Author's Note: Okay, so I promised retrowaffle an update by Christmas and TADA! Promise kept! :) Thank you so much to all of you who have reviewed. It means sooooo much to me that you take the time to tell me what you think of this story and it keeps me motivated. I warn you, although my beta did volunteer to edit new chapters for me, I wanted to get this one to you guys immediately so it IS unbeta'd. That being said, I think it's passable. LOVE YOU ALLL! Just in case I don't get another update out before the holidays pass, HAPPY HOLIDAYS to you all! Whatever the season means to you, may it bring you peace, love, hope and joy! Enjoy! :)

Chapter Nine

Renesmee POV

The Minnesota Landscape Arboretum is over 1,000 acres of property, gardens, woodlands, prairies and so much more. I visited here often, as it reminded me of the times I used to spend in and surrounded by nature as I grew up with Jacob.

Despite the immensity of the property, I knew that Jacob would find me where I waited for him. He would know exactly where I was and when I got there and he would show up shortly after I did. He wouldn't let me down. Despite everything, I knew that much for sure.

I took a seat outside of Berens Cabin, the last remaining structure of the original Arboretum. It was in the woods, slightly secluded so that we wouldn't be detected. 5 am was much earlier than the 8am opening time. Technically, we were trespassing.

Jacob slid onto the seat next to me without making a single noise, yet I had known he was there before he had appeared. His presence was not something that could be overlooked. My mind was very attuned to his energy, despite the four year absence of it.

"Hi." He whispered after a few moments of silence.

"Hi." I replied, glancing over at him from underneath my lashes, "You're early."

"So are you." He smiled, playfully nudging me with his shoulder, "I followed you after you left your house but I figured I'd let you pick where you wanted to meet me before I revealed myself."

I nodded slowly. Things were so uncomfortable with us now. Weird to think just four years earlier we had been nearly inseparable. I was different now. We were different now. Life, in general, was just different now.

"Do you do that a lot? Follow me around?" I asked, still avoiding making direct eye contact with him.

"All the time." He admitted, "It's hard for me, if I don't know where you are. Impossible really."

"Right, that imprinting stuff."

"It's not just that Nessie, it's more. I want to be near you. I want to be your best friend again. I love you."

I felt him reaching for my hand so I moved it before the contact could be made. The last thing I wanted was for him to touch me right now. It was too weird. Too much. Too familiar and he was a stranger to me now.

"Sorry." He mumbled, pulling back his hand when mine moved away.

I let the apology linger in the air without a response. It wasn't okay so I couldn't say it was. Nothing was okay between Jacob and I. It was hard enough just sitting here next to him let alone to have him touch me.

"So I start Dartmouth in the fall." I spoke after a few minutes of awkward silence, "You probably already knew that since you follow me around."

"I did know but, I'm glad you told me." Jacob looked over at me and I could feel him smiling, "Makes it feel more official."

A sarcastic laugh slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it. Jacob's smile fell.

"Sorry, it's just," I sighed, "It felt pretty official four years ago and then now here we are. Official is funny to me. The one thing I can count on in life is that nothing is certain. Nothing is official until it actually happens."

The awkward silence fell over us again. The tension filled all the space between us and around us and I could almost taste it. It was thick and smothering, like clouds of smoke.

"So I was thinking…" Jacob broke the silence.

"Uh oh." I tried to joke but it fell flat and received only a blank look from Jacob, "Sorry, go ahead. You were thinking?"

"Well, I promised you almost 5 years ago that on your 16th birthday, I would take you back to Forks. And I know that your birthday is a few months away still but I was hoping that maybe you would agree to taking the trip early. We could leave anytime and go and make it like a summer adventure maybe? Something for us to do together before you go off to Dartmouth in the fall? One last hurrah?"

My eyes finally connected with his and I could see the hope he had for me to answer yes to his proposition. My heart fluttered underneath his gaze, the same way it used to when he kissed me. That felt like so long ago but he still affected me. I didn't want to admit it but my heart would always belong to Jacob Black. If only my heart hadn't shattered into a million pieces four years ago there may have still been a chance for us. That wasn't what I needed to focus on though. He was asking me to go to Forks with him. One last hurrah? That made it sound like eternity wasn't stretched out before us like it always had been.

"The last hurrah huh?" I let half a smile flit across my lips, "Last makes it sound awfully permanent. I'll only be in college for four years Jake. Then I get to start this whole high school thing over in a new city again. This is life remember? Eternity for the immortal. High school, college, rinse and repeat."

Jacob laughed, a real echoing laugh but it trailed off into sadness.

