author's note: thanks for coming back! One of the major spoilers for A Storm of Swords/Game of Thrones season 3 is in this chapter.
chapter 9: cursed no more
September 2, 2004
University of New Jersey
New Brunswick, NJ
There were exactly 25 days of every year that were better than any other days, because Carlos was older than all of his friends. This year was the best since the one where he'd turned 18.
"Well, Tim, I'm going out for a beer. Mind joining me in a month and 23 days?"
"Don't you have better things to do than calculate exactly how much older you are than everyone?"
Carlos thought a moment. "Nope." He'd already IMed a similar invitation to everyone else in the group.
Carlos is 21: yo, wanna join me for a beer in 7 months and 16 days?
Wanda: I already drink, loser.
Carlos is 21: but I can't get arrested for it.
He turned back to Tim. "Come out with me and watch me drink."
"Nah, I'll stay in. I've got homework to do." Tim shrugged.
"Wait, what happened to what's-her-face?" He asked.
"Stephanie. It just didn't work out." Tim shrugged. "We're too alike."
"Does this mean you're going to get all frustrated and bitchy again?" Carlos asked.
"I'll only be as bitchy as you are sleazy, how about that?"
"As long as you're not a total downer all the time, you can be single. If you start getting mood swings again, I'm bringing you a girlfriend." Carlos insisted.
"I don't think I trust you to choose a girlfriend for me."
"Then you'd better keep your shit together." Carlos grinned. Tim was thoroughly used to Carlos's sense of humor by now – it alternated between terrible puns and longer hypothetical situations. The latter was more of Tim's field of humor. He'd always been observant, and as he'd grown up, he'd taken those observations to new heights of sarcasm. "I'll be back later."
"Don't have too much fun." Tim knew Carlos wouldn't heed the warning and would probably be miserable tomorrow anyway.
September 3, 2004
Carnegie State University
Pittsburgh, PA
Things were going to go well for DA this year. Freshman and sophomore years had been too turbulent. DA was finally able to start taking graduate-level classes, so she was throwing herself into her studies and hanging out with Arnold and Ralphie to satisfy her need for companionship. Well, Kim usually tagged along, but at least DA and Arnold could telepathically communicate their displeasure without Ralphie knowing what was happening. It was the perfect balance – platonic male friendship and hours alone in the lab doing research now that Troy had graduated. Her library job was going well, too. She'd moved up from shelving to actually working on the desk. It would be a good time to do homework. She ignored the stupid sappy songs that were all over the radio. She didn't need a boyfriend. Her boyfriend was called "Masters of Science in Chemistry." After Arnold dumped Phoebe last year, both of their grades had tanked in spring semester. This was further evidence that dating was a liability, and DA finally had everything under control.
"Fancy running into you here." A voice came from behind DA as she made her triumphant return to the chemistry building.
"Mike…y?" DA wondered if Mikey still wanted to be called "Mikey." "What are you doing here?"
"Going to class." He said. "And you can call me whatever you want."
Good lord. DA sighed.
September 6, 2004
Mission State University
San Diego, CA
It was days like this that Wanda didn't miss Philly at all. She was twenty years old, thousands of miles away from her crazy weird parents who'd freak if they saw her drinking a beer on the roof of a sorority house, watching her friends dance to the same three songs that they had been listening to since last spring. Wanda liked dancing, but right now she wanted to look out over the rooftops at people barbecuing. Tomorrow it would be back to class.
Brett was out of town or something. Wanda figured she should probably care more about her boyfriend, since he was her first serious relationship that lasted longer than two weeks. She'd had relationships, but only a few had been serious: first, there was Arnold in middle school. That was serious because it had come from years of longing and arguing and intimidation. Technically, she'd dated Ralphie after Homecoming, but any relationship that came out of that horrid dance was doomed to fail anyway. Besides, it didn't count. She liked to say that anything with Ralphie didn't count, because Ralphie got incredibly defensive when she did. Wanda enjoyed rankling him, and it was far too easy.
Business plans had started out being fun, but they really sucked to do over and over again. Wanda had reluctantly followed her mother's route into journalism, since she'd enjoyed discovering the truth about the Walker Lake monster and throwing it in everyone's face – getting paid to do that would be living the dream. Broadcast journalism would allow her to be adored by the masses.
