Our youth is fleeting
Old age is just around the bend
And I can't wait to go gray
And I'll sit in wonder
Of every love that could've been
If I'd only thought of something
Charming to say

-The Sound of Settling by Death Cab for Cutie

Chapter Ten

For the first time since I had moved to Forks, time passed and it was no longer something to be dreaded. Time away from the accident proved to help heal my wounds. There was still lingering pains at what I had lost four months ago, but I had found that I could continue to live. It's not exactly like I found that I didn't miss Alice and Edward any less, but life still needed to be lived and there was nothing that could be done about it. I knew that they wouldn't want me wasting away into nothing. Instead, I gathered every piece of reserve strength in my body and tried to rise above everything. I officially graduated from high school, earning my diploma with the help of Esme. I spent as much time humanly possible with the Cullens. I loved Charlie dearly, and I knew when the time came to say goodbye to him, it would be tough. However, I also came to terms with the fact that my future was with the Cullens. They were who I belonged with and nothing could change that.

There had been no sightings of Victoria, but nobody lessened their vigilant watch over me. I always had somebody staying the night with me, which at first was kind of unnerving. It was weird to always be watched by a vampire since they missed nothing. However, it was slowly becoming comforting and I was getting to know each member of the family in a way that I had never gotten the chance to do before. Although I had always been welcome in the family, sometimes I had felt that I had been seen as Edward's human girlfriend. Now I knew that I was a part of the family because they loved me and for no other reason.

Eventually, Rosalie told me her story about how she became a vampire. It was in that moment that I saw who she truly was. It was a difficult story to listen to, but it was a part of her and it made me understand her less than affectionate attitude towards me. Suddenly everything about Rosalie made sense. She told me that she was no longer bitter about me wanting to be changed into a vampire. It honestly was the logical decision to make. She was clear though that she didn't think it was the only option. She reminded me of everything I would be missing and that she would stand along with the rest of the family to protect me from whoever dared to try to take me from them. I told her that I appreciated it more than I could ever say. I had hoped that after that conversation that the wall between us would disappear. Although it didn't vanish, it was slowly crumbling piece by piece. She was no Alice, but it was nice to have a female friend I could talk to. Sometimes our conversations were stilted and awkward, but that was becoming less and less frequent.

Esme was the sweetest person I had ever met and was definitely the most welcome at my bedroom window when I had a stressful day. She would lie on my bed next to me, holding my head and smoothing down my hair. We would sometimes talk about simple mundane occurrences such as the weather. Eventually we would lapse into silence and that was when Esme would start to sing to me. Usually they were Norah Jones songs, but she would mix in traditional songs or even lullabies in there. It usually did not take me long to fall asleep as her voice was the most melodic, soothing sound that I have ever heard.

Carlisle and I would usually spend the time before bed getting into philosophical discussions, him drawing on his past experience to support his beliefs. Usually this would lead to him telling me stories about his history which were always deeply fascinating. He was a natural story teller and I loved learning new details about his life. The more I learned about him and the struggles that he had encountered, the more I respected him. He even told me more about his time spent with the Volturi, but I noticed the bitterness that slipped into his voice when he talked about his Italian friends. Sometimes it was hard to get to sleep with Carlisle there, because I was so captivated by his stories, but eventually he would stop talking and insist I get some rest.

Emmett and I had insane amount of fun when he came over. He had bought me a Nintendo DS, which I moaned and griped about him spending the money on. He wouldn't hear of it though, forcing the box and a stack of games in my arms, saying it was more of a gift for himself because nobody else would play with him. I agreed when he gave me puppy dog eyes. He was excited. I had to admit the gift was pretty cool. When it was his turn for guard duty we would stay up practically all night playing on the DS's. He would lie on the other side of the bed so that he was facing me. We would often play games together such as Mario Kart. Sometimes we would play games separately or we would just sit and have IM conversations on the systems. One night we just drew pictures back and forth to each other and I only stopped because Emmett's pictures had turned pornographic.

