Nothing we can do. Nothing we can do. Nothing we can do.

Those were Doctor Maria's words; the words that would haunt the rest of my life. The scary thing was that I didn't even know how much life I had left.

There was that feeling. That crazy and inevitable feeling that would always stay with me, and only cancer patients would understand it. The thing is, one wouldn't know when they will die or when they will have a sudden attack or breakdown. You sort of just wait for it to happen. But it's all about fate.

Cancer was supposed to take me a long time ago, but it allowed me to live on. To explore more of this maze called life. And I feel that with every step forward, the more the walls close in, and the more obstacles are formed. Cancer is the big one-eyed monster chasing me as I run through this maze. If I trip over the obstacles, I'll get eaten. So the answer to living seems simple right? Just don't trip?

But how can I jump over and dodge all of these obstacles when I can't even stand on my own two feet?

I pondered in my bed the night of the appointment. It was usually at nighttime when the scary and depressing thoughts would creep up. Every night I would think of giving up on the maze and hitting that "game over" button myself. But there was something that always told me to hold on just a little longer.

I never knew what it was.

With all the scattered thoughts running around inside, I somehow managed to drift into a deep sleep.

My eyes flutter open to a face so close to mine. No, it couldn't have been him. I've mistaken him once before. But yes, it was him, looking happier, and more handsome than ever. It was the one and only Augustus Waters.

But then I blinked, and he disappeared. He completely vanished, leaving a lump of vomit in his place. Oh wait no, that was me.

I sat up more confused than ever. I didn't recall forcing puke out of my throat. How could I have done it subconsciously? Or maybe I did in the middle of the night and forgot? Being pregnant was so confusing. All I knew at that moment is that I was suddenly starving.

I trudged down stairs, feeling a little more sluggish than usual.

There was a sudden ding at the doorbell and I took my time getting to the door. When I finally opened it, Kaitlyn stood in front of me, wearing clothes way to fashionable for so early in the morning.

I muttered a strange mix between a groan and a sigh.

"Kaitlin. It's early. What do you want?" I asked, a little annoyed.

"Woah, someone's getting cranky. And by the way it's like afternoon. You must've slept in."

Ignoring the rather mean comment, I repeated my question but tried not to sound as cranky.

"What do you want, Kaitlyn?"

"Let's go to Gus' house. The curiosity has been killing me!"

Kaitlyn's loud and excited brittish voice was way too much to handle in the morning but I was too tired to say no. I simply followed Kaitlyn to her car and we drove down the street.

When we pulled up to the familiar house, all the memories came rushing back. I knew that when I walked in, Augustus would fill my mind. And I was right. His scent filled the house somehow and made it feel like he was right there, in front of me. Seeing the encouragements on the walls made me hear his sweet voice reading them. It's funny how it's all in my mind.

We were greeted my Gus' mom, who appeared to be aging faster. It's strange what someone else's death can do to someone. I think the more loved that person is, the greater the mental and physical impact is. Wait, then, how-come I'm okay? Am I really okay?

It was then that I realized that Gus' mom was waiting for an answer from me. But I hadn't heard the question.

"Um... C-Can we go to Gus' room? I think I forgot my... Um... cell phone?" I stuttered.

She motioned for us to come in and we went upstairs. Dragging the oxygen tank everywhere I went was intense and annoying, especially up the stairs. But eventually one gets used to it and it becomes a part of you. But now that I was pregnant, I would have to carry an extra person around. How was I going to do it?

Augustus' room looked about the same as I last saw it. Except there was his wheelchair in the corner and a couple things here and there that I haven't seen before.

I looked over at Kaityn and she was already searching all around the room for "clues". I decided to let Kaitlyn do all the looking because I was already getting tired.

Just as I sat on the bed, I saw it, a bright red piece of paper that stood out from the blueness of his bedroom.

"Kaitlyn, I found something."

Kaitlyn stopped digging through a pile of clothes on the floor and came to sit beside me.

I scanned the paper for any words or numbers and luckily, I found some. But sadly, they made no sense. It was a string of 7 numbers in really bad hand writing. Was it Augustus' hand writing? I've never seen him write before.

Kaitlyn rubbed one number with her finger, and to my surprise, it didn't smudge.

"Alright, so, we know it's not fresh but not too fresh..." - she inspected further - " ...and it's a phone number!"

"Well let's call it then." I said.

Kaitlyn pulled out her phone, turned of caller ID, and dialled. She put the phone to her ear and waited.

"Hi! Is this the... Cooper residence?" Kaitlyn asked.

Then she nodded, probably hearing the last name of whoever lived there.

"Alright... Can I speak to your... Uh... Son?" Kaitlyn asked.

I understood her strategy. She was guessing and getting the correct answers from whoever was on the phone. Kaitlyn was smarter than I thought.

Her face suddenly went pale and she hung up. The expression on her face couldn't be good.

"Kaitlyn?"

"This is Monica's phone number. Monica Shaw."

Ugh, Monica.

Why was her number in Gus' room? Was he cheating on me too? No, no he wasn't. I remembered that Kaitlyn had said that the paper was fresh, but not too fresh.

"Isaac is good friends with Monica, why don't we see what he thinks?"

Ugh, Isaac.

Isaac and Monica. Why couldn't he just leave me alone to be with Monica? Is it that hard to choose between us?

Before I knew it, we were at Isaac's porch and I had the paper stuffed in my pocket. After about ten continuous knocks, he yanked open the door. It was probably the worst I've ever seen him.

His hair that was once black, appeared a weird grey shade and was sticking out and random places. But no beard stubble. Isaac never had beard stubble.

"Hazel, Kaitlyn," he said little impatiently.

Kaitlyn started.

"Sorry to be a bother but we found something, a red piece of pa-"

"Oh, red!" Isaac exclaimed. I was mildly freaked out. He had never been so random like this.

"I used to see red. It was that colour that was all shocking like? The one that captivated your eyes? The colour of the ocean, right? Heck, I can't even remember what colour an apple is? Blue, right?" Isaac was going crazy. Him being blind was controlling his whole mind. I didn't know what to do.

"Isaac, focus. Did Monica ever give you anything?" I asked, steering him back on topic.

I wanted to take back my question because I knew he would say something stupid like, she gave me love.

"Ignore that question." I said. He was scratching his head like a maniac.

"I think you need to sit down. Kaitlyn? Can you escort him to the couch?"

She guided him into the living room and I followed, thinking of ways to ask him questions. But it seemed like all the answers were coming to me.

There was a bright red stack of sticky notes on the counter.

"Has Monica ever come into your house?" I asked.

"Yeah, she came yesterday, to apologize. And now we're in love again."

It stung like hell. I felt the bile rise in my throat. But it wasn't the pregnancy.

I wanted to scream that he didn't love Monica, he loved me. Even with my cancer and pregnancy. But how realistic was that.

Did he still love me? What did Monica do to him? What happened to him? He never even officially said that he didn't love me anymore. I decided to hold off on the personal questions. Oh yeah, and I had to tell him I was pregnant sometime soon.

"Did you go to Gus' house for anything?" Kaitlyn asked.

He hesitated. Hesitation means something...