"Yes, Sir." That was the phrase I heard from every single soldier, even Ping, who was one of the most disobedient soldier I ever knew. And it was a phrase that I would wonder if Ping really meant.
Each and every day I had been wanting to talk to Ping and maybe talk about his sister a bit more. And now that the soldiers' training was slowing down, considering that they were improving so much, I had more time to talk to Ping. But oddly enough, it was hard for me to talk to him. I guess I couldn't do it because it was awkward. But not awkward in the way that couples are. It was more awkward in the sense that I was afraid and unsure of what to say to him, because I thought that he would be angry with me also.
So each day I would try and talk to him like a pathetic guy courting a woman. And even though Ping was a guy, it was almost the same thing. Except, I was using this guy. And I guess I paid for it in the end. But it was okay.
The first time I tried talking to Ping, I completely failed. It was evening and in the mess hall. The other soldiers had gone to bathe in the lake and it was just Ping and me in the cafeteria. I entered and I felt Ping's eyes on me the whole time. I knew not to look up to avoid the awkward glance. As I got my food and stood at the end of the dinner line, I had to look up. "You're lucky," the cook said to me, but what I failed to hear was the rest of his sentence, I was about to close up for the night. So as you can imagine, it caught me by surprise.
I coughed. "Excuse me?" I didn't know what he was implying there.
He in turn gave me a peculiar look. "I said I was about to close up for the night Captain."
I nodded. "Oh yeah, thanks cook." I then started to walk to Ping, who immediately lowered his eyes when I started walking to him.
I was dressed the same way as I did every morning, except with a shirt. I decided to sit right in front of him. Ping stiffened a bit when I sat in front of him. He smiled and nodded to me and I did the same. I noticed he was acting a bit jumpy, but I decided not to say anything about it. "Hey Ping, how's the meal?" I asked, looking at the meal in front of me. It was obviously one of the cook's experiments. It looked disgusting.
He laughed. "I guess it's alright, if you look past the appearance. It needs a bit of flavor, but eh? What can you do if this is all you have?"
I chuckled. "Not eat it," I responded as if it was the most obvious answer.
He looked at me in shock. "How can you not eat? I mean, it's important to eat no matter what! You need your energy especially during training! And don't say you're not training because you go through the exercises with us."
I raised an eyebrow. "You sound like my mother."
Immediately Ping started to blush and mutter under his breath. To avoid the awkwardness, I laughed and reassured him, "But it's okay I guess. I miss her."
Ping nodded as if he said that he understood. "Yeah I miss my family also."
Breakthrough. At the time I knew this had to be the perfect time to mention it! "Yeah I miss your family also."
Ping choked on his food and immediately looked at me straight in the eyes. "Excuse me?" He asked me, probably wondering if he heard me correctly.
I nodded slowly and looked him in the eyes. "Yeah, I miss your family," I paused, swallowing slowly, wondering how to say this, "Especially your sister."
His eyes widened, but then his brows furrowed. I looked at him, waiting to see what he would say. He immediately threw his plate at me and I dodged it. Ping then stood up and glowered at me. I braced myself for some yelling like as if Ping was some crazy lovesick heartbroken girl, but what Ping said was neither yelled nor thrown at me. Instead it was softly said, but his words were so harsh. "You broke her heart. You had your chance." And like that, he walked out and left.
I wasn't going to chase after him. It wasn't to him that I owed an apology or a big scene where I was going to bow down on my knees and ask for forgiveness. No, that belonged to Mulan alone. But I knew I had to get Ping to trust me at least. Because as soon as this war finished, I would make my way home to the Fa house and talk to Mulan. But as I sat there and contemplated on the whole thing, I remembered what Fa Zhou had told me. Mulan wouldn't wait for me. Maybe this whole thing was pointless. Maybe she was already taken. But that's nothing a Captain can't fix. A little night visit to her husband. Maybe breaking in the house would be necessary…a sword…I shook my head. It was wrong. I couldn't think that way. I would be forever shamed. Plus, maybe it wasn't so necessary. I had to ask Ping if his sister was married. But not tonight, even though I had to know now.
