Almost every night for the next two weeks I woke up shaking uncontrollably and screaming. After the first week my mother went to see Cal. He sent a doctor to our house who prescribed me a sedative to try to help me sleep and lessen the nightmares. My mother stood watch every night making sure I took the medicine before bed but the nightmares kept coming.

One night it was particularly bad, she tried soothing me but it wasn't helping. That was when Mother sent her maid with explicit instruction to demand Cal come over and do something. I am not sure exactly what she expected him to do. And I wasn't sure I wanted to see him. When she wasn't looking I took two more pills and was pretty much out of it by the time Cal arrived. I thought it would knock me out enough that I would be unconscious while he was there. Unfortunately, it made me feel as if I was very drunk before eventually allowing me to fall asleep. It also didn't keep the nightmare from waking me up again before the drunk-like effect wore off.

He sent mother to bed and came into my room. He stood looking unsure for a moment before finally sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Rose, are you awake?"

"Yes, no, hah! maybe?." My words slightly slurred.

"Are you drunk?"

I giggled. "No. It's a medicine. Doctor gave it to me. Feels nice."

He found the bottle on the bedside table.

"A sedative."

"Yep that's it."

I stared at his brown eyes. "You have such beautiful eyes." Maybe taking the extra pills had been a bad idea.

His eyebrow arched upward. "Thank you. But I think your eyes are more beautiful."

My hands reached for him, I managed to grab his jacket and pulled him to me. Clumsily I brought my lips to his. He kissed me lightly and then pulled away. I let go of his jacket and frowned.

"I wish…" I dozed of for a minute.

"What do you wish Rose?"

My heavy eyelids slowly slid open. "I wish that you loved me like I loved you." My eyes closed again.

"What makes you think I don't?"

"You're always pushing me away. Never tell me you love me… only hurt me. Killing… You don't.. trust… confide. Sometimes just want you… hold and never let go." Words were becoming difficult to form and I was losing my train of thought mid sentence.

Cal looked at me in confusion. "What do you want from me now Rose?"

"Don't leave me alone out here. It's so cold and dark. I can't hear the people anymore. Where are they? Please don't leave me." I was lost in the nightmare now.

"I won't leave you Rose. I'm right here."

"So cold."

He climbed into bed behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I snuggled closer to him, he was so warm. When I woke up shaking and screaming an hour later he was still there beside me. He held me even tighter and started singing softly. I stopped screaming and buried my head in the crook of his neck. I laid there silently wrapped in his arms. I was confused by how safe I felt in that moment. After all that Cal had put me through I couldn't understand how my body could feel safe with him. I thought about what he had said about me being created for him, his other half. It started to make sense to my sedated brain.

"My other half." I whispered.

"Yes. You are my other half and I'm yours."

"I feel safe."

"I promise to do my best to keep your safe from now on."

"Cal?"

"Hmm?"

"You love me?"

"Yes, more than I realized."

I turned around to face Cal. I smiled at him sleepily. He smiled back.

"You should smile more. Your eyes are hypnotizing when you do."

"You should try to sleep Rose." He kissed my forehead.

"Soft lips." I reached my fingers up lightly tracing the curve of his lips.

He took my hand kissing each finger tip and then the palm.

"Cal?"

"Yes?"

"Will I remember any of this in the morning?"

"I sincerely hope so."

My body was relaxing again as I drifted back to sleep. Thankfully, I was able to sleep for a few hours without a nightmare. Cal stayed with me the rest of the night and was beside me when I finally woke up.

When I woke up the next morning I was on my back and Cal was asleep beside me. His arms were wrapped around my chest and his leg laying over thighs. I laid there staring at the ceiling remembering the conversation from the night before. It was a bit cloudy but I could remember most of it. Cal seemed different somehow. Some of the things I had told him our first night back at home would normally have caused an angry outburst, one that would have ended up with me being slapped or yelled at. I had seen the anger in his face but I also saw him fighting desperately to keep it in check. His actions on the Titanic were inexcusable. I had hurt him, purposefully angered him but that didn't justify all that he had done. How could we move on from all that? What about what he had said about me being his other half, that I was created for him? I felt an undeniable pull towards Cal but there was also a strong pull away from him, out of fear I think. When he kissed me it felt like all the pieces of my being became perfectly aligned. When Jack and I had kissed it was different but still wonderful. When I was with Jack, it felt wild and out of control, it was exciting.

Cal wanted me to open up to him, to be completely honest. I knew there was one more thing I had to share with him and somewhere in the back of my head I knew this could be the one truth that would end it all. It could potentially make my decision for me.

I turned onto my side facing Cal, his eyes opened slowly. Still half asleep he smiled and pulled me closer gently kissing my lips. I felt the familiar pull as the parts of my soul fell into perfect alignment. My body instinctively relaxed and Cal deepened his kiss. I placed my hands on his chest and gently pushed him back. He reluctantly allowed me to break the kiss. It was now or never. I took a deep breath.

"Cal, there is one last thing you need to know about what happened with Jack and I."

He rolled onto his back running his hands through his hair. "What more is there? He saved you from killing yourself, he allowed you to be what you don't think you could be with me and you planned to go running off with him when we got to New York. I think that about covers it."

"You claim I became secretive and closed off from you after I found out about our parent's plan for us. I don't want to be that person anymore. I have told you almost everything. But in order for us to move forward in whatever direction fate has in store, you need to know everything. Even if it hurts. Unless you would you rather I not?"

"Now that I know there is something else it will bother me until I eventually get you to tell me any ways."

I sat up in bed, leaning against the headboard. I watched his face for a moment. I knew I was about to hurt him, anger him but that couldn't be helped. I only hoped he had really been changed. He looked up at me, seeing the seriousness he sat up on the bed and faced me.

I took a deep breath. "Cal, the night I made the decision to leave with Jack after the ship docked, he and I had… Well, we uh…" I looked down at my hands and took another deep breath. "Jack and I had been intimate." The words hung in the air as I waited for his reaction. I looked up at Cal. I didn't feel ashamed of what Jack and I had done. We had fallen hard for each other and it had felt so right being with him. I wasn't sorry it had happened.

I watched Cal clinch his jaw, his hands curled into fists. He looked at me alternating between anger and pain. I waited for the explosion that I knew would happen any moment. I brought my knees up to my chest, curling my body around them preparing to protect myself. The explosion didn't happen. Cal fought hard against his instinct to strike out at me. We sat staring at each other for a few minutes before he finally spoke.

"Is that all? Is there anything else?"

"You know everything."

He nodded and looked away from me. "You should know your mother is going forward with the wedding preparations. We are only two weeks from the date."

He wouldn't look at me. I sighed. "What do we do?"

"I leave that decision up to you darling. But do me a favor? Let me know before I show up at the church. I really don't want to be publicly embarrassed when my fiancée never shows."

"But Cal, shouldn't we talk about it? Figure out what's best together?"

"You already know how I feel, not that my feelings ever seem to matter. Besides, you have been deciding what's best for our relationship all on your own for months. I am sure you will figure it out without any help from me. Now, I must go home and change. Father will be expecting me at the office."

He stood stiffly and walked out of the room, never looking at me. I stared after him my head more confused than before. I couldn't understand why but watching Cal leave like that hurt. I fought back the tears wishing my father were here.