A/N: Mitsuki's POV it is. I don't know what happened, as per usual.

Despite how much Mitsuki had to fight Father in order to protect Mother from nonconsenting sex ̶ rape, as Mother had yelled multiple times as she threw randomly placed vases at Father ̶ he really did wish that his parents could be happy together. Mother was clearly his favourite of the two, because she was more reasonable than Father who had a collection of body pillows with various prints of Mother on them. Mitsuki was threatened into keeping quiet about them, but he was sure that if Father tried to kill him Mother would be pissed off.

He knew that his family was dysfunctional because he was fairly sure that his parents were sociopathic and their relationship was more complex than anyone cared to think about. Both of them were virgins, Mother previously have been held prisoner in Father's apartment which also then turned out to be a recently known marriage and then she became a mother when Mitsuki was created in the lab and stuck in a tube for a few months. Father was clearly enamoured with Mother like no other, but Mother was less than pleased with all the attention she received. She was devastated, really.

Mitsuki was the one closest to Mother and because his adoration of her was more tame than others, he could watch her from up close. Mitsuki could see that Mother hid inside of a fortress, shallow emotions and expression the first of many barriers. She was expressive and whilst she was sincere, she was also insincere because he suspected that Mother was disconnected from her own emotions and had to emulate. Mother was disconnected from the world and from herself, so when she looked at people she could not see them as people. They were moving, irritating and interactive objects of various sizes and shapes in her eyes.

Even he was not a person to Mother, for even though she had accepted him as her child he was sure that she equated children to pets. Mother's eyes were often cold and her smiles sharp if one were to look behind the obvious emotions one could glean from her face. He was a particularly favourable pet to her, because whilst her eyes were less cold and her smiles less sharp she was still not soft.

Father was generally the same, but where Mother did not think of anyone highly Father saw her to be above all others.

Father was a genius in some aspects, but in regards to Mother he was more likely to be equated to an idiot. Father often drooled and had a disturbingly high-pitched giggle, a camera hidden away on his person so he could take candid photographs of Mother when she was unaware. Despite her indestructible existence, she was still a civilian and Father a legendary shinobi. Father had a scrapbook dedicated to the most beautiful pictures of Mother, which would be sweet if it were not highly creepy.

Mother was sure to agree with him, but Mitsuki had decided that even Mother would not be able to prevent Father from trying to kill him if he were to tell Mother. Mitsuki also liked to peruse through the scrapbook, because Mother could almost look at peace half the time and Mother was beautiful in his eyes.

Mitsuki had her pink irises, but he had Father's slanted eye shape and pale skin. The blue hair was a mystery to all of them, since both Mother and Father's hair were black with Mother's often kept in a messy bun with side bangs framing her face. Father's bangs covered a portion of the right side of his face, but it was neat and the rest of his hair was tied in a loose ponytail. Mother's skin was darker, making the bright colour of her eyes stand out as Father had said.

Mother did not look into mirrors, so he was sure that even Mother did not know the colour of her eyes. However it was easy for others to see that he was her son, but it was possibly because all of them wore shirts with sleeves that went far past their hands. He and Father were prone for more kimono-like shirts whilst Mother was content with the black high-collared one and matching pants. Father was far too pleased by the fact that her clothes were previously his. Mitsuki could guess why but decided it wasn't worth the trauma.

Mitsuki could not fault Mother for not seeing Father as a respectable and probable husband that she could be proud of, but it was still upsetting to know that Mother was not happy. It was more infuriating, he supposed, because Father was simply elated with her existence and Mother wanted to consistently commit suicide. Mitsuki thought that Mother would like Father more if he was less… well, less of himself.

So it was with great satisfaction that his body slammed into Father's, crushing him into the tough surface of Manda's head. Weasel the Worshipping Palm Sniffer used the momentary distraction to soar into the pastel-coloured clouds just as the dirt and trees disappeared and the sea took their place. Mitsuki could only hope that the magical flying carpet would allow Mother to evade the disturbing twelve-year-old whom had an unhealthy and possibly sexual obsession with Mother. Gross.

