingers as she watched the group discuss their next move. In all honesty, she mostly kept silent because she didn't know what to say that wouldn't sound completely stupid. Without a proper education or any real knowledge of the world outside of Denerim's slums, she was perhaps the least qualified to decide what they do next. Much as he had seemed unsure of himself at first, Alistair was definitely the one who should be doing the thinking and planning on their little adventure. Feeling mildly depressed, she spun the knife on the back of her hand and watched the blade flash in the firelight.

"What do you think Kallian?"

Startled, she jerked and fumbled the blade off into the dirt. Morrigan gave her an accusatory look and Kallian realized the knife had very nearly sunk into the witch's foot. Glancing up to where Alistair was watching her expectantly, she leaned down and plucked her weapon out of the dust. "Sure, sounds great."

He frowned and opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something. Instead, he seemed to think better of it and just cast his eyes around the rest of the group. "So, how about the rest of you? Is there anything else you think we need to consider before settling on Orzammar as our next destination?

"It is as good a place as any." Sten rumbled. "But I wonder Warden, how do you plan on winning your own people over to your side? Elves, dwarves, and mages are well and good, but they are not the dominant force in this land. You will need your kinsman if you want to survive."

It was the most he had ever said at one time, and Kallian watched Alistair curiously as the ex-Templar nodded while thoughtfully chewing on his lip. "It's a good question Sten, and I've been trying to think of a good answer for a while now. There is an ally I can call upon at Redcliff who may be the answer we're looking for. However, if that has any chance of succeeding, we will need more support than we do right now. Let's see about recruiting the Dwarves and then we can cross that bridge."

For a long moment, Sten simply stared at Alistair with his usual expression of stoicism. Then, the giant titled his head in acceptance and bent down to heft the black bear onto his shoulders once more. In a frightening display of strength, he lifted the heavy carcass with a grunt. Apparently finished with the conversation, he turned and strode off to his sentry point.

As if that were some kind of signal, everyone began to stand up and move about as they took care of various tasks. Tired but not quite ready to sleep, Kallian took the time to help Leliana and Wynne clean the dishes and cooking pot. Thankfully, Alistair deigned to pour out the water that Sten had sullied so that he could fetch another. That he did so with thoughtless ease provoked a glimmer of illogical anger in her breast.

Finally, when all of the various camp chores were done, Kallian bade them good night and made for her tent as a crushing weariness settled over her. She hadn't gotten more than a few steps before Alistair called out to her.

"Hey Kallian…could I talk to you for a minute?"

She mentally groaned and turned to see Alistair standing near the fire with his hands at his sides. "I'm tired Alistair, can it wait?"

"No, no it really can't." He gave significant glance in the direction of Wynne and Leliana. "You mind if we speak over there?"

Putting aside her fantasies of a warm bed for a while, Kallian followed Alistair as he lead them across the small clearing to an area that was far enough away that they wouldn't be overheard by anyone. Alistair came to a halt and faced her with a smile that was ruined by the fact that he looked like he was about to be physically ill. Confused, she watched him with a raised eyebrow as he stared at her without saying anything. Just as she was about to complain about him dragging her out here for nothing, he shuffled his feet and then spoke.

"Um…well, do you remember the Tower? Well of course you do, but I'm talking about the part where we got put into the Fade by the Sloth demon." He seemed jumpy.

"Yeah, I remember. What about it?"

"Do you remember your dream at all? The rest of us remember ours."

She shrugged. "Nah, just fell asleep and woke up the next instant. Is that was this is about? If it is, you seriously need to reevaluate what can and cannot wait."

Alistair frowned and waved her down impatiently. "No, there's more to it alright? Look, when Morrigan and I went into your dream, it was different from the other ones. From what she said, it wasn't even really a dream in the true sense of the word. It was like we were in your subconscious or something."

"So?"

"You're not making this any easier." He shook his head. "Look, we were in your mind and we were trying to search for you without much luck. After a bit, Morrigan comes up with this idea to look for you in a place that's really personal and then she had me build a doorway deeper into your brain."

