Hey guys! First, thanks for keeping me on my toes. Second, thanks for all the wonderful reviews. Third, enjoy this next installment. Let me know whatcha think. And thanks again for reading.

Chapter 10

I tell Johanna everything. Starting with my chaotic feelings for Gale, to the 'You killed Prim' incident, ending with my run in with Rose and the supposed proposal that's going to happen tonight. It's strange spilling my guts to her. But it feels good too. Easier than I thought it would be. It's like a weight the size of Panem has been lifted off my shoulders when I finish.

Johanna's solution is simple and expected. Kill Rose. And as much as my deranged side would love to do just that, I know it's not plausible. She does too apparently. Because she quickly suggest an alternative.

"You should just tell Gale how you feel before he does something stupid," Johanna advises. She's sitting on the edge of her bed while I perch at the window.

"That's the thing. I don't know how I feel," I complain.

"Sure you do," Johanna insists. "You're just being a big baby about it—a terrified infant straight from the nursery. Confused and misplaced with no tit to suck on."

I feel my eyes narrow. I should have known better. There is no lax side to this Victor. I don't reply at all. I just stare at her, irritated at the lack of empathy. I don't even care that her words are true to a certain degree.

I'm still trying to recover from her hard-hitting criticism when she apologizes.

"Sorry," she offers. "I'm not very good at this."

I shake my head. "I'm not either."

We share a quick laugh. Finally, we understand another.

"But you do know how you feel about Gale," she comments. "And you are being a scared baby about it all. Let me tell you something, Katniss. Something about be me no one alive knows."

I nervously wait for her to continue.

"I wasn't always like the way I am today. Spiteful and deceptive. I was more like you, actually. Reserved, tough, but caring. I loved a lot of people and took joy in the little things. I had a family. My mom—she was so beautiful." There's a glint of bittersweet happiness in her eyes as she speaks. I'm touched by it. In fact, I'm finding that my heart is pounding rapidly in anticipation for her to carry on. "But I take after my Dad, and that's ok with me. He was strong and very skillful. He took care of us the best he could. I had an older brother." She chokes out the next part. "And a younger sister."

This information sends a wave of shock throughout my entire body, numbing me in the worst way.

"I was in love," she says quietly, tears forming in the corner of her eyes. She swiftly wipes them away. I don't see any more after that. "His name was Jiro Snaw. We went to school together. He was a complete stranger when he approached me one day after school and said I was the girl he was going to spend the rest of his life with. I thought he was nuts, of course." She snickers as if she suddenly recalls something hilarious. "I didn't give him the time of day. But he didn't give up so we eventually became friends. I fell for him at some point. I don't really know when. All I know is that I was scared of how I felt." She gives me a pointed look. "I never got to tell him. I was reaped shortly after my new found feelings. Ripped away from everybody I knew and loved and for what? To become a cold-blooded killer? The monster you saw in the arena, the one with the wicked ability to murder, was born because the Capitol saw to it. I didn't have a choice. I had family to get back to—a best friend that needed to know my true feelings."

She rises from the bed and comes to stand next to me at the window. We look out into the backwoods together, two victorious girls with blood-stained hands and nothing to show for it. She doesn't look at me as she continues her story. "I didn't win the Hunger Games. In fact, it's always been my thought that the people who died in there are the true Victors. They didn't have to live with the shadow of guilt, with the fear of losing everybody they love, with desperation for freedom from the Capitol and President Snow. I was alive but not living, you know?" It's a rhetorical question. She knows that I know exactly how that feels. "That's worse than death if you ask me."

Johanna is quiet for a long time. I want to say something but words have escaped me the way they always do in serious situations like these. "When I finally got back to District 7, Jiro was gone. Just disappeared into thin air. On the Victor's Tour, President Snow presented his devious plan to me. It was wickedly simple. Sell myself to those Capitol scumbags or watch more of the people I care about 'disappear'. I couldn't do it, Katniss." A stream of nervousness grows in her eyes. Finnick once revealed that President Snow killed them because she refused to be a pawn in his prostitution scheme. But hearing it from her, and in detail no less, makes it more real. "I couldn't let them do that to me. Not after everything I'd been through in the arena. So I said no." Tears threaten her again. "They were long gone by the time I returned home. My beautiful mother—my strong father—caring brother—innocent sister. And it was my fault entirely." She moves back to her bed, sits and drops her head. "I should have said yes. I should have just let them do whatever they wanted with me. There wasn't much left after the arena anyway. I should have told Jiro how I felt about him. He died without knowing the truth—that I was in love with him."

There are tears in my own eyes now. My body trembles with boundless anger, sympathy, regret and understanding. "You made the right choice not giving in to President Snow. Your family wouldn't have wanted that for you." It's all I can say. I always used to wonder why Johanna sometimes looks like she is continuously fighting with something. I thought it was post-traumatic stress from her days in the arena. I know the truth now. She blames herself for her family's murders.

"I didn't tell you about my life because I want you to feel sorry for me. So please wipe that look off your face and let's get one thing straight," she says sternly. "I told you this stuff because I care about you. I have for a long time. Since your berry stunt, actually. And don't go getting all emotional on me. I have an image to maintain." She comes to stand with me at the window again. I feel pretty stupid because I'm crying despite her plea for simplicity. But I can't stop, not after everything she's told me.

