WHEN ALL SEEMS LOST
Sacrifice. Something done or given to secure something better in return. And a sacrifice is what had to be given in order to end the attack on the court and save those Rose loved more than her own life. She may not have recognised the conscious decision to do so, but she had willingly made the choice as soon as she saw Dimitri and Vasilisa had no way out. She had been more than willing to lay down her life for theirs.
Her body lay lifeless in Dimitri's arm as Vasilisa's hands waved frantically over it. Seconds turned into minutes as the Princess tried time and time again to heal the woman who she would always call her best friend. Dimitri's head hung as he stared blankly at Rose, his eyes unblinking, his breaths rapid and shaking. He was scared.
He wasn't scared for his own life, or that of his charge. He knew all the strigoi had been eliminated, though he couldn't comprehend how that had happened. There was only one thing that he could have feared in that moment, one thing that had adrenaline pumping through his veins as he desperately tried to find solutions. He was scared – no terrified – that he was losing Rose all over again. Even though he hadn't really got her back in the first place.
He cursed at himself for not doing more to find her after Adrian announced he had seen her. He knew he should have pushed harder, even searched every dwelling and room on court until he had her safe in his arms once more. He would never have let her go again.
A lone tear escaped his duct as he watched her unmoving form. The pain he felt could never have been expressed in words. The hollowness he felt deep inside was eating away at him, as his mind played the nasty 'what if' game just to torment him some more.
"It's not working," the Princess cried, stirring Dimitri from his lost state. "Why isn't it working?"
Dimitri looked at the royal moroi who had become his official charge once she had graduated from the academy. The top of her beige dress was stained with tears as more trailed down her delicate cheeks. Heartbreak was written in her eyes. But Dimitri was at a loss as to what more they could do to save the woman they both loved. If Vasilisa couldn't heal her, then what hope did they have?
"She's gone Princess," Dimitri said, his voice shook as he tried to control the onslaught of emotions.
As he said the words neither of them ever wanted to hear again he felt his heart clench tightly before it shattered into a million tiny pieces. He had lost his Roza once already, yet somehow the second time around felt so much worst.
The sound of footsteps approaching sent Dimitri into protective mode. He knew the threat of strigoi was no longer there, but he was more than ready to stop anyone who tried to take Rose away from him. He pulled her body closer to his chest as another tear escaped its prison.
"What happened?" a male voice asked in a rush.
Behind Dimitri stood the moroi man he instantly recognised from the plane returning from Paris. He couldn't have explained how he knew, but he knew the man wouldn't cause Rose any harm. He scrambled around Dimitri and knelt beside the Princess, almost knocking her out of the way as he did so. It was clear the moroi man was only concerned about Rose.
"Only you can save her Dimitri," the man said once he had quickly examined Rose.
"Wh…what do you mean?" Dimitri asked as he looked at the moroi incredulously.
"You can save her," he repeated. "Spirit healing is useless right now, only you can do it."
"Are you insane?" Dimitri spat. "She's dead! I'm no doctor, but if spirit can't bring her back there's no hope."
Dimitri was furious that anyone would come up with such rubbish. If there was anyway to save Rose he would have done it ten times over to have her alive again. And yet, as he looked at the moroi man's face he could see he was deadly serious.
"You can do it," the moroi man urged.
"But how?" Dimitri pleaded.
"That is something only you can know." He paused. "Start by looking inside your soul."
The man's words reminded Dimitri of his grandmother and her cryptic messages, but he did what had been suggested. In his mind he was taken back to the first time he had seen Rose. He was standing outside the window where he had watched her provide the Princess with enough blood to keep her strength. He remembered how fierce she had been when it came to protecting her bond mate, even though it was obvious she was suffering from the effects of blood loss. He saw her as they spent countless hours training together, the way she would smile and laugh, the scent of her hair as they sparred. He remembered every little detail that had caused him to fall in love with his student, every stolen kiss, every lingered glance, every moment she had taken his breath away.
And then they were in the cabin. He could see himself struggling to calm Rose down as the darkness continued on its rein of terror. He saw, and felt, her body relax as soon as his lips touched hers. From that moment they were completely lost in each other as their bodies, lips and hands worked in perfect harmony.
It was from that vision he knew exactly what he had to do. Without needing anymore thought or motivation Dimitri leaned down an pressed his lips to Rose's, caressing them gently as every bit of love he felt for her flowed through their lips.
He heard Vasilisa gasp only seconds after their lips connected. He'd been so lost in his own thoughts that he'd completely forgotten her presence. He'd completely forgotten she had never known of their relationship, it was something they had kept only to themselves. He lifted his head with a lame excuse of an explanation, but the words left his tongue as soon as he realised what had shocked the Princess.
Rose's chest was rising with each small breath she took.
