Disclaimer: I do not own them or anything Saw related.
Author Note: Wow, it's been a crazy two weeks for me. I graduated from EMT school and will be testing for my license next month. I can't wait to start working in the field! Anyway, what this means is that I can finally concentrate more on writing again! Ergo, here is the next chapter. Angsty and fluffy at some parts. Thanks again for all of your reviews. They really do make me smile. :) Enjoy.
There are nights in the city when the quiet is unsettling – when the dripping of the faucet reverberates through the air and into the ears of frustrated New Yorkers who place the fifth call to their landlord that week with no sign of the problem ever being fixed. Sometimes the sound of the tires splashing on the damp streets after a new rain is louder than the honking horns of the frustrated taxi drivers on their way to the most popular tourist destinations. The footsteps on the pavement below echo across the street and up until they reach the window of a sleeping child who is so used to every other sound that the mere quiet tapping of a man's rubber soled shoes on the way home to see his wife after screwing his mistress will wake them from a deep slumber and send them in tears to their mothers and fathers – fear in their eyes. Quiet is an unfamiliar demon to the city dwellers. It is a monster they must face with the upmost courage and it is only the most daring who can stare the demon straight in the eyes without shouting or cursing or running into a busy intersection to escape in chaos. After all, New York is a place for the chaotic.
The quiet is a demon that Adam has never been able to conquer, at least not on his own. It is usually in moments like this, when he feels the demon lurking in the shadows around him, that Adam chooses to run head on into traffic until the evil presence is unable to follow him any longer. Then he can be free, at least for one more night.
This is what Adam would normally do – if he were alone.
However, the blonde haired man lying naked in the bed beside him is a clear indication that Adam is not alone. He redirects his eyes every so often- first to look up towards the perfectly painted white ceiling, then down to notice his reflection in the mirror across the room, and finally to stop on the single teddy bear resting on the very shiny wooden dresser next to the bed. Ultimately, though, they always come back to rest on Lawrence Gordon. Lawrence Gordon who is propped up on his elbow and talking to him and is apparently under the assumption that he is listening.
Adam smiles. He has so much to teach Lawrence- like the fact that his attention span is that of a two year old after a couple of beers. Or, always.
"Adam?" His eyes are back to Lawrence again and this time he is expected to respond. Think brain, what was he saying? Something about that patient at the hospital. That's right, but what about him?
"Hmm?" He decides this is the best response for the time being. Lawrence shoots him an amused glance before brushing one of Adam's rebellious hairs out of his eyes.
"Where were you just now?" He does his best to pretend that Lawrence's fingers in his hair aren't making him horny as hell. This is accomplished with a sarcastic grin, as if by default, and a roll of his eyes.
"Space station. Have you ever had sex in zero gravity? Man that's gotta be hot…"
Lawrence's lips are on his before he can finish being a smart ass. It is a quick kiss compared to what they shared earlier in the night but it is enough for Adam to lose his train of thought. When they break apart, Lawrence is clearly waiting for his next response.
"Fuck man, you've really gotta stop doing that." Adam wipes at his lips in mock irritation. Lawrence just smiles back at him in that smug way that just makes Adam want to fuck him senseless.
"Nope. Not until you stop using sarcasm as a way to avoid talking about your feelings." Lawrence looks so amusingly serious at that moment that Adam can't help but allow the next sarcastic grin to appear along with an inquisitive stare.
"I'm sorry, I signed up to fuck a brain surgeon not a shrink. Now did I pick up the wrong doctor at the hospital cause I can go back…"
Adam takes more satisfaction then he intended in the feeling of Lawrence's hand on his arm, pulling him back into bed and against the larger body. Lawrence's skin is just warm enough to be comfortable and Adam mentally slaps himself for giving in so easily. He accepts the arms that wrap around him, though, and allows his eyes to close for a brief moment. Fuck, he is exhausted. He hadn't realized how much so until he is in this huge and comfortable bed with another man, who is now burying his face in his hair.
Lawrence is like a clingy chick when he is having a bad day. Funny, they've known each other for approximately three days and Adam already knows this about him. He also knows that Lawrence has a touch of obsessive-compulsive disorder as evidenced by the fact that he alphabetizes the bottles in his medicine cabinet. Just because Lawrence doesn't snoop doesn't mean that Adam doesn't. It's one habit he's never broken since his days of stealth photography.
It doesn't take stealth, though, to know that the Teddy bear his eyes keep drifting towards is the one Lawrence swiped from Diana's room before he left for New York.
Adam forces his attention back to the arms that are now squeezing him way too tightly. He swallows and closes his eyes, preparing to be serious for just a few moments.
"You know, you should fight for her. I mean, you're a good father. She needs you."
The arms relax slightly and Adam can take a deep breath again. He feels Lawrence's breath on the back of his head and chews his bottom lip nervously. He's never been good at this supportive counseling crap and he doubts that anything he can say would actually help Lawrence at this moment. With a heavy sigh, Lawrence speaks.