Jasper was my most frequent babysitter. After the day he had told me about his past, we found that there was nothing standing between us anymore. We both knew about the darkest period in each other's life and somehow that had created a bond. It wasn't like we were instantly best friends, but we worked towards it. Now, I considered him my closest friend. I didn't hesitate to tell him anything about myself, partly because I trusted him, but also because he could always tell when I was lying. I also found that we had a lot of fun together. The summer was filled with us going out and doing random things. We had gone bowling, something I never cared to repeat. We had gone book shopping in Seattle and whale watching off the coast. On a particularly cloudy day we had gone to Wild Waves, spending all day going back and forth between the water park side and the amusement park side. Sometimes we would just drive around, listening to music.

Music was no longer taboo for me. I had tons of different kinds of music to listen to thanks to recommendations from the Cullens. It was nice to have music that I could associate with different people. I knew eventually I would be able to listen to the music that Edward and I had enjoyed, but it was still too soon.

I was heading to the Cullens house where Jasper and I were going to look at places to live in Olympia. We would be moving in the next few weeks and we needed to solidify our plans. Emmett was sitting in the passenger seat as I drove through town. Rosalie had to go hunt this morning so he had come to relieve her. He had done patrols last night outside of my house.

"Seth is easily the coolest of the wolves, including Jake," Emmett spouted enthusiastically.

"You finally figured out his name?" I chuckled. He and Emmett always had fun when he had to be on Bella protection duty. I knew pretty much from the beginning that it was Seth. Who else would have such an easy going personality around Emmett? Who else would also think it was fun to play with your sworn enemy? Emmett was going to just go through the letters, but he thought it would be more fun to ask about his name in more round about ways.

"I asked him last night if his name was biblical, and of course that narrowed it down considerably. It was only a matter of time."

"You know the bible?" I couldn't keep the shock out of my voice.

"I've read the good book three times cover to cover," he replied as proudly as a small school boy.

For some reason the image of Emmett reading the bible didn't compute, but I knew that over the years they have done a lot of things that I didn't know and just chalked it up to that.

"So, what did you and Seth do last night?"

"We played capture the flag. I ripped my undershirt into two parts. It was so much fun."

"Isn't that game a little hard to play with just two players?" I tried to remember the details of the game from my childhood.

"A little, but since we had to keep up with the patrols, that made it interesting. I enjoyed myself immensely. I told him he should come by the house sometime when he was in human form and we could watch a game or play video games. He barked at that. I'm not sure if it was a yes or no; I guess I will just have to be surprised."

"I bet he will," I told him confidently. I was so glad that Emmett was getting along so well with Seth. Although members of the family would do some things with him, I think Emmett was missing that person that would without hesitation agree to his crazy hijinks. He needed somebody who was the same maturity as he was; sadly that was a 15 year old boy. That didn't say much for Emmett.

After Emmett parked inside the garage, we both hopped out and headed towards the house. Jasper opened the door a second before I reached for the knob myself. I felt something settle in me as I saw Jasper. I was becoming increasingly used to him constantly being around and it was sometimes unnerving to be away from him. It wasn't because he manipulated my emotions; I told him expressly he was not allowed to use his powers on me without my permission. It was something just about his presence. He kept me grounded and it was a relief to be united with him. He smiled at me, probably being able to read how happy I was to see him. The smile reached his eyes, making his face glow. He looked so young and carefree when he smiled.

"I'm glad you are finally here. I think I have found some really nice places to go look at but I need your opinion." Jasper took my hand and pulled me towards the computer. He clicked out of one of his tabs about a recent unsolved murder in Seattle, revealing a house listing on Craigslist.

"I found a bunch of houses in the area, but my personal favorites are the ones near west side Olympia. I found numerous ones."

And with that we lost ourselves in looking at pictures of houses and apartments online. There were so many different ones to pick from. There were small cottage like houses, nestled in gardens. There were also large historic houses with rambling yards that were just calling for you to frolic in it.

"You know we don't have to buy a house? We are just going to be down there for a couple months. It's completely fine with me to rent a place." I knew it was pretty much futile to argue, but I couldn't help but voicing my opinion at seeing how high some of the prices got.

"Why rent when you can buy so easily," Jasper answered dismissively, comparing the dimensions of two similar houses.

"I like that one." I pointed as he clicked the tab to a historic looking house. It was grey blue, with a wrap around porch, and a small turret. However, it still looked small. I tried to ignore the price, willing myself to let Jasper spend the money I knew he wanted to.