"Well, I just figured that you would want to go to Dartmouth without me. You don't really need me around anymore and you've done a good job of taking care of yourself for the past four years. I didn't think I was invited to be a part of your life anymore and I just wanted to make sure to at least keep this one promise to you before we went our separate ways."

The pieces of my heart that I had managed to mend over the past four years shattered all over again and my breath rushed away from me. It felt like I had just been stabbed, although I had no idea what that would actually feel like, this emotional wound felt incredibly physical. Jacob didn't even want to watch over me now. He wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. He was going to leave me alone, for real.

"Nessie, are you okay?" Jacob was frowning at me.

I realized that I had backed to the furthest corner of the old wooden porch, as far away from him as I could get within the fairly confined space. I hadn't even known when I did it. I couldn't catch my breath and the searing pain in my chest would not dissipate. Was I okay? No, not at all.

"Renesmee." Jacob took a tentative step towards me, his arm outstretched and a look of confusion etched over his features, "Nessie?"

"You… alone… me…" I couldn't form a sentence, "No. No."

"Nessie. Calm down. What's wrong?" Jacob stepped closer again, still more than an arm's length away, "What is it? Did I do something wrong? You were fine one second and now you're not breathing. Renesmee, breathe."

I collapsed to the floor and immediately Jacob sprung to my side, pulling me into his arms and rocking me back and forth. It would be a stretch to say I was hyperventilating. I wasn't breathing at all. I couldn't force myself to take in any oxygen. The pain was spreading and taking over and in moments, I knew I would pass out from it all. This couldn't be happening. He wasn't serious about leaving me.

"Nessie, please breathe honey. Please." Jacob smoothed my hair and kissed my forehead, rocking me, trying to help, "I don't know how to fix this. I don't know what's wrong. Please breathe. Please tell me what's wrong."

All at once I was able to take a deep breath and as oxygen filled my lungs again, the blistering pain ebbed. My muscles relaxed and my whole body went limp in Jacob's arms. My eyes closed but I was conscious. Breathing returned to normal slowly and Jacob was quiet. It was a full minute before either of us spoke.

"Don't leave me." I whispered.

"What?" I knew Jacob would have heard me clearly at the sound level I had used to speak but he was asking me to repeat myself anyway.

"Don't leave me." I opened my eyes slowly, finding his eyes connected directly with mine as he held me in his arms, "You can't leave me alone."

"I don't want to." He said simply. His eyebrows were knitted together as if he were searching my face for something more, "I never want to be away from you ever, I just thought that you didn't want me around anymore."

"I was mad Jake. I was hurt and angry but I've always known you were there. Even when I tried to convince myself otherwise, deep down for the past four years I've known every second that you were nearby. Please don't leave me."

My tears began to fall before I could stop them. Our embrace changed and he cradled me in his arms, holding me tight. He still rocked me in a soothing motion as if I were a baby who needed to be consoled. To him I probably still was a baby.

"I'll never leave you Ness. As long as you want me here, I'm here. I'm so sorry. I never meant to upset you."

His words were mumbled against my cheek and then he kissed my cheek softly.

"I'm so sorry." He repeated.

It took awhile for me to regain my composure. There was so much to think about and so much I never wanted to think about again. Jacob held me and we were both quiet while the atmosphere settled around us. I stopped crying and he watched me, carefully, as if one wrong look may send me into hysteria again.

"Sorry I freaked out." I whispered after the long silence, "I never exactly prepared myself for the day you would tell me you were gonna go away permanently."

A quick panic threatened to settle again at the idea but I choked it back and took a deep breath then smiled.

"Obviously I can't really handle that idea."

"I won't leave." Jacob assured me, "I promise."

I cocked my head to the side and nodded slowly, biting the inside of my lower lip nervously.

"Therein lies the problem." I said quietly, "Your promises don't mean much anymore. You broke so many in just one night, I don't know if I trust you anymore."

Jacob frowned sadly but he nodded in acceptance of my statement.

"I can understand that. I broke a lot of promises the night I took you away from Marnie and I can't make up for that but that is why I do not want to break any more promises. I promised you I would take you to Forks and I want to keep that promise."

We stared into each others eyes for a moment. I could see nothing but sincerity and love in his eyes as he stared at me. It was exactly how he used to stare at me every single day. His gaze made me feel safe and wanted. I had a feeling if I stared into his eyes long enough my shattered heart may begin to heal.

"Then let's do it." I reached up tentatively and placed my hand on Jacob's cheek, showing him my last memory of my Grandpa Charlie and the things I remembered and missed from Forks, "Let's leave today."