Tiffany was a senior and a genius marketer. Wanda wondered if she could convince Tiffany to seduce Arnold – then she'd have two ways to take down DA's theory. That way, she'd have a backup plan built in. As long as she was right and could throw it in DA's face, she'd be golden. The surfer boyfriend husband and passing college would be icing on the cake.
September 27, 2004
Carnegie State University
Pittsburgh, PA
"If you're going to be a doctor," DA hated saying it, "you're going to have to do really well in organic chemistry."
"I hate this." Ralphie scowled. "Why do I have to take it? It's hard."
"You think this is hard? How are you going to do med school?"
"Shut up; I'm not stupid. Are you going to help me or not?"
"Okay, fine." DA wished Ralphie would just listen to her; she knew him better than Kim did. She looked at Ralphie's lecture notes. "Let's start with orbits and orbitals."
Tutoring Ralphie was surprisingly fun – and it had very little to do with Ralphie. DA found that she liked helping him. It was a welcome change from the isolation and acid spills of the lab. Every time Ralphie understood something, she couldn't help but feel proud that she facilitated it. He asked good questions, too, and that helped her delve deeper into topics she thought she understood. Amazingly, she was learning by teaching.
"Thanks," Ralphie smiled. "Hey, we should go out for your birthday. You could order a drink and make Arnold and me watch you drink it."
DA laughed. "You got it." She'd been so focused on Kim that she'd forgotten how great Ralphie could be on his own.
later that night…
DA's first mistake had been ordering a margarita, because she loved it and she'd needed another.
"You weren't supposed to get this drunk. It's a Monday." Arnold tried to hide his amusement.
"These things are delicious!" DA enthused. "You should try one. But you can't!" She laughed maniacally. "You can't because you're not 21 and I'm older than you."
"That's right." Ralphie conceded, looking around at the other people in the restaurant to make sure they didn't care that DA was cackling loudly. "Are they going to cut her off?" He whispered to Arnold, who shrugged.
"Wanda's the one with the good fake ID. She'd know." He whispered back.
"What are you two gossiping about?" DA laughed, waving down the waiter. "Can I get another one? A big one?"
"When's your class tomorrow?" Arnold asked.
"Not until 10. I'll be fine." DA shrugged. "I heard Carlos got super drunk and slept through class the next day. I'm not going to."
"Okay." Ralphie nodded. "You do that."
"Why don't you believe me? I'm always right! It's a gift!"
Arnold wondered why Phoebe had told DA she had a gift for being right. It had opened up several cans of worms. "It's a gift." He acquiesced.
"Guys," DA looked at the bottom of her empty margarita class. "I banged Carlos."
"Yeah, we know." Ralphie reached in his pocket for his phone.
"No, I mean over Christmas break. And he broke up with me. Can you believe that?" She looked up at her friends.
Ralphie looked at his phone and sighed. "It's Kim. I'll be right back." He got up and started walking toward the door of the restaurant. "Yeah?"
DA watched Ralphie walk away and shook her head. "There's nothing else to say about that."
Arnold shrugged because he wasn't entirely sure what she meant.
"Carlos dumped me because I called him an asshole." She said before slurping some of the melted margarita from the glass.
"That sounds about right." Arnold said. "Why'd you guys hook up?"
"Because I told him all my secrets and I felt all vulnerable and besides, he's hot."
"Your secrets?"
"Well… I slept with Troy. You remember, that grad student freshman year."
"What?" Arnold wondered how DA had kept this from everyone except Carlos so long. He was surprised that Carlos hadn't told anyone either.
"I didn't want you guys to think I was bad or anything and it was complicated, so I didn't tell. But now it's over and I'm drunk and I don't care." The waiter brought her margarita and a glass of water.
"We don't think you're bad." Arnold snuck a glance at Ralphie, who was pacing outside the restaurant, still on his phone.
"Really?" DA smiled sincerely. "Even though I'm getting drunk on a Monday?"
"When we all go out for my birthday, I'll be right with you. Even if it's on a Monday." Arnold said.
"Thanks, Arnold." DA sipped her margarita. "I was so mad when I hooked up with Troy. I mean, I almost ruined my chances at chemistry."
