Perry knew that he was in English class only because he always had English class on Mondays at that time. He didn't know what he was supposed to be doing, and he didn't remember anything that had happened. At one point he was called on and gave an answer, but even as he said it, he couldn't remember what it had been.
His cover was blown. Doofenshmirtz knew who he was. He was surprised and gratified that he hadn't told the boys, but it wasn't much of a comfort. He was going to have to report this, then he was going to have to leave. He did not want to leave.
By the end of the class, Perry had come to a desperate decision. He sought Doofenshmirtz out in the halls, grabbed his arm and whispered, "I won't report you if you erase your memory."
Doofenshmirtz stared at him with big, childish eyes, and said "I... I don't understand."
Perry rolled his eyes. He knew he'd spoken understandably. "I am required to report you." he whispered. "If I do, you will be arrested and I will be relocated. Erase your memory."
"But..."
"Hey worm-breath, why don't you introduce us to your boyfriend?" It was Brett, with two of his friends.
Perry groaned. Not here, not now, he couldn't deal with this now. And the idea of Doofenshmirtz being his boyfriend was too disgusting to think about.
"Ew!" said Doofenshmirtz, looking around at them. "No! Ugh!"
"Are you sure?" said Brett. He smirked. "It looked to me like he had his tongue in your ear."
"We were having a private conversation," said Doofenshmirtz, scowling at them.
"I bet he'd like to get you in private," said Brett, while his friends sniggered.
"What?" said Doofenshmirtz. "That doesn't make... Oh wait. Now I get it. Very funny."
Brett moved closer. "You thought we wouldn't get it?" he said to Perry. "You looked mad. You were telling him to go away before anyone figured it out, right? Little lovers' spat?"
Perry glared. "That's not how I know him." One on hand, he was glad that Brett hadn't realised the truth, but on the other, he wanted to vomit.
"Hey, wait a second!" said Doofenshmirtz. "I know who you are! You're those boys who've been bullying Perry the Platypus!"
Perry smacked himself in the forehead. Shut up, Doofenshmirtz.
Brett sneered. "Oh look, he went crying to his boyfriend. What a little sissy."
His friends laughed again.
Suddenly, Brett shoved Perry against a locker. "You took away my friends."
Perry wondered whether or not to struggle. His mission wouldn't be for a while, if it happened at all with Doofenshmirtz like this, so cooperating probably wouldn't endanger it.
"How did he...?" began Doofenshmirtz.
"I lost them from your gay zeppelin rides!" Brett yelled, shaking Perry by the collar.
"I'm sorry," said Perry. They weren't his zeppelin rides and as far as he knew they had no sexuality at all, but if Brett's rage was directed at him and not Phineas and Ferb, then it was for the best.
"You'll be a lot sorrier," said Brett. He let Perry go and walked away. "Watch your back."
Doofenshmirtz stared after them. "What strange boys," he said to Perry. "Anyway, where were we? Something about memory or something?"
Perry tried to put that incident and the boyfriend comment out of his mind. "Erase your memory or I will report you," he reiterated. It was a simple bargain that benefited both of them. He didn't see what was so hard to understand.
Doofenshmirtz backed away. "Now, c-can't we talk about this, Perry the Platypus? How about... How about... Compromise! I stay for a week, then I erase my memory. You trust me, right?"
Perry didn't dignify that with an answer.
"No, I-I mean it!" said Doofenshmirtz. "I won't tell anyone who you are, and on Friday I'll erase my memory." He held out a pinky. "Pinky swear?"
Perry sighed. Knowing Doofenshmirtz, that was as good as he was going to get from him. He locked his pinky with Doofenshmirtz's.
"Oh, and uh... Perry the Platypus," continued Doofenshmirtz. "It's a bit embarrassing, but don't... don't bother showing up this afternoon. I spent so long planning this that I don't really have anything else prepared, and..."
Perry kept his face impassive. He was probably lying, and even if he wasn't, Perry would still go. Just to keep an eye on him.
.
That night, Perry sat on his sleeping bag, practising the presentation he'd be making the next day in science class. He hated talking in front of people. It was nerve-wracking enough speaking to one or two people. But he'd been told to do it, so he'd do it.
Doofenshmirtz had been his normal, adult self that afternoon, but he'd been telling the truth about not having a scheme. So they'd just watched TV together, until Doofenshmirtz's favourite soap opera had been pre-empted, at which point he'd manacled Perry to his chair and gone on a set-destroying rampage. The normality of the afternoon had cheered Perry up a little.
Then he'd got home, and all his worries had fallen back on top of him.
"Cobalt is the 28th element in the periodic table," said Perry slowly. He'd be marked down unless he could learn to say this clearly. "Pure cobalt does not naturally occur anywhere on Earth."