Jacob grinned, his impish wolfy grin as he leaned his head heavier against my palm.

"I missed your weird visions." He laughed.

"I missed your smile." I admitted.

His head snapped to attention and he focused on my eyes again. My statement had caught him off guard. Hell, it had caught me off guard but it was the truth. There was a lot about Jacob I had missed over the past few years. It was just going to take awhile to admit to myself and to him all of those things.

I could see before he made any minute movement that he was going to try to kiss me. He was staring at me, his arms were still around me, the moment probably seemed right to him but, no matter how much I missed him, I could not go there with him again.

"Don't." I stood up and walked away from Jacob before he could tilt his head in my direction, "Whatever you were about to do you can't do it. Just don't okay?"

He was up and following me through the woods behind the cabin before I could even take ten steps.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you again." Jacob grabbed my arm and spun me around to face him before we could go any farther, "I'm sorry. Don't run away."

A small smile broke out across my face.

"Like I could really out run you anyway." I laughed.

He grinned and pulled me to his chest for a really tight hug.

"I'm so glad you're talking to me again Nessie. I know we have a long way to go to get back to where we used to be, if we can ever get there again but I love having you as part of my life and I don't ever want to lose this again."

I hugged him back cautiously, letting my face rest against him. I wanted to say it but knew it was too soon. I love you Jake. The words did not leave my mouth.

The hug turned uncomfortable after a little bit and I pulled away, stuffing my hands in my pockets as I rocked back and forth on my heels. I stared up at him and waited to see who was going to speak first.

"So when do we leave for Forks? If you give me an hour I can have my stuff together and I'll meet you back here, at the front entrance to take off. Is that good?"

"Um, don't you need to let the family know that you're leaving? Come up with a good story? If you just disappear that might throw up a red flag for Dartmouth." Jacob countered my suggestion.

"I can handle the family." I raised my eyebrow at him, "That won't take long. Trust me. Just meet me back here in an hour okay? Front entrance."

"Okay." Jacob agreed with a cocky smile, "If you say so."

"I say so." I smiled back at him and then took off in the opposite direction, pausing when I was 100 yards away to turn back and look at him. He was standing in the exact same spot, watching me and grinning.

I couldn't help the swell of happiness that flooded my senses as I turned around again and ran towards the place I currently called home. It wasn't the same and it probably never would be, but I felt oddly complete knowing that Jacob would again be a part of my life. He would be by my side instead of watching from the shadows. We could again be a team.

"Where have you been so early this morning?" Nancy, my foster mother, asked as she caught me sneaking in the front door.

I didn't miss a beat so my answer came out naturally and believably.

"Early morning jog. Wanted to clear my head." I smiled at her and she smiled back, not a hint of doubt in her eyes, "Um, is Paul awake? I had something I wanted to talk to you guys about."

"Yeah, he's in his study." Nancy cocked her head to the side inquisitively, "Should we be worried?"

"No. It's not bad." I grinned, a true honest grin rather than the forced ones I had been giving Nancy for four years.

She led me to Paul's study and knocked quietly on the door, waiting for him to call us inside. Once we had stepped inside Nancy closed the door lightly behind us and then took a seat in a nearby chair.

"Carlie has something she would like to talk to us about." Nancy said to Paul and he looked at me with the same inquisitive look she had just moments earlier, "Don't worry. She says it's nothing bad."

I took a seat in a chair that was at once facing both Nancy and Paul and inhaled deeply. I had to make sure that this came out believable so they wouldn't question me leaving.

"Since it's my first summer as a high school graduate and the last summer I'll have before college, I want to take a road trip. Just get out of town and travel a bit before I get to Dartmouth and have to really buckle down. What do you think?" Better to just get straight to the point then try to ease them into this concept.

"That sounds like a great idea honey." Nancy exclaimed, glancing over to Paul who didn't react quite as enthusiastically, "Doesn't that sound great Paul? A real life experience."

"Who's going with you?" Paul asked me before answering Nancy.

"No one. Just me. I want to think and reflect and have some alone time." I smiled, hoping that would warm him up to the idea.

"A road trip by yourself?" Now Nancy didn't sound so enthusiastic, "I don't know about that sweetheart. It can be dangerous out there. I thought you would at least be taking a friend or two with you. I'm sure Jeanine or that really sweet Lincoln girl, what's her name? Sarah? Sasha?"

