Playlist: Scientist by Coldplay, Falling In by Lifehouse
Chapter 10
2008
I learned a long time ago that beer and honest conversation is a bad, bad idea. So I limit myself to two drinks and sip soda the rest of the night. To my surprise, Edward never gets a drink at all. He sucks down a Sprite and nurses a tall glass of water until no one's there but us.
I don't know why I'm staying here. I could've gone to Alice's to hang out or gone back home to see my dad. Instead, curiosity has won out, and I'm stuck at this bar because I want to know what Edward has to say. I don't imagine it will be any good. But maybe this will give me closure like Alice said.
Who knows? Maybe it's less awful than I always thought. If it's worse, I can handle it. I've spent years growing up, becoming more sophisticated and dealing with my insecurities. I am not a teenager anymore.
Edward looks toward the bar and asks me if I want anything else. I shake my head. I'm afraid to talk to him. Afraid of what I'll say. Maybe he is, too. Because he hasn't said anything of importance yet.
"This is really awkward, isn't it?" he asks, staring at his water.
"And whose fault is that?" I can't help it. I'm still mad, I guess.
"It's mine," he admits, and I hold my breath. I never thought I'd hear those words. Ever.
1997
I stand, my back to his door, and blink. I must be dreaming.
Nope.
Edward's still just wearing a smirk and a towel.
I stare shamelessly at Edward's body from head to toe, wondering what's happening beneath that towel. Is he like he was in the shower? Would I be able to see it covered up like that?
I close my eyes and breathe deep. The bed creaks, and Edward rubs his hands up and down my arms. "Are you okay? We don't have to do anythi—"
My eyes fly open, I snake my hands around his neck, and my tongue strikes. The noises he makes tell me he wants me naked again, and I agree. I take a step toward his bed, pushing him backward and losing my clothes as I go. There's only a towel between us.
I press him onto the bed and cover his body with mine. He's so warm and inviting and smells like soap and boy and all Edward.
He sits up quickly, grabbing my hips and rotating me slightly. The movement loosens the towel, and it slips open.
I panic and stare and cover my mouth, trying not to scream or cry or something equally embarrassing. I want this. I've wanted this for so long, but now that it's here, it's freaking me out. What if I'm no good at it? What if the pain's unbearable? What if this screws everything up between us?
"Hey, where'd you go?" he asks, eyes soft on mine, hands caressing my stomach and waist.
"I'm just a little . . . overwhelmed, I guess."
"Do you want to stop?"
"Um, maybe?" I admit, though it's a question. Maybe he could decide. Maybe he knows what we should do. Maybe I'm too young to be doing this. But I want to. Still. Sort of. I think.
He sighs, but not unkindly, and kisses my temple. He slides me off his lap and wanders the room, fetching my underwear and his. He drops mine on the bed and pulls his own on. He sits next to me, a finger running down the side of my thigh. It comes back up, over my hip, across my belly button and between my breasts until it's under my chin. He coaxes me to look at him. "Will you still stay with me?"
"Yeah."
He kisses me softly, his lips warm and slow on mine, making me want things I just gave up.
He situates himself on the bed. So do I, and he slides behind me, fitting himself against me like a puzzle, his hand on my breast. "Bella?" My name is warm against my shoulder. And I like it there.
"Hmm?" I hum.
"If you want a shirt, you have to get it yourself."
"Okay," I say, giggling and place my hand over his, squeezing it slightly.
-OP-
I'm groggy, couldn't have slept for more than a few hours. A faint light seeps in through Edward's window, but I can't tell if it's the outdoor lamp or the sun coming up. I don't really care though, because I'm warm and comfortable in Edward's bed sleeping with him.
In my happiness, I squeeze my body inward, making my back round, and Edward drops his hand from mine. Disappointed and a little cold, I pick his hand up, trying to return it to its rightful place, but he doesn't want it there.
He slides it down my waist and past my butt, resting it just below my underwear. I lift my head to see it there, smiling internally. Someone wants me. It's a strange realization. But I'm ecstatic over it.
His hand starts to move, his thumb caressing my bare skin. That minute movement sends my body into a frenzy, and I move on instinct, my hips following the tempo of his thumb, rolling against him. And he responds, rocking with me.
What am I doing?
I can't stop.
Edward inches closer to me, his breath, hot and heavy on my neck. His hand grips me fully, and he freezes, like he has to stop, like he can't keep going or he'll . . .
He'll what?
I have to know.
I turn quickly, rolling on top of him, taking possession of his mouth. He responds, kissing me with abandon, his hands rough on my hips. My hands are on him now, too, pushing his boxers lower, lower.
He doesn't stop me.
I work my own bottoms off as well.
He doesn't stop me.
And when I slide over the top of him and give him my virginity, my mouth open against his, he still doesn't stop me.
A/N: Happy Valentine's Day! Only four more chapters. Where has the time gone? Crazy!