My Dark Secret

Chapter nine: A Step Forward And Trust part1

As you know I don't own nothing but the plot. Thank you for the reviews. So with out farther ado here is the next chapter enjoy. Oh and sorry for the lateness.

Hermione sat outside at the Qudditch Pitch watching Harry and Ginny zoom through the air. Having stayed locked up in her room all morning. It wasn't till lunch came around that she left.

When she sat down at the table she was suddenly overwhelmed with questions from Harry. Shrugging him off she began nibbled on a sandwich for a while."Where did you go last night Mione I was worried sick?" Harry asked once more. "Harry please I just went to the library." Feeling slightly annoyed. When he continued to ask more she pulled her last card. "Let's go to the Qudditch Pitch when we're done." she offered hoping to get him to leave her alone.

It worked. Now she sitting here lost in thought. Her mine going over last nights events. 'Did he truly mean what he said?' she couldn't help wondering at the small fact. 'I'm here for you.' his voice still ranged in her head.

'H-he couldn't mean it.' however she couldn't help the part of her that wanted to do nothing but believe him. The part that wanted to be held and loved properly. That needed compassion and to be cared for, to not have it twisted. To not have it thrown back in her face, only to find it stained with darkness and hate.

Hermione sighed. She was really at war with herself. So many people had lied to her before how could this be any different? 'How do I know he won't go off and tell everyone?' 'You don't know. But it may be worth the risk.' 'No don't do it you don't need his help or anybody else. You been on your own long enough.' ' Oh yes and look where it has gotten you.'

Closing her eyes she willed the inner battle away. "Mione you okay?" asked Harry. Startled she whipped her wand out on him. "Hey, I'm on your side." he exclaimed. "Sorry Harry you scared me." putting away her wand.

"Um…are you sure you're okay Mione? You know you can tell me anything right?" a small smile spreading on his face. "Yea I know Harry, but I'm fine you have nothing to worry about." she said. 'Because it's nothing you can fix, let alone understand.' willing the bitter thought away she turned back to Harry.

Just as she went to speak a blond-head boy flew over to them. "Come on mate the team needs you." he spoke. Turning to her he gave a slight nod, before flying off again. "You better go your friends need you, plus you're playing Slytherin soon." Plastering a big smile on her face. "What about you I don't want you to just be by yourself." he said standing up.

"Don't worry I'm about to head to the library. To study now go have fun." giving him a little shove. "Ok Mione I'll see you later." she watched as he zoomed off toward the pitch.

