Kids Will Be Kids

kingfisher's game

Chapter 10 pt. i: When in Rome, Do as the Germanic Tribes Did

…

Notes: Arc II! Wow! Get ready for some big drama…although you should used to that by now. This chapter is pretty tame, however.

Because the next few chapters are a lot longer than those preceding, in the interest of continuing to update on schedule I'm going to be splitting some of them into parts.

I make up a lot of BS about Oukoku in this chapter. There have been some revelations about the Oukoku monarchy in canon from the Silver Soul arc, but I wrote this before they came out. Whoops! At least it's spoiler-free.

Lastly, a big thanks goes out to everyone who reviewed last time! I love reading your reviews.

"-and concerning the spike in petty crime in the Northern Precinct, I think an increased patrol presence would raise more issues than it would solve. The citizens will feel more pressure and opposition to the expansion of the main force. What would you do in this situation, Captain Okita? Oh— Everyone, Captain Okita is the representative for the Earth police force, the Shinsengumi. What are your thoughts on the matter? Captain Okita? Are you…sleeping?"

Sougo pushed up his sleeping mask and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. Juurou, the Amanto leader of Oukoku's royal guard heading the interplanetary police panel, was staring at him curiously. "No."

"…I see. Well, what do you think?" Juurou motioned to the diagrams on the wall behind him, hoping to help the Earth police officer save face. He'd been sleeping. He'd been sleeping, hadn't he? He'd definitely been sleeping. A drop of sweat appeared on Juurou's brow.

Sougo eyed the information they'd been discussing. What had they been saying? This panel was so boring that (aided by his sleepless night on Umibouzu's ship) he'd fallen into a restless nap almost immediately. This was why he hated 'diplomatic' missions like this. It was always such a drag to have to sit through these stupid discussions. At least if he was alone, he'd be able to have fun enjoying Oukoku's nightlife once work was done—although 'nightlife' was a bit of a misnomer on this planet.

The sun of the Oukoku solar system was more intense than the one on Earth, and the planet was orbited by four impressive moons that lit up its nights. During the hot season it was a custom for people to start work at nightfall and sleep or enjoy leisure activities during the day. And if there was one thing Sougo was looking forward to, it was the leisure activities Oukoku was renowned for.

It was well known throughout the galaxy that the capital city of the Oukoku monarchy valued beauty in in more ways than one. Sure, the architecture of the palace in the center of the city was a universe-wide marvel. Yes, the mountains that framed the city at its southern border were quite the interplanetary tourist attraction, what with their masterful carvings of the rulers of Oukoku throughout history. But the real reason foreigners hailed the capital city as one of the most beautiful places in the galaxy was that it boasted the finest pleasure houses known to man—or Amanto, as it were.

Sougo wouldn't mind testing those claims for himself, but there was a better-than-decent chance that it would be a moot point with Kagura hanging around. She'd find some way to ruin his fun. At least playing around with her—well, fighting her—was always its own kind of entertainment.

Speaking of Kagura, he should probably figure out where she'd gone off to. After Umibouzu dropped the two of them (three, including Sadaharu) off at the Oukoku terminal, Juurou had come to greet Sougo and take him to the police convention. The head of the Oukoku royal guard had been delighted by the appearance of the little girl. He's somehow assumed she was Sougo's kid (seriously? how old did these people think Sougo was, that he'd have a 5-year-old daughter?) and Juurou had absolutely doted on her, offering her candy and gifts like a grade A white-van type. Apparently kids were a big deal in this culture.

Sougo had let Kagura stew in the discomfort of being fawned over by an adult man for a short while before explaining that the 5-year-old was, in fact, a teenager inside. Juurou had referred her to a doctor in town who promised to take care of the problem—apparently it wasn't uncommon for foreigners to experience odd side effects when they got on the wrong side of artifacts and animals from Oukoku. The next time Sougo saw Kagura, she'd be back to normal.

Good. He'd sort of…missed…messing with her. Not that he'd actually missed her.

Oh, right. Juurou'd asked him something. Sougo had been silent long enough that some of the representatives from the other planets were trading looks and whispering. Juurou was still pointing at one of the diagrams, waiting for Sougo to answer.

"Uh… Suppressing crime…on Earth, we would hunt down the criminals. Take the leader first, even if he begs for mercy. Kill him in front of his underlings so they lose all hope. Let a few of them go, so they think they got away, and then pick them off one by one in the dead of night…something like that."

The room went quiet. Juurou let out an awkward laugh. "Is that how things are done on Earth? A bit strong for a simple rash of petty crime, no? I'm not sure that strategy would work in this situation, but…" The alien's focused demeanor turned serious. "…Maybe it's because we always dismiss the forceful approach that the Crown is in this mess…"

For the first time since the start of the meeting, Sougo had heard something worth paying attention to. He sat up. "Hm?"