"I hate what happened to you, Katniss. You were forced to be something you never wanted to be. You lost your family," she says sadly. "But there's something you need to understand." She pauses. "Someone you love survived. Not many of us get to say that. So I'll tell you again, you should just tell Gale how you feel."

She pulls me into a quick, compulsory hug, and then jets for the door before I even have time to soak up her words.

"Wait!" I call after her.

She does.

"I need your help again."

Haymitch is passed out on the kitchen table by the time we emerge from the bedroom. Johanna and I exchange sly smirks as we approach him. I try to shake him awake. When that doesn't work, I go to the kitchen, fill a glass with water, and come back to pour it over his head. He jumps up immediately, showering me with insults while waving his hand around frantically. This looks funnier than usual because he's not actually holding a knife.

"I was really hoping you'd let me Taser him," Johanna mumbles as she starts to gather the playing cards that have somehow managed to scatter across the table.

"Time to go," I tell Haymitch.

He looks confused until I go on to mention the festival. "Already?" He searches the room for a clock but doesn't find one. I can't imagine why she would have any. After the surprise they had for us in the Quarter Quell and all. A ticking dome just waiting to cause great loss and destruction.

His eyes wonder back to me, and it's like he's really seeing me for the first time because he says, "Wow, sweetheart. You look," he pauses. "Just…wow."

I can't help but blush. I'm not used to such compliments from him. "Johanna is rather good at making unpleasant things likable." I peek at her through my heavily pampered eyes. She smirks, accepting the compliment but not without pun.

"We all know you need the help. God forbid you use a blow dryer," she says.

Johanna is in her uniform tonight. When I asked her about this, she told me that Gale instructed all the soldiers to wear them. I try not to think about why. Me, on the other hand, I did just as Rose instructed. Make sure you dress up extra fancy tonight. Gale says something special is going to happen.

For someone who doesn't give the impression of caring about appearance, Johanna sure does have a lot of clothes—pretty clothes no less. Tonight I wear a white dress. The color is unusual for me, and because of that, I stand out. Its material is satin with sparkly sequins sewn in, the fit is tight, showing off some of the curves I didn't know I had, and it's slightly short, like a summer dress. My hair is in its usual braid and make-up is nude, nearly invisible but glowing all the same.

After a few minutes of pointless conversation, we start towards the square where I can already hear the distinct buzz of excitement, music, and fireworks. Johanna never mentions anything more about Gale. And I never offer my appreciation for everything she's told me about her life. There's a silent understanding between us. We like it better that way, I think. But as we near the party, I'm suddenly wishing we were in the confines of her own bedroom again, where the reality of it all isn't as scary. Because, right now, I'm nothing if not completely terrified.

Upon entering the square, I'm immediately recognized. People start to chant my name, I'm being patted on the back, and the compliments are far and wide. I'm a good sport, like usual. I stay at Johanna's side. She's the only one who knows how hard this is for me. And I need her near me as a reminder of what I'm supposed to do tonight. Tell Gale how I feel. Easier said than done. I'm still pretty sure I don't know how I feel.

But I need to figure it out, and quick. Because we've just made it to the table of refreshments where Rose and he are standing. I feel Johanna tense up next to me. We pause; share a quick, knowing glance and approach the table as if we don't even see them there.

"Katniss! Johanna!" Rose greets us in a polite, upbeat tone. Gale stands next to her like a stone wall. Impregnable in every way. He doesn't look at me.

"Rose! Gale!" Johanna mimics her voice, mockingly so. "What a pleasant surprise." That, too, is sarcasm.

I should want to snicker at Johanna's cunningness, but all I can seem to think about is Gale's arm draped firmly over Rose's waist—the perfectly shaped waist which is covered by a stunning, black dress that sparkles in the moonlight just like mine.

"You look fancy tonight, Katniss," Rose comments. The anger I feel is raw. I bite the inside of my cheek, drawing blood. Her smirk very nearly sends me over the edge of rationality. But I can practically feel Johanna telling me that I'm smarter than this vindictive beauty.

"I was told something special is supposed to happen tonight." I look at Gale when I say this. He meets my gaze, only for a second, and then he's looking into his glass of white wine. "I can't wait to see what the surprise is." I direct that at Rose.

"You and me both," Rose says pleasantly. "Can I get you a drink, Katniss?"

"Sure," I answer. She turns to prepare me a glass of red wine.

"So why are you quiet tonight, Commander?" Johanna asks Gale.

He shrugs and says, "Must be the company." Ouch. That was a direct hit to the gut. I guess couldn't blame him though. I did call him a murderer.

I'm planning a way to get him alone so I can apologize and attempt to share my feelings, when Rose turns back around with my drink. She reaches out to hand it to me then, out of nowhere, trips over nothing, and the red wine spills down my chest. It stains Johanna's beautiful, white dress. I barely have time to wrap my head around it when a raging storm of anger, white-hot and dangerous, streams through my blood, supplying my body with a burst of adrenaline I can't contain. In an instant, I'm leaping toward her.

AN: I can't recall if there were ever any in-depth descriptions of Johanna's family in Catching Fire or Mockingjay. So this was my attempt at creating a background for her. Aside from Gale and Katniss, she's my ultimate favorite character. Hope you enjoyed!