Jasper's hand stopped, the pointer poised over another tab. He considered the house for a minute. "It is nice. It says here it would need a couple of repairs though."

"Oh," I couldn't keep the disappointment from my voice. "Then let's just keep looking."

Jasper looked at me out of the corner of his eye, but I tried to ignore that. "A few repairs shouldn't be a trouble for Emmet and I."

"Hell no, they aren't," Emmett called from front room where he was watching a Mariners game.

"I think it should definitely be in our maybe pile." He clicked the print page and added the paper to a growing stack.

Without warning every vampire in my line of sight, which I guess was only Emmett and Jasper, froze. A second or two later I heard the sounds of an approaching car. Almost as suddenly both relaxed and resumed their activities.

"It's Jake," Jasper told me as explanation, without turning away from the computer.

Esme quickly flitted down the stairs, beating me to the door. She was ready to open the instant that Jacob knocked and greet him pleasantly. "Jacob, I'm so glad to see you. I'm assuming you came to see Bella." He had come by a couple times before when he was looking for me and I wasn't at Charlie's.

"Yes, I need to talk to her." Jacob looked around her, excitedly spotting me in the foyer a few steps behind her. "Hey, Bells." He was practically bouncing off the walls he was so excited.

"Well, come on in," Esme ushered him in. "Can I fix you something."

Jacob instantly focused in on Esme's words at the mention of food. "I don't want to be trouble." He knew that wouldn't stop her.

True to form she assured him it was no trouble. Esme exited quickly, and soon there were sounds as she started to cook, no doubt, a five course meal.

Jasper finally turned his attention from the houses and came over to greet Jacob for himself. "Hey, there Jake." Jasper paused suddenly, just like a minute ago. He studied Jacob for a minute as if trying to figure out a puzzle. Then he smiled a little. "Something has shifted in your emotions. They are all out of whack, or I should actually say they are most level I have ever seen yours, or anybodies before."

He couldn't hold it in anymore, Jacob practically yelled, "I imprinted."

The room spun briefly as I digested this new information. "Oh my God. I need to sit down." I stumbled over to the couch and collapsed on it. I heard Emmett grumble something about me interrupting the game with my girl problems.

Jasper glared at him which shut Emmet up. Jasper stood back a little studying me, his arms crossed, and concern written all over his face. I knew he was trying to piece together my emotions, which couldn't be easy considering I didn't even know what they were. I gave him a weak smile though, letting him know I was okay.

Jacob joined me, sitting down next to me. He took both of my hands in mine, urging me to turn towards him. "Are you okay Bells?"

"Fine, it's just a lot of information to take in."

Jacob laughed. "It's one sentence. I imprinted. It's only two words. Come on Bella, you can't tell me you are that slow."

I scowled at him, before resuming my frenzied thinking. Jacob imprinted. Jacob imprinted. Jacob imprinted. He was no longer my Jacob. He belonged to someone else. That made me depressed and I couldn't help a tear slipping down my face.

"Don't be sad Bella. Be happy for me."

"I am happy for you," I assured Jacob. "It's just you are no longer mine."

Jacob's face softened and all of the humor was gone. "I will always be yours. I love you Bella, it's just a little less complicated than before."

I had to agree with that. "Wow, you imprinted." I couldn't believe it. He had followed the rest of the pack on this tradition. "So who is it?"

His face completely changed into something I didn't recognize. It was the most beautiful I had ever seen him. He was completely at peace while thinking of her. I couldn't stop the twinge of jealousy that shot through me. I had never made him that happy. I kept my eyes on Jacob, very aware that Jasper probably felt my jealousy. I just hoped he wouldn't ask me about it.

"Her name is Elyse. She was visiting Paul actually. She used to live on the reservation and she and Paul were best friends, hard for me to imagine honestly. Her family moved to Sequim when her dad got a better job offer working for the city over there. She and Paul have kept in touch and she just came over for the weekend."

"How old is she?" I just needed to keep asking questions while my mind processed what he was saying.

"She's 18. She's taking a year off between high school and college. She is going to work in a bank and save up some money."

