"Baby, you're a loser and I'm ashamed to say I ever knew ya." - Gabbie Hanna

X.

There were murmuring voices outside of Darcy's sleeping escape.

Her eyes fluttered open and reality set in, and she looked around.

She lay on her side toward Steve next to her.

You slept in Steve Roger's bed last night, was her immediate thought.

He lay on his stomach, looking somehow equally vulnerable and at peace, his thick eyelashes against his skin, his mouth slightly open.

The memories of last night came back, and Darcy felt a wave of fear and sadness. Poor little Max with Danny poised to strike her. Poor Annie crying on the phone to her because she felt guilty and helpless.

Poor Natasha for taking charge because Darcy froze and couldn't move anymore.

Poor Steve for sleeping beside her even though he didn't want to.

His breath was soft and barely audible, but he was fast asleep. Darcy did not want to ruin that, but she knew she wanted to touch him, being this close to him.

His hair was messy, a blotch of pink on his cheek. Darcy lifted her hand, tracing the hair by his ears, her fingers feather light but still detectable.

"Mmm," he murmured, from somewhere deep in his slumber.

He looked so young and pretty laying there like that, and Darcy felt like she did not deserve to be that close to him, to see him like this.

That closeness was reserved for a lover or a companion.

Darcy was the one who tried pushing him away whenever he was kind to her because of Danny.

Knowing Danny was no longer close enough to suspect something, Darcy felt a strange mixture of emotions. Guilt because she was leaning on Steve so much for support, embarrassment because he saw her so broken last night over her boyfriend – and she knew she was a fool to think he thought about her just as much as Darcy thought about him.

He was doing this because it was the right thing to do, and Steve Rogers was the type of guy to always help others, and Darcy wasn't used to that.

She needed to create some boundaries, but she knew she didn't want to.

She moved very slowly from the bed, trying not to wake him.

He didn't move at all, so Darcy then turned her back to him, stripping off her pajama top and pulling on a bra and a clean shirt, leaving on her leggings from last night.

She turned to Steve, who still lay on his stomach and looked at the angle of his legs, how one knee was up with the other down and straight like a runner, his ass pushed into the air.

She left his room before she stared too long, and found Natasha sitting at the kitchen island with two men Darcy had never seen before.

They both wore all black and earpieces. They both carried a holster at their hip, their jackets resting on the backs of their chairs.

"Hey," Natasha said as she realized it was Darcy who emerged.

"Hi," Darcy replied, coming over and putting her hands behind her back.

"These guys are your new guards for your place."

Darcy's eyes travelled to the man with auburn hair and moustache to the taller one with a face tattoo and thick neck.

"Travis," said the darker one, smiling at her. He had a gold front tooth. "Nice to meet you, Miss Lewis."

"I'm Joe," said the redhead, shaking Darcy's hand and nodding. "Pleased to meet you."

Natasha gestured to Joe. "Joe will be working days, with Travis working nights."

Darcy didn't know what to make of this arrangement. It sounded expensive and a little invasive for her tastes. She adjusted her glasses on her nose, frowning.

"I don't know about you guys guarding me day and night."

"Miss, I would be more than happy to help you," Travis said, hand on his heart. "Being a security detail for someone whose relationship with an abusive partner has ended can take your mind off of the threat of violence."

Having it all said out loud like that made Darcy's face redden. Travis was so matter-of-fact she didn't know what to say.

"Being secure in your own home should not be a privilege, Miss," Joe added, nodding.

"Okay, enough of this 'Miss' stuff," Darcy blurted, her hand up. "I'm Darcy."

Steve's bedroom door swung open, and Steve came out, giving the men short nods.

"Hey, guys. Thanks for coming."

"We didn't want to seem like we were controlling things, Darcy," Natasha began. "But after last night, we don't want the possibility of Danny showing up without warning and harassing you."

She exchanged a glance with Steve who stood beside Darcy. "Or worse."

"Fine," Darcy said shortly. "Will Joe follow me to work?"

"No, M- Darcy," Joe replied. "I will watch the apartment block here. Captain Rogers will take you to work. Your friend Doctor Tan has also volunteered."

