This one's just silly and involves a little bonding among the same-sex groups. No pairings, none!

Rated 'T' for boobie-speculation and insufficient cover. Not much. I might write a chapter on that, with more inspiration.

"Vaan, did you give them the message?"

"Just told them."

"Excellent. Very well, crew, time to break out the trappings of civilization!"

It was a pleasant afternoon on board the Strahl, cruising towards Archades for a quick running of loot. The three male members having come to a consensus that if the women were going to treat them like Immature (And Blond), Lecherous (And swarmy) Traitors (Who were ooooold.), then they at least had the right to a day when they could act like one, yes?

And so the plan was set. Balthier would stock the Ice box in one of the storage rooms with Dalmascan Ale and Archadian Ri'sure, clear the space in the room to place couches, blankets and as many pillows as he could carry without sneezing. Basch was to supply his prized collection of 'When there's a war on' pornography (And god forbid anyone ask how he'd kept a hold of it from his imprisonment), and Vaan would come up with some kind of cover to deter the women from intruding on their social event.

Surprisingly, the boy went for the truth.

"Uh, guys, is it okay if we have the back room all to ourselves until we get to Acrhades? We're just gonna be drinking beer, playing cards and comparing the tits in Basch's special magazines for about seven hours. That cool with you?"

Granted, it probably worked because it sounded too outrageous to be true!

However, it also meant that Vaan started the little gathering with a split lip and a puffy eye. Kill the messenger and what-not. So, in all irony, the first can was popped not to be drunk, but to pour the ice-cold liquid all over his face.

"Who's up for Seej Poker?" Basch grinned, flipping a deck of cards.

"Count me in!"

"Vaan, do you even know how to play?"

"Yeah, you just keep putting cards down until you get two that match, then you slap your hand on it and yell snap!"

"…"

"Wrong game?"

"Just… don't… talk. We'll teach you as we go. And you, oh egotistic leading man?"

"I'm an actor, Basch. It stands to reason that I'm an ace at poker."

"Clothes or money?"

"Huh?"

"Both."

"Wild or Full-draw?"

"Um, what are you…"

"Wild. I hope your gil isn't the traumatic sort."

"How so?"

"It's about to get intimately acquainted with my pocket."

"Big words, little actor. I'll live to see you eat them yet."

"When I've taken your quid, that's all you're going to eat."

"Can we play now?"

Sighing, Basch dealt the cards on a little table, keeping half an eye on Balthier as he folded, cut and sent the cards flying.

After a few practice rounds teaching Vaan to play, the game began in earnest.

--

"25 Gil."

"I'll see you thirty."

"Call."

"Call."

"Up Bangaa, four rounds."

"Call."

"I'll raise you five."

"Kiss that five goodbye."

"Touchy tonight, are we?"

"Call."

"Alright, gents. Flip them!" Balthier called out, revealing his royal Halberd on the table.

"Occuria, Hume, Viera, Seej, Moogle. Not bad at all, leading man." Basch mused, revealing his own hand. Five different suits, ranging from one to five, exposed themselves on the table. Balthier's hand was useless against the Straight Onion-run.

Just as he was about to rake in the pot, however, Vaan groaned and laid his cards down.

"It's all one suit and the five ranks, I knew I was wasting my time."

Basch blinked, Balthier coughed, Vaan looked at them innocently.

"Did I win?"

Basch and Balthier shared a look, and pushed the loot towards the boy.

"Beginners luck, Vaan. Don't get cocky."

--

Fran looked to Penelo in the co-pilot's chair, nodding when the girl looked over for approval. She'd done well; if the Hume boy was serious in his quest to achieve sky-piracy, she'd make a fine navigator.

"Well, I can't hear anything from the room. What could they be doing?" Ashe pondered as she walked back into the cockpit, earning only silence for a reply.

Well, not really.

"Isn't it improper for a princess to be listening in at doors?" Penelo teased, running her eyes over the panel in front of her before switching to automatic diagnostic. Getting to her knees and facing Ashe over her seat, folding her arms to rest her head, Penelo gave the slightly out-put Queen-to-be a childish smile.

"It's a poor ruler who can't keep herself well-informed." Ashe responded primly.

"Aye, I would think your skirt would inform you well ahead of any drafts. You truly take all steps to remain aware." Fran remarked, a slim smile crossing his face at the Monarch's indignant huff.

"I… Blast it, Fran; you know I can't comment on your attire without it sounding Specieist! And you, Penelo, you shouldn't be encouraging her!" Ashe floundered, cheeks colouring at the young girl's giggles.

"But it's true! You would easily win the competition for 'Shortest skirt in Dalmasca'! Even the Rosette would be bigger than that overstuffed belt!" Penelo pointed out, a hand over her mouth to stem the laughter as Ashe's jaw dropped.

"But… I… Dalmasca is a hot country!"

"Then why not simply wear nothing at all? I have heard all the men in our group, Larsa and Vossler included, agreeing for that to be a preferable option as opposed to your current garb." Fran voiced, her tone and face devoid of emotion. Penelo collapsed on the chair, hugging her aching sides as the laughing continued.