What if Doofenshmirtz was in his science class?
"Cobalt has been known since prehistoric times, however, it was not known as an element until 1375... until 1735."
The thought of Doofenshmirtz watching him struggle through the presentation was not pleasant.
"There is a colour called cobalt as well which is blue, but pure cobalt is in fact silvery."
He'd probably make fun of him for it all week, or even longer if he broke his promise. Perry didn't think he would, though. Pinky swears were bonds.
"The crystallised form of cobalt is an important component of death rays and shrink rays."
Would Doofenshmirtz realise that Perry only knew that one because of him?
Perry put down the paper, shook his head, and smirked at himself. He was being stupid. Who cared what Doofenshmirtz thought? He was an idiot. Being at his school wouldn't change that. An idiot. It didn't matter what he thought.
He had the feeling he was being watched, so he looked up. Ferb was standing in the door, in his pajamas.
"It's the 27th element, actually," said Ferb.
Perry glanced down at his sheet of paper, took a pencil, and fixed the number. "Thank you."
Ferb came in and sat down next to Perry.
Perry kept practicing his speech. He was glad to live with someone who understood that it wasn't necessary to talk all the time. Most people never shut up.
After Perry's third run-through, he noticed Ferb looking at him thoughtfully, and raised an eyebrow. There was obviously something on his mind.
Ferb cleared his throat. "You're worried about your friend, aren't you?"
Worried? Why would anyone think he was worried? Perry noticed that he was twisting the edge of his sleeping bag in one hand, and forced himself to let go. "He's not my friend. He... I don't really know him."
Ferb narrowed his eyes a bit, obviously aware that Perry was lying. How? Perry's body language had given nothing away. "Then how did you pick up his accent?"
Perry went cold. If anybody other than Ferb had made that claim, he would have dismissed it, but Ferb was the most perceptive person he'd ever met. As far as he knew, his accent was mostly American, with some British pronunciations he'd picked up from living with Ferb and Lawrence for so long. And that was all. He never spoke like Doofenshmirtz. That was ridiculous.
"You sound more like him the more emotional you get," added Ferb. He had an engrossed look on his face, the way he looked when he when he was having trouble making up his mind about something.
Perry shook his head, self-conscious about speaking in case Ferb was right.
Ferb abruptly turned away and began rummaging through his drawers.
Perry waited. Ferb wouldn't leave it at that. Perry knew him.
Ferb found what he was looking for at the very bottom of the drawer, and gave it to Perry. It was a folder full of paper.
Perry opened the folder, flipped through it, and began to shake. He looked up at Ferb with his eyes wide.
It contained a series of notes written in Ferb's handwriting. At first they'd been speculating on why there was a secret base under the house, but after a few pages of detective work, he'd come to the correct conclusion.
Ferb directed Perry's attention to a couple of sentences about two thirds of the way through.
It read Secret - Why?, and then Bad reason - unlikely. Trust him.
Ferb's shorthand was hard to understand, but the "him" could only be Perry. Ferb knew what Perry was keeping from him, and trusted that he had a good reason for it. Most of the pages were dated the last summer, so Ferb had known for a while, but didn't seem to have told anyone. Could he still keep the secret? It was Perry's only hope.
Perry looked at Ferb, not wanting to say anything. The room was often monitored. Perry wondered if Ferb knew that as well.
Ferb blinked at him, then turned to the last page.
It was dated that day, and read HD at school. Lied about true age and acquaintance with P. ? No danger as long as long as P is with HD
Perry closed the folder and dropped it, unable to stop trembling. He stared at Ferb. Even if he didn't tell anyone, it was an unacceptable security leak and needed to be reported. He was willing to report Doofenshmirtz if he really had to, but he didn't want to report Ferb.
Ferb patted him on the shoulder consolingly, but he didn't understand. Did he realise what he'd done? Perry would have to leave now. Forever. He felt his eyes well up, and forced the tears back. He couldn't cry in front of Ferb.
Ferb tapped the paper, and Perry looked at where he was pointing.
No danger as long as long as P is with HD.
Ferb seemed to think that Perry could handle the Doofenshmirtz situation, and was trying to make him feel better by telling him so. It was possible that Perry did feel better about that, but he couldn't tell. He was too worried about the Ferb situation.
He couldn't report him right now. He couldn't. So he gave Ferb a thumbs up, smiled shakily, and went back to his homework.
.
(I'm not making fun of Perry/Doofenshmirtz, this is just how I think a Perry who wasn't in love with Doofenshmirtz would react to the idea. I think he doesn't think too hard about all the couple-looking stuff they keep doing.)