Act Three, Part One ~~~~

vwarp… Vwarp… VWARP… VWARP… VWARP… SHTUNK!

"Well," said Artie as the time rotor in the central column of the console fell still, "we're here."

"Wherever here is," put in Jim.

"Let's have a look." Artie headed for the door.

"But…"

Both men turned to look at Lily.

"It's just… well, are you sure it's safe?"

Artie shrugged and Jim said, "We'll find out." And together they pulled open the doors.

The sunlight was warm and friendly, the air fresh and breathable. As for the landscape, both Jim and Artie frowned and exchanges glances. "That's an extremely close horizon!"

"What are we on, some sort of asteroid? The horizon is so curved, I wouldn't think the diameter of this place is more than what? a few yards?"

"That little hill there is smoking." Jim pointed, and Artie chuckled.

"Yeah, it looks like a volcano in miniature."

"As small as this planet is, a volcano could hardly be any larger."

"True."

"Oh," said Lily, joining them at the door, "what a lovely rose bush!"

"It is, isn't it? But it seems to be the only living thing in sight."

"Right." Without setting foot out the door, they all looked around some more, then Artie sighed. "Well, not much to see, is there?"

"Yeah. Let's go." Jim gave Artie a pat on the arm, and they closed the doors and headed back to the central console to try again.

Barely a moment after the vwarp of the dematerializing TARDIS faded, a small figure wandered over the horizon and looked around. "I thought I heard voices," he said. Looking at the rose, he asked, "Were you calling for me?"

The rose did not answer.

"Oh, excuse me. You are sleeping. I should not wake you." And with a shake of his golden curls, the little boy walked back to the other side of the planet again to play with his sheep.

…

The TARDIS door opened to a view of nothing but sand.

"Hmm," said Jim.

"Well," said Artie, "from the flatness of the horizon, I'd say we've arrived on a full-sized planet this time at least, but," and he shook his head, "I can't see much else to recommend it."

"Try again?"

"Try again."

They closed the door and vwarped away - and not a moment too soon, for an enormous sandworm, a Shai-Hulud, rose up out of the desert, its great mouth yearning after the time machine, but the TARDIS had already safely vanished away.

…

This time the door opened to noise, tumult, and color. Crowds swirled all about the TARDIS like water surging past a rock in a stream, while permeating the atmosphere, commanding the attention of all, were aromas of every sort. Beef and chicken, burgers and tacos, grease and grease and more grease, almost enough to gag the occupants of the little brown cabinet.

Artie whipped out his handkerchief and held it over his nose. "Great jumping balls of St Elmo's fire! What have we gotten ourselves into now?"

Mutely, trying not to breathe, Jim pointed to a large sign proclaiming FOODCOURTIA.

"Food what?" Artie passed the handkerchief to Lily, lest she pass out. "Food? Is that what the smell is supposed to be?" He shuddered. "All right, we're out of here!"

"No argument from me," Jim agreed. They closed the door and gently disappeared, just as an announcement blared over the public address system to inform everyone that the Great Foodening was about to begin.

…

The TARDIS doors opened to a pleasant vista. They were in a forest, tall trees towering over them, gentle sunlight shafting down through the canopy. Blue sky dotted with fleecy clouds arched beyond the tree tops. A fresh breeze wafted past them, bringing with it the natural aromas of the native flora, along with the sound of rushing water some little distance away.

"Ah," said Artie, beaming, "now this is more like it! The forest primeval!" He went to one of the cabinets and fetched out a blanket. "I'd suggest a picnic," he added, "but as we all just ate, we can, uh, just go find that stream and gaze at it. Lily my love?" He crooked his elbow, and she smiled at him and took his arm.

"Sounds nice," said Jim, "but I'm not exactly dressed for this." He gestured at his formal attire.

"Oh," said Artie, glancing at the elegant clothes both he and Lily were wearing as well. "Good idea. Let's get changed."

Jim closed the TARDIS door and they all headed down the corridor for the bedrooms. Just as Artie was about to follow his wife into their room, Jim caught his arm and whispered in his ear. Artie broke out in a broad grin, murmured, "Thanks, pal!" and gave his best friend a wink and a pat on the shoulder. Jim chuckled as Artie disappeared through the door, then went on to his own room to find something a bit more appropriate for tramping through the woods.