Chapter 10

Her sleep was dreamless. One minute she was riding on her father's horse, the next minute she was slowly coming to consciousness in a bed. Layer by layer, slow as cold molasses, she stripped away the levels of sleep, making her way toward wakefulness.

The first layer in which she was aware of what was going on around her, she heard a buzzing that sounded like voices. After a few moments that layer was peeled away and she could tell it was two distinct voices but their words were blurring together. Another layer away and she could tell she was curled up on her side in a bed she didn't recognize. Then she could put names to the voices; Robb and Jon. Almost fully awake now, she could tell they were arguing about something. Unable to keep herself from eavesdropping, she pretended she was still asleep.

"You're still going to go?" That was Robb, his voice irate.

"I have to. I promised Ben." Jon, his voice equal in anger.

"You're going to leave before she wakes up? Not even going to say goodbye?"

"She doesn't want to see me leave. It makes no difference if I go now or later, I'm not going to change my mind." Jon sounded as though he were trying to convince himself as much as he was Robb.

"She loves you." Robb's voice was strained as he spat the words out. "You're just going to leave her?"

"She deserves better than me, Stark. You know this." It sounded as though they had had this conversation before. "She deserves you."

"She doesn't want me." Robb's voice held a deadly edge that Delylah hated to hear directed toward his brother. "She chose you. Forget this folly with the Night Watch, man up, and stay here with her. She deserves to be happy."

"She does deserve to be happy. She won't be with me." She heard footsteps stomp out of the room and the slamming of a door.

Robb sighed heavily. She felt a hand brush a few locks of hair behind her ear then quiet footsteps, the open and close of the door, and then she knew she was alone. She blinked her eyes open and rolled over, frowning. The light through the window seemed bright and her face and side were sore but other than that she felt okay. She wiggled her toes and fingers; everything seemed to be in working order.

She was in a bedroom she didn't recognize in the castle. It was small but cozy, a fire burning low, an empty chair next to her bed, and a small wardrobe in the corner. There was a table with a wash basin near her and she tentatively swung her legs over the side of the bed, eager to wash her face. The sudden upward motion made the room spin and she almost fell out of the bed. She managed to fall backward instead and woozily climbed back under the covers. She could wait a few minutes to wash up.

The door opened and Maester Luwin entered backward, holding a large jug in his arms. When he turned into the room he nearly dropped it in surprise. "Lady Lylah, you're awake!"

"I'm not a lady, maester, you know this." Delylah struggled to sit up against her pillows. "But I am awake. How long was I asleep?"

"Only a day and a half. You slept hard and sound, however. Nothing seemed to stir you." He set the jug on the empty chair and came over, putting a hand on her forehead. "I feared you'd catch a fever but it seems I was mistaken." He smiled at her then. "Your father will be pleased you have awoke."

"Was it bad?" She looked down to where her wound was dressed. It was sore but not nearly as painful as it had been a day and a half ago in the woods.

"I've seen better, I've seen much, much worse." The maester assured her, turning back to his jug. He emptied some of the water into her wash basin and produced a clean cloth from his robes. "One more application of medicine and a bandage change and you should be set for a while." He soaked the cloth in the basin. "The medicine is in the water." He explained at her curious look.

Carefully and methodically he washed her wound on her side, her hand, and finally her face. He gave her a drink from a vial then re-bandaged her side, which didn't look at all as deadly as it had in the forest, and moved to clean up his things. Delylah chewed apprehensively on a fingernail and he tidied, wondering if she wanted to ask him the questions dancing in her head. She only had a moment before he left.

"Did my father come to visit me?" It wasn't the foremost question but she did want to know the answer.

Maester Luwin paused and looked to her. "Of course. Every couple hours, when he could steal away. He still has a very busy job as the captain of the guard. He sent men to scour the rest of the northern woods to make sure no other wildlings were about."

"They were wildlings?" Delylah's jaw dropped a bit in awe. Wildlings were the most feared people of the north, dangerous and deadly. That she faced off with two and lived to tell the tale was a miracle indeed.

"According to Master Robb and Master Jon. Your father sent men to double check the corpses and it was confirmed. You are very lucky to be alive, child." Maester Luwin's voice was gravely serious.

"They came and saved me." Delylah said hollowly, thinking how lucky she was that they even found her.

"They were fretting all evening when you didn't return. When Grey Wind showed up it was as though Master Robb knew you had sent him. The boys were on their horses and gone before Ser Jory even got his horse saddled proper. You are a very blessed child in more ways than one."

Delylah studied her hands, suddenly ashamed. She had caused a lot of trouble by going out on her own and almost got herself killed in the process. All because she wanted to escape a reality that couldn't be escaped. All because she couldn't face making a choice between her two best friends. She didn't deserve either of them.

As he gathered his jug of seasoned water, he looked at the empty chair and then back over to her downturned face. "Master Robb has sat in the chair every moment you were asleep until just an hour ago, when his father summoned him. He even slept here."

Confused, she looked up at Maester Luwin with wide eyes. "Robb did?" She asked faintly.

"Master Jon visited every hour, but he almost seemed embarrassed to be here. Yet Master Robb never left your side." The maester was making his way out the door then, leaving her to rest. "Just thought you should know." He added before disappearing down the hall.