"I thought you liked astronomy when we were kids. What happened?" Arnold asked.
"You liked rocks," DA retorted.
"You know I had to downsize my collection." Arnold bristled.
"I was giving you a hard time." DA took another sip of her drink. "I still love astronomy, but it's so – you know, far away. I like stuff I can see and do right in front of me. Like this margarita."
Ralphie stormed back in. "Kim's trying to make me move to Texas again."
"I thought she was pushing you to go to California." DA said.
"She didn't realize that California costs at least eleventy billion dollars to live in every year."
"That's not even a real number." Arnold said.
"Yet." Ralphie raised his eyebrows. "Anyway, we gave up on California, and her next thing is Texas for med school. I'd have to apply this year, which means I'd have to have a perfect GPA, which means I have to do better in o chem. It's not fair. No one gets an A in o chem." Ralphie wished he could drink.
"I did." DA shrugged.
"Dude, she's trying to keep you away from us." Arnold said. Everyone knew Kim hated Ralphie talking to any of the girls, and she was jealous that she didn't fully understand Ralphie the way any of the guys did – especially Arnold. Ralphie considered Arnold's statement. "What's the number one thing you complain about?"
"Class." Ralphie said.
"Besides class."
"Being hungry."
DA laughed. "He's right, Arnold."
"Not being in Philadelphia." Arnold answered his own question. "There are medical schools in Philly. Then you can have the right food and the right sports teams."
"I know." Ralphie sighed. "She's just stuck on us moving out west."
"She's trying to get you away from us so she can make you her sugar daddy so she can sit on her ass and do nothing for the rest of her life." DA said. "Doctors make way more than physical therapists. Does she want you to be a plastic surgeon or something?"
"I'm not doing boob jobs for a living." Ralphie was indignant.
DA liked being drunk, because it made everything her friends said so much funnier. She had a feeling that even the stupid G.I. Joe videos Ralphie and Arnold liked would be funny now. "I'm telling you, she's in it for the money. You're easy to control."
Ralphie tore at the straw paper he'd been fidgeting with.
"You've got to dump her." Arnold said.
"I can't." Ralphie sighed. He was too stubborn to give up on this relationship. He and Kim had something special at first, and he wasn't entirely sure it was gone. Moving away did sound kind of exciting, though moving to a place where everyone liked the Cowboys sounded like a special kind of hell.
"I'll do it for you." Arnold offered.
"Guys, let's not be so down. It's my birthday." DA said.
"To DA." Arnold lifted his water glass. Ralphie and DA followed suit.
October 27, 2004
Conwell University
Philadelphia, PA
Phoebe had chewed her nails as far as she could without hurting herself over the last few days. She was on the edge of her bed, staring at her tiny TV. She'd fallen off a few times. It was the best she could do, as she'd been kicked out of the commons for being too loud after the first game of the World Series. She'd come back from class and changed her jeans into her Red Sox pajama pants for the game. She'd been wearing the same pair of red socks for the team's entire playoff run. She would have worn the same Red Sox shirt if she thought no one would notice, too. She'd settled for wearing her baseball cap to class every day. The moment was finally here, and she heard words she had feared she'd never hear.
"The Boston Red Sox are the world champions!"
Phoebe could hardly believe it. Her scream could be heard all through Penn Hall. She banged on the ceiling to get Keesha to come down. She considered running out in the hall. She had all these pent up feelings that were best expressed by simultaneously running and screaming. She needed to hug someone – anyone. She settled for jumping up and down, flailing her arms around as she screamed unintelligibly, occasionally punctuated by, "THEY DID IT!" Words were insufficient to express her feelings.
She had suspected Keesha would ignore her, because Keesha didn't care about baseball, so she called Ralphie, as tradition dictated. The person whose team won always called the person who was about to be trash talked. It made no sense for the loser to call the winner, only to have failure mercilessly rubbed in.
Ralphie wasn't looking forward to this call; the Phils hadn't even made the playoffs, and the Red Sox had gone all the way as a wildcard. He'd felt somewhat obligated to root for the Cardinals because they played by the correct rules, but he'd also bought into the rising excitement of seeing the 86 year-old curse be broken. Still, he answered. "Congrats."
