I was trapped. Josh was in front of me with anger spread across his face. His eyes had darkness in them that let me know he was thinking of ways to hurt me. There was no place for me to run. There was nothing I could do. I was trapped in the bathroom with him and I couldn't do a damn thing about it. I couldn't scream. I couldn't run. And I definitely couldn't fight him. He was too strong and I knew it.
My eyed followed him with every move he made. And with every step he took closer to me, I took one further away from him. Unfortunately, there were only so many steps I could take before I was walking myself back into the wall again. I wasn't helping things by moving away from him. Hell, if anything, I was making them worse. I was moving myself further away from the door and closer into a corner.
"Tsk, tsk, tsk," Josh said with his index finger moving back and forth.
Josh walked every so slowly and carefully to me. He had a grace to his walk that one couldn't learn; they were either born with it or not. He slid closer and closer towards me with his eyes still locked with mine. I wanted to back up more but there was no where for me to go. With in a moment, he was going to be in touching distance of me and I couldn't do a damn thing about it.
"What's wrong, ma cherie?" Josh asked with a sweet voice. "Are you growing weak?"
No reply would be a good reply so I didn't give one. If I said I wasn't, he would try even harder to break me. And if I said I was, he would use it against me. I stayed quiet. It was the only thing I could do. My gaze was still locked with his for a few moments longer before that darkness practically forced me to look away. His, and his actions may have been sweet, but his eyes betrayed him.
"Look at me," He said sweetly but I ignored his order and continued to stare at the ground. "Look at me!"
Josh pushed his body against mine, shoving me into the wall. I tried to fight it but a small sound of pain escaped my lips anyhow. I clenched my eyes shut and bit my bottom lip in order to stop another sound from leaving my mouth. I'd be damned if I let him see how much that hurt. And I refused to do what he wanted me to do. I knew he would hurt me for it but, if I couldn't beat him physically, I had to at least try to best him mentally.
Once I got over the shock of the impact, I opened my eyes and let go of my lip. It was only then that I noticed Josh staring at me so intently that it scared me. I either did something he really like, or something he really didn't like. Neither would be good. I kept my eyes fixed on him and tried to prepare myself for what was coming next.
"You look so sexy when you do that," He said breathlessly. "Biting your lip…and…that look of determination…it's…"
Before I could even think about how to respond or react to his words, his lips slammed onto mine in a bruising kiss. I tried to get away, pushing at him. He grabbed my hands and, with one hand, pinned them above my head. He shoved his mouth into mine and tried to force his tongue into my mouth. The pressure was finally too much to stand I had no choice but to open my mouth and let him enter. His tongue explored my mouth, pushing deeper and deeper. I felt like I was going to choke.
"You don't know what you do to me, Shelby," Josh said as he pulled away and let go of my hands.
His breath had quickened from the kiss and I couldn't blame him for that. I wasn't even enjoying or responding to the kiss and I was out of breath. I couldn't stop a glare from forming at his words though. What I did to him?! He practically tortured me, yet I'm the one to blame? That didn't make any sense. And it proved that Josh really was crazy.
"What I do to you?" I asked and shoved his body off of mine. "What about everything you've done to me? I loved you and you took advantage of that. You used my feelings for you as a way to keep me around so you could cause me more pain!"
Josh started to pace at my words. Something I had said hit him deep down. Did he actually feel guilty for everything he had done to me? Or did he not like the fact that I was throwing it in his face? Whatever it was, he didn't like what I said. He stopped pacing and turned to me with an expression that I couldn't decipher.
"No," He said with a shake of his head,
"Yes," I started with force.
"No!"
Josh whipped closer to me and hit me right across my jaw. I fell to the ground with the force of the swing. I was unconscious but I was out of it for a few moments. I'd been slapped around by him before but he never fully punched me. I stared at the ground, out of breath, for several, long moments before I turned my head to face him. I touched where I felt the most pain and felt warm, slick liquid on my finger tip. I was bleeding.
Josh's eyes seemed to narrow to the open wound on the side of my mouth. His breathing sped again quickly and he shook his head. He was mumbling something but I couldn't make out what it was. He screamed at the top of his lungs and fell to the ground next to me. He feel to his knees and I could have sworn that I heard him crying.