"How…I can't…it's not…" Dimitri stuttered as he tried to regather his thoughts.
He fought to find sense as his mind became overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions, but it wasn't possible. Rose's body had been cold and lifeless just moments before, then with the touch of his lips she had started breathing and he could feel the warmth of her skin steadily increasing. But surely there had to be more to it than just his kiss. It was absurd to think his kiss could bring anyone back to life, even Rose.
"How did that happen?" he asked as he continued to gaze down at Rose.
"We must leave explanations for later," Costin replied. "For now let us get her back to her room."
Dimitri lifted Rose with no effort and followed Costin. He didn't know why he was trusting the moroi, he couldn't explain why he was following him, in reality Dimitri didn't know much of anything in that moment. The only things he did know were that Rose was in his arms, breathing again, and Vasilisa was walking beside them, her hand laying protectively on Rose. Nothing else seemed all that important, as long as they were safe he could face anything.
As they walked question after question swirled inside Dimitri's mind. Where had Rose been? What had happened to her? How had she managed to kill the strigoi that had surrounded Vasilisa and him without touching them? He hoped the moroi would keep to his word and provide explanations, but he wasn't sure how long he could wait for them. It felt as though his mind was going to burst under the pressure.
They arrived at one of the accommodation buildings and headed straight for the stairs. Dimitri took the stairs three at a time to keep up with the surprisingly fit moroi, until they reached the top floor. He had never been in the building, but as a guardian he knew the top floor was where only the more prestigious visitors to court stayed. He instantly flashed back to the plane trip where he had been escorting the 'special' girl back from Paris.
Had that girl been Rose? As impossible as it had seemed at the time, looking back on it, it didn't so ridiculous.
"What now?" Dimitri questioned as he pulled with covers over Rose.
"We wait," the moroi man replied in a rather nonchalant way that annoyed Dimitri.
"For?" Dimitri pushed.
"Her to wake up." Dimitri rolled his eyes at Costin's blasé response, but kept the few choice words he wanted to say under lock and key. "I am not sure how long that will take. But Dimitri, you need to remain with Rose until she does wake."
"I wasn't planning on going anywhere."
The room was overcome with an uncomfortable silence. Dimitri desperately needed answers, but he didn't exactly know where to start or even how to ask. The last thing he wanted to do was cause any trouble and risk having the moroi man take Rose away. So he started with the easiest question he could think of.
"Who are you?" he questioned.
"I am Costin," the moroi man stated, but continued after Dimitri crossed his arms, indicating his displeasure with the short response. "I have been with Rosemarie the past four years, she calls me her guide, which I suppose is a good way of describing my role, perhaps even her guardian."
"But you're a moroi…and she's a dhampir…it's a little backwards to say you're her guardian," Lissa said as she crossed her legs under her on the large bed.
"Was a dhampir," Costin corrected.
"What do you mean, was a dhampir?" Dimitri asked angrily. "What the hell did you do to her?"
"I have never harmed her," Costin said, his voice was calm as he spoke the half-truth.
With a sigh Costin began explaining what he could tell them. Right from the day Rose was taken from the academy to the moment she returned to court. Both Dimitri and Vasilisa questioned him throughout, mainly because they couldn't grasp the stories he told. None of it made sense, they had never heard of the Watchers before, they couldn't imagine Rose would make a decision that would take herself away from them, especially the Princess.
"In the end, it was her decision to make, and while she made the right one, it doesn't mean she escaped the pain of leaving her loved ones behind," Costin told them.
"Why would she willingly leave her friends?" Vasilisa asked. "The Rose I know would never have done that."
"It was the only way she could save you," Costin replied softly. "She did it for all of her friends, but the two of you especially."
"So what now?" Dimitri questioned, his heart ached and he was completely exhausted.
"We wait for Rose to wake up, and she will as long as you stay here Dimitri," Costin said, he could see the question forming in Dimitri's mind but answered it before it parted his lips. "She has to be the one to explain that to you."
Costin left Dimitri and the Princess, explaining he needed to organise some medical equipment to make sure Rose stayed hydrated while she recovered. Vasilisa sat at the end of them bed, her eyes remained on Rose, as though she was willing her to wake up. Dimitri knelt beside the bed, and held Rose's hand in his. He was relieved to feel more warmth coming from her skin, he was more content than he had ever been as he watched her chest rise and fall with each breath.
"Do you think he's telling the truth?" Vasilisa asked, breaking the drawn out silence.
"Honestly, I don't know," Dimitri replied. "It all seems so crazy, yet it fits at the same time."
"Yeah," she replied as she slowly nodded her head. "I don't know what to believe."
"I think we just need to wait for Rose to wake up Prin…Lissa."
"I have another question," the Princess said with hesitation.