"How long will this go on?" Darcy asked Natasha.

"For as long as you want."

Darcy had a lot to do that day. She did not look at Danny's phone any longer than necessary. She didn't want to vomit in a sink again or see red, so she found his mother's postal address and gave the device to Joe for him to take to Staten Island.

Next, she put in a request via Steve's phone for her own. It was going to be a new Stark phone with a ridiculously cheap employee plan. She'd have to build her contacts list again but Darcy wasn't mad about not having social media for a few days.

She made an appointment at a clinic in Brooklyn, which Natasha walked her to.

She got tested for the basics. Then she got an HIV test. She didn't feel judged or humiliated with Natasha being there for most of the time, waiting for her outside the bathroom stall.

She was clean. Luckily they did not have to send away for any results. Darcy insisted they didn't do any test at the med bay at work. She hated the idea of bringing Danny to her employment, contaminating it.

They met up with Steve again and rode the subway to Darcy's family home.

By the time they got there, Annie was there, answering the door.

"Hey MTV, welcome to my crib," she said, her joke half-hearted at best, but Darcy appreciated the effort.

Darcy was the first to come in, and Annie wrapped her arm around her neck, pressing her forehead to her cheek.

"How are you feeling?" she asked in a low voice.

"Like microwaved shit."

"Your mom's put on a spread."

Darcy didn't feel much like eating. "Sorry I pulled you away from Pascal for this."

"Are you fucking kidding?" Annie hissed. "He sent half the fruit your mom put on the table."

Darcy still felt embarrassed, her first impression with Annie's new man being tarnished by Danny's despicable antics last night.

Annie peeled off her, walking with Natasha toward the kitchen.

Steve was looking around at the photographs near the front door, and Darcy felt her stomach flip.

"My grandfather," she said, and Steve looked away from the grainy black and white photograph. "I wear his necklace now."

Steve's eyes travelled to her chest where the Star of David lay.

Feeling bold, Darcy sidled up to him, the pendant between her finger and thumb, the gold shining in the afternoon light.

"The edges are a little worn. He died before I was born."

Steve's fingers brushed hers, taking it to feel its points. "I have a favourite photo."

He let the pendant fall against her neck, and turned to the group of frames, his finger touching one with Darcy in the dead centre.

"Prom night," Darcy groaned. "Not my best look. I did my own makeup, obviously."

"You're very pretty," Steve murmured.

He glanced her way, eyes going up and down.

"I mean, you're beautiful all the time –"

Darcy tried to ignore the flutter in her stomach. "You know I'm barely eighteen in that photo, right?"

Steve let out a short laugh. "Right. A ninety-eight year old man admires the photo of a teenager."

There was a commotion from inside the kitchen and Rachel came out, her hands flapping.

"Ah! Here he is!"

That was typical Rachel Lewis, though. They were all there for Darcy's respite but Steve had managed to become the center of Darcy's mother's attention without doing anything at all.

"Hi, Mrs. Lewis," he said, and Darcy watched a smile break out again on his face.

His hand went to the back of his head, and Darcy smiled briefly at his adorable bashfulness.

"So this is Steve Rogers. My brother and I used to read the vintage comics our dad left us growing up. But you're so much more handsome in real life."

Her hands went to his face, and Darcy gave a surprised laugh.

"Mom. Relax," she chided.

"What? I'm not allowed to tell him he's gorgeous? Look at him!"

"I am, Mom," Darcy said, feeling her cheeks redden like Steve's were.

She ducked away, leaving her mom to harass Steve some more while she investigated the kitchen.

"I love Jewish moms," Annie said, giggling. "He getting the third degree?"

"She might ask him for his number, you never know," Darcy muttered, shoving a grape in her mouth.

They sat around the kitchen table, Darcy sitting between Steve and Rachel while Natasha and Annie sat with barely suppressed smiles as they ate their late lunch.

"He eats so much," Rachel whispered to Darcy, loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Mom. He needs to," Darcy said, hearing Annie's snort opposite her.

"What about you, you've barely had anything," Rachel said, pointing at Darcy's plate with her fork.

"Mom."