Phoebe yelled a whole lot of barely intelligible things, the gist of which Ralphie picked out as: "The curse is broken! Whose team is stupid now, Tennelli?!" Baseball conversations usually involved referring to the other party by his or her last name for reasons neither of them understood.
"I'm happy for you." Ralphie said calmly.
"The Cardinals are the Yankees of the Midwest." Phoebe added.
"No they're not. They don't use a designated hitter, which is an insult to baseball."
"Oh come on, Ralphie. People want to see good hitters. Pitchers can't hit their way out of a paper bag."
"If you're a pro, you should be able to play the whole game, not just offense or defense."
"You know what?" Phoebe couldn't believe she was having this old argument when she had the best way to shut it down. "Call me when your team has won a World Series this century."
"That was harsh, Terese."
"It's not my fault your team didn't make the playoffs."
"We'll have our day. Mark my words."
Phoebe sighed happily. "This is the best Christmas present ever."
"It's October."
"Shh. I don't care."
October 31, 2004
University of New Jersey
New Brunswick, NJ
"This is going to be awesome, like when we dressed up like the Bee Gees." Carlos said as he adjusted his fake mustache. "Put the glasses on."
"You know it's not going to be the same since we're not all together, right?" Tim asked, pulling on the brown suit jacket. He wasn't going to get back into the old argument that there were three Bee Gees, none of whom were black or Latino. Somehow they'd pulled that costume off, and he hoped this would be the same. "Do you think people will even know who we are?"
"Come on. Everyone knows Anchorman." Carlos said. His computer made a ringing noise. "They're calling!" He accepted the video call and he and Tim stood in view of the webcam.
"Everyone, come see how good I look!" Arnold called. He'd made himself look as much like Ron Burgundy as he could. His hair was perfect. "Don't act like you're not impressed."
"This was an awesome idea." Ralphie said. "You guys look ridiculous."
"It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries. It's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good." Carlos quoted.
"60 percent of the time, it works every time." Ralphie recited.
"You're Champ. Stick to your lines." Carlos argued.
"I love… carpet. I love… desk." Tim said. "I love lamp."
"Do you really love the lamp or are you just saying it because you saw it?" Arnold asked.
"Hey, is DA going to be Veronica Corningstone?" Tim wondered.
"It's anchorman, not anchorlady. And that's a scientific fact." Ralphie asserted.
"Much better." Carlos thought Ralphie looked ridiculous with the cowboy hat, but Champ's effusive love of Ron fit Ralphie and Arnold better than anyone.
"We make pretty much the best news team ever." Carlos grinned. "I don't think Walkerville could handle all of us at once."
November 24, 2004
Mission State University
San Diego, CA
"So this is like MySpace, but only for college students?" Wanda asked.
"Yeah. You have friends at other schools, right?" Tiffany knew the answer. She was trying to make Wanda look slightly cooler to the other girls in the house.
"Oh yeah." Wanda said as she entered in her major. "I'm going to add all my friends from back home. You should, too. Remember Arnold?"
"Oh yeah!" Tiffany said. "He was so cute!"
"He's really pretty now. Man-pretty." Wanda explained. Everything was going according to plan. Being far away from her friends meant she had to get used to the long con, but patience could be learned.
"You really think the one thing people should know about you is 'my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,' don't you?" Tiffany laughed.
"Damn right." Wanda said. After uploading a picture and adding pretty much everyone from her school that was on Facebook, she searched for her friends. Of course Carlos was there and he had a small icon on his profile indicating that he was online.
"You're friends with him too?" Tiffany asked. "Why does his profile say that he was 'born a poor black child' and that he's from Mississippi? What does that even mean?"
"It's probably from a movie." Wanda said as she added Keesha as a friend. "We were all in third grade together. We're still pretty tight."
"That's awesome." Tiffany said. "I've got to go to the airport, remember?"
"Right. Thanksgiving." Wanda sighed. She was staying at school because she could only handle her family's crazy twice a year. "What the hell is a poke?"
"What?" Tiffany asked.
"Why is Carlos poking me? What does this mean?!" Wanda got increasingly agitated the more she thought about it. "How can he poke me from Philly?"
