He was drowning. He could see the surface receding above him, and he could feel the tug of deep water pulling him down in to the dark. He couldn't move. He tried to struggle, to break the shell and strike upwards but he was frozen, trapped under a layer of immovable crystal.

He needed to breathe. He didn't want to die.

Eren jolted into wakefulness. His sheets were twisted around his body, it was almost totally dark, and for a few moments he couldn't work out where he was.

Just a dream. Thank goodness. He disentangled himself, his heart still racing and his skin clammy. The faintest starlight was coming in through his window, and he could only vaguely make out the shapes of the furniture in his room.

He was in the dungeon, right. Of course he was. He could shout in his sleep all he wanted and no one would hear him, and while that had never bothered him before, now he felt very lonely stuck down here.

He tried to get back to sleep the way he usually did, curling up in the memory of Levi's arms, but it was getting more difficult to sustain the fantasy as the days passed. He got the distinct impression Levi was avoiding him. He certainly avoided the subject of his dream with a thoroughness that was almost rude. And the rest of the time, even when he was there Eren could sense he was holding himself back, watching their interactions from somewhere behind his eyes.

From a safe distance.

Eren didn't know why. So many things had changed slightly; he'd fallen behind on all the in-jokes, he didn't realise they had a new cleaning roster. He wasn't punished for these things, and no one was doing it deliberately to exclude him, but he felt out of synch with his own life. He supposed it would get better with time, but for now he wished he wasn't so alone.

He didn't get a lot of sleep, and he showed all over his face when he arrived at breakfast the next morning. He was in a terrible mood.

Jean asked why he'd slept so badly since he'd had six months of practice. Eren didn't respond.

No one seemed to have grown tired of asking Eren about his dream. He had years of incident to draw from, and he found he wasn't running out of stories either. Mostly people wanted to hear about themselves, the trouble they got in, the fun they had. Eren was tired of it.

The next person who asked him about it, he decided, as he swept out the stables with vicious strokes of the broom the raised more dust than they actually shifted, was going to get a punch in the face. Unless it was Levi. He still held out hope that Levi would ask him about it, even as that hope dwindled as the days went by.

"Hey Eren."

Oh hell yes. He was so glad it was Jean. He would have felt bad if it had been Armin. Jean was sweeping too, a little less angrily than Eren was, and then he paused and rested his hands on top of the broom.

"What is it?" Right in the kisser. Or in the stomach. Eren swept closer, to give Jean less time to dodge.

"How was Marco?"

Shit.

Eren's resolve melted away.

"What do you mean? He was fine."

"Was he happy? Tell me about him, please?"

He should have expected this was coming sooner or later. Eren didn't have the heart to do anything but answer honestly. "Yeah. He used to study with Armin sometimes when we didn't have school. He lived with his folks, but I never visited his house."

"Were we friends? Him and me, I mean." Jean was staring at the floor, and Eren was glad he didn't have to meet his eyes. This was sad and awkward, and Eren wished Levi would come in and yell at them for stopping work.

"Yeah, of course. If there was an argument, you'd always end up going with what Marco wanted, even if you didn't want to at first. He'd just smile and say, 'Come on, Jean' and you'd grumble and go along with it."

"Yeah," Jean said with a heartbroken smile. "That sounds right. Thanks, Eren."

Eren nodded, although Jean wasn't looking at him, and they finished their work in silence.

It was only a matter of time before they started talking about Shiganhina-by-the-Sea as a real place, something they might have visited once, or existed somewhere else in the world. Eren wondered if he was ever going to be really free of it.

"I'm tired of talking about it," he confessed to Hange.

The last thing they had to do before Erwin rescheduled the next expedition was test Eren's titan abilities to make sure they hadn't been adversely affected by the time he'd spent in the crystal. He wasn't looking forward to them, but he was resigned, and so he was going over what would be required of him with Hange in their laboratory before dinner.

"I'm not surprised everyone finds it so interesting. I haven't found any records of anyone having a dream like that one." They looked at him kindly. "Don't worry, once we're back in the field and get our hands on some titans I'm sure the others will have something else to talk about." They clasped their hands together, "If the next expedition is a success, who knows what amazing things we'll learn?"