"We don't want her to get skinny, do we Steve?" Rachel asked, and Steve's mouth quirked into a smile.

His eyes travelled over Darcy for a second, making her wish they were back in his bed alone in Brooklyn.

"No, ma'am."

"Ohh, 'ma'am', I like that," Rachel said. She bit a tomato and smiled.

Darcy felt her mom's foot nudge hers. She knew what Rachel was doing. She used to do that when Darcy was in middle school and a boy asked her if she wanted to go rollerblading.

"I'm gonna get some fresh air," Darcy said.

Rachel's face dropped. "You okay, honey?"

Darcy realized everyone was watching her, concerned.

"No, I just – I'm tired. I'll go to the swings."

Annie followed her out, swinging her handbag and chatting all the while, filling the silence. They walked across a few houses to the tiny park with the old swing set Darcy used to sit on for hours at a time as a kid and then as a teenager.

"You ever do anything with boys out here?" Annie asked, beginning to swing a little. Darcy sat motionless, trying to remember.

"Yeah, but dumb stuff. Showing them my chest and letting them put their hand in my pants."

The grass was overgrown and there was an empty beer can crushed by the rusty old slide. Not many kids hung around there those days since it was so ugly.

"Darcy Lewis, a harlot from the start," Annie pretended to gasp, but smiled the entire time. "How many boys?"

"Does it even matter?"

"Why'd you do it?"

"I hate talking about this," Darcy muttered. "We both know why."

Her daddy didn't love her. She wanted attention. She wanted love in whatever way she could find it, yet she didn't show it off to other girls. She knew the insidious double standards. By the time she lost her virginity, people thought she already had anyway, so one of her male friends didn't believe her when she said it was her first time.

Her friendships were intense and full of fighting as a kid. It wasn't until college where there were no more super cliquey groups that Darcy became a loner, except for her relationship with Annie.

She knew she'd love her from the moment she snarled "If you touch my food I'll fucking kill you."

"Boys aren't the same as men, though," Annie said, and Darcy knew she had a point.

Danny was the first serious boyfriend in years. She hated monogamy, the whole ordeal of getting to know someone.

So now she was going to have someone find out all about her all over again.

"Danny was cheating on me, I think."

"What?" Annie snapped, and she jumped off her swing to face Darcy straight on.

Darcy sighed. "I saw on his phone, all these texts. These phone calls. He had hundreds of nudes."

"That fucking pig," Annie hissed. "Fucking asshole."

Darcy shrugged. "I feel stupid. He said he was going to marry me."

She scuffed the ground with her foot. "Makes me the dumbest bitch in the world. I bet someone else noticed."

"Don't, Darce," Annie said. She put her hand on Darcy's shoulder. "It's not your fault."

Darcy felt annoyed. More at the situation of having to tell Annie the truth than the fact that Annie was stating the obvious.

"I know that, but like – what if I ended it earlier?"

"You didn't know. And I think you were hiding the extent of it from the rest of us."

Darcy's gaze fell to the ground. "Right. I know it's not my fault, but it feels like I could have avoided a lot of things."

Annie sighed. "The same guy who says you're his soulmate mindfucks you for more than two straight years. Darcy, something's got to give."

"I feel bad for dragging Steve into this," Darcy admitted. She licked her lips. "It's not right."

Darcy felt tears start to fall, her nose beginning to run.

"The second I called him last night he knew something was wrong."

Darcy shut her eyes, wincing. "I didn't even ask him how his date went."

Annie laughed. "Oh… you think he cares about his date when he dropped everything to make sure you were okay? And then slept in his bed with you last night?"

Darcy opened her eyes, looking up at Annie.

"Natasha told me."

"What does she think?" Darcy's eyes fell. "Don't tell me. I don't want to know."

It was too soon to go into her full-fledged analytical single lady mode where she dissected every moment between herself and her crush. Right now it seemed childish and totally stupid.

"You know what?" Darcy snapped, jumping up from her swing. "I don't care that I was easy and hooked up with a bunch of guys around here."

Annie looked surprised at Darcy's sudden change of subject. "I didn't do it just because I was lonely. I liked sex and sexual things, and I was a friendly person. I still am."