Ashe simply set her mouth into a line and narrowed her eyes.

"Those men are going to be on the rough end of a Royal decree when I am reinstated, you mark my words."

--

"Beginners luck never lasts long, remember that!" Balthier repeated, twenty minutes later. Sweat began slicking down his brow as he wrapped a blanket around himself, clad only in his undergarments.

Basch faired little better. Seeing as he really only owned three articles of clothing, as opposed to Balthier's innumerable gloves and tassels, he'd lost his clothes with great haste. Fortunately, Vaan allowed him to carry the potholder-lookalike on his chest to cover his 'essentials'.

It wasn't nearly big enough; this didn't comfort the knight in the least.

Vaan, meanwhile, simply sat behind a growing mountain of valuables, which included Balthiers rings, Ashe's coronation tiara (Something else Basch had somehow acquired), her wedding ring and the deeds to the Burnansa Family estate of the Phon coast.

And he still didn't know how he was winning, it was infuriating!

It was the face, Balthier told himself, the damned idiot face that didn't tell you what he was thinking, simply because he wasn't thinking anything! Incorrigible bad luck!

Basch simply sighed and folded.

"I'm out; I need to leave before I lose this." He motioned towards the potholder.

"Didn't need to see that." Vaan mumbled, not looking up from his cards.

As Basch left the table and grabbed a beer, he cast a look at the fuming Sky Pirate. It seemed he was betting his embroidered under-vest on the rest of his clothes. The boy had been kind enough to allow such a biased wager, the man noted.

"Very well, Rat-slayer, lets see you beat this!" Balthier laid down his cards with a triumphant flourish. Five Ranked cards, Five Suits, the unbreakable Ultima finish! Confident in victory, he reached towards his clothes…

Vaan's hand grabbed his, without looking.

"What happens if I have Four Seejs and a Sword-Hume?" Vaan asked innocently.

Balthier gulped.

"That's called the Guided Ram. It's an all-break hand, and possession of that would mean…"

The hand turned out to be exactly that, four Seejs and a Hume of the Sword suit.

"… That you won the round." Balthier finished with remorse clear in his eyes.

Suddenly , Vaan looked over at him, his eyes lit with mischief, void of the childish naivety he'd had at the start of the game.

"I lived on the street for seventeen years, guys, and you actually thought I'd never played a round of poker?"

Vaan raked in his winnings, pulling bags out of his pockets to store them as the cheated elders watched on in horror.

"I win. Better luck next time!"

--

"Maybe they're having some sort of burping competition?"

"Penelo, please. Basch would never… I'm sure he wouldn't… I mean… Hmmm." Ashe paused, finger to her lips in thought.

"They'd have passed out from the fumes if they had…" Penelo mused.

"So they kill themselves from the gas and we didn't hear or smell them doing it. Everybody wins." Fran said silently, the others laughing at the expense of the men in the back.

--

"Wow! Check that out!"

"Mmmm… Definitely a fine figure of a woman." Balthier nodded, "You have good taste, thief. Look at the Airship motor she's polishing, I think that's a straight eight…"

"I think I have a straight eight!" Vaan grinned, his face falling when nobody laughed.

"Feni Haer'Dinan, right?" Basch asked from the other couch, not looking up his issue of 'Bows and quivers'.

"Yeah…"

"Implants. I had the chance to test them myself after the Galban fete five years ago." Basch muttered from his side of the couch, ignoring the shocked stares from the other two men.

"Did she have any frie…"

"Phoen Divo introduced me to her when I was escorting her across the Estersand, quite a while ago."

"Pho-"

"Centrefold, Special edition 46."

"Ah. And by escort, you mean…"

"I'll tell you when you're older."

"Oh, har har."

--

"I don't suppose they are comparing breasts, are they?" Ashe thought out loud, her face somewhat nervous.

"I don't think they would…" Penelo reassured her.

"These are the same men who commented that Ashe would look better wearing nothing at all…" Fran pointed out.

"Oh…"

--

"… and what about Penelo's?!"

"What about them?"

"Exactly! You orphans don't eat right, had I ever told you that?"

"Ha! Penelo doesn't eat, she bites!"

"Get a lead for that one!"

"Rawf Rawf!"

'HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!'

The drink, it seemed, was good. They blacked out not long after, still comparing breasts.

Not theirs, of course. That would be silly.

--

The next morning, as the ship landed, brought many new sights.

Basch covering himself with his bare hands screaming 'Nobody look!' as he scurried to his room was one. Balthier without his ring collection and fancy clothing was another.

Vaan, wearing Balthier's Vest, Basch's pants, and hungover so hard it looked like he'd been hit with a Scourge spell was the next.

Penelo giggled.

Fran snorted.

Ashe wondered why the hell he was wearing her Tiara.

If you like Naruto (NaruHina in particular) I've set up a drabble collection on fluff in my authored stories. Check them out!

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