Hange wasn't the worst person he could have chosen to talk to, but they did have a bit of a one track mind.

"Thanks Hange," Eren said.

"Any time, Eren. You know you can always come and talk to me about whatever's bothering you."

Yeah, so you can write it all down, Eren thought. He sighed. He was being a bit unfair; he sensed that Hange did care about him in their own way, and not just because he was a part-time titan.

That evening, Connie asked Eren what he wanted for this birthday.

"What?" for a few moments, Eren was utterly confused. He'd had a birthday, and he'd even told the others about it and then Armin had to sort through half a dozen books before he found a picture of a crab for Connie. "Oh. I don't need anything really."

"Don't be ridiculous, Eren," Sasha said. "Just because you've already had a party with lots of amazing food, the rest of us haven't. Don't back out now; if we're lucky Erwin might get us a cake! Can you imagine?"

"So you're saying this party is for you, rather than Eren," Mikasa said.

"I'm saying without Eren we don't have a party at all. Come on, Eren, please?"

Eren looked around the table. His gaze was met by half a dozen hopeful expressions. He didn't really want a party for a birthday that was over weeks ago, but he owed them, really. They'd been miserable while he'd gone and if his birthday scored them some cake, who was he to argue? It was the least he could do to pay them back.

"Okay, let's have a party." He managed something approximating a smile.

To his surprise, he found he was starting to look forward to it after a couple of days of people sneaking around with ingredients. It wouldn't be anything like the party he'd had by the beach, but he treasured his friends and was glad they were still alive, and their rising spirits buoyed his own.

Levi said nothing. He didn't even acknowledge it was on, one way or another, although Hange had assured Eren that they wouldn't let Levi spoil things.

"Just because he's too grumpy to enjoy himself. Erwin agrees it will be good for morale, so you've got nothing to worry about."

Eren wasn't really worried about Levi spoiling things; he knew Levi wouldn't do something like that, he just wondered what he'd done to piss him off so thoroughly. When he'd woken up, Levi had been so kind. Eren wished his eyes hadn't been so blurry; maybe he missed something in Levi's expression that explained everything.

He made up his mind to do something about it before they left for the next expedition. He refused to let this hang over him and run the risk that he or Levi would die without ever smoothing things out between them one way or another.

Because even though Corporal Levi wasn't quite the same as Captain Levi, Eren realised he felt even more strongly about him. Captain Levi had been a mystery, wrapped up in what lay beyond the horizon, but Eren knew the corporal. He knew what burdens he carried and what horrors he'd seen, and rather than it putting him off it only made him want more fiercely to make him smile, to protect him.

He wasn't a schoolboy begging to be allowed to come along, he was a soldier in his own right. He knew Levi did respect his abilities. Looked at it that way, things seemed a lot less hopeless than they had in Shiganshina-by-the-Sea. But still fairly hopeless, he had to admit.

When the day of the party rolled around, Eren was both looking forward to it and dreading it. There weren't many presents, and there was more alcohol and a lot less food than there had been at the beach. Still, they'd done the best with what they had, and there was actual meat on the table when they sat down to eat.

Erwin got a standing ovation when he brought in a cake. It was a small thing, slightly damaged from being carried from the city via horseback, and a hushed silence fell when Eren cut it. Reverently, the pieces were distributed, and there wasn't a crumb left over.

Levi wasn't there. He'd put in an appearance at the beginning of the meal, and he wished Eren a happy birthday rather stiffly and took his plate back to his room. There was no way Eren was going to be able to get any cake back up to him, and Eren convinced himself that he didn't deserve any anyway.

Eren drank half a bottle of beer and then put it down. The food was gone, and everyone was staying up talking. Eren had said very firmly that he'd wanted a day off from talking about his dream, and thus the conversation had drifted onto other topics. He couldn't really follow it, however, he was working up his nerve.

He chose his moment. It was inevitable there would be an argument over something, and when voices were raised and people were laughing Eren abandoned his drink and slipped away.

Upstairs.

He took a deep breath, and lifted his hand and knocked on the door to Levi's office. He could see light coming from underneath it, so he hadn't gone to bed yet.

"Yes."