"I know," Annie said, for the first time quiet.

Darcy thought there was more to it, but her thoughts were still a scramble since last night.

"Fuck being called 'easy'," she muttered. She sat down again.

Annie broke out into a smile.

"Here comes your man."

Darcy's head turned to see Steve making his way down the road, his eyes looking around. Darcy knew he was on the lookout.

Annie chose then to move off without another word, giving Darcy as significant look as Steve sat beside her on the swings, mimicking her kick the ground with his shoe.

"I keep thinking Danny's about to pull up and start screaming at me, trying to drag me back," Darcy said.

Steve nodded. "Me, too. I got a text from Joe – he delivered the package without any issues."

"Thank you," Darcy whispered.

"No problem," Steve said. He was still frowning.

"No, really. Thank you," Darcy murmured, and she reached out and squeezed his hand, looking into his eyes. "I'm so glad I've got you and Natasha to look after me."

"I don't think you realize how much you do by yourself, Darcy," Steve murmured, his fingers threading through hers.

The heat of his skin, the rough feel of his palm. She wished she could memorize the feeling of their skin touching forever.

"I don't feel very capable at the best of times."

"But it's not true. You're a survivor."

Darcy let out a breath. "Right."

"I mean it," Steve insisted.

"You were in a war," Darcy said, frowning a little. "That's real survival."

"But you're like my mom, Sarah," Steve said, and Darcy blinked, not daring to look away. "She did whatever she could, always with a brave face. I knew how much we were struggling. Right up until the end, she was a fighter. And she never fought in a war."

He didn't let go of her hand.

"I'm an asshole, of course your mom was a fighter. Like mine," Darcy said.

Steve nodded. Not condescending or impatient, just listening.

"You know what Sarah means in Hebrew?"

He shook his head.

"'Princess'."

Steve's face changed, like the time when he told her he named the felt mouse after her, and his lips parted, his hand slipped from hers.

Darcy froze as the hand came up again to cup her face, Steve leaning toward her.

She wondered what she saw - perhaps a wounded creature with wide eyes opened in shock. She couldn't quite wrap her head around him being this close to her, despite the fact that she slept beside him last night.

His eyes fell to her lips and Darcy tensed. She was full of anxiety despite the fact that she knew that with Steve alongside her she was close to invincible.

She spent a moment too long keeping still and Steve's hand fell back down to his side, and he pushed his feet against the ground, the moment still hanging between them.

Darcy let out her breath, looking at the dirt.

She got up without saying anything else to him, and Steve followed her back to the house, before departing with Natasha and Annie soon after.

She must be reading too much into things. It wasn't fair to think he meant to kiss her. She remembered him pushing her hair back last night with such care before she collapsed into his arms.

He touched Natasha all the time. Maybe it was the right time to tell her two friends to get together. They seemed the best fit for one another.

She picked at her dinner, the thought of Steve being with Natasha while Darcy was still his neighbour rolling around beneath the surface.

"Honey?"

"What."

"You've twirled that spaghetti into oblivion," Rachel said, one eyebrow raised. She put her glass of red wine to her lips, sipping before putting it back down and resting her chin one on hand, her elbow on the table.

"How come you and Dad broke up?" Darcy asked, still staring into her food.

"That seems a little out of left field," Rachel muttered.

Darcy put down her fork with a clatter. "No, I mean it. I want to know."

"He didn't cheat on me."

"Did he hit you?" Darcy asked, and Rachel's face contorted a little.

"No. We just weren't compatible."

Darcy didn't feel like that was a good enough answer. "Why'd he leave me?"

"Because when women give your father love he gives them shit," Rachel muttered, taking another sip of her wine before pushing it toward Darcy.

"Figures I can't trust any man," Darcy said. "What a fucking cliché."

For once Rachel did not tell her off for cussing, instead nodding.

"Sometimes men have to give the dumbest reasons for what they do," she said. "Me being left behind, I didn't care so much about. But you – "

"Mom," Darcy whispered. She touched her mother's hand, feeling tears start to gather.