Kallian stared at him and briefly wondered if his little trip into the Fade hadn't scrambled his brains. Alistair wasn't behaving like himself, and Kallian briefly wondered why he thought any of this was worth telling her about. It was like having someone else describe their dream to you; fascinating for them, boring for you. The abomination had been a weird part of the day, but it was in the past and they had a bunch of stuff to do. "Alistair, this is interesting and all, but can we please talk about it in the morning when I'm not so bushed?

"No!" He startled her with the sudden shout and he seemed to know it. Taking a deep breath, he slowly exhaled and looked into her eyes. "I'm sorry, but I just can't keep this inside any longer ok? Can you just bear with me a moment alright?"

She nodded slowly. "Alright, go on."

"Ok where was I? Right, so we are in this deep part of your subconscious and there are these doors and Morrigan tells me we need to enter them to find you." He was speaking quickly and articulating his words with too much precision. He was nervous. "She says we should split up and search the separate doors because that would be quicker. So she goes in this one door and I have to go into another. When I get in there I see your memory."

"My memory?" Kallian frowned at him.

A heavy sigh burst out of him in a rush. With a visible effort, Alistair calmed himself down and ran one of his hands through his hair. When he spoke again, his voice was tired and he spoke in a low tone. "When I went into the room I saw one of your memories. I saw what happened to you Kallian. I saw what those men did to you."

It took a moment before the full impact of his words could settle on her. When they did, Kallian felt her mouth go dry. "W-what?"

"Maker, I'm so sorry Kallian."

She didn't know what to do. Her body felt cold but her face and ears were burning. Like an oncoming tide, the familiar clawing sensation of panic began to settle in her throat. Desperately wanting to sit down but seeing nowhere to do so, she simply stood there and shook her head while she stared at the dirt below her. A hand settled on her shoulder and she looked up to meet Alistair's face. Though she could see his lips moving, she couldn't make out what he was saying over the pounding beat in her head.

"Shut up…j-just shut the fuck up Alistair."

Pushing his hand off her shoulder angrily, she glared at him with eyes that felt rough and hot. He had no right to know that. No one in the world could know about that. Having him stand there with pity in his eyes was more than she could stand.

He shook his head. "I'm sorry Kallian I know that must be one of the hardest—"

"You don't know shit Alistair"

With every word, her voice rose as the anger swept over her in a wave of heat and pain. Even though she could see Wynne and Leliana looking up from the campfire, she couldn't bring herself to calm down. This wasn't something she could control anymore.

He nodded as he watched her with that same damn sadness in his gaze. "You're right; I don't know what I'm talking about. There's no way for me to understand what that must have been like for you. But that doesn't mean I don't want to help you."

"Help me!" A ragged, hysterical laugh tore its way from her throat and she saw him wince "How the fuck are you supposed to help me when you can barely take care of yourself? You think we don't notice Alistair? You're just pretending like you know what the fuck you're doing!"

A flicker of hurt past over his eyes and he took a small step back from her anger. She was outright screaming at this point and there was no way that their companions could miss what she was saying. Kallian knew she had lost control, but all she wanted to do right now was hurt Alistair in whatever way she could.

"You need to calm down." A tension was stiffening his shoulders.

"Why, is it making you uncomfortable? Too sodding bad Alistair," she stabbed a finger into his chest. "You're the one who wanted to help me."

"I'm just trying to do the best that I can. It's what Duncan would have wanted me to." His hands were clenched at his sides.

She gave another bitter laugh. "Right, because Duncan had so much faith in you. He had so much faith that when it came time to fight, he had you run off to light a fire so you couldn't fuck things up too badly! He's probably turning in his grave right now."

"You're angry, you don't mean that." She could tell he was saying it more to himself than to her. Angry red splotches had appeared in his cheeks and his teeth were clenched hard enough that balls of muscles jutted from either side of his jaw line. "Duncan had us do that because it was important. It was a crucial part of the battle and it was part of his plan."

"His plan? What part of his plan involved indulging a king and getting an army killed?"

Alistair glared at her "Kallian—"

"Duncan was a fool and he got what he deserved!"