Levi didn't look entirely surprised to see him when he stepped inside. He was sitting on his couch, rather than at his desk, a sheaf of papers in his hand and a drink on the table next to him.

"What is it, Eren?"

Eren closed the door behind him and Levi's eyebrow twitched.

Eren rehearsed what he was going to say one last time.

"I have a request to make, for my birthday," he said. "I want you to listen when I tell you about my dream. Please, Sir."

"I thought you were tired of talking about it." Eren was going to argue when Levi held up his hand. He motioned Eren towards the couch and put his paperwork down on the table. "I'm listening, Eren."

Eren stared, startled for a few moments and then sat down the other end of the couch, his hands on his knees and his back straight. He hadn't actually thought about what he was going to say next.

Levi looked resigned, like he was steeling himself for something.

Well, he'd come this far, he had to keep going. Eren took a deep breath and started talking.

"When I was growing up by the sea, I had this dream that I would sail over the horizon on this ship, The Wings of Freedom," he began, slow and halting. By the time he got to the point where he described how Levi had flung him down the street, he was starting to relax. Levi himself looked slightly bemused.

"That's what you think I'm like?"

Eren glanced at him, "I wouldn't want to sneak up on you when you weren't expecting it, Sir."

Levi smiled faintly. "Good point."

Eren shifted, letting himself lean against the back of the couch. He kept talking.

Levi kept listening, as Eren had asked. He actually looked like he was becoming intrigued despite himself, asking the odd question, mostly about what the Freedom was actually like. He finished his drink and offered Eren one as well when he poured another and after learning his lesson twice from Pixis, Eren drank it very slowly.

The castle grew quiet.

Eren tried to explain how sails worked, how the wind pushed the ships along the surface of the water, and how Levi had caught him when he'd missed his footing on the rope.

"I was hanging there by my arms. I was so sure I was going to die." He could smile about it now. He did smile. Levi watched him, his chin propped up on his hand, his elbow on the armrest.

Eren had never talked like this before. He didn't tell everything in strict order, he let the words flow, and he felt finally that he was letting them go. He lazed back against the couch, cradling his glass carefully in his hands. Levi would not be happy if he spilled it.

"You started talking about your old friends," Eren continued. His voice was wearing thin, he could hear it getting quieter, but there were no other sounds, and Levi was paying close attention. "You told me they were dead now, but that when you were younger-" He smiled, a bit sadly, "You said you were a pirate. Or rather, I did and you agreed. You said you'd done bad things."

He heard Levi inhale sharply and he broke off and looked at him. Levi's expression had changed, his eyes slightly wide with shock, and his mouth set in a grim line.

"Corporal Levi?"

Levi hesitated for a few moments before answering. "That wasn't a dream, Eren," Levi said softly. "That part was real. I didn't realise you were listening so closely. You didn't seem to listen to anyone else."

Eren frowned, going over Captain Levi's words again, pruning out the embellishments, the ships and the cannons and the faraway lands. His friends were still dead and he'd been a criminal. He stared at Levi, trying to reconcile this picture of Levi's past with his present.

"You talked to me a lot then?" Eren asked.

"Not at first. Continue, Eren, this is your story."

Even if nothing else came of this conversation, it had been worth it just to learn what Levi had shared with him.

Eren could feel his eyes drooping and he settled a bit more comfortably on the couch.

"Well, um, we finished painting the rest of the Freedom, and it just needed to dry."

He fell back into the narrative, reliving those last rushed, desperate days by the ocean. It might have been for the best that Eren was only partly paying attention to what he was saying, because the next thing he knew he was telling Levi what he'd done after he'd been told he couldn't join the crew. And there was no way he'd have found the courage to do so if he'd seen it coming.

"I kissed you. I couldn't think of anything else to do. I was so angry, and scared that you were going to leave and that you'd die out there, and I'd never see you again. I couldn't think of anything but how you were going to leave and that I loved you so much."

It was only after they'd left his mouth that he realised what he'd said, and that his words were gone and there was no way to pull them back. He jolted into wakefulness, staring at Levi's desk blankly, not game to turn his head. He was barely game to breathe. He lifted his glass with a shaky hand and finished the last of his drink and he barely even tasted it.