Glancing one more time in their direction she picked up her stuff and headed off towards the school.

~~~HGSS~~~~~

Severus sat in his office staring blankly at the seventh year essays in front of him. The one having caught his attention was one Hermione Granger. He didn't know whether to be angry or worried as he stared at the half ass work in front of him. She was smarter then this and she knew it. He noticed coldness in her voice when she spoke the emptiness in her words. But he was sure he saw a flicker of that light, of some warmth as she kissed his cheek last night.

His hand unconsciously touched his cheek as he remembered her warm lips. The kiss had warmed his chest in away that he hadn't felt in along time and he wasn't to sure how he felt bout that. Last time that happened he got hurt he wasn't sure if he was ready for that again. But he was sure she was different in many ways to the previous.

Truth be told he always held the girl turned young woman in high standards. She was intelligent, bright, and very mature for her age. But now she seemed stripped of her very existence. And not for the first time he wanted to kill her bustard of a father. 'If I every see him I'm going to rip his bloody head off with my hands.' he smirked in satisfaction at the image.

Rubbing his eyes he stood and warded his office door. And walked to the library for a bit of reading before dinner. Walking in he sneered at the dunderheads who in turn stepped out of his way, as he headed for his favorite spot in the back of the library.

Just before he turned the corner of the last bookshelf near the Restricted Section he heard a noise. 'Who the hell is sitting in my spot.' intending on giving the person the lashing of a life time he stopped short.

Sitting in his 'spot' was Hermione. Surprisingly she was without a book, as a matter of fact there wasn't even a book on the table. She was just sitting there. Fearing for her mental state of mind he was about to ask her what she was doing. When she shifted.

Severus watched as she rolled up her sleeve revealing several scars going across her wrist and forearm. She silently traced one of the scars on her wrist in a look of what one would call awe. He watched as emotions of anger, sadness, and pain crossed her face.

However the last emotion that he saw surprised him. Confusion. She looked almost lost as she sat there. It made Severus almost want to wrap his arms around her. Almost.

And that confused him even more. He felt his chest tighten as a tear dropped from her face landing on her scared wrist. Stepping forward silently he thought about what he was doing. 'Just because she's crying doesn't mean she wants my help. Maybe she wants to be alone. AND maybe your just a bustard who's to scared to help.'

He froze on that thought was that really how he portrayed himself. That just maybe he is to scared to feel even if it was for the benefit of another. Pushing past his raging thoughts he stepped forward again. He was right in front of her now he could faintly smell vanilla and jasmine coming from her.

However it seemed she still had not noticed him. Placing a notice-me-not charm around them he kneeled down. Slowly he wiped the tears from her face without a word. Her amber eyes bore into his black ones. Confusion was written all over her face as he continued to dry her face. Grabbing her lightly by the shoulders he pulled her into a gentle hug before standing and leaving.

He head back to the dungeons as fast as his long legs could take him. He didn't know why he did it and he wasn't sure why he felt the need. It felt like something was pulling him in, drawn him to her. But at that moment it made his heart stop for those few seconds before he left. Leaving behind a feeling of warmth.

Severus stride to his liquor cabinet and pulled out a glass and a bottle of fire whiskey. He need to calm his nerves, pouring a full shot before downing it in one go. 'What is wrong with me running away like some teenage boy on his first crush.' he thought bitterly as he stared into the fire.

Suddenly it turned green. "Severus can I speak to you in my office." came Dumbledore's voice through the flames. "Of course Headmaster." downing his last shot he floo'ed through.

~~~HGSS~~~

Hermione sat frozen in the library as she watched the retreating form of the potion master's back. Another tear slipped slowly down her check as she placed back on the glamour's and left.

She had been remembering the first time she had cut herself it was clear as day. Some may have wished to be rid of such a memories, however to her it was as if she was greeting a old friend.

The feeling of blood flowing freely letting out the anger, the loneliness she felt. The searing white pain, a welcoming feeling against the cold harsh hell hole she lived in. Yes. Pain was good it let her know she was still alive, still breathing. THAT she could still feel something other then hate, anger, sadness, guilt, and loneliness.

It was as if her soul was being freed for that one moment giving her peace. Until it faded then it would start all over again.

Tracing one last invisible scar she grabbed her things and left. Making her way to her room she whispered her password and stepped inside. Placing her things down she walked to her bed and laid down think of the enigma that was Severus Snape. 'Why would he hug me and then just leave like that?' That was the one thought that came to the front of her mind and no matter how hard she thought she just couldn't understand. 'Maybe he was just being… Snape.' she finally thought.

Rolling over she felt something crack. Rolling back over she realized she rolled over on a picture frame, upon closer expectation she realized it was a family portrait. Taken a few days before her mother's death.

Hermione cast a 'Repairo' charm fixing the glass to look at it some more, as she sat up.

Her mother had wanted them all to get a picture together before Christmas, she had been so excited about it. Having bought them all matching sets of clothes. She was so happy about the final outcome of the picture she had a poster sized version sent to the house to hang on the wall.

Hermione gave a sad smile. "We look so happy." she whispered. Happy. That was a emotion that had been ripped away the moment she saw her mother at the hospital. This happiness only served to make her angrier as she studied the photo. "Why? Why cant I have that? What have I done to have my family fall apart?" she raged. She flung the picture at the wall and watched as the glass shattered.

The sound pleasing to her, getting up she began pulling things off the walls and shelves. Books being thrown around the room, glass smashed, and pictures ripped. Tears ran down her face as she vented her anger. Finally all the anger was gone leaving her uncomfortable empty and numb. There was a slightly burning in her chest, a piece of her soul gone.