Her back slammed into a nearby tree in a movement that was so fast she barely followed it. Alistair's hands gripped her upper arms tightly and his face was dark with anger as he came down to her eye level. His voice was a hiss as he annunciated every word carefully.

"Take…It…Back."

Alistair was too close and his grip was lifting her slightly off the ground. Another surge of panic fought its way through the rage and suddenly she was having trouble getting enough air. Desperate, she reared back for leverage and headbutted him in mouth. His grip loosened and he staggered back with a hand clapped across his lips. Darting away from him, Kallian whipped a hand to her lower back only to find that she had left her knife back by the campfire. It didn't matter; she wanted to fight this man with or without a weapon. Her body felt light and all her anger sharpened to a thin point inside of her. In front of her, Alistair raised his head and glared at her.

From somewhere close by, a faint buzzing sound rose up around her.

Then, all of a sudden, Leliana was between the two of them with her arms outstretched. The bard's face was uncharacteristically hard as she swiftly snapped her head back and forth between the two of them. "What in Andraste's name is the matter with the two of you? Stop this!"

Kallian was breathing hard and her nails bit deeply into the palms of her hands as she glared at the two of them. On the other side of Leliana, Alistair slowly stood up straight and brought his hand away from his mouth. He spat onto the ground in front of him and stared right at Kallian "You deserve yourself."

With that, he turned on his heel and began to walk back to camp. As he passed by her small fire, Morrigan muttered something to him that Kallian couldn't quite catch. Whatever it was, Alistair ignored it as he stormed off. Deprived of her target, Kallian felt the anger disappear and the panic returned in full force. Noticing the change, Leliana reached out a hand as if to touch her. Gasping as her throat began to lock up, Kallian batted Leliana's hand away and practically fled into the forest behind her.

As she pushed blindly through branches and the underbrush, she heard Leliana calling after her. It didn't matter, all she needed right now was to be as far away from other people as she could possible get. An indeterminable amount of time later, she crashed onto all fours and clutched at her collar as she tried to breath. For a few terrifying moment, she couldn't get any air and colorful spots exploded in her vision. It had been over a week since her last panic attack. She'd blamed them on Darkspawn nightmares when Alistair had noticed one morning.

He knew

Kallian punched the ground and gulped air as the pressure on her neck and chest finally eased. Suddenly weak, she simply collapsed on her side and lay against the cold earth while she recovered. As though a sieve had been loosened, hot tears began to spill down her cheeks. Roughly pawing at her eyes, she levered herself into a sitting position and hugged her legs tightly to her chest. Though she tried to stop it, it wasn't long before she was outright sobbing to herself in the dirt.

That someone else knew her secret was something she just couldn't handle. Her last piece of security had been the private knowledge that only she knew about what had happened back in Vaughan's estate. It hadn't made it any better, but at least no one else had known that four men had held her down and raped her on her wedding night. So long as it had just been her, no one had talked about it or looked at her like Alistair had looked at her.

Now though, Alistair knew what had happened and thought made her sick inside. Worse, he had seen her like that. Shame and impotent angry rushed over her and she clenched her eyes tightly against the steady stream of tears. If he knew, there was a chance that the others knew as well. After the way they had just fought, she wouldn't be surprised if he told everyone out of spite. She couldn't go back to camp and face that possibility; so she simply curled up against a tree and stared off into the darkness of the trees.

When she had first joined up with Duncan, she had told herself that she was stronger than all of this. She had told herself that it was a temporary pain, that a few weeks and some adventure would chase it out of her mind. Most of all, she had told herself that Vaughan and his cronies could never hurt her again.

She'd lied to herself.

Alright two quick things: Alistair is OOC but then again, I've made him OOC since the third chapter or so. My feeling is that the extra stress of being a leader and Duncan's death might be enough of a catalyst for him to lose control for a moment. I plan to explain his feelings a little more in the future. Lastly, the subject of rape is a serious one and it has the potential to become unsuitably melodramatic. If anyone notices that I'm being too cavalier about it at any point, I'd appreciate them saying so.

Thanks again for reading!