"Samantha." I recalled the name of one of the girls who traveled in the social circle I claimed to be a part of, "And I'm sure Jeanine or Samantha would love to go but I really wanna do this alone. It's a time of reflection. I'm not doing it to party before college and no offense to Jeanine or Samantha or any of the other kids from my class, but they're all a bit wild. I'm not really into that stuff. It was fine for high school but this is something I really want to do to grow into an adult as I head into college."

The three of us sat in silence for a moment. Paul studied me carefully, as he did sometimes. Whenever he looked at me like this I wondered if he saw me for what I really was, a fifteen year old half-vampire liar. Nancy watched Paul, waiting for her cue, whether they as a unit would be saying yes or no to this plan.

"This is something you really want?" Paul asked.

I nodded enthusiastically.

"Okay." He nodded back and sighed, "I was going to wait until you were leaving for Dartmouth to give this to you but if you want to go on a road trip it might be better to give it to you now."

Paul opened the top drawer of his desk and pulled out a small package and small envelope. He handed them to Nancy and nodded my direction so she would walk them over to me.

"You don't have to give me anything Paul." I took the package and envelope from Nancy but didn't open them, "Really, just your blessing for taking this trip is enough."

"I know I don't have to give you anything, but it's from both of us and it's something we wanted to do for you so just open it."

Paul and Nancy were both watching me, smiling and waiting for me to make my move. I started with the envelope since I figured it was a card of some sort. I was wrong. It was a check.

"This is $50,000." My mouth fell open, "I can't accept $50,000 from you guys. That's insane."

"It's part of a college trust fund we set up for you when you moved in with us." Nancy explained, "The other part of it will be going to pay for your tuition to Dartmouth but we wanted to give this to you to do with as you please. A bit to get you started on your new adult life."

I was speechless. Not that $50,000 was a lot of money to me. Jacob and I had managed very well on the insane amount of money my mother had stashed into my bag when she had placed me in his care. Really, I would never have to worry about money and I knew that but no one had ever just given me $50,000 before. It was the gesture more than the amount.

"There's another part to the present." Nancy urged me on past my shock, "Open the box."

The small gift wrapped box seemed insignificant now compared to the check in my hand. I couldn't imagine what could possibly be inside that could measure up to $50,000. Then again, the Julian's had an immeasurable amount of money and influence in this town. For all I knew there was a key to the city in this tiny box.

I almost laughed when I finally opened the package. There was a key inside but it certainly wasn't to the city. It was to a car.

"I didn't know you wanted to go on a road trip when we picked it out or we would have picked out something with a little better gas mileage, but we were looking more at safety when we chose that one." Paul was smiling from ear to ear, clearly happy to be able to give these gifts to me, "It's an Audi Q7. Top of the line."

"You guys, this is amazing. Are you sure about this?" I gazed at the car key and the check in my hands and then switched my stare to the two proud parents in front of me, "I don't deserve this."

"You deserve it." Nancy rushed to me and pulled me from my chair for a tight hug, "You're going to Dartmouth. You're an amazing kid and we're so lucky to have you in our lives. We want you to have everything you've dreamed of. We love you like you're our own daughter."

I hugged her back and shot Paul a smile from over Nancy's shoulder. I mouthed a thank you to him, knowing an open and overt show of affection was definitely more Nancy's style than Paul's.

"Thank you so much." Nancy released me from her grasp and I took a deep breath, "So, I'm planning on leaving for the road trip today. Now actually, I was just gonna run upstairs and pack. Is that gonna be okay?"

"Whatever you want." Paul spoke up before Nancy could object and insist on a huge family meal before my departure, "The car is parked in the guest house garage. Just please make sure to say bye to Brandon and Olivia before you head out. They'd be sort of crushed if you left without a goodbye."

"Of course." I grinned one more time at both of them and then ran from the room, jumping for joy.

For the first time in four years I was truly happy, at least for a moment. Life was definitely looking up. I had $50,000, a brand new car and Jacob. I had my best friend back, even if he was a long way from being my best friend again, he was at least back and actively a part of my life. I had cause for smiling.

I was back in front of the Minnesota Landscape Arboretum exactly one hour from the time I had parted ways with Jacob. It was still very early and well before business hours, but Jacob sat patiently on the bench in the front garden, waiting and clearly deep in thought.

"Hey wolf man!" I called out the driver's side window of my metallic black new Audi, "Hop in yeah?"

Jacob looked up at me and a grin spread across his face as he grabbed a single duffle bag from beside the bench and jogged across the street towards me. He tossed his duffle bag into the back seat and the easily slid into the passenger seat, the leather squeaking underneath him.

We shared a genuine smile and then I cocked my head to the side and nodded to my GPS on the front console.

"So, where to?"