"You always did have a thing for the older women," I winked at him.

"Hey now," Jacob indignantly replied. "Don't start that now."

"So, I'm guessing you are going to be visiting her in most of your spare time."

"The spare time that I'm not spending with you. Sequim isn't too far. It's just a little bit further than Port Angeles."

"Good thing you finished that car. Now you have no problems going off gallivanting with your soul mate."

"What's this about soul mates?" Esme asked as she entered the room carrying a plate laden with food. She handed it to Jacob before settling on the floor, looking at both of us, waiting for an explanation.

"Did I ever tell you about the wolves imprinting?" I asked Esme.

She thought briefly before shaking her head.

Jacob motioned for me to explain as he currently was shoveling the food as quickly as his mouth would allow.

"It seems that the pack sometimes will find their soul mate and it's kind of like an epiphany, love at first sight. Jacob told me that it was a rare occurrence, something of legends, but now I am starting to wonder if it's really that rare. It's this all consuming love and all of a sudden the world shifts so that your world revolves around the other person."

"And it just happens, without warning?" Esme questioned.

"Yup, and it happened to Jacob today to a girl visiting another member of the pack."

"Now, it makes sense," Emmett exclaimed. "I was wondering what you were talking about. I was wondering if imprinting was some sort of new euphemism that I had never heard before."

"I didn't think that one existed," Jasper spoke up, dryly.

"Me either," Emmett said honestly. "I kind of like it though, imprinted. Hey Rosalie," he called out loudly to where Rosalie was working on cars in the garage. "Do you want to imprint with me?"

Without skipping a beat Rosalie replied, "Sure."

Esme groaned and Jacob choked on the piece of bread that was in his mouth. I dropped my mouth a little. Jasper was the only one with any sense. He didn't seem phased by this query, keeping a straight face as he rolled his eyes. "Take it to the woods. We don't want to hear it."

Emmett just shrugged his shoulders and he walked out to the garage. "Fine by me. The woods are a great place to do some imprinting, if you know what I mean," he winked at me personally before leaving.

"Wow." Jacob had finally swallowed his food.

"You'll have to excuse him." Esme instantly tried to cover for him.

There was an awkward pause that was interrupted by Carlisle walking through the door. He dropped a briefcase by the door and came into the front room, greeting the family. His face brightened when he saw Jacob sitting on the couch. "Good to see you Jake. How's your father doing?"

"He's well, thank you sir." It was funny to see Jacob around Carlisle. It was not abnormal to see people show signs of respect to Carsisle. There was something about him that people automatically trusted and respected. Jacob was just usually not affected by such feelings, but Carlisle was an exception. Jacob was very friendly with all the vampires, well except for Rosalie on occasion. But, Jacob was down right reverent to Carlisle, not that I was complaining. It pleased me that Jacob got along with the vampires. I honestly had no idea that it was possible for the two groups to get along. When I initially had told Jacob about my relationship to the Cullens, more specifically Edward, all those months ago, he had been so hostile when speaking of the 'leaches.' I was so relieved that it was no longer an issue.

Esme quickly, caught Carlisle up with the reason for Jacob's visit. I recognized the familiar look of curiosity on his face. He started mumbling theories and saying how fascinating it was. He had what seemed a never ending list of question which took the pressure off of me to show my excitement for Jacob. I actually didn't really have to say anything else before Jacob had to leave. He and Elyse had plans for dinner and he was anxious to go get ready. This was a new side of Jacob I had never seen before. I had never seen him really caring about his appearances.

After he left, Carlisle drifted off to his study to do some research on wolf legends and imprinting. Esme returned to the kitchen to clean up her mess from earlier, leaving Jasper and I alone in the front room. Jasper was staring at me, and I was making a point of looking at everything but him.

"Would you like to join me for a walk outside?"

I finally looked him in the eye, and they were so soft and caring that I couldn't refuse him. "Sure." I shrugged, trying to keep an air of non-chalance. I knew it was useless when he could feel every subtle emotion running through me, but I didn't want to give into him too easily.

He took my hand leading me outside. The physical contact instantly soothed me as we walked into the back yard, circling through the garden. I knew it wasn't his power that was affecting me, but rather his actual presence.