He fell silent.

Levi didn't say anything either. For one brief, hopeful moment Eren wondered if he'd fallen asleep. He glanced at him and flinched when Levi's eyes met his own.

"Um." He swallowed hard.

"Go on," Levi said in the same tone he'd been using since Eren had arrived. He seemed neither angry nor surprised.

"Well." Eren tried to relax again, and calm his racing heart. "You were really angry. I guess I can't blame you for that. I couldn't even fool myself that- okay, well you shoved me into a wall and said I hadn't answered your question."

It was easier to talk than to listen, sometimes, and he pushed on.

"And Armin looked really tired," Eren yawned. "He was sitting on his bag down by the docks. I don't know how he'd managed to get up earlier than us, but he always arrived first."

He vaguely noticed Levi gently lifting his empty glass out of his hands. That was okay, he didn't want any more. The story was nearly done anyway. Where was he again?

Eren woke up with sunlight on his face. He blinked, feeling warm and slightly fuzzy-headed and very cramped and uncomfortable. His legs were curled up and he couldn't straighten them for some reason. He slitted his eyes open and realised his blanket was green.

The top of his head was warm. His neck hurt. He wasn't alone. He could hear someone breathing, deep and even.

His eyes watering in the glare, Eren lifted his head. He was curled up on a couch, his boots on the ground next to him and a scouting legion cloak draped across him. This was Levi's office. Eren blinked himself awake as he remembered why he'd come here, but why was he still here the next morning? The top of his head met resistance when he tried to tilt his head back. It didn't feel like the other end of the couch.

His heart rate picked up markedly when he realised Levi was still sitting next to him and that the top of his head had been brushing the corporal's thigh. Levi's head was still resting on his hand, but his eyes were shut, and he breathed deeply. His lips were slightly parted. Eren held his breath as he sat up as quietly as he could. The sun was just over the horizon, and Levi's face was in shadow. Why had he let him stay here, rather than send him back downstairs?

Eren's neck ached when he looked right, and he winced as he slowly straightened his legs. This was a terrible couch for sleeping on, but Eren found himself smiling. Levi looked younger when he was sleeping; his semi-permanent, deeply unimpressed expression had softened into something more ambiguous. Eren could see fine lines around his eyes, and stubble starting to grow on his chin, dark against his pale skin. Eren bit his lip and stared, trying to drink it all in.

He couldn't stay here, and he took the cloak from around his shoulders and draped it carefully over Levi.

"Nice try," Levi murmured, his voice deepened and roughened with sleep. It sent a shiver up Eren's spine. He wondered if many other people had heard Levi speak in that tone. It didn't matter; he appreciated how lucky he was either way.

"Sorry," Eren said. Not really sorry.

Levi slitted open one eye and Eren realised he was still kneeling on the couch and staring far too closely at him.

He moved back, and uncoiled, putting his feet on the ground. "Um, thank you for letting me stay, Corporal."

Levi answered his unspoken question. "You fell asleep, practically mid-sentence. It was so late it didn't seem worth waking you up to send you downstairs."

"But I'm supposed to sleep in the basement," Eren said.

"We both know by now that it's an entirely pointless precaution. You're not going to transform in your sleep. Anyway, I was here too, so you were still technically under observation."

"Observing with your eyes shut," Eren said slyly, feeling happy and brave. He was still waiting for the other shoe to drop as he'd said far too much last night, but while they talked like this, sleepy and sun-drenched, about inconsequential things, he could pretend everything was fine. That he could wake up next to Levi every morning if he wanted to, which he did so very badly.

"Huh." Levi rubbed his face and pulled off the cloak. He covered his mouth with his hand when he yawned.

"Thank you," Eren said.

"Mm." Levi didn't seemed to have used up his quota of words for now. He wasn't very communicative first thing in the morning, and Eren was delighted to learn this. Everything he could learn was precious. It didn't look like they were going to have a heart-to-heart, however.

"I should head downstairs then," Eren said. To his disappointment, Levi agreed. He pulled his boots on and saw himself out. He glanced over his shoulder for one last look at Levi, still half-asleep, his elbows resting on his knees as he squinted into the sunlight.