Father hissed and so Mitsuki jumped back, preparing for an attack. However, Father's eyes glazed over in memory. "I first met Shun when she landed on me in the middle of the marketplace, naked and with the force of a meteor." was his airy comment and Mitsuki suspected that it was probably what gave Father brain damage. "She broke my ribs, gave me internal bleeding and my first erection. She was glorious."

Mitsuki squinted at Father and belatedly realised that his impulsive and admittedly reckless plan would be harder to enact because… well, it was Father.

"That's why okaa-sama doesn't like you despite the fact that she thinks you're attractive, otou-sama." he informed Father, whose gaze snapped into focus at the mention of Mother finding Father attractive. "You're gross and creepy and I think okaa-sama would like you better if you were cool and… less forthcoming with your thoughts."

Father's expression was scarily similar to Mother's clearly unimpressed face. No wonder people thought they were similar and matched, if all those insignificant civilians could only see things at face value.

"I am cool and I have been told many times that my ability to speak my thoughts regardless of judgment is admirable." was Father's somewhat childish response as he folded his arms and jutted his hip to the side in what Mother would have described as the 'sassy judgment stance'. It was not a cool stance.

Mitsuki's lips curled into a smile Mother said was similar to Father's 'innocent-but-not-really' smile. "But they don't know you like okaa-sama does and okaa-sama's judgment means more than anyone else's, right? So if okaa-sama doesn't think you're cool and admirable then there's no point."

Father scrutinised him, but was unable to formulate a reply when their conversation was interrupted by the giant crow summon bursting through the clouds in a clear effort to evade something. They both turned to look at it, Father apparently having finally realised that Weasel the Worshipping Palm Sniffer had gone after Mother. Father hissed something unintelligible, but unfortunately Father wasn't able to speak Parseltongue and so it sounded strange to Mitsuki.

Mitsuki jumped when a gigantic black dragon followed after the crow cutting through the clouds like a monster of death, its gaping maw looming over the summon's pitifully-sized body and crushing it. The peculiar crunch of the crow was offset by its abrupt dispersal, white smoke fleeing the dragon's jaw in an ominous fashion.

Manda ceased moving, its large body opting to float on the surface of the water. "If I have to fight that, Orochimaru… I'm fucking out because though I loathe to admit it, dragons outclass snakes." it hissed out, it too watching as a certain cockroach in the sky turned into a giant flaming skeleton. It looked tiny in comparison to the magnificence of the dragon.

Then, Mitsuki realised with horror, that the dragon's illuminate eyes were pink.

"Okaa-sama?!" he exclaimed, his head snapping over to Father whose gaze was one of pure awe. Which meant that he was drooling. Again. Mitsuki had his work cut out for him if he was going to try and get Mother to even begin to like Father. "Okaa-sama's a dragon?!"

Father, unsurprisingly, didn't even bother to look at him and was content to stare and drool at the epic thrashing Mother was giving Weasel the Worshipping Palm Sniffer. However, the cockroach just wouldn't die even when Mother backhanded the skeleton and it crashed into the ocean. Where was Three-Quarter Bitch Face, by the way?

"Is she not magnificent, Mitsuki-kun?" was Father's rhetorical question of wonder, his camera already out and snapping away as he wiggled his posterior in a peculiar manner. "Would this mean that you, our legacy, are a Dragonborn of some sort?"

Mother roared and tore apart the giant flaming skeleton that had turned into a fleshy warrior. The ocean shook and waves crashed against each other. Mitsuki felt a form of pride at his Mother, despite the absurdity of the situation.

"If you manage to help me successfully woo her, Mitsuki-kun, I would be indebted to you." said Father, the continuous sound of the camera clicking increasing in speed as Mother turned back into a human. Mother was naked as the magical flying carpet caught her and she stood upon it like she were a goddess, the clouds parting to make way for the sun's rays to bathe her body in light. The pink dragon from before draped itself around her bare shoulders, and as Manda began to move again, Mitsuki could see that there was indeed a mark on Mother's left butt cheek like the Dark Moonlight Guardian had said.

