Disclaimer: Go see Scott Pilgrim. It will rule you. Uhm…that's all.
Authors Note: I've got another chapter in me before this weekend is over. Tasty angst is on the way.
Also, if you haven't seen the movie referenced in here (The Ghost and Mrs. Muir) then you need to. It's beautiful, lovely, and Rex Harrison is in fact a god.
Thanks to all my reviewers who seem to enjoy my take on our favorite pilot. I'm trying to keep a balance with him…which I know is ironic. But when his instincts get triggered I really believe that's when the solider part of his personality takes over. I see Murdock as having a lot of different guys within him who make up the whole of who he is.
He was always a little cracked and an adrenaline junkie. But I think he's had some awful things happen to him throughout his life and then in the military that has damaged him, cracking all those parts into pieces. That's why he can slip in and out of them so easy. They are all him but the real Murdock has to fight to get to the fore, and the real Murdock is a solider. And that strength of purpose is what keeps him functioning. That's why in the series and in the film the missions and the team are his focus. He's just as capable as any of them (when the explosions started after they got the plates and everyone was shooting, he was there firing alongside of them.) He's broken but he's still a solider at his core and a pilot forever.
When something or someone he loves is threatened he reacts. That part of him comes through the chaos that his fractured brain has become and he kicks ass. That's Murdock. That's why I love him. That's why Dwight Schultz is the man and why Sharlto Copley stole my heart by keeping him that way. Uhm…that's all :-)
Samantha spent the rest of the day talking to Rory and generally trying to baby him which made the old guy grouchy but he put up with it since he loved the girl and he knew she'd been worried. He didn't need to be babied, something he pointed out to her a dozen times that day. Her response was usually to ignore him, or to say "Whatever."
Rory noticed that Murdock hovered around on the periphery of things, one eye always on Samantha. He was sitting at the card table and talking in another of his repertoire of accents while he was dealing out a poker game. This one the old vet thought was supposed to be French…he reminded him of Inspector Clouseau.
The couple of times that Sam had left the room he'd seen the pilot's eyes follow her out the door and then down the hall until she was out of sight. Murdock had started to fidget then. The nervous twitching got worse and worse until she came back, as though he was fighting an urge to go get her. The vet found this interesting, but he didn't call it out to her. She had enough to deal with.
Rory and Sam watched an old movie that Sam knew was going to make her cry before it was over. She loved Rex Harrison and The Ghost and Mrs. Muir was a favorite. But it never failed to make her bawl like a baby.
"She should have got an Exorcist." Rory said laughing, knowing it would goad her and not able to help himself.
"He loved her! I mean yeah he was a snarky old bastard, but aren't we all?" She gave him a pop on the arm.
"Some of us have earned the right to be snarky old bastards doll." He grinned at her.
As the movie continued and the ending grew closer Murdock chose that moment to finish out his poker game. If he'd been in Vegas he'd have made a killing. As it was he'd won over a half packet of Goldfish crackers, a piece of chalk, and a dog eared paperback of Valley of the Dolls. He didn't know what he'd do with that one. Pocketing his loot he headed over to the couch and vaulted over the back to land next to Sam.
"What are we watching?" He asked, popping a few Goldfish in his mouth and crunching noisily.
Rory answered as Sam was too busy mouthing the dialog. "I've started to call this stuff SamPorn."
Murdock's eyes bugged out of his head and he nearly choked on a cracker. "Wha….what?"
Rory laughed again. "She's addicted to these old movies. Especially with the tragic hero thing…I don't know. I've sat here and seen her watch Lolita, Cleopatra, and apparently she's in love with Doctor Doolittle now too. She's like some walking encyclopedia for brooding heroes. What was that last one you made me watch? The one that was a book too?"
"Jane Eyre, Orson Welles, Joan Fontaine." Sam replied not looking up.
"That's right, Orson Welles before he turned into the Planet." Rory shook his head grinning.
"Technically he was a planet eater named Unicron." Murdock said turning to focus on the movie.
Rory's mouth fell open. "Oh god I've got another one." He thought to himself.
"I don't think I've seen this. What's going on?" Murdock asked Sam in a semi whisper.
Sam leaned towards him, keeping her eyes on the small screen. "He's the ghost of a sea captain whose home Mrs. Muir has moved into. He's trying to scare her into leaving. "
"That's mean." He said, looking confused. Why would she be rooting for this guy?
"But he eventually realizes they are equals and he becomes friends with her. He actually falls in love with her." Sam told him, defending her favorite character of the film.
"Oh, well that's better." Murdock nodded in approval.
"But that's the problem. He loves her and realizes that if she stays at the house and lives only for him she's going to miss out on life because he's a ghost, he's already lived his. So he leaves her so she can be free to live the rest of her life as it should be. He can only offer her so much, not as much as a living man could." Samantha's voice was wistful.
Murdock didn't like the sound of that. For some reason, this story was making him uncomfortable and sad. He turned back to the screen and saw the tall bearded captain walking around a sitting room, a lovely woman with dark hair talking to him. "How does she know he couldn't make her happy?" He asked in a tiny voice.