"It's the internet, Wanda." Tiffany sighed. "Will you give me a ride to the airport?"
"One second." Wanda smiled evilly as she went to write on Carlos's wall. He'd just started A Storm of Swords, now that everyone else was done with it. It was time he got a taste of his own medicine.
Robb and Lady Stark get killed by that dirty old Frey guy. He locks them in a room and kills them and all their friends. Everyone you ever cared about in that book dies. You're welcome. – Wanda
Wanda could imagine the rattling wail Carlos was making on the other side of the country, and it amused her.
December 8, 2004
Conwell University
Philadelphia, PA
It had been a long and terrible semester, and Keesha was fed up with it. Phoebe's running gear had gone missing, fliers for her programs had ended up in the freshman boys' hall, and all the furniture for the common rooms in the entire building had ended up in Phoebe's floor's lounge. Keesha hated to admit to being wrong, but when her new boyfriend had mentioned that a red-haired girl was seen moving one of the flame-retardant couches into the lounge, Keesha knew exactly what she had to do. She caught Janet in the commons and backed her up against a wall.
"Look, Janet." Keesha said sternly. "I know what you've been doing."
"I don't know what you're talking about." Janet was literally backed against a wall, a position she hated to be in. Keesha wasn't physically intimidating, but definitely loud.
"You've been harassing Phoebe for years. You spoiled Lost."
"I just mentioned that Ethan wasn't on the plane." Janet shrugged. "And Phoebe happened to be there. It's not my fault she hadn't seen the latest episode."
"You knew she hadn't seen it. Why do you try to ruin everything? It's not like Phoebe's dating Arnold anymore."
"You know how easy she is to mess with?" Janet laughed.
"Stop it." Keesha said firmly.
"Why are you doing her dirty work?"
"Because Phoebe's too nice to corner you and threaten violence." Keesha raised an eyebrow.
"Want me to start messing with your boyfriend instead?" Janet narrowed her eyes. "I can do a whole different realm of things to him. What's his name again? Cory?"
"Don't even threaten it." Keesha clenched her teeth.
"I'm warning you not to cross me. Whoever is messing with Phoebe is doing harmless things."
"You're going to drive her crazy."
"She's driving herself crazy." Janet grinned. "Back off or I go after the boy."
December 13, 2004
Carnegie State University
Pittsburgh, PA
"This o chem final is going to kill me." Ralphie whined. When he'd thought of his 21st birthday, the hardest final in his life isn't what he'd dreamed of.
"You'll do fine." DA said.
"Not med school fine. I have to ace this if I'm going to get an A and keep my 4.0."
"Why do you want to go to med school, anyway?" Arnold asked.
"I don't know anymore." Ralphie said. He looked around and lowered his voice. "Look, maybe it's good that I'm not getting an A in o chem."
"Why?" Arnold asked.
"I've been thinking. Med school is four years, then there's the residency – that's at least four more years. I'd be 30 by the time I could even see you guys again."
"You could see us." DA tried.
Ralphie shook his head. "Too busy. My mom told me she didn't have time for anything in med school. She missed her friends' weddings and stuff. She never slept. She isn't friends with anyone she didn't go to med school with." The door flew open and Kim came in.
"I thought you were meeting me at the Union before your test." She ignored Arnold and DA.
"I wanted to talk to my friends. I'm not going to get an A in o chem."
"Then you can retake it. Don't you want to get into a decent med school?"
"I don't want to go to med school. I can't give up ten years of my life –"
"Stop being so selfish!" Kim yelled. "You'd give up ten years of your life to save other people's lives."
"I don't want to go into huge amounts of debt and give up my twenties for something I'm not sure about!" Ralphie yelled back. "You're the one who had this bright idea that I should be a doctor and move away from everyone. Maybe I have my own ideas about how to live my life. Maybe I want to live in Philly."
"You've got to move away from home sometime." Kim said.
"I'm in Pittsburgh right now. This isn't home."
"You're only here because your mom made you."
"So moving somewhere my girlfriend makes me is fine?" Ralphie argued.
"That's different and you know it." Kim retorted. "You're going to have to cut the umbilical cord some day."
"Do you think we should leave?" DA whispered to Arnold, who shrugged. Ralphie was absolutely furious.