"You don't know," He said again and looked at me. "I love you."
I was expecting another beating, more harsh words. I could handle cruelty. But I wasn't expecting him to confess his love for me. That was the last thing I expected and the last thing I wanted in that moment. He always told me that he hurt me out of love and I never believed him. I thought, someone with that much hatred couldn't love someone. But the look that I saw in his eyes in that moment proved me wrong. He really did love me and, in his twisted mind, he was doing nothing wrong. I actually felt sorry for him.
No matter how sorry I felt for him, I couldn't let my guard down. He was on the floor, vulnerable. I could use that to my advantage. I just had to pray he wouldn't notice. I stayed as quiet as I possible could and made my way over to the floor. I slid across the ground for walking would have made to much noise. Once I reached the door, I stood up and risked a glance over to Josh. He was still on the ground. Good.
I looked back to the door and heard voices on the other side. Daisy and Juliet were back in the dorm. I wasn't sure if them being there was a good thing or a bad thing. If they were there, they could maybe help. But Josh could also get them involved, which would get them hurt. I didn't want anyone else getting hurt because of me. I could handle what he was going to do to me. But, not to sound condescending, I wasn't sure they could. And I didn't want to find out.
I moved my hand to the door knob. I tried to unlock it as quietly as I could but that small click was all Josh needed to come back from where he was. Before I really knew what was happening, he rushed over to me and pinned me against the door. Something close to a grunt escaped my mouth and I squeezed my eyes shut to help deal with the pain of the impact.
I opened my eyes and saw him in front of me with rage filling his face again. His hand moved to my side and he relocked the door. I knew my chance of getting away was too good to be true. I didn't get away and I further pissed Josh off. I hated to think it, but I was screwed. There was no hope of getting out of it.
"Shelby?" I heard Daisy call. I clenched my jaw. I didn't want her involved. "Shelby, are you in there?"
She tried to open the door but it was locked and there was no point. I looked to Josh and saw him with a strange look on his face. Either he was angry that Daisy was there or he was excited about it. Neither would be good because both would lead to more pain for me and pain for Daisy. I shook my head to Josh with pleading eyes. He laid his finger over my lips as if to say 'quiet.'
"Shelby, open the door," Daisy ordered.
"Daisy, Shelby's not going to open the door," Josh said, his voice full of cockiness again. "You see, Shelby and I are going to have some fun in here."
"Josh, you bastard, open the fucking door!"
"No. You see, I don't want you interrupting us. So, you're going to stay in the dorm and hear all of your friends cries of pain while I have my fun."
"If that's how it's going to go then you better pray to your God that I don't get in there," Daisy said with such hatred.
"Oh, I'm not worrying," Josh said with a smile.
I had never heard Daisy talk like that. It was amazing! She almost sounded like me. It was inspiring for me, actually. If the calm, content, Daisy could stand up to him, then the bitchy, strong Shelby could too. I had to stand up to him again. It was my only choice. Sure, it would piss him off more but it would make me feel better about myself. I would have gone down with a fight.
I heard the cabin door open but I looked back to Josh and saw that he obviously didn't hear it. I knew Daisy was still in the dorm for I heard her pacing right by the door. But I couldn't hear Juliet. I tried to listen more intently and there was nothing. Daisy was smart and was one step ahead of Josh. She sent Juliet somewhere. She had to of. Josh said Daisy had to stay in the dorm but he never knew Juliet was there to begin with.
Josh grabbed the front of my shirt and practically threw me across the bathroom. I knew I wasn't fat but he made me feel like I was as light of as a feather. He could pick me up and throw me like it was nothing. I hit the ground and something close to a scream left my mouth.
"Hear that, Daisy?" Josh asked with a grin. "That's just a taste of what you're going to be hearing."
Before I even had a chance to recover from the fall, Josh was in front of me, pulling me up from the ground. He grabbed one of my hands and pulled up me so quick that he could have pulled my arm out of it's socket but he didn't. Josh shoved me against the wall and held me there with his hands on my hips. He forced another rough kiss on me that I tried to get away from but, once again, couldn't. His fingers dug into my love handles and I had to force myself not to let out a sound of pain.