"I could give you one of my body pillows." Father thought, ruining the suspended moment of Mother's epic existence. "I possess one where she is naked, but that will always be my favourite so no I think not. It is magnificent, truly."

Mitsuki frowned as his gut churned with distaste, rather not wanting the image of what Father did with that particular body pillow and thinking that it should be obvious that he did not want a body pillow of Mother naked. Perhaps he should just give up on Father and tell Mother of all the hidden ̶ and filthy ̶ items dedicated to her. Now that he knew Mother was a colossal dragon, Mother might be happy if she killed Father.

It sounded far more likely as her manic laughter reached his ears.

A smaller crow popped into existence not too far from Manda, Weasel the Worshipping Palm Sniffer and Three-Quarter Bitch Face riding on its back. The latter was bawling his eye ̶ eyes? ̶ out and clinging to the roughened up latter, whom apparently didn't care that his idol/god/whatever had tried to tear him apart. Instead, the boy looked as though he was overcome with disturbing euphoria as he shivered with suspected delight. Eugh.

The thought of saving himself from Mother's wrath by throwing Father into the fray of doom was growing to be a far more pleasant idea. Mother was sure to forgive him, probably, if he supplied all the incriminating information he had of Father.

Or Mother would just burn the world. It was a definite possibility.

"I just want okaa-sama to be happy." Mitsuki murmured to Father, staring up at Mother whose bun had come loose and was billowing out behind her. Mother didn't seem to care for her modesty. "It would be nice to see okaa-sama laugh in a non-maniacal fashion that indicates she's lost a good portion of her remaining rationality." he added, as Mother spread her arms out and was laughing at nothing as if she were an evil villain of the stories she sometimes told him about.

Father's eyes sparkled at the idea and so Mitsuki had reluctantly spent the remainder of his time with Father concocting numerous plans to woo Mother. Father was most definitely an idiot and it hurt to try and brainstorm with him. Sometimes Father could be cool, but then Mother unintentionally made him into a creepy weirdo. Mitsuki was fairly sure that this was life-threatening and he wasn't entirely sure that Mother wouldn't get rid of him when this was all over. Mother cared about him, but to what extent?

Fortunately and probably unfortunately as well, their journey was coming to a close when the ocean disappeared into sand and Sunagakure came into view. Mother was still standing on the magical flying carpet with a pink dragon draped across her shoulders, still naked and the sunlight was making an effort to follow her and illuminate her illustrious form. Mitsuki blamed Weasel the Worshipping Palm Sniffer, the bastard for her lapse in rationality.

Mitsuki decided that if were to enlist the wrath of Mother with his impulsive plan, he would make sure that Weasel the Worshipping Palm Sniffer and Father would be harmed in his place. If nothing else, their deaths might cheer her up. If they could actually die. Maybe he should have focused on that instead.

"Should I buy her new underwear?" Father queried as he hunched over his scrapbook to glue his new photos of Mother into it. "I might have taken a majority of them to put in 'My Wife's Underwear Collection'."

"Okaa-sama's going to kill me." Mitsuki muttered.

A/N: Because dragons. I admit, I wasn't expecting for Shun to feel like a complex and fleshy character in a crack fic, but you know. Shit happens. Also, heads up in that I'm going to take a week off from updating every ten chapters so that I don't force lose my mojo by trying to force myself to write every day. So you'll see an update next week on Wednesday/Thursday depending on where you are. I update at midnight from here in Australia.

Thank you all for the wonderful support, like holy shit there's nearly one hundred reviews already. Also, a wonderful reader named wyteeth has written a fanfic of this fanfic! It's called Mess is Mine to Make and goddamn, I feel. It's a nightmare. Seriously though, go check it out and give them some love.

Reviews are love. Reviews are life. It's never ogre.