"You're just jealous because my mom actually cares about me."
"Your mom is a bitch." Kim spat the words out. Arnold and DA glanced at each other quickly. There was no way this could end well. Ralphie was huffing with anger.
He was angry enough that the only retort he could think of was from Anchorman. "MY MOM IS A SAINT." He screamed. "Get out of here. We're done."
"Fine, whatever!" Kim put her hands up. "I'm sorry I insulted your mom, okay?"
Ralphie knew she wasn't sorry. "I said we're done. Leave."
"You'll be back." Kim shook her head.
"Don't flatter yourself."
"Asshole." Kim slammed the door.
DA cleared her throat. "Your final." She said to Ralphie.
He took a deep breath. "Another fantastic birthday."
"I think this one was better than the last few." Arnold pointed out.
"We'll see how this goes." Ralphie picked up his backpack.
"Breathe, Ralphie. You'll do just fine. You know this." DA encouraged.
"And once you're done, I can watch you drink." Arnold offered. "I did it for DA."
"Thanks, guys." Ralphie smiled and left.
December 31, 2004
Tim's house
Walkerville, PA
This year had been insane, but it was about to end like all the others – at the New Years' Eve party in Tim's basement. Wanda had insisted on bringing alcohol, since "most of us are 21 anyway."
"You're not 21 until April." Arnold said.
"You know what adults do at New Years' Eve parties? They drink. And we're adults now." Wanda handed him a beer. "Sorry I didn't bring any margarita mix."
DA groaned. "I'm never having tequila again."
"But I invited some friends." Wanda said. Finally, the result of her scheming would come to fruition. She decided that the drama of the last year had to build up to a point, and she wasn't going to have that point be Ralphie dumping his terrible girlfriend in front of Arnold and DA. She needed to witness the pinnacle of drama, so it had to be tonight.
"Who? Wanda, why are you inviting people to my house?" Tim sighed.
"To see what happens." Wanda smirked. "Besides, they're people you know. Like Tiffany."
"Hey losers." Janet appeared at the door from the stairs.
"What is she doing here?" Keesha demanded.
"Isn't she the girl that was stealing the furniture?" Cory asked her. "How'd she get invited here?"
"She's my cousin." Arnold sighed. This party was going to be interesting. He hated Wanda messing with things like this. Wanda tapped her fingers together in that scheming super villain gesture she did.
"Wanda found me on Facebook and told me about this party." Janet shrugged. "I figured it might be worth crashing. You're all as ugly as I remember."
"You really should have a better personality to make up for your face." Carlos retorted. Janet looked taken aback, and took a minute to think of a retort.
Tim had to process this. All his friends were here, plus Keesha's boyfriend, who was out of his element. He hadn't realized how deeply weird the group's dynamic was. Janet had shown up, and Tiffany was on her way. It was chaotic with everyone around, and Ralphie had found the karaoke machine.
"If I'd known this was a 'bring everyone you know' deal, I would've invited Mikey to watch him hit on DA." Carlos whispered to Tim. "You know what? Maybe I will. Oh look, I still have Harry Arm's number…"
"Ralphie, you need to stay away from the karaoke machine." DA insisted, unplugging the machine before he could sing too much.
"But I wasn't to the good part yet." Ralphie pouted.
"The part where you sing about being a butterfly?" Arnold asked.
"Shut up. Let's play Halo."
later that night…
Tim was simultaneously flattered that so many people would come to a party at his house and alarmed at how bizarre the addition of people on the periphery of the group made things. He supposed he'd somewhat bought into DA's theory, especially after Stephanie hadn't worked out. It hadn't taken much alcohol for everyone to loosen up. Ralphie and Arnold were playing Halo 2 and both sucked about equally at it, especially because they were both drunk. Keesha and DA were heckling them, while Tiffany was trying to join them to be close to Arnold. Carlos was putting the moves on Janet, interestingly enough, and Wanda was flirting with Harry Arm, who was on a football scholarship to Quaker State. Mikey was trying to muster up the courage to tell DA how he felt.
"This is nuts." Phoebe said, sipping her orange soda and watching Arnold's character run into walls.
"I don't know why I don't kick them off the TV so we can watch Anchorman or something." Tim mused.