Josh's hands roamed my body and I was powerless to stop it. He was too strong. I had no hope of fighting what he wanted. I wasn't so naïve as to think I could get myself out of it. But I could sure as hell try. I wasn't going to go down like that. I wasn't the scared, helpless, little girl I was when I first met him. Horizon changed me, made me stronger. I needed to use that strength to my advantage.
"Get off me, Josh," I ordered.
"Make me," He replied with a grin.
His mouth trailed down my neck. It would have felt good if he wasn't so rough with it. There was once a time when I put up with it simply because it wasn't Walt. I thought, I could deal with another man touching me, any other man. But, thinking about it, I'm not going to put up with it because of another man. Josh wasn't Scott, plain and simple. Only Scott got to touch me like that.
Josh told me to make him get off of me, so that was exactly what I was going to do. I may have been defeated but I wasn't dead. I was still me! I raised my hands to his chest and pushed with all my might. He stumbled off of me but didn't fall and didn't go as far as I would have liked him to. Pushing him felt good, it felt like something I would do. The second I saw Josh's face, I almost regretted it. No matter how nice the push felt, it pissed him off.
Josh rushed towards me and pinned me against the wall. He held me arms so tight that I knew I would have bruises from it. It was nothing new. He loved to grab me like that so it was actually what I expected him to do. It was pathetic that I knew how he would like to hurt me.
"That wasn't very nice, ma cherie," Josh said, his mouth so close to my face that I could feel his breath.
"I told you to stop calling me that," I stated.
Josh gave me a smile that told me he was thinking of a million more ways to hurt me. I could handle the pain, it was nothing new to me. As long I wasn't acting like a scared girl while receiving it, I was okay. He tightened his grip on my arms and I had to clench my jaw to stop another sound of pain from leaving my mouth. I'd be damned if I let him see the pain.
"You didn't honestly think I was going to listen to that, did you?" He asked.
"I wasn't counting on it, if that's what you mean," I replied with a small smirk.
Josh forced another kiss onto my lips and stayed tense the entire time. I didn't respond and I pretended not to even notice that he was kissing me. He ripped his mouth off of mine and gave me a determined look. He didn't like the fact that I was unaffected by his kiss. I knew it would piss him off and the thought brought joy to me. I didn't want him happy. I didn't want him angry either but I definitely didn't want him happy.
Josh moved his mouth down my neck. His tongue trailing over my skin sent chills down my spine and made me shiver. It was what he wanted but I couldn't control my body in that moment. He gently nibbled his way to my collar bone. He licked along the bone with quick flicks of his tongue before his bit me, hard and fast. I flinched from the pain, I couldn't help him.
Josh turned his eyes back to me. He squeezed my arms a little tighter as he clenched his jaw. I bit my bottom lip to stop a cry and it caused him to smile. I forgot that he liked that. It was too late for me to change what I had already done though. I let go of my lip and did my best to relax in his hands. I knew I wouldn't be able to fully but it seemed to hurt less when I didn't struggle.
"I miss making you get that face," He stated.
"What face?" I asked.
"The one where you're trying to hide the fact that I'm hurting you."
"Well, I stopped. You know you're hurting me and that's enough. Showing it won't do a damn thing."
"You're learning."
"Yeah, and I don't want you to have another nervous break down at me biting my lip."
"You are a feisty little one, ma cherie," Josh said with a smile.
The nick name was really starting to bother me. I never liked it before but he was getting really bad with it. He was saying it mostly to piss me off too, and I knew it. If there was anyone who knew how to push my buttons, it was Josh.
"Stop calling me that," I stated.
I pulled my arms free from his grip and quickly raised my hands to his chest. I pushed him, using all the strength I had, even in my legs. He stumbled away from me and went pretty far that time. It felt so good to push him; to get him off of me. I hated not being in control. I hated feeling helpless.
"I'm not your fucking cherie, Josh," I almost yelled. "I'm not your anything!"
"Oh, yes, you are," Josh countered. "You may not want to admit it but you are mine."
"Me having scars from you doesn't make me yours."
"You were willing for everything I did to you, Shelby," Josh said with a chuckle and a shake of his head. "Don't try putting all the blame on me. I wasn't the whore who got into anyone's car."
"No, you were just the one who used the whore for your own sadistic means," I said.