Delylah sank into her pillows, numb from his words. Robb had stayed by her side the whole time and Jon visited constantly. She remembered the argument she overheard, finally taking a moment to process what had been said. Jon was still planning on leaving to join the Night Watch. Robb was trying to get him to stay with her. Jon didn't think he was good enough for her. Two and a half days and her near death experience and nothing had changed. Seven hells.

She desperately wanted to jump from her bed and go find that ungrateful Jon Snow. She would chain him to his bed if it made him stay in Winterfell and not go north with his uncle. Her limbs were feeling heavy, however, and it was taking all her energy to keep her eyelids from closing. Whatever had been in the vial Maester Luwin had given her was making her extremely drowsy. Before she could curse the maester for drugging her, her eyes were closed and she drifted off into another dreamless sleep.

"I don't know what to do." A whisper brought her to the surface of consciousness. Thinking she was dreaming, she didn't respond. "I thought I knew what was best. Now I'm not so sure."

It wasn't a dream. Someone was in her room with her, talking to her, even though she was asleep. The sun was gone and she could see stars out the open window. Despite the pitch black, she could see the outline of someone's head near her side; whomever it was had his chin resting on his hands, his arms crossed on the bed next to her.

He seemed to realize she was stirring. He lifted his head and bright spots that were his eyes searched for hers in the dark. "Lylah?"

"Jon." She replied, her voice a hoarse whisper. "What are you doing?"

One of his hands reached up to cover one of hers and he moved to sit on the side of the bed. "Talking."

"I was asleep."

"It's easier to talk to you that way. You don't argue as much." She hear the grin in his voice. She teasingly punched him with her free fist, returning the grin though he couldn't see it.

"What were we discussing?" She asked, pushing herself more upright in the bed. Her eyes were adjusting to the dark and she could make out the outlines of his face now. He was looking down at her hand in his.

"Me leaving tomorrow." He finally replied after a long silence.

"You're still doing that?" She asked, already knowing the answer. She didn't try to hide the disappointment in her voice.

"I think so."

Delylah felt a glimmer of hope in her heart at those words. That wasn't a definite yes. Maybe there was a chance to reason with him. "What was my response?"

She saw his gaze shift from their hands to her face. "You hated the idea. You told me I was leaving behind my friends and my one chance at happiness."

Delylah nodded. "I'm pretty smart like that," she whispered. He nodded as well but didn't reply. "Did I change your mind?" She asked at last.

She could see the crooked grin, even in the dark. "Maybe." He lied. Inhaling deeply he began tracing the back of her hand with his fingers, sending tingles of pleasure up her arm. "I want to stay, Lylah, I do." He pressed his lips together in determination before continuing on. "But I don't think my place is in Winterfell. I've always been on the edge here, not quite an outsider but not quite belonging. I think I need to go out and make my own way."

His words were preposterous. Men and their honor and their need to go prove themselves. Why they wanted to lead such a tortured existence was beyond her. Jon Snow was the figurehead of tormented fools who thought honor and reputation meant more than happiness. "You're a fool, Jon Snow." She sighed. Maybe it was the medicine, or the near death experience, or the fear of Jon leaving her, but in that moment she had to say what was in her heart. He would probably hate her for it. "Everything you could possibly want is right here, waiting for you. You're going to throw it all away to join an underappreciated team of warriors who have lived past their usefulness. Why you are blind to reality, I have no idea, but if you leave it will be the biggest regret of your life."

His hand closed around hers, squeezing tight automatically as his temper flared. "To join the Night Watch is an honor and a privilege. My uncle, Benjen Stark, is an unparalleled ranger of the north and-"

"And sad, and alone, and miserable." Delylah squeezed his hand back. Why couldn't he see? "I see it in his eyes, Jon. He might have honor in his job but he doesn't have joy in his heart. I can't bear to think of you with that same look, the same disappointment when you think about what might have been-"

"Enough." His word was cold and bitter. He dropped her hand and stood from her bedside. "Arguing is pointless. I've decided."

Delylah exhaled slowly in defeat. She could do no more than she had. Silent tears, springing from nowhere, slid down her cheeks. "Jon," She whispered, but had nothing more to say.

He hesitated, torn between leaving abruptly and comforting her in her sadness. In the end, he decided to lean down and set a gentle kiss on her forehead. "I'll miss you." He whispered into her ear before he backed away. She grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him back toward her, kissing him hard and long. He was startled at first but returned the kiss, one hand slipping behind her head to pull her closer to him. Her lips were salty with tears but the kiss was sweeter than any wine she had ever tasted. She gripped his shirt tighter, not wanting to let go.

She didn't know if it was seconds, minutes, or hours before he pulled away; time had stood still. Suddenly the heat of him was gone and the cool air of the night brushed her face. She opened her eyes to look at him but he was already backing away into the shadows. "Goodbye, Lylah." He said softly before slipping out the door.

The realization that that was their final moment together hit her like a stone wall toppling. Before she could stop herself, she burst into tears, sobbing herself into a sad, nightmare filled sleep.

A/N: It was sad writing this chapter. I hope it doesn't seem like Jon's a bad guy, he just has this twisted sense of honor and low self esteem, I feel bad for him. I just want to hug him and pet him and let him know it's all okay. He never listens to me. Anyway, he's gone for a chapter or two but he'll be back- I don't want anyone to stop reading because they think there'll be no more Jon. He'll be back, promise! Thanks for your reviews! Kisses!