"They're too bad at it. It's fun to watch." Phoebe said.
"Don't let Arnold hear you say he's bad. That's how the Homecoming fight started." Tim smiled.
"Yeah." Phoebe sighed. "High school was fun." It had been almost a year since she and Arnold had broken up, and she'd felt a whole range of feelings from anger to sadness, but now she just felt hollow.
"You've had kind of a hard year, right?" Tim asked.
"Yeah. It's mostly Perlstein-related." Phoebe smiled. She was glad that she could count on Tim to be so considerate. "Why aren't you drinking?"
"Why aren't you?" Tim asked.
"I'm not 21." Phoebe shrugged. Tim couldn't help noticing that he had started to like Phoebe. She was just so – nice. He was used to being around Carlos and sarcastic Stephanie, and Phoebe was a breath of fresh air.
"It's 11:50, guys," DA announced. "Stop sucking at Halo so we can watch the ball drop."
Carlos stifled a giggle, and he and Janet exchanged a look.
"Don't you even dare to say something lewd." DA stared at him. She considered her options for midnight. Mikey seemed to adore her, something she'd never had before. She sat next to him on the couch. She hadn't made good choices in men by picking the ones she liked. Maybe she'd have better luck by choosing guys that liked her. "Hey."
"Enjoying yourself?" He asked.
"Yeah, it's kind of nice to have people besides our little group here, you know?"
"I'm glad I got invited. You know I've had a crush on you for years, right?"
"I know." DA smiled. Mikey was 19. She remembered how young and stupid she'd been at that age. "Do you like me or just the idea of being with me?"
"Both." Mike said sincerely.
"Dude, your friends are weird." Cory hissed to Keesha. "Why are you so close again?"
"We all went to elementary school together." Keesha started. "It's hard to explain."
"Some of your friends are jerks." Cory looked at Carlos.
"He's not so bad." Keesha shrugged. "You just have to learn how to deal with him. Throwing things works." She tossed an empty red cup at his head.
"What's that for?" Carlos demanded.
"Watch yourself," Keesha's eyes darted to Janet.
"Come on, Keesha," Janet smirked. "You're just jealous."
Keesha laughed so hard she fell off the couch. Ralphie took his spot next to Cory.
"Um. Hi." Cory said.
"Being single is the best thing that's ever happened to me. EVER." Ralphie enthused, spreading out as far as he could. "I feel so free."
"Okay." Cory stood up so Ralphie could have the whole couch to himself.
"You're plastered, Ralphie." Arnold remarked before turning to Tiffany. "Are you moving back to Philly once you're done?"
"Maybe," she smiled coyly. "I hope to move to New York. You're going to law school?"
"Yeah, I've sent out applications. Now to play the waiting game."
"Maybe we'll end up by each other." Tiffany said, twisting a strand of her short hair. Arnold was indeed a lot better looking than he'd been in high school. Wanda had undersold him, if anything. "Wouldn't that be great?"
"It would," Arnold said. He hadn't felt butterflies like this for a girl in a long time. It felt good to feel giddy again.
Wanda was sitting in Harry's lap in one of the recliners. "I won't get picked in the draft," Harry sighed. "We're not going to a bowl game or anything."
"That sucks," Wanda leaned her head against him. As long as she didn't kiss him, she wasn't cheating on Brett. Of course, she hadn't mentioned Brett to Harry, either. Her plan had been to create drama in everyone else's lives, not her own. She hated it when her plans backfired, which happened quite a bit, if she was honest.
"It's okay. I'm going to be a gym teacher. Remember Mr. Sinew?"
"Yes!" Wanda laughed. "He ruined all those shirts."
"He was the best teacher I ever had. I want to make a difference like that." Harry didn't usually admit all this stuff to people, but he had a feeling Wanda would understand.
"That's awesome. I'm going to be on TV." Wanda liked Harry, probably more than she liked Brett. This was a problem.
"This is absolutely crazy." Tim looked around the room.
"Who would have thought that alcohol and a few new faces would mean everyone would hook up?" Phoebe asked.
"That actually sounds really predictable."