"He doesn't give her the choice. He leaves her." Sam looked over and saw the pilot had a weird look on his face. She couldn't quite read it, so she continued with the story. "She forgets him."
"Oh…" Murdock felt a twinge somewhere.
"But she doesn't really…not completely." She told him, and for some reason felt the need to squeeze his hand. "She stays at the house because part of her still remembers him and was happy there for the rest of her life. When she dies, he comes back to her, and they are reunited forever. She's young again when they walk away."
"You just told him the whole movie Sam." Rory was watching the expressions pass on the pilots face and shook his head.
"Yeah well…it's sad." She turned back to Rory. "I wish someone had warned me about it before I saw it the first time." She stuck her tongue out at him.
"Mature." Rory commented and laughed some more.
Sam went back to watching the movie. Murdock felt slightly better about the captain's fate, but not really. He decided to go with it and watch and see himself how it played out. When the captain made his choice to leave and simply be a dream to the lady he felt that same twinge somewhere happen. He looked over and saw that Sam's lower lip was slightly trembling. That made the twinge happen again. Gosh had he pulled a muscle?
"God I hate this part." Sam said, taking a breath.
"But you know they are together at the end." Murdock said, trying to help her be happier about everything. In reality he didn't think this was quite fair to the captain. If he loved the lady why couldn't they be together? I mean sure he had some issues. He was haunted by ghosts...wait…no, he was the ghost doing the haunting. The pilot realized he was getting things confused again. He needed to focus on something else.
Maybe wonder why he was suddenly feeling this kinship to a fictional character. Lord knew it wasn't the first time for him. They even shared the same moniker of Captain, so that made it a little more relevant. But Murdock felt he knew what the salty old sea dog was feeling as he watched Mrs. Muir slowly slip out of reach.
"I know they are but…it's still sad." Samantha's head fell onto his shoulder and Murdock went stock still. "I know he was with her all those years and she knew he was there watching over her…somehow. But…" She wiped her eyes. She had enough to cry over in reality, she really was a glutton for punishment watching these movies. "I guess it makes me sad because if I was her and found a guy like that, ghost or not, I'd make sure he knew I loved him and I wouldn't make him change a thing or give up anything for me. It just isn't fair to the captain." She sighed and realized she'd probably over shared. "Sorry….TMI."
Rory watched the reaction of the would be knight. He figured Sam had no idea the guy was obviously, to use a term, nuts about her. Maybe even the pilot didn't realize it…but Rory could see it. He'd watch him close, because he wasn't about to have her be hurt because she trusted the wrong guy. Even though Rory knew the pilot was a hero, he was also in here for a reason. But right then, the pilot looked sort of scared and confused, and maybe a little embarrassed.
"Sam I think you are one of the last hopeless romantics." Rory said at last, chuckling.
"That would explain the lack of boyfriends in my life Rory. Thanks for reminding me." She lifted her head from the faded plaid of Murdock's robe and wiped her eyes.
"What about you Lancelot?" Rory glanced over at the pilot and he noticed that the younger mans eyes were a bit shiny. "I'll be damned," Rory thought, "He's actually choking up a bit too. God what have you saddled me with here?"
Murdock turned to look at the Wizard. "I…I don't have a boyfriend." He looked really confused.
"No…no…" Rory laughed good and long and Sam slapped his arm. "I mean are you a hopeless romantic like Sammy here?"
Murdock still looked a little out of sorts at the question. Sam was watching the movie again as the ending was coming and the masochist in her needed to see the now eternally young Mrs. Muir rise up to walk into eternity with her captain. The pilot pondered his answer as he watched her face. His princess looked ready to cry. The swirls of grey and blue and green that watched from behind the frames of her glasses were shining with tears. But as the ending played out before her he saw the corners of her lips turn up in a smile, even as a tear drop fell from her eye.
The overwhelming desire to wipe it away came over him so quickly he realized he'd already lifted his hand to do so before he stopped himself. Even though they had gone through some interesting times together, Murdock felt that the gesture was a little too personal. He was after all just a knight. Virtue and nobility…he was her defender…her friend. And she was a princess…
"I've been called hopeless before." Murdock said, letting his hand drop to his side, sighing.
"You're not alone there buddy." Rory grinned.
Sam's head fell back to the couch and she groaned. "Gah…why do I do this to myself again?" She asked the ceiling.
"Because you have issues." Rory told her, patting her on the arm.
"Thanks." She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. She turned to look at Murdock who was watching the credits roll by but seemed distracted. "You okay Lancelot?" She touched his arm and he turned to face her.
"I'm fine Guinevere…just…just a sad movie like you said." He gave her a tiny smile while inside that little ache was eating away at him. Had he suddenly gotten a tape worm from that awful food?
Samantha felt the urge to hug him which she resisted. She had no idea how he'd react first of all. And...well…she knew she was getting attached to her knight. What would happen if he got transferred? That thought entered her head and it felt like someone had stabbed her in the side. No more Lancelot. It was a very good possibility. And even though she had Rory…she liked her knight in tattered plaid. Getting more attached might not be the best thing. But it was hard when she was looking up into those forest green eyes of his and seeing that crooked smile.