That next morning, as the soldiers aligned up, I thought of harder training exercises. Of course I had to use some of the older ones, but I had to give new ones. It just so happened that each time I came up with an even harder exercise, Ping came to mind first. Honestly, I did not mean it like this, but Ping always was the first do the exercise or was the poor victim. And each time Ping would glare at me. But I didn't mean it, and I guess it was good that it came down to that. Because by the end of the day, I met up with Ping. Actually, it should be more of, Ping came to me and glared at me. "What do you think you were doing there earlier today?" He asked me angrily.
I shrugged and continued to walk on. "I honestly do not know what you are talking about Ping."
He ran to catch up with me, power walking to keep by my side as I walked casually. "Oh you know exactly what I'm talking about Captain! I mean seriously? I was getting all the hard tasks and playing your test dummy! Why not pick Yao huh? Or Ling? Or maybe Chien-Po, who would have gladly taken it?"
"You were the first to come to mind," I told him casually. "And besides, I am Captain. My methods are non-negotiable."
He scoffed at that. "That is complete bull! You know it! You just hate me because of what I said!"
That made me stop. I looked at him in the eyes and he glared back. "Listen Ping, I'll admit I broke your sister's heart. And for that, I am truly sorry. But I honestly loved her, with all my heart. And you of all people, I wish would understand why I chose my job over her. You want to please your father don't you Ping? But I should have listened to your father. Now I'm doing this crap job as Captain and hating every minute. Was it worth it? Hell no. But it's wrong of you to even think I'm getting revenge on your sister through you. I'm not that kind of man Ping. So go ahead and run home after this war and tell your sister every thing I've said if you want. I don't care." So I continued to walk after that, hoping with each step, that maybe, and hopefully, Ping would call out to me. And I was right. Because midway, Ping did call out to me.
"Wait, Shang!" He yelled and ran after. I immediately turned around to face him. Ping ran to stand right in front of me. I kept back the urge to say that he called me Shang, instead of Captain or sir, but to me, it meant that he thought of me as a friend. And for now, that was what I wanted. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I guess I took you the wrong way the first time."
I smiled. "It's funny to me, that a few years ago, I talked to your sister about you when you were just in your mother's womb. Your sister said she was going to name you Ping and I guess she wasn't kidding."
Ping smiled.
"So how is your sister?" I asked, sighing and crossing my arms.
Ping smirked. "I may trust you," he said. "But as for right now, I am not answering any questions yet. But if you want to know, she's doing just great at home."
I playfully scowled. "Fine," I muttered. "Is there anything I can do to make you trust me a bit more?"
He grinned. "Yeah actually there is. Starting off with answering why you decided to pick me for all the most difficult exercises!"
I laughed. "I told you! You were the first to come to mind!"
Ping crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow.
I laughed. "And," I said leaning in closer to Ping's face, "You are my best soldier." I whispered. I then smiled and left Ping with his mouth agape.
The next morning as the soldiers lined up, Ping came in late. I caught him running in late. I sighed and shook my head. "Ping why are you late?" I asked.
His eyes widened as he got into line. Ping then forcefully turned to face me. "I…I…I'm sorry sir," he stammered. "I'll wake up earlier next time."
I scoffed and crossed my arms. "Yeah you had better start waking up earlier. You're always late. Next time you're late you will be punished. Is that understood soldier?"
Ping then nodded, "Yes sir," and saluted me.
I guess you could say, Ping's and my friendship grew. Of course he was soldier and I was his Captain, but we were good friends. I mean I guess I hadn't gotten that close to someone in forever. Part of me wanted to say that I was only getting closer to him because of his sister, but honestly, I rarely thought about her now. It was almost as if I found everything I loved about Mulan in Ping. She was reflected into him. Now that doesn't mean that I was falling in love with Ping, but it just meant that I found myself a friend, and a good one at that. It also didn't mean that I would be easier on Ping now that he was my friend. In fact, I was probably the hardest on him and everyone knew it.
In fact, I think the reason why Ping got to be such a good soldier was because he was always being punished by me. Every morning he was late and each time the punishment had to get tougher, because I could not have a soldier late every single day. And Ping knew what he had to do each time.
One morning as he stumbled in, our eyes met and Ping immediately nodded. He asked, "How many laps this time Captain? 6 laps around camp?"