"I could never forgive him abandoning you like that. You needed him and he took off."

Darcy didn't finish dinner. She finished off the bottle of wine instead.

After Darcy spent the weekend with her mom, she returned to Brooklyn, giving Travis a short nod when she met him outside her apartment building.

"Darcy, hope you're doing well."

"So you're here all night?"

"Yes. I'll be here until 6AM and then Joe will take over."

Darcy nodded again. "You want something to drink? Or a snack?"

"No, thank you, Darcy. I have food with me. I tend to eat around midnight."

"Maybe I'll come see you later," Darcy said, because she hated the idea of Travis being lonely outside all night.

"I hope not, Darcy. You'll need some sleep before work tomorrow."

Alright, she thought. She just nodded again, conceding that he was dedicated to the task at hand. She just needed to live like she was before all this.

How was she meant to do that, again?

She ducked inside, walking up the steps two at a time. Once she got to her hallway, Natasha came out of Steve's room, walking briskly toward her.

"What's up?"

Natasha grabbed her by the elbow, unlocking Darcy's door and letting her into the apartment.

"What's up?"

"I got something. It's from Danny."

Darcy felt her heart in her throat, and she looked around her place. It was squeaky clean, better than before Danny tried trashing her bedroom. Someone had vaccumed the crumbs from the kitchen floor.

"He handed something to Joe when he went out there with his phone yesterday," Natasha said. She reached to her back pocket of her jeans and produced a piece of paper.

So Danny was staying with his family. Darcy wondered what story he was spinning to them about her.

"You read it already?" Darcy asked, and Natasha nodded.

She didn't care that she had. The same woman had gone with her to the sexual health clinic without so much as batting an eyelid.

"It's juvenile."

"Did Steve see it?" Darcy asked.

Natasha hesitated.

"Nat."

"Yeah. He saw over my shoulder."

Darcy swallowed. "Let me see."

"You don't have to."

Darcy grit her teeth, her hand up to take it from her. "Give it to me."

Natasha placed the paper in her palm and Darcy turned toward the couch, flinging herself on it, unfurling the paper.

Good riddance. I wasted years of my life with your fat, dirty ass with your dumbass friends. I was fucking whatever moved behind your back and you ate it up every fucking time. Good luck being Captain America's little fucktoy before some terrorist blows him up in a year or two. Fuck off and die, you fucking CUNT.

The white of the paper felt too bright to look at, but all Darcy did was stare for a good minute until the words blurred and jumbled.

"Darcy."

She closed her eyes. "Where's Steve now?"

"He went for a run. He'll probably go break a punching bag somewhere."

Darcy laughed bitterly, and felt Natasha's weight on the couch beside her, her hand finding hers.

She opened her eyes, so tired by the worst weekend in a long time.

"You want Max? She's at Steve's."

Darcy nodded, but didn't let go of her hand. "Steve okay?"

"He didn't know what to do with himself, Darce."

Darcy looked at her. "What do you mean?"

Had he mentioned the moment on the swings yesterday?

Her heartbeat kicked up a notch again as Natasha shook her head. She wasn't about to tell her the whole truth, Darcy realized.

"He wanted to run over to Staten Island and beat Danny to death. He was like –"

The redhead shook her head again. "He doesn't know what to do."

"He's doing more than he should, anyway."

"I bet he doesn't think so," Natasha replied.

Darcy didn't ask her to elaborate. She felt it was too soon to be worrying about even more things that felt out of her control.

"Why haven't you two ever got together?" Darcy asked.

Natasha withdrew her hand, looking taken aback, but quickly the expression was replaced by an amused smirk.

"Nice try, Darcy. But we kissed once and he did not ask me out."

"What?"

"It's contrived, but – it was when we were on the run when we were finding out SHIELD was really HYDRA."

Natasha shook her head, smiling more. "I told him we had to disguise ourselves in plain sight, since kissing in public makes people look away."

"Oh," Darcy said, feeling somewhat relieved. She thought she'd uncovered something she'd rather not know.

"He did not enjoy it," Natasha said.

She got up from the couch, offering Darcy a hand.

"Anyway, your puppy's been missing you."