"What have I done to deserve this? She asked out loud again, as she stood on her knees.

Crawling over to the broken picture she thrown at the wall, Hermione removed the photo placing it to her heart. Feeling something wet she looked at her hands. She watched as blood weep from the open gashes in her hands due to all the glass she smashed.

Looking about the room she noticed the blood stains on her wall. And on many pieces of glass, and smeared across the floor from where she ripped up photos. Removing the photo from her chest she looked at the blood as it smeared it.

Feeling very tired she laid down and watched as her life force oozed from her hand to puddle on the floor before passing out. 'You mustn't bottle your emotions, it will only lead to your down fall.' she could hear Severus's voice in her ear. 'Someone help me I'm losing control.' was the last thought in her mind before darkness over came her.

~~~HGSS~~~

Severus sat talking with Dumbledore as he reported how her progress was going. "She is recovering bit by bit. I got her to talk to me yesterday when I found her." standing up he walked over to a window and stared at the dieing rays. "I gave her the book Albus." he whispered.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled at the news he knew it was a giant step for the young man. Not even he knew everything about the young man's life. However he was not surprised at the news. "Ah and why would you do that my boy?" he already knew but he wanted to hear it.

"Why shouldn't I? She should have a least one person there to let her know she is not alone." Severus whispered. "Indeed, my boy. Indeed." Turning around Severus eyed the older man. "There's something your not telling me Albus out with it." his black eyes peering into blue ones.

"Yes, that is one of the reason I asked you to come here today." Albus waved for him to sit down. "Lemon drop?" passing a bowl across the table. Severus open his mouth to tell him to get a move on when he felt a sharp pain in his chest. "Mmmm." he moaned placing a hand over his chest.

"Severus are you all right?" asked Dumbledore as he came to the younger man's side. His chest burned again before he heard the faintest of whispers. 'Somebody help me I'm losing control.' just before he could truly make out the voice it was gone. Along with the burning in his chest, panting he sat up and looked at Albus. "Did you hear that?" he asked.

"Hear what my boy?" just as Severus was beginning to answer Winky popped into the room. "Masters, Masters some thing is wrong with Missy." squeaked the small little house elf. "Winky know not what to do. Winky went to check on Missy when Winky found Missy bleeding and room trashed." the house elf cried pulling on its ears.

"Hermione!" before anyone could move Severus was already stepping through the floo with Dumbledore right behind him.

Stepping into the Head Common room they made there way to the Head Girl room. Severus placed his hand on the door and felt the magical ward. 'Fuck, damn it Hermione what have you done?' Pushing back the thoughts he began bring down the wards to let them into the room.

As soon as the last ward was broken the stepped into the room. And their mouths dropped in shock. The room was a total mess, glass laid everywhere along with paper and ripped photos. However what caught the most attention was the bloody hand prints that were smeared on the wall. The bloody trail that laid spilled on pieces of glass and photos. The bloody trail that lead to a unconscious Hermione Granger.

Severus rushed forward as Dumbledore closed the door and began to right the room again. 'My beautiful Hermione.' he thought as he brushed away her hair and pulled her into his lap. Slowly he removed her hands from her chest and studied them.

He found many pieces of glass stuck in the gashes of her hands. Opening them slowly he saw a piece of paper fall out of her hands. Uncrumbling it he saw it was a picture of her mother and 'father'. His blood boiled at the sight of the monster. Placing the photo on the bed he turned his attention to her hands and slowly lifted her before stalking into the bathroom. Causing her to stir every so lightly in his arms.

Running water in a large bowl he conjured he slowly dipped her hands into, cleaning the dried blood. Holding her wrist Severus watched as Dumbledore used his wand to remove the pieces of glass. One by one.

~~HGSS~~~Hermione's Epiphany

Hermione awoke on the floor the same way she fell uncurious. Looking around she moved her hands to help her stand only to wince in pain. Checking her hands she noticed they were crusty from all the dried blood, and they bleed once more as the glass split the skin open again.

Getting all the way up she walked over to her bathroom, turning the water on she magical removed the glass. For awhile she paused in her work to watch the light red water swirl down the drain. "Washed away to forever be forgotten." she whispered to herself. With a slight frown on her face she continued to heal her hands.

Pulling out the last pieces of glass she pulled a rather large shard from her palm. Cursing slightly at the pain it caused she stared down at the glass. A oh so familiar itch made itself known, itching to do more damage then good.

Placing the tip to her wrist she prepared to cut. However she paused, looking down at her wrist and hands she studied the scars and open cuts there. Slowly Hermione removed the glass from her skin, lifting it to the light she glanced at it one more time. Before tossing it in the trash can.

Looking in the trash can she turned back to her still bleeding hands. Placing them under the cool water to flush it out. "No more. No more self pain." she said quietly. "I don't need it. I. Don't. Need. It!" she told herself firmly. Determined to not give in to the impulse and focused on healing her hands. Though it still left tiny slivery scars.

Sliding down the wall she realized that she won she had just beat the addiction. Gone was the extra pain the heavy burden on her heart. Though a good amount was there it wasn't as heavy. Hermione felt the tears slide down her face not bothering to stop them.

This was what she needed to release emotions in a less harmful way. That's what Severus meant when he told her not to bottle her emotions. Suddenly she sat up straighter. "I just had an epiphany." the realization hitting her finally.

"Wait till I tell Severus!" pausing she thought about what she said. There it was staring her right in the face she wanted to trust him. However she still remembered the insults he sent her way. But looking back she realized that he was trying to make it up to her.

Deciding she would think of it more she crawled towards her bed. Having been to weak to walk, pulling herself onto the bed. Suddenly she felt extremely tried and her lids grew heavy before she became incased in darkness.