"You knew what I was about when you got in my car. I didn't lie or sugar coat anything. You knew what I liked and what I would be paying you for that first night and every night after that!"
Josh gave me his cold, almost deadly, smile. He licked his lips and kept his dark eyed fixed on me. I felt that feeling in the pit of my stomach again; fear. He wasn't touching me, he wasn't even close enough to touch me but I was afraid of him. He wasn't physically attacking me but he was severely attacking me verbally.
"So, tell me, how is all of this my fault?" He asked, innocence flowing from his words.
He was right. Everything that happened to me was my own fault. I was the one who got into his car, night after night, knowing what he would do to me. I stayed at his house, I let him hurt me. He never forced anything on me. I felt even more disgusting than I normally did. Josh was right. It was all my fault. Upon realizing that, I realized that he was going to get exactly what he wanted. I could fight all I wanted but he would still win.
A tear slid out of the corner of one of my eyes and down my cheek. I lost. I didn't like having Josh throw all of that at me but even more than that, I didn't like that Daisy was right outside the door, hearing everything he was saying. How could she ever look at me again? She told me before that I was strong for what I did but was I really? After getting the whole truth from both sides, would she still believe that I was strong for what I did?
I couldn't help but think that maybe Daisy was right though. She didn't lie or sugar coat things either. If she told me I was strong for what I did, then she truly thought I was strong for what I did. And if Daisy thought I was strong then I must be, right? She knew me and understood me better than anyone else in the world, even Scott. I couldn't let her down. I had to force myself to believe what Daisy believed. I had to be strong! There was no other choice. If Josh was going to take me, then he was going to take me kicking and screaming. I wasn't that girl anymore.
"It's not all your fault, Josh," I said. "But that doesn't mean I'm going to sit here and take it like I use to."
"That's right. You're strong now," He said with mock sarcasm in his voice.
Before I could respond, he rushed towards me again. I tried to get away from him by ducking but it didn't work. It was as if he knew what I was going to do and he fell to the floor with me. He got on top on me and pinned my arms over my head with one of his hands. She tried to struggle but it did no good. He was straddling my waist and prevented me from being able to move much.
I heard muffled voices from the other side of the door and I didn't like the sound of them. I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my jaw as I realized that the voice that spoke loudest was Peter. I didn't want him to know and I sure as hell didn't want him to see me like that. It didn't matter if I was fighting or not, I was still beaten. I wasn't the Shelby he had imprinted in his mind. The Shelby that was there was strong and never lost a battle. I was a picture of the complete opposite.
"Josh get off of me," I stated softly as I opened my eyes.
"No," He replied.
I heard Peter scream my name from the other side of the door. With out my consent, a tear fell from one of my eyes. I looked past Josh and saw the door move a little but not open. It was locked and he couldn't get in. Sure, he probably had the key somewhere but if I knew anything it was that Peter wouldn't leave that door until I was out of the bathroom. He cared about his students to much and he always wanted to save us. But he couldn't save me from Josh. I had to save myself.
"Get off of me!" I repeated with more force.
Somehow, I managed to wiggle my hands free from his grip. I moved my hands to his chest and without thinking, I pushed him as hard as I could. The force was enough to get him off of me. I moved away from him and towards the wall again but there was only so far I could go before my back was being pushed against the wall.
"Why do you have to anger me further?" Josh asked me.
"What can I say?" I said and stood up. "It's too much fun."
Josh rushed towards me and smacked me clear across my cheek. I felt like my eye was going to explode as I fell to the floor again. It was on the other side than he had hit me before so both sides of my face hurt. Great! That was all I needed. I held the side of my face as I sat at his feet.
The next thing I knew, I saw and heard the door fly open and Peter's foot land on the floor of the bathroom. He walked through the threshold and I couldn't stop a smile from appearing on my face. Josh must not have cared that Peter was in the bathroom though for before I knew it, he was trying to swing at me again.
Peter came up behind me and prevented Josh from taking another step towards me. He wrapped one of his arms around Josh's neck in a choke hold while he used the other to grab one of his arms. Peter moved his arms enough to slam Josh against the wall. He grabbed both of his arms and pulled them behind me as if he was going to hand cuff him. But it was obvious that Peter had no hand cuffs. Instead, he just held his hands with one hand and continued to push his head against the wall with the other.