Juurou shook his head. "It's nothing. Anyway, back on the subject of shoplifting incidents…" The meeting continued to drone on for hours, but Sougo kept an eye on the alien host. Nothing in this conversation was worth listening to, but trouble in Oukoku's monarchy? That would be news to Sougo. What could it be? Severe internal strife unknown to outsiders? Was the country on the verge of schism? A bloody civil war…now that would be a vacation.

He let his patented Sadistic Smile (copyright Okita Sougo, 2019) grow on his face, oblivious to the temperature of the room dropping about 10 degrees from the chill of his evil intentions. The sundry aliens gathered for the interplanetary police panel cast wary glances at the representative from Earth.

"Are all Earthlings this scary?" a yellow-skinned Amanto whispered to his horned compatriot, both representatives of the planet Jhyrgxslytq.

"Maybe we should hold off on our plan to invade Earth," the horned one, inspecting the Earth policeman out of the corner of his eye.

The yellow-skinned one nodded and gave a side-eye to Sougo, who was blissfully unaware that his gory fantasies about a violent civil war in foreign lands had prevented an alien invasion.

…

"It's nothing dramatic like you're imagining," Juurou said when Sougo asked about his earlier comment regarding Oukoku's monarchy. The earlier meeting had finished, and now Juurou was accompanying Sougo to the doctor's office to pick up Kagura. Since Sougo was in no hurry to find himself in China's presence (and maybe a little because that little slip earlier—thinking he'd missed her—had caught him off guard more than he cared to admit), he'd suggested they stop for a meal first at a little shop in the city.

Juurou took a bite of the flaky meat pastry thing he'd ordered and chewed carefully before continuing. "I'm the captain of Oukoku's royal guard, which doubles as a special police force for the capital city. We've been having trouble lately controlling our interim regent, Princess Ahon. Even the beggars around here have heard rumors of her bad temper, but it's far beyond what the rumors say… Ever since Prince Baka- I mean, Prince Hata left to travel the universe looking for new pets, she's become insufferable. Last month she tried to delay a rescue mission for a troop that had been captured off-planet because she didn't want their return to upstage her half-birthday.

"Honestly, it's gotten out of hand. Everyone's afraid to speak out against her. Adolescent rebellion doesn't look good on royalty, especially when said adolescent is capable of sentencing any one of us to death with the flick of her pinky." Juurou motioned for the waitress to bring over another flask of the sweet-smelling liquor he'd been drinking and offered Sougo a bowl.

Sougo shrugged and let the Amanto pour for him. He knew how many problems had been caused by Amanto royalty with too much power for their own good. That same Prince Hata had nearly caused the Earth's destruction on more than one occasion when his love for animals transcended common sense. And he wasn't going to argue about the whole 'adolescent rebellion' thing—teenage girls were forces of destruction, and China was living proof. "Did you see that dog, when we met at the terminal? The big white one?"

Juurou nodded his assent as he sipped from his bowl.

"It once turned into a huge Beast God and destroyed a bunch of things back in Edo. Its master, that girl, got in my way when I tried to take it out." Sougo conveniently left out the part where he'd actually been aiming more at 'that girl' than at the Inugami.

"It almost killed me. These girls… I don't know how that damn brat managed to avoid jail time." Actually, it was because after the incident he'd been recovering in a hospital bed from after having been shot by a dozen different bazookas (courtesy of Hijikata). He'd been so busy plotting revenge against the Vice Chief that he'd forgotten to file an arrest warrant.

Juurou burst out into laughter. "The young really have it good, don't they? Ah, to be twenty-eight years old again! Those are the glory days, and don't you forget it!" He clapped an unwelcome hand on Sougo's back.

"How old are you?" Sougo asked. Juurou had a young face. Sougo wouldn't have pegged him as older than maybe his late twenties.

"46 last month, and still as young as the day I took the rites of adulthood! I forgot how quickly you Earthlings live and pass on. Like mayflies, you are. How old are you, Captain Okita?"

"…I'll be 20 this year."

"20? You're too young to be drinking this." Juurou plucked the liquor bowl out of Sougo's hand.

Sougo frowned and considered flicking one of the skewer-shaped eating utensils on the table into Juurou's eyeball. "On Earth, I'm considered an adult."

Juurou ignored the murderous intent clogging the atmosphere and poured the alcohol from Sougo's bowl to his with a half-smile. "Perhaps, but in this country none who have seen fewer than 25 summers may partake. Besides, you should be getting back to your companion. You've kept her waiting long enough, hm? I'll leave you to it." He drained the rest of the spirit, stood, and winked at the waitress as he took his leave.

It took Sougo approximately 4.6 seconds to realize he'd been stuck with the bill.

Ohohoho. That Amanto thought he was so clever, didn't he? Joking about Sougo's age to distract him before he ran off and made Sougo pay for everything. All very well. Sougo had been on his best behavior for the last week or so, but that would end now. We'll see how clever you're feeling when I catch up with you and ram this rocket launcher up your a—

"Sir? Sir! You can't leave without paying." The waitress's hand on Sougo's arm stopped him halfway out the door. Oh right, the bill. Well, he'd pay now and just take the money from Juurou later. He moved to take out the roll of cash Umibouzu had given him early, but…

He patted his front pockets. Only some metal stamp Juurou had given him at the start of the police meeting, a token of interplanetary cooperation or some other useless shit. He patted his back pockets. Nothing but an old gum wrapper. Almost desperate by this point, he felt around in his jacket pockets, inside and out. All empty. The money was nowhere to be found.