~~~HGSS~~~

Having finally healed her hands Severus laid Hermione on the bed. "Severus I think she is about to awake." came the calm voice of Dumbledore. "Yes, I believe you're right Albus." he said after a short pause. The truth being that he didn't want her to wake just yet. She looked so peaceful in her sleep and he didn't really want her to be brought back to the pain just yet

However he could do nothing more then watch as her eyelids fluttered open. "Sev-severus?" his name coming out as a tiny whisper. Severus looked back at Dumbledore. Dumbledore nodded his head as he left the room, with a sad twinkle.

"Yes, Hermione?" he asked as he turned back to her. Pushing back a strand of her chestnut hair he looked in to her dark amber eyes. "I-I didn't…do it. I-I st-stopped myself. I b-beat him." with that her eyes slowly slid shut. Leaving Severus to ponder what she meant. 'She stopped herself?' his mind racing as he ponder the possibilities of what she meant.

Taking one last look at her he tucked the covers around her and left the room. Closing the door he meet the twinkling blue eyes of Dumbledore. Rising an eyebrow at him. "What?" he nearly spat. "Nothing my dear boy, nothing." Dumbledore said as he raised his hands in surrender. "I learned along time ago that when you say nothing you mean something." and with that he stalked out the room towards the dungeons.

Missing the words that came from Dumbledore's lips. "All in good time my boy. Even I have to wait for the miracles of life." as the old man popped a lemon drop in his mouth.

~~~~HGSS~~~~

Severus sat in his personal chambers sipping the golden liquid of fire whiskey. He thought of how; dare he say it, scared he been when they walked into the bloody and trashed room. Yes he remembered every emotion he felt as he went through the process of cleaning her wounds.

The cold hand anxiety as he walked into the bloody and trashed room. The harsh grip of fear when he saw her pale body laid in the mist of rubbish and glass, as her hands bleed and covered the floor. The undying rage as he saw the picture of her 'father' and her mother held tightly in her bloody grasp. The slight breeze of relief as he felt her stir when he touched her. The numbing pain he felt as they removed the glass from her hands. The warm gentle touch of compassion as he tuck her in and moved a lock of hair behind her ear.

Yes, he felt many emotions that he never thought he would ever have let alone feel for another. Downing another shot he stood and made his way to the Great Hall for dinner.

Thank you all for the very nice reviews and everything. Ideas are growing everyday. Once again there shall be another part2 in the making. So please keep reviewing and I'll keep writing.