I nodded. "Ping one day, I swear, I'm going to punish you so badly that you are going to want to wake up so early and wait outside my tent even before the sun comes out." The soldiers, Ping and I laughed. "Or maybe, you'll be so exhausted from your punishment and training that you'll just fall dead in front of my tent."
We all laughed. But of course Ping had something to say, but it caught me by surprise. "Only so we can spend these precious moments with each other Captain," he then saluted me and ran. Everyone laughed, including me, but as I watched him run, which was going to be Ping running 6 miles, I thought about what he said. Even if it was just a joke, it reminded me of his sister. And it was Ping's first sign of affection.
The second time was later that night when I decided that we were going to sit around the fire to rest. Each soldier sat around the campfire. I sat at the top of the campfire, but sitting across from Ping, who sat next to Yao, Chien-Po, and Ling. Each soldier took a turn talking about something, or answering something a person asked. But then it suddenly took a turn on the topic of love, and I was asked a question.
Yao and Ling looked at me with an odd look and I looked at them and then looked away. "Captain," they said in unison, "You are quite the built man, aren't you?"
I laughed. "Are you two in love with me?"
Everyone laughed including Yao and Ling. But once the laughter died down, they continued their question. "I bet you've had your nice share of ladies, haven't you?"
Immediately my eyes met with Ping's and his eyes narrowed and his brows furrowed. But I turned to Yao and Ling to avoid his look.
"What is your biggest mistake and who is the one girl you will always love?" Yao and Ling asked.
Even though everyone was looking at me, I felt Ping's eyes on me. I felt the pressure coming from him. But I had to answer because everyone else answered. But I couldn't get myself to look up and face Ping myself. So I looked down and answered, "My biggest mistake was at an Imperial Ball." I sighed. I could just lie. No one was there at the ball. None of my friends were here. The only person who was there was Mei and Mulan. And none of those people were here. But I felt obliged to tell the truth. Because for some reason, I felt like Mulan was here. "I almost lost everything I had to a girl named Wu Mei." I gave out a big breath. Chi Fu wasn't here listening so I would never hear about it and the men swore to secrecy outside of the fire circle.
I looked up and all of the men had a smile upon their faces. "I know her!" One soldier exclaimed. "I knew her real well just like you!" He hi-fived with another man.
Every soldier looked around and was laughing. Another soldier said, "Yeah, I'm sure everyone knew her like that. Don't be so hard on yourself Captain."
I had to correct these men. "But I didn't do anything with her…"
That silenced them. One soldier asked, "Why not?"
I laughed. "She disgusted me. That's all." The other soldiers then joined in and laughed with me. I even caught a sight of Ping laughing from the corner of my eyes.
"Well what about the one girl you will always love?" Ling asked which quickly silenced the laughter.
I sighed. "I was…" I coughed and corrected myself. "I mean, I am in love with Fa Mulan."
I paused for a moment. I didn't need to explain myself anymore. I answered their question. And it honestly pained me to answer it. It was like, it unraveled again. It had risen all over again, even though it was buried. But of course, I had to explain myself after the next question.
"Isn't that Ping's sister?" one soldier asked. "She lived in the village next to me. She was pretty and all, but why are you in love with her? I mean she didn't even pass…"
And by then Ping had thrown something at him, stopping him from finishing what he had said. I was going to ask, but I didn't want to make it worse. So I kept my mouth shut and wondered about it.
But I had to answer his question. "I love her and I have ever since I met her. I was just seven when I first met her. She was like my best friend. I saw her again when I got older and her beauty…" I paused for a minute, "but it just wasn't about her looks. She actually had something inside. She wasn't all beauty." I stopped for a moment, but then looked up and caught the eyes of Ping. "I can't describe it, but when I lost her, I felt like I lost everything and I don't think I'll ever find anyone else like her."
For a while Ping and I looked each other in the eyes. But it wasn't long before he stood up and walked out. Even though it was dark, I noticed one thing no one else had seen, a small tear and a smile, which was really unusual for a guy, especially when it was about his sister.
Later that night, I met up again with Ping. He was walking around looking a bit dazed. I walked up to him and asked, "Ping, are you alright? You ran out of there pretty quickly after I said something about your sister."