Sam glanced at the TV and laughed softly. "Well this should make the two of you happy. Fire Birds is on next…which is so random I can't even begin to fathom who is programming this station."
"OOOH…" Rory let out a sound of glee. "Tommy Lee Jones…that man is a legend."
Murdock looked a bit more animated and turned back to the TV. "It's no Air Wolf, but it'll do."
"And I'll have Nic Cage for my eye candy." Sam grinned.
Murdock gave her another funny look. "Really? Nic Cage? Really?"
"Hey don't knock my boy." She told him.
"Brooding hero…remember?" Rory commented.
"Foster!" A voice called out and Sam winced. She turned to see Trey standing at the rec room door. "You've got a session with Doc Brown."
"Are you helping with the DeLorean?" Murdock asked.
Sam grinned at him despite the fact she wasn't looking forward to this. She hated talking to them because they never believed her at the beginning, thinking she was just being a paranoid delusional. So now she just told them what they wanted to hear. Figuring out what sounded the least amount of crazy was tiring.
"No…you've mistaken him for the far more interesting Doctor Brown." Sam stood up. "Enjoy the movie boys." She walked off and followed Trey down the hall.
Murdock watched her go and Rory watched him. That fidget was starting to come back, and the older man saw the worry and concern fill the pilot's eyes.
"She'll be okay. She's been seeing Doc Brown since she's been here. It's old hat now." Rory said.
"I…I…just…it's my job to keep her safe." Murdock turned around and looked morosely at the TV. His princess alone in a room with some head shrink doctor didn't leave him with a case of warm fuzzies. He couldn't protect her from here. And he really couldn't protect her when they got into her brain and started trying to change stuff around…especially when it was perfectly fine.
"I know kid. But don't worry about her in there. She's learned to play the game." Rory patted him on the shoulder. "She's smart."
Murdock played with the frayed end of his belt. "I know…" He needed to go raid his stash. He was dying for a candy fix. Licorice would be good. Whenever he got nervous Red Vines were his drug of choice. "I know she's smart."
But he'd seen her crack, even just briefly, but she had. And he'd been there to help her, because that was his job. Anybody would crack with what she'd gone through, and was still going through. Rory didn't know…but she'd trusted him enough to tell him all of it. Granted, he'd had to pry it out of her with a metaphorical crowbar, but she'd told him. He really wanted Red Vines.
The session with Doctor Brown had gone as well as the last two she'd had. She gave him textbook answers to his textbook questions. He'd written down notes while peering at her through his frameless lenses, resembling an older version of Stephen Colbert. She'd thought he was cute for an older guy, until she'd realized he was a sexist ass who never listened to her. He was the reason for the drugs she was being given. He was convinced she had some sort of incestuous relationship notion in her head for her brother too. And that just creeped her out.
So she went through the motions and went out of her way not to let the man touch her. He liked touching…a lot. Which Sam thought went against some sort of rule somewhere, but just like with Bubby…no one seemed to give a shit.
When the hour was over Samantha felt exhausted. Bay Ridge wore on a person, both physically and mentally. The mental part was the worst. Trey led her out of the office and she thought seriously about going to her room and lying down for a while. She'd been sleeping so much lately, even more than normal. Sam knew it was a sign of depression. But knowing what it was didn't change what it did. And it didn't give her a way out of it.
Samantha headed back towards the rec room, taking off her glasses and rubbing her eyes. When she came around the corner she found Murdock pacing in front of the doorway. He looked like he was eating something. She stopped and watched him. He reminded her of a scared rabbit chewing through a piece of lettuce or a carrot. Sam grinned and shook her head at the image that flashed in her mind.
"Hey Lancelot." She walked up to him and he stopped in mid-step and mid-chew.
"Guinevere, I was just…want some licorice?" He held out a package of red, thin string Red Vines.
Her mouth parted in surprise. "How the hell do you get this stuff in here?" She pulled a string of with a snap. She started chewing, smiling at the taste.
"Like I said, trade secret." He grinned at her relieved to see she was okay. He noticed she looked tired though, more so than before she'd gone back. He was losing her. She was losing her. "Rory was making comments about Sean Young in a flight suit. It was starting to get a little too…graphic. I think he might be in love with Tommy Lee Jones though. It's really confusing." He glanced behind him into the rec room.
Sam laughed. "Rory is his own special sort of animal. But he's never boring."
"Yeah, I've known lots of guys like that." He looked a little cocky as he said "I've been called that myself a time or two."
Samantha gave him a big smile. "You are in fact both special and never boring Lancelot."
Murdock offered her another piece of licorice. "Same to you princess." She took it and he watched as she wants again twirled it into her mouth. "You know…you eat that really…funny."
"Hey." She chewed as they walked back into the room. "Everyone eats Red Vines in their own way. I used to try and lasso my tongue with them. Be glad that stopped when I was like ten."
Murdock went quiet at the thoughts of her tongue, licorice and all points in between. Thankfully she didn't seem to notice.