Ch. 10. One giant baby step.
Days passed by. Cas tried to hide in the library again but they just kept finding him and it forced him to face his situation. He came back home seeking for love, to gather his strength back. Instead, on this short time, he had opened his eyes to reality.
He had let everyone else but himself rule his life.
The moment he graduated college he had a place in the company, his father made sure of that. And a phony one it had been, his job was to memorize numbers and try not to stutter while repeating them at the meetings. That and attending parties and informal meetings showing himself in business attire. And he had done it willingly because his father had asked him to.
Over the years Cas was always busy with those events, meeting new people, falling in and out of love. He never liked crowded places but he had built a façade to show himself around, the same mask he wore whenever he wanted to bond with his family. Pretending to enjoy those parties he began to believe himself the lie till he numbly let it take over his life.
He was a little slut for his father's attention. Damn it. And he was realizing it just now.
Life as he knew it had to change, he needed to focus on himself. Something had been nagging on his heart for a while now, his job, his boyfriend, his life, none of that felt right. Cas sometimes felt he was living on autopilot, too comfortable in his "discomfort" to question his actions or to seek clarity. Tom cheating on him was a blessing, it had given him the excuse he needed to let go, to get out, to start over in a way that fitted him and only him.
He needed to stop being the one the others wanted him to be and start to be just him, something easier to say than to do since he wasn't sure who he was anymore. But first things first, he needed a job because the only thing he knew for sure was that he didn't belong at the company working for his father.
Cas went to town to his uncle's, a respected lawyer who worked mainly for the Council. Once at Milton House he asked Gabriel's help to get a job, something small, like a courier boy or an assistant position in his office.
Gabriel knew too well Cas had always hated the public life that was entitled to him just because of his family name, and he didn't say it out loud but Castiel's break up was the perfect excuse to help him leave that behind and get a job that could be performed at his home. And besides, he wasn't hiring his nephew as a courier boy, so he pulled some strings and set him as a freelance researcher at the Council's Linguistics department.
Yes it suited him, he spoke French, Latin, Enochian of course and some greek, but still Castiel was fully aware this was the very definition of a rebellious act against his father, after all, he hadn't done research since his college days and to say he was a bit rusty in that field was putting it in mild terms, but he needed this, it was a way to get time for himself, for him to choose his true path. And get some money free of family's attachments.
At home, he requested that one of the rooms on the first floor be prepared as a study for him, "the closest to the library", and arranged for his book collection to be delivered there. That first week, until his home office was ready, he had to go to the Council offices to catch up with the Research team and receive the assignments he'll be working on. He delivered his resignation letter to his father's secretary, who took it and left it on his desk. Castiel was happy, terrified but happy.
Dean was sent to clean Master Castiel's new study. When he got there, it almost hurt his eyes to see the books arranged color coordinated regardless of its contents. He was itching to rearrange them but he abstained thinking that maybe they were put like that by request, and also he had to remember 'he didn't know how to read'.
Dean dusted the shelves. There were lots of art books and dictionaries, some on different languages. He wasn't sure what kind of business his Master would conduct based on that collection.
He was about to leave the study when Master Castiel entered the room, so he stayed in a corner, head bowed, waiting for orders.
"Good Lord, what the hell?" Master Castiel spoke on Enochian while assessing the book case's content. He ran a hand through his hair, disarraying it delightfully, and pinched the bridge of his nose. "It's on me, I should have been the one putting it together… damn it, now I have to do it before I can even begin with …"
Dean lifted his head a little, he wanted to laugh but the resigned expression on his Master made him lose the humor. And besides 'he didn't understand Enochian'.
Castiel looked around him, Dean was there, waiting to be addressed. Maybe he could help though he wasn't sure of how useful an analphabet slave could be to handle books. "Dean, umm… can you help me reorder the books?"
"Of course Master. How can I help you?" He luckily remembered to ask the last bit before jumping into the task. Maybe this would be more difficult than he thought.
Castiel sighed "Please put them down, I'll sort them and then you can help me place them back on the bookcases"