"Are you okay?" Peter asked with such a sincere tone.
I couldn't find my voice to speak so I nodded. I wasn't okay, obviously, but I knew I would be with Peter there. I didn't care how cheesy or childish it was, Peter was my hero. Not just for rescuing me from Josh either. He saved me in so many ways that I couldn't even name. He was the Father I never had and the friend that I needed.
When I finally looked away from Peter, I saw everyone pour into the bathroom. Not just Daisy and Juliet but Sophie, Scott, Ezra, David and Auggie too. My whole family came rushing into the bathroom and towards me. Sophie bent down next to me and started to check my wounds before I had the chance to tell her not to bother.
"Sophie, go call Curtis," Peter ordered. "I have a feeling that what Josh here did was against the law."
I smiled at Peter's joke while Sophie protested with, "What about Shelby?"
"I'll take care of Shelby," Scott said.
"We'll take care of Shelby," Daisy corrected.
"Meanwhile, I'll take care of my new buddy," David said and walked over to Josh.
"We'll take care of our new buddy," Auggie corrected.
I smiled and watched Sophie and Juliet run to go call Curtis and probably get other help. Scott and Daisy both knelt down by me but they both knew me well enough to not look over my wounds. I knew they cared that I was hurt but they knew I didn't want to babied. Sophie knew me well too but she always had a Motherly instinct to tend our wounds and that was something I would never be able to break.
I looked over to Josh and felt suddenly safe with everyone there. It wasn't that Peter was holding him or that I had two very protective brother-like people willing to cause him all types of pain either. It was the fact that I had my family there. Everyone was there and on my side. My support system was supporting me and it made me feel strong, which caused me to feel safe.
Auggie moved to hit him but Peter stopped it. I almost frowned at it but I stopped myself.
"Come on, Peter, just one hit," Auggie pleaded.
"As much as I would love to let you, Auggie, I can't," Peter said.
Auggie nodded but it was in obvious disappointment. David didn't like being said 'no' to either but he accepted it, so did Auggie. They both understood that Peter couldn't let them hurt him. Granted, Peter already had his fun with Josh by shoving him against the wall and having him a choke hold but that was for my protection. Peter wouldn't have done it if it wasn't for me and I knew it.
"Be happy you're not going to be here," Auggie said and stepped closer to Josh. He tried to back away but Peter's grip wouldn't let him move. "If you ever come near Shelby again, it will be the last thing you do as a free man. You touch her, you talk to her or you even think about her and you'll regret it. That's my sister you were messin' with and no one messes with my family. Remember that."
Auggie's words made me smile. He really was like a big brother to me. He would protect me from Josh and hurt him without me even having to tell him to and he wouldn't care if it cost him getting kicked out of Horizon or jail time. If there's one thing I know about Auggie, it's that he cares for others more than himself. I just happened to be one of those people he cared for; I really was like a sister to him.
"Thanks, Aug," I said with a small smile.
Auggie turned around and gave me a small smile that meant a million things at once. I couldn't even describe it, it was just something that only Auggie could do. Everyone could smile but Auggie's meant something. What it was, no one knew expect for the person he was smiling at but his smiles always meant something. And when it came to his family(us that is) it usually meant love. And, in Auggie's mind, no one fucks with the people he loves or they pay the consequences.
"Are you okay?" Scott asked me and I looked to him.
"You know me," I said with a smile. "I'm always okay."
Scott gave me a skeptical look. I reached out to him and patted him gently on the knee in assurance. I wasn't okay yet and I knew that but I also knew that I would be soon. Having everyone there was bringing me back to my old self already. Once Josh was gone, I would be me again, and I couldn't wait for it. I missed myself.
I sat in a simple wooden chair with my hands in my lap. I was the picture of a well behaved girl. Yeah, right. I was getting medical attention from my latest wounds from Josh. I hadn't been able to look in a mirror yet but I knew that my lip was slightly swollen, even if it had stopped bleeding. My cheek had a small bandage on it and I was told that it would be sore for several more days.