We walked in silence for a few minutes before he finally spoke. "So, Jacob imprinted."

I knew he was trying to coax a reaction out of me. I just nodded. "Yeah, it would seem he did."

"I never thought you had romantic feelings for him," he mused.

"I don't." I replied reflexively, not giving the question any serious thought.

"I was experiencing some contradicting emotions in there when he was talking about Elyse."

"Maybe you were reading me wrong," I hedged, not liking his comments.

"Maybe," he conceded, although I could feel the doubt tracing his voice.

There was a break in our conversation, and silence surrounded us again. I could feel no pressure from Jasper to talk about it. I just knew that he was concerned about me and wanted to help me. But, I felt really stupid and I cared about what Jasper thought of me. I didn't want him to think I was pathetic. I imagined me telling Jasper, and I couldn't actually see him laughing or making fun of me. That wasn't like him and I knew it. I was just being scared.

"I didn't want to tell you because I feel silly and a little pathetic about this."

Jasper's response was merely to squeeze my hand in reassurance.

"I love Jacob, but as a friend. However, I can't express how strongly I feel about him. He is my soul mate and I know if werewolves and vampires didn't exist, we would be together. He has always been a comfort to me, through everything from Edward leaving me to his and Alice's death. I knew that he had feelings for me and although I didn't reciprocate those feelings, there was a part of me that was happy that I made him feel that way. I was jealous that somebody else made him feel something stronger. This sounds horrible but it always made me feel safe to know that he would always be there for me. I thought maybe, someday down the road I could love him a little like he did for me and that I wouldn't be alone. To put it bluntly, Jacob was my fallback option."

Jasper sighed heavily and stopped walking so I was facing him. He took my other hand in his so he was holding both. "Bella, that is not silly. But even if he hadn't found Elyse, that wouldn't have been the solution. Jacob's deserves more than what you can give him, and you deserve to have something more than a safety plan."

"I don't know that I have that capability to love again."

"You have so much more of yourself to give," Jasper smiled. "You have such an amazing love that I know it will not be wasted. Until then, I will be there for you. You will not be alone. You're not getting rid of me."

There was a heavy pause as we both stared at each other, lost in the moment. I temporarily forgot to breath, dazzled by Jasper. His face was the most serene I had ever seen it, completely smooth. He had a small smile playing on his lips and his eyes were light from recently hunting, which led to the speckles in his eyes standing out prominently. A few stray curls were falling into his eyes. It wasn't sunny, but it was light out and that brought out the honey streaks in his blond hair. He was beautiful.

She was beautiful. I had never doubted Bella's beauty, but in that moment with her looking up at me and her eyes determinedly meeting mine I saw how exquisite she was. Her normal brown hair was tumbling all around her in waves and I noticed for the first time the fine hints of red in her hair. Her eyes were rich and never ending in their depth. Her cheeks were colored from my recent compliment and her face was aglow with happiness. I imprinted every single detail I could into my memory, wanting to keep this picture of Bella perfect in my mind.

I was brought out of my reverie by the quickening pace of Bella's heart. For a split second I thought something must be wrong, but then I felt out with my power to read her emotions. I couldn't believe I could miss the strong waves of mixed feelings coming off of her. I was momentarily stunned by the confusing array of emotions. There was peace, love, hope, anticipation, and my God there was lust. My breath hitched at the thought that I brought those feelings out of her.

Without putting much thought into it, I took a small step forward. Following my lead she took a step and we met in the middle. I put my hand on the small of her back, reveling in the centimeter of exposed skin from her shirt riding up. She pushed the curls out of my face, leaving her hand resting on my cheek. Her hand burned through my hard skin, and I thought for sure a hand print would forever be emblazoned there. I leaned down a little and she stood on her tippy toes, both of our eyes closing a fraction of a second before our lips met for the first time.

I reacted on extinct, pulling Bella towards me so she was flush against my skin. I moved my lips against hers, tasting her for the first time. I loved that her lips fit perfectly with mine. Our lips were moving together effortlessly as if we had done this a hundred times. Bella's breath hitched as I moved my lips to trail kisses along her soft, flushed cheek. Her heart was pounding at an unhealthy rate which brought me down to earth for the first time.