The corridor was dark by comparison, and when he closed his eyes Eren could still see the after-image of Levi turning his face to the sun. He trailed one hand along the wall to steady himself, closing and opening his eyes until the splotches behind his eyelids faded.

The water in the showers was cold, but he was up before everyone else and he had the bathroom to himself. For the first time since he'd broken free of the crystal, his dream was not in the forefront of Eren's mind. He felt present and real like hadn't for a while.

Mostly because he was panicking. What had happened that morning was brilliant and wonderful, but the reality was that he'd pretty much confessed right out to Levi. He told him he'd loved him. Even if it had been in a dream, it was a dream Eren had constructed to comfort himself.

Levi hadn't really had a chance to respond but soon enough he would, Eren was sure. He'd marched up and made Levi listen to him; if nothing else that demanded a response.

He was now looking forward to Hange's experiments. He could sort of hide in titan form. At the very least, he wouldn't have to watch his facial expressions as carefully when Levi was around.

Going from his mostly-underground cell to the freezing showers in the morning tended to sour Eren for the day ahead but today he had to admit was shaping up to be quite pleasant. When he stepped outside with the others after breakfast, a brisk, sharp breeze ruffled their hair and nodded the daisies growing by the stables and made the horses keen to get started. Small fluffy clouds moved fast across the sky, torn apart and refolded by the wind.

Eren cleaned his gear and saddled his horse with thoroughness and determination. Until he was definitely rejected, he was going to do his absolute best to impress Levi. This was his life now, it had never stopped being his life if he was being honest, and he was going to make the most of it.

The testing went about as well as could be expected. It took Eren a few tries to actually transform, but the thought of Levi being disappointed in him was eventually motivation enough. Once he was in titan form, everything came back naturally to him, and Hange ran him through a list of exercises without any problems.

They stopped for lunch, sitting on the grass in a rough circle and eating sandwiches packed that morning. Mikasa asked Eren why he'd snuck away from his own birthday party, and he muttered something about being tired. He was still tired. He didn't know how many hours sleep he'd gotten last night, but it can't have been too many. He kept having to stifle yawns, and he wondered if Levi was doing the same thing, but hiding it better. Eren was tempted to flop back into the grass, but he suspected if he lay down on such a nice, drowsy day, he'd fall asleep almost instantly.

He could hear the horses grazing nearby and the conversation around him was cheerful and light-hearted. This was much better than cleaning out the stables or going around the training course yet again, and the others were in a good mood. Eren himself was feeling pretty good about how the testing was going, but every time Levi crossed his field of vision his stomach would lurch uncomfortably. He looked around for Levi now, and saw him talking with Hange.

"All right, we're done for now," Levi said when he and Hange approached the group. "It looks like you're ready for active duty again, Eren."

"Thank you Sir," Eren said. Well, that was a bit of a relief, although he hadn't been all that worried to start with.

"Are we heading back, Corporal Levi?" Mikasa asked.

"We are," Levi said. "Since further testing was not on the schedule," he said with a glance at Hange. Eren knew they would have had to be persuaded of that fact. "Once you have cleaned your gear and settled your horses, the rest of the afternoon is yours."

That brought a few smiles, although there clearly wasn't time to go to town, and there were fairly limited leisure activities available in HQ. Mostly people sat around the mess and talked.

So they didn't head back in any great hurry. Levi seemed to be letting his horse decide his own pace, and the rest of the group followed his example. Eren didn't mind too much; it was a lovely day. Eren had spent most of his time after waking up within HQ, his world constrained by walls. It had made him all the more nostalgic for the open skies and seas of Shiganshina-by-the-Sea, but he realised that reality had its charms too. He'd just forgotten them. So he did his best to enjoy the fresh air and sunshine, and he rode with his head tilted back, looking at the clouds and odd bird crossing the sky.

When he looked back down again, his neck finally getting tired, he realised with a shock that Levi was riding beside him. He felt self-concious being caught staring at the sky like a little kid, but Levi wasn't looking at him.

The others were gradually drawing ahead, Eren noticed. He was glad he was on a horse, because his legs felt weak. Here it comes, he thought. The only thing he could do was try and handle it maturely, like an adult. At least until he could find somewhere to hide, later.