"I've thought about it. Honestly, I don't think I could win. My work hours alone are enough to make a judge rule the other way. Add then I moved across the country without her and, on top of that, the fact that I'm gay." The statement stings and Adam tries to hide it from his face, even though Lawrence can't even see him at this moment. "I'm definitely not the ideal father in the courts eyes."
Lawrence's voice is muffled and sleepy and Adam wonders if he actually realizes what he is saying. Hesitantly, he pulls himself forward and meets resistance from the arms around his waist.
"Where are you going?" Ignoring the hurt in Lawrence's voice, Adam continues to pull apart from him. He runs his hand through his hair, briefly, and swallows the thickness in his throat.
"Gotta take a piss…unless you wanna join me. I thought that was more of a girl thing but I haven't read the latest guidebook on being gay so I could be missing something…"
Reaching down, he picks up his pants and slips them on sloppily. He has to get out of this room. Everything inside of him is braking and all because of some stupid sleepy statement made by some guy he happens to love. Fuck, he hates feelings and love and all of that crap.
He has reached the bathroom door and is almost home free when he hears the sound that stops him every time.
"Adam…" Leaning against the doorpost, he squints until any evidence of pain has been scrunched away from his face.
The quiet scares him, but sometimes it's the anticipation of noise that's even worse.
Slowly, he turns to face Lawrence – who is now sitting up and staring at him with evident concern.
"I'm sorry." A small smile touches Lawrence's face and Adam feels himself melting. Fuck, there goes his stomach getting all fluttery again. "I didn't mean it that way. It's just been a bad day."
Adam meets the ice blue eyes and see's the truth. The truth is that Lawrence is someone who creates order in his life because the parts he cannot create are so fucked up and out of order that he cannot piece them back together, no matter how much he wants to.
Humpy Dumpy sat on a wall. Humpy Dumpy had a great fall.
Adam smiles and shakes his head at the silly rhyme playing through his thoughts. Picturing Lawrence as an egg amuses him even more and he gives in to the moment. Striding forward, he crawls over Lawrence and into the bed next to him. He hears Lawrence laugh a real honest laugh as Adam nearly misses kneeing him in the groin.
"What are you doing? I thought you had to use the bathroom." He hears the ironic humor behind the statement and ignores it as he settles himself underneath the covers again.
"I lied. Sorry. I do that sometimes." He waits for a reaction and when there is none he lifts his eyes back to the blonde haired man next to him. Lawrence is studying him with an unreadable expression. "What?"
Lawrence smiles back at him in the same way, Adam figures, he does when Diana does something cute and childlike. His fingers are in his hair again and Adam tries not to fall too deep into the warm sensation.
"Nothing." There is a long quiet pause where Adam's heart begins to beat faster and he realizes that even the traffic sounds outside have faded. The demon is creeping in the shadows across the room. Nothing good has ever come for these silent moments, at least in Adam's experience. "How do you know I'm such a good father anyway? You've never even met Diana."
The quiet is back again and the demon is drawing closer.
"I, uh, shit." He pulls away from Lawrence's touch and meets his eyes. He is a fucking terrible liar and there is no point in trying. "Uh…back when that cop hired me to follow you…well he wanted me to follow you at home too. So, one night, I did. " He pauses and see's no significant reaction from Lawrence just yet. He is waiting for more. Adam clears his throat and continues, focusing his attention on the fuzz he is picking off of the blanket. "You were…singing to her because she couldn't sleep. You both just looked so fucking happy, you know? Granted, I don't exactly know what a father is supposed to do but you looked like you were pretty fucking good at it." He pauses and meets Lawrence's eyes again. Lawrence appears to be deciding how to react to all of this and Adam feels the silence grow deeper and more threatening. "I didn't give him those pictures. I destroyed most of them. I kept one but it disappeared after…"
The silence is still there and it's getting closer and closer to engulfing him. Adam pulls the covers up farther on his body, until they are almost covering his face, in an attempt to block to oncoming attack.
But it never comes. All he feels is Lawrence's warm hand on the back of his now freezing neck. It pulls him forward and gentle lips plant an innocent kiss at the very top of his head. Lawrence lingers there for a moment and Adam moves towards him on instinct.
"Will you help me? If I decide to try to get her back, will you help me Adam?"
He knows there is no way he could be of any help in this situation. In fact, he will probably make it worse just by being there. Lawrence said it himself, Adam is just a reminder that he is gay and that does not make for an ideal father in the court system. However, Lawrence is asking for his help and it is usually the other way around.
Fuck, maybe he can pull off a lie just once more tonight.
"Of course, man. Whatever it takes, you know?" He adjusts to a more comfortable position and allows Lawrence to hold him even tighter than before.
And, just when Adam thought he would have to face the silent demon again, Lawrence begins to hum the same song he sang to Diana in Adam's favorite picture.