I didn't mind the pain. I could deal with pain, it was nothing new to me. Knowing that I wouldn't have to endure it again was really the thing that made me okay with it. I didn't loose the battle against Josh after all and I was grateful for it. I was finally feeling like me again and I enjoyed it. I enjoyed feeling strong, sarcastic and even bitchy. But most of all, I missed feeling free.
I stood up from the chair and turned around as I heard a groan of pain. I found Josh hand cuffed and being put in the back of a cop car. Right before he was pushed in the car, his eyes locked with mine. His look wasn't of anger or hatred like I had expected but a look of sadness and guilt. He actually felt bad for what he did to me. I almost wanted to tell them to let him go. It wasn't because of whatever kind of hold he had on me either. It was because he felt bad. But I didn't tell them to let him go. I couldn't forget everything he did to me.
I gave him a sad smile as she was being pushed into the car. It was all I could do. I couldn't forgive him but I couldn't fully hate him either. I couldn't explain but that was what it was. I couldn't change it.
I watched the car drive away as I stood in silence. I watched the car until it was out of my sight. I didn't know if I would ever fully be over Josh but I was grateful to have him gone so he couldn't test me anymore. Was I cured of him? I doubt it. But I was at least mostly over him. And that was a cheerful thought.
"Are you okay?" Peter asked from behind me.
"I am now," I said and turned to him. "Thank you, Peter."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I guess, I thought it would make you think less of me."
"I could never think less of you, Shelby."
"But I was always the strong one of the group; the lone who survived through so much."
"And you still are."
"You're the one who rescued me, Peter. How can you say that?"
"I was outside the door, Shelby. I heard you fighting him," Peter said and pulled me into a sort of half hug. "You fought your monster and, in the end, you won."
I smiled at the thought. I did fight him but I wasn't the one who won the battle. Peter won the battle for me. I thought that I should feel ashamed about that but I wasn't. I was okay with letting others help me. And knowing that Peter didn't think less of me because of my history with Josh was a comforting notion.
Peter gave a soft squeeze. Everyone else joined in on the hug. I didn't even know everyone else was there until they were all hugging me. Peter, Scott and Daisy were closest with everyone else surrounding us. I liked being in the middle of the hug. I was like the smallest puppy in the litter when they all slept together. It was nice, comforting. They all helped save me. The whole moment made me smile.
I was haunted by my past and my monster did the best he could to beat me. But, in the end, I won the battle. I was free of him. And it was thanks to everyone who was hugging me. They all helped grant my freedom.
(A/N)-Thanks for all of the reviews from: Melms213, Linkie, Tracy, Mandy, Delia, GhostWriter, Anna, Trisha, Mickey Ryan, Summerfly39, FrostySnake, kt, mary-023,rogue-angel07, Summerfly39, Keela-Shay Baxter, ac5000, JennyEngal, RainyAngel, Sasha, RedJewel2662 and HC Lvr. Thank you guys so much for following me through this whole story.
So, 'Haunted' has come to an end and on a happy note. I normally don't like the whole happily-ever-after things but it worked for this. I couldn't picture Shelby to just let this type of stuff happen to her. Also, I'm sorry this chapter might sort of drag on. I was dead set on having Shelby end strong but she wasn't letting me. The Shelby in my mind was so damn scared of Josh that she couldn't bring herself to conjure up her strength until Daisy got involved. I also liked the fact that I made Peter come to the rescue sort of. Shelby became strong again and started fighting Josh but I wanted to show that, yes, Peter was a good guy but he was willing to do what I took to protect his students, who were like his children. Okay, now I'm rambling. Feel free to ignore me. ;-)
I know I said I was going to start 'A New Life' and I'm sorry for letting you guys down on that. I just didn't think it would be fair to all my readers to start another story without first finishing one of them. I wouldn't update often(not that I really do now and I'm sorry for that) because I would be swamped with stories. I'm writing my FireFly fic next and then I will start ' A New Life'. I do have it all planned out. Then you'll get a 'Memories' chapter. After that, I'm not sure what will happen.
Thank you all so much for supporting me through out this whole story, despite how dark it is. This is by far my darkest work and it was my first POV fic in full. Thank you all for reading! You have no idea how much it means to me that you guys enjoy my work, even if my mind is a little screwed up sometimes.
As always, please review and let me know how I finished out my dark story!