The burn in my throat flared up and although I knew I could control the thirst, it still made me pause. A hundred thoughts started to run through my head at once, stopping on the most vivid. Alice on our wedding day. She had been lovely, in a way I had never imagined before. On that day, I had bound myself to her and mere weeks after her death I was dishonoring her by kissing her best friend. I hated myself in that moment, and more unfortunately, I hated Bella for doing that to me.

I pushed her away from me with what I thought was restrained force, but she tripped over her own feet as she stumbled backwards leading to her falling on her ass. She looked up at me from her spot on the ground, her eyes pooling over with tears. My hatred for myself reached a whole new level as I saw the heartbreak make its way across her face. I saw every detail on her face shift as rejection took over her whole body.

"That was a mistake. We got caught up in the moment. What we did was wrong and I don't have feelings for you. I love Alice. I will always love Alice and there is no way you could ever measure up to her." I couldn't believe the words that were coming out of my mouth. I felt every stab that Bella felt as my words pierced her. She let the tears fall and a sob escape her.

"I was never trying to replace Alice. I honestly have no idea what I am feeling. I am so confused. I still love Edward too."

I knew deep down these words were true, but somehow the anger still bubbled in me. Then I felt all of the hurt that Bella was feeling and I became overwhelmed and confused. I shouted the first thing I could think of. "Bella, I just don't want you that way." And I ran before I could do anymore damage.

I was mortified and heart broken. I didn't know how I felt about Jasper, but I did know he was the most important part of my life. As he turned and walked away, I was reminded of another day I was not good enough. I had learned from my mistakes though. I did not run after him. I accepted that he didn't want me. It was what I expected. It was what I deserved. I curled myself up into the all too familiar position and stared ahead.

A soft growl resonated through me as I was scooped up into someone's arms. I saw a blur whip by me in the direction that Jasper headed off. I didn't have the energy to look up to see who had rescued me. Instead I inhaled deeply letting the soothing smell of vanilla and cinnamon envelop me.

I was brought inside but not to my room like I expected. Instead I was placed on an enormous bed covered in a burgundy spread. It was while I was being gently placed down on the bed I caught sight of the distinctive golden hair of Rosalie. Somebody else spoke answering where I was.

"Why did you put her in yours and Emmett's room?" Esme softly asked.

"Because HE has stuff in her room and she doesn't need another reminder of that slimy douchebag of a jack…"

"Rosalie, that's enough," Carlisle interrupted.

"Like you weren't thinking of a hundred different ways to cut off his di…"

"Rosalie." It was Esme this time.

"Be that as it may it is not helping. Where is Emmett?"

"He went after the son of a bitch."

Carlisle groaned but continued on. "Did anybody hear what happened?"

"How could you not hear? He told her she wasn't good enough."

"Of course we heard the latter half. But I didn't hear what set him off. Did you guys?"

Rosalie instantly deflated. "No, Emmett and I were otherwise occupied.

Silence filled the room except for the intermittent gasps of breath that was coming from me. I didn't even realize I was having trouble breathing until everybody stopped talking and it became blatantly clear. After two breaths everybody started moving. Esme went downstairs. Rosalie started to rummage through drawers in her dresser. Carlisle left and returned quickly with his medical bag. Rosalie pulled me out of bed and shuffled me towards the bathroom. I didn't even have time to blush before I was in a pair of yoga pants that dragged on the floor and a tank top. I wanted to ask her why, but I was brought back into the bedroom before I could say anything. Carlisle put his arm around my shoulder and led me to the bed where he encouraged me to lie down. Carlsile took my vitals and then focused back on me.

A/N: Ah the drama. Okay, I remember so vividly writing this a little over two years ago and being so insanely surprised and then almost disappointed by this chapter. I had thought I knew when they were going to kiss for the first time, but when I was writing this chapter all of a sudden it just happened. Sometimes I feel the story has control over me rather than the other way around. Now, reading it, I like it, although there are some jilted pieces to the chapter, as a whole I enjoyed writing it.

I can't thank you all enough for reading and reviewing. I am so glad people are giving such positive responses. Remember, if there is something you don't like please let me know. I would love to know what you honestly think. Thanks again.