"Sir, you do plan on paying, don't you?"

Whoever had taken Sougo's money was going to pay. He had a special torture in mind when he caught up with the thief, one involving hot coals, chains, a buzz saw, and a vegetable peeler used with extreme precision. The pickpocket was going to beg for death, and Sougo would oblige…eventually.

"If you aren't going to pay for your meal, I'm going to call the authorities."

"No need for that, uh-huh," a half-familiar voice interrupted. "I'll take care of it." A woman—a ridiculously beautiful woman, some annoying part of Sougo's brain wanted to add—handed a few bills to the agitated waitress. She brushed a lock of long hair out of her face and glared at Sougo fiercely. "Let's go. Sadaharu ran off and we have to find him."

"Do I know you?" Sougo asked blankly. She was familiar—her coloring, her voice, and above all the folded purple parasol she was holding—but it couldn't be. This was an adult woman. She had an hourglass figure that filled out her dress and curves where he'd never noticed any on the China girl. Did Kagura have another troublesome sibling she'd never mentioned? This woman's face was sharper and more refined, and her hair was lacking China's signature bangs-and-buns style—instead, it was long and loose, falling past the small of her back.

Not to mention her tits. Easily a D cup, whereas China would be lucky to fill out a B cup on her best day. Actually, this woman's breasts might even be DD—

"What? It's me, Kagura- STOP STARING AT MY CHEST, YOU BASTARD!" Onlookers gasped in dismay as the young woman smacked Sougo hard enough to send him flying out the door of the shop. He landed roughly in the street, his coat narrowly missing a patch of filthy mud.

As soon as he got to his feet, Sougo had his bazooka aimed at the self-proclaimed Kagura, ready to fire. "Don't call yourself Kagura unless you have a flat chest and you wear penis sheaths on your head."

Kagura glared and held up her hands threateningly. Oh, he wanted to fight, did he? Well, she had a week's worth of pent-up frustration to take out. From being turned into a (semi) helpless little girl to being kidnapped by Aniki and being taught the lesson, once again, that someone she loved saw her as nothing more than a waste of her Yato blood, Kagura had had enough. And now that she'd borrowed this body from her future self, she was spoiling for a fight. Sougo, though… He wasn't the one she was supposed to be fighting.

She lowered her hands. "It's really me! Instead of going back to my 15-year-old body, I told the doctor I wanted to be 19. And my chest wasn't flat before, uh-huh!"

Sougo ignored the last comment, more interested in the rest. He wanted to tell her that there was no way the monster girl he knew would ever grow up to be such a beauty, but she'd probably take it as a compliment. Not that she didn't sort of deserve one.

Was that really her, his—well, not his China girl, but the one he knew—at 19? Could a person really change this much in four years? But no— her eyes were the same as they always had been. Round, expressive, their color a powerful contrast to the rest of her pale face. Their blue wasn't cool like the ocean or the sky. Kagura's eyes didn't freeze, they burned. Like blue fire. That much hadn't changed.

The appropriate amount of time to stare into another person's face had passed, and Kagura was looking at him oddly. Sougo set down his bazooka for something to do, but another thought occurred to him: "Why 19? Are you just planning to stay like this forever? Do you even realize you just shaved four years off your lifespan? Not that I'm complaining."

Kagura's face shifted into a haughty smirk. "Aww, don't cry 'cause the number of years you get to spend in the presence of the amazing Kagura-sama is four less. The doc gave me a potion that'll give me back my body when I finish taking care of things, uh-huh."

Sougo crossed his arms and assumed an identical expression. "Did you just imply we're going to be together for the rest of our lives? I don't need a wife with monstrous strength like you, but I'll take a guard dog. I'll even train you to follow commands—since you only know 'speak', I'll have to teach you 'stay', 'lie down', and 'beg'."

Kagura gave an indignant squawk at his suggestion, but Sougo continued before she could get a retort in. "And what do you mean by taking care of things?"

She narrowed her eyes. Trying to change the subject, was he? She could always get him back for that later. And as for what he'd just asked her, well, she could keep her plans to herself, but it might go more smoothly if he knew what was going on.

It was a decision she'd been thinking about since she gained back her memories. She was tired of feeling weak.

"This body…is stronger than my usual one. It's the strength of my 19-year-old self. I'm gonna use it to prove to that stupid brother of mine that by the time I'm as old as he is now, I'll be just as strong, uh-huh. I'll show him that I'm not weak, once and for all."

"And how do you plan on doing that? Weightlifting competition?"

Kagura looked uncharacteristically serious, the effect doubled by her matured features. "We're going to settle this. Like members of the Yato clan."