"You can ask anything Lissa," Dimitri said confidently.
"What made you kiss Rose?" she asked.
Dimitri thought back to what had happened, the moments before his lips had pressed against Rose's. He thought of the memories that had passed through his mind, the feelings they provoked, and how he somehow knew his kiss was the one thing that could work in saving the love of his life.
"That's a long story," he said, "and I can only tell you half of it."
Vasilisa looked as him confusedly. "What do you mean you can only tell me half of it?" she asked.
"I can only tell you my side, I never really got to asked Rose how she felt about it all," he admitted.
"You and…Rose…you were…together?" Vasilisa stuttered through her thought.
"Yes and no," he said with a sigh. "I can tell you I love her with every I am, with everything I could ever be, and I think she felt the same way about me at the time. But four years is a long time, for all I know she could be married to that Costin guy."
"I never knew," she said in a small voice.
Silence settled around them as Dimitri contemplated what he had told Vasilisa. It wasn't something he had consciously considered before the words left his mouth, but it had to be possible. She had been gone for four years, he couldn't say for sure she hadn't met someone else, fallen in love and started a life with them. His stomach plummeted at the mere thought of Rose with someone else, but he knew he would have to accept it if it were true, no matter how much it hurt.
A couple of hours later Costin returned with a doctor and several guardians carrying different pieces of equipment. Dimitri didn't move from his position next to Rose as the doctor instructed the guardians on how the equipment needed to be assembled. Within twenty minutes a constant beep filled the room as Rose's heart continued to beat, and while some might have found the constant sound annoying, it was just music to Dimitri's ears.
"Her vitals all seem stable," the doctor announced once he finished examining Rose.
"Thank you doctor," Costin said.
"She needs rest," the doctor stated. "I'll send a nurse to replace the fluids bag when required."
The doctor and Costin left the room, still in deep conversation. Dimitri ignored them though, he was just relieved that Rose seemed to be recovering, and he prayed it was enough to bring her back to him. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't realise Vasilisa had been trying to talk to him.
"Dimitri?" the Princess said as she tried to gain his attention.
"Oh…sorry," he apologised. "I was just thinking."
"It's ok," she said with a small smile. "Have you got any ideas of what we'll tell the others?"
"They'll have to know she's alive," Dimitri replied once he had considered the question. "But apart from that, I have no idea."
"Think I'll go and find Christian, he's probably beside himself with worry since the attack," Vasilisa said as she stood up from the bed.
"Could you do me a favour please?" Dimitri asked before Vasilisa had left the room. She nodded in reply. "Call a guardian to meet you first, just to be safe."
"I'll call Eddie," she replied with a small smile. "Take care of her please, I'll be back soon."
Dimitri could hear the Princess talking with Eddie as she left the apartment. He could somewhat relax knowing she was in good hands, but he wouldn't be fully relaxed until Rose was awake. And he couldn't help doubt that she would actually wake up.
Costin had said she would, and the machines told him her heart was beating just fine, but she had been dead. He had felt her skin grow cold as her heart had stopped beating, and he helplessly watched as Vasilisa had tried to bring her back with magic. None of that had worked, and he was finding it incredibly hard to believe he had been the one to cause her heart to beat again.
Dimitri had come to understand the realms of spirit because of the time he spent with both Vasilisa and Adrian, but he was no spirit user. He was a dhampir who had fallen in love with a girl who he never should have, and he'd never heard of love bringing anyone back to life.
He climbed on to the bed as graceful as ever and laid on his side facing Rose. He propped his elbow up on the pillow as he moved her hair away from her eyes. Dimitri longed for her eyes to open, so he could once again become lost in their beauty. He longed for her to wake up so he could say the words that had his heart throbbing within his chest. I missed you, I love you, he thought as his fingers gently caressed her cheek, they tingled as they brushed over her flawless skin.
The tingle caused his mind to slip back to the day he'd be speaking with Guardian Jones outside the palace. He remembered the sensation that had spread through his body like fire but felt like heaven. He had thought he was finally losing his mind at the time, especially since the sensation that had consumed him left the further he moved away from the area. The tingle he felt when he touched Rose's skin was exactly the same. The connection was there, they were meant to be.
"Rose," Dimitri whispered, "I don't know if you can hear me, but I need you to wake up." He paused as his fingers brushed along her lips. "I need to be able to tell you how much I love you, I need you to know it has always been, and will always be you that holds my heart."
The beeping from the machine spiked as Dimitri spoke into Rose's ear. He instantly took it as a sign that she had heard him, that her heart ached for him as much as his did for her. A small smile graced his lips as her eyes fluttered softly. Everything would be okay, everyone would be as it was supposed to be. Dimitri once again had hope because...
Rose was waking up.