"I was being funny." Phoebe took a sip of her soda again. She sucked at being funny. Tim laughed. A delayed reaction was better than no reaction. Despite the general craziness that came with cramming thirteen people in his basement and giving them alcohol, people seemed happy. This year had been difficult, and now everyone was relaxing. Phoebe noticed that she and Tim were pretty much the only sober people – Keesha wasn't 21 either, but she was "close enough," and was drunkenly explaining something to Cory.
In the final minutes of 2004, it was easy to believe that everything bad was behind them. Their high school relationships had each dissolved, and judging by the couples cozying up to each other, a new era was about to begin. Carlos and Janet hadn't waited until midnight to start making out, and DA looked like she was finally going to let Mikey kiss her.
"I hope this doesn't mean Janet will come over all the time." Tim remarked to Phoebe.
"She's the worst." Phoebe sighed. "But if she's with Carlos, she might leave me alone."
Cory had a bad feeling about Keesha and her friends. Sure, Keesha was awesome, but her group of friends seemed impermeable. He was the only one there who hadn't gone to Walker Elementary, and he never thought he'd feel like he went to the wrong elementary school.
Arnold couldn't believe that Tiffany was so into him. She'd grown her hair out in high school, but cut it short again in college, so she looked like an older version of the girl he'd been obsessed with in elementary school. Plus, she was graduating in a few months and moving back east. A relationship was entirely feasible. Tiffany chose to ignore that Wanda was apparently acquiring herself a new lover, and focused on Arnold, who was a lot more muscular than she'd expected for someone so lean. Finally, at midnight, they kissed. It was exciting and romantic and had only taken a little bit of alcohol for it to happen. Arnold felt slightly guilty that he was relieved – there was life after Phoebe.
"I think this is at least double the previous record of people making out in my basement." Tim remarked.
"Happy New Year." Phoebe sighed.
"What's wrong?" Tim asked.
"I just didn't think I'd end this year single."
"Do you have to?" Tim asked. They stared at each other for a moment before Tim leaned in and kissed her. Phoebe was surprised, but set her soda down. She'd come in to this party an anxious wreck, especially when she'd heard Janet would be there. Tim had a gift for defusing situations, and it had worked here. It could work. Besides, he'd been so nice to her. The longer they kissed, the more sense this made.
Everything was going to be okay. She wasn't going to be alone, after all.
Ralphie didn't care that everyone was making out around him. As long as they weren't making out on him, he was fine. He wondered for a second where Kim was, before remembering that he really didn't care. Being single was the best.
author's note: hooray for writing ships I haven't written before!
References & things I don't own: title comes from the Curse of the Bambino, or Boston's trading Babe Ruth to the Yankees, which is why they supposedly weren't able to win a World Series.
The guys dressing up as characters from Anchorman comes with liberal amounts of Anchorman quotes.
"eleventy billion dollars" … "That's not even a real number." … "Yet" is from the Celebrity Jeopardy sketch on Saturday Night Live from 4/15/2000.
I most definitely don't own anything related to the World Series or Major League Baseball.
Facebook hit the colleges the gang's schools are based on in November 2004. I don't own any part of it.
There's a reference to "Milkshake" by Kelis in there. Three guesses as to where it is.
Carlos's "About Me" is "I was born a poor black child. I remember the days, sittin' on the porch with my family, singin' and dancin' down in Mississippi..." This is from The Jerk.
The events Wanda recounts to Carlos's wall are the events of the Red Wedding in A Storm of Swords.
"My mom is a saint!" is, of course, based on "Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!" which is another line from Anchorman.
I still don't own Lost.
The song where Ralphie sings about being a butterfly is "Someone Saved My Life Tonight," by Elton John.
Mr. Sinew appears in Works Out.
When will Ralphie start going by Ralph? What three songs were Wanda's friends dancing to? What colors end in "urple"? Who put the question mark in the teleprompter? Will Carlos stop poking Wanda? Did Ralphie's rage fuel him to ace his final after all? Will Carlos buy Janet the extra best thermos that he can buy? Will the gang be sober in the next chapter? Will Brett and Harry have a duel over Wanda? Will the rest of the fic be nothing but Anchorman quotes?
Up next: The after effects of the party, the rest of the gang turns 21, they start thinking about what happens after college, and we find out what song is Wanda's jam.