He then punched me in the side just like he did at the beginning of camp, which I noticed was almost every single time he was nervous. "Yeah Captain. I'm fine. I just, you know, was a bit tired of all that sharing and mushy stuff. And well when you started talking about my sister, you know, I just couldn't take that. I miss her and I guess hearing your side of the story makes me kinda see what you feel."
I smiled. "So does that mean you forgive me?"
He laughed. "I'm not Mulan. Yeah I forgive you."
I had to ask. I had to ask. "Now that you heard me pouring out my heart, I need to know, because this has been tugging at my heart. Is your sister married?"
Ping gave me a look and then smirked. He then turned around, leaving me with my mouth agape. "You'll just have to wait until after the war Captain! You'll have to wait and see!"
There's one scene that happened between Ping and I that I will never forget. It was the night before we started moving out. But for some reason, it's the only scene I seemed to have remembered so clearly that night because everything was just a blur after Chi Fu broke then news to me that my father needed help. It was when Ping said something that made me not only wonder whether Ping was a girl, but also our friendship.
It was the night that I realized after the soldiers had trained, that they were ready to fight. They weren't as skilled as me but they were ready for combat. I knew they were ready. They were ready to fight. They were ready to face the Huns. They were ready to bring victory to China. I was ready to meet up with my father again. I was ready. But of course Chi Fu had to ruin everything.
"You think your troops are ready for battle?" He asked me incredulously once I told him my plans. Chi Fu scoffed. "They wouldn't last a minute against the Huns!" He retorted.
"They completed their training," I argued.
"Those boys," Chi Fu said, emphasizing on the boys part. I knew then and there that I would never see battle with these men, or from Chi Fu's point of view, with these boys. They were boys in the beginning, but they are men now, I wanted to say. But I didn't.
"Those boys," Chi Fu continued, "are no more fit for battle than you are for Captain." At that moment I wanted to strangle Chi Fu. My eyes widened. I was chosen for my skills and not because I was the General's son right? I was the top of my class and ready to be Captain, right? "Once the General reads my report," Chi Fu answered me, "your troops will never see battle."
I knew right then and there that I had to challenge him. Prove him wrong. DO anything to get myself up there. See that was what was wrong with this picture. ME. MYSELF. AND I. I should have been thinking about my soldiers, not about being the greatest of all time. I stood up and grabbed Chi Fu's clipboard, "We're not finished yet," I answered him.
Chi Fu scoffed. "Be careful Captain. Your father may be General, but I am the Emperor's Counsul." He brushed me off. I stood there growling and glaring at him, wondering what form of torture I could do to him. But the last line that he said, angered me the most. "By the way, I got that job all on my own." I didn't even hear the you are dismissed part. I was so angry that I walked out of that tent snarling and talking under my breath.
That was when I saw Ping. I was like a speeding arrow and Ping was another target. An easy one at that. But of course Ping was calm. "Hey I'll hold him and you punch!" He said to me as I walked by.
I sighed. I wanted to yell at him, but I just thought Not now Ping and walked away. But then I heard him say, "For what it's worth," he said, "I think you're a great Captain!"
I paused dead in my tracks. I rewinded what he said in my head over and over again. My mouth was open. I turned and looked back a bit but continued to walk on after I looked at the way Ping was staring at me and I knew where I had seen that stare before. His sister. I kept asking myself, is Ping in love with me? Better yet, is Ping really Mulan? These questions played in my head over and over again.
I wondered over and over again whether Ping was a girl. I couldn't imagine what would have happened if I caught Ping at the lake bathing. Actually I can. But that's not the point.
Now with all of this, you would think I would have noticed that Ping was really a girl. Or at least get the idea! I mean he was emotional! But then again, so was I. Underneath everything I was this emotional guy. I hid it all the time. I was often angry, stiff, or seemed indifferent. But I was just halfway on my journey, because everything else that happened next went by way too quickly.
Author's Note:
Anyways, thank you to all my reviewers! I am sorry I am not writing a heartfelt thank you or anything, but I am just so tired! Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you! I cannot honestly thank you guys enough! You guys are the best! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter because I wrote it for you guys!