Chapter 10, Being Popular, Being Insane and Being Utterly Stupid
Disclaimer: No. Never. Ever. Ever.
A/N: To beging with a masterfully important announcment: IT SNOWED! A LOT! AND GUESS WHO HAD TO SHOVEL EVERYTHING?
But that's all right because it was powdery snow and not the annoying kind that freezes two minutes after it lands. Thank you to Laura Scofeild and Gypsy Rosalie for reviewing, it is greatly appreciated. To reply to Laura's request, this chapter is entirely left aligned. Oh, and Gypsy Rosalie, yes, the Chamber Pot is the Queer Events equivelant of the Sugar Bowl. Remember, all songs can be found on our profile.
There was no sunrise the following morning. There was kind of a dark-grey-cloud-rise with the sky becoming heavy with dark grey clouds. The snow had at least stopped in time for New Year's Eve.
Chubs woke up and looked into the placid, sleeping face of Isadora beside him in bed. Needless to what they'd been up to for the second time.
Chubs climbed out of bed and pulled on his favorite trousers. As he was buttoning his shirt, Isadora's eyes fluttered open and she gave him a smile, "Good morning, handsome." she said seductivly. "Good morning dear, and happy New Year's Eve!"
"Oh, that's what day it is? With everything that's been going on, I forgot."
"Well, never fear! I've concoted a plan to save our friends and enemies who are trapped in the clock!"
"Really? What's the plan?"
"Let us wake up Charles and Carmelita, first."
They found Carmelita in the room that she had occupied with Esme and Olaf. She had just dressed and showered, giving a loud scream when they knocked on the door.
Charles was already in the dining room. He had gone into the kitchen/morgue and taken some tinned eggs and cold coffee from the pantry.
"Gross!" gagged Carmelita, once Charles had placed the food before her.
"It was the best I could do!" huffed Charles, as he gingerly dug into his own crappy exuse for food.
Chubs felt well to have an exuse for push his plate away from him so he could speak, "Now, I would like to suggest a brilliant plan to foil the odiferous schemes of the Phantom of the Hotel and rescue all those whom he has trapped in the clock, as well as Violet whom he has apparently taken with him."
"Well what's the plan, then?" asked Carmelita. "I'm getting to that!" Chubs said testily, "I suggest we make an explosive to blast open the trapdoor!"
Charles' mouth opened in awe, "That-is-the-most-AMAZING PLAN IN THE ENTIRE FLUFFY, HUGGIBLE UNIVERSE!"
"But how're we gonna build an 'explosive'?" asked Isadora. Chubs replied, "We will have to collect kerosene or some other flammible chemical. Charles and I will go to the utility room to get some. Come Charles!"
The two fellows whose names began with 'C' tromped off to press the button for the elevator, but the doors didn't open.
"What's going on?" wondered Charles, "Of course!" Chubs realized, "The hotel must've run out of its reserve power! We'll have to take the stairs!"
Now, the two fellows whose names began with 'C' tromped off to to the stairs and went down to the utility room.
Isadora and Carmelita stood side by side in the lobby, "Wanna go to my room and braid each other's hair, tell secrets, and talk about how sexy your brother is?" asked Carmelita, "I...guess so?" trailed Isadora.
"Yay!" cheered Camelita, seizing her new friend by the hand and dragging her up the stairs.
"Izzy, now that we're friends, I've decided to make you my new project!" announced Carmelita as the two girls curled up on the rug of Carmelita's room.
"You really don't have to do that." said Isadora, nervously. The last thing she wanted was to have Giggly Giggle-Spout mess around her with makeup and a hair brush.
Carmelita smiled, "I know. That's what makes me so nice!"
POPULAR {from 'Wicked'}
Carmelita: Whenever I see someone less fortunate then I, and let's face it, who isn't less fortunate then I?
My tender heart tends to start to bleed.
And when someone needs a makeover, I simply have to take over I know, I know exactly what they need.
{she takes Isadora by the hand and gives her a small smile}
And even in your case, though it's the toughest case I've yet to face! Don't worry, I'm determined to succeed. Follow my lead and yes, indeed, you-will-be popular!
{she hauls Isadora to her feet}
You're gonna be popular!
I'll teach you the proper poise when you talk to boys!
Little ways to flirt and flounce! Oh!
I'll show you what shoes to wear.
{she snaps off Isadora's sneakers and replaces them with scarlet stilleto heals}
How to fix your hair.
{she unties Isadora's ponytail and starts fussing over it with a curling iron}
Everything that really counts to be popular!
I'll help you be popular!
You'll hang with the right cohorts!
You'll be good at sports!
Know the slang you've got to know!
So let's start, because you've got an awfully long way to go!
{she drops the iron, Isadora's hair now being bouncy with curls, and pushes her into the bathroom}
Don't be offended by my frank analysis!
Think of it as personality dialysis!
Now that I've I chosen to become a pal, a sister, an advisor, there's nobody wiser!
Not when it comes to popular!
{she takes a pile of frilly dresses and accesories out of the closet and tosses them into the bathroom}
I know about popular!
And with an assist from me to be who you'll be, instead of dreary which you were! Well, are.
There's noting that can stop you from becoming popular-lar!
{she dances around the room}
La! La! La! La!
I'm gonna make you Popular!
When I see depressing creatures with such unrepossesing features I'll remind them on their own behalf to think of celebrated heads of state or specially great comunicators!
Did they have brains or knowledge?
Don't make me laugh!
{she giggles}
They were popular!
Please, it's all about popular!
It's not about aptitude, it's the way you're viewed!
So it's very shrewd to be very, very popular, like me!
{She opens the bathroom door and Isadora stumbles out, wearing a tight red dress and has makeup on a layer thick over her face}
Isadora: Meh.
Carmelita: {speaking} Why look at you, Miss Isadora, you're beautiful!
{Isadora looks down at herself and sighs}
Isadora: I have to go.
{she hurries out of the room, Carmelita looks after her}
Carmelita: You're welcome!
{singing}
And though you protest, your disinterest. I know clandestinally, you're gonna grin and bear it, your newfound popularity!
{she giggles}
La! La! La! La!
You'll be popular! Just not quite as popular as ME!
{she leaps onto the bed and chortles}
THE CURTAN FALLS, BUT THE CHAPTER'S ONLY JUST BEGUN
The prisoners in the clock had slept fitfully in their clothes. Well, Sunny had a fine night's rest seeing as she had relieved herself in Mr. Poe's top hat.
Mr. Poe himself turned around, drowsy and opened his eyes where he saw something most terrible.
HIS BELOVED MARTHA WAS A MERE SKELETON!
"HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!" Swore Mr. Poe, clutching his heart in horror.
His cry woke up the others, who looked rather casually from Martha's bones to Mr. Poe.
"You!" trailed of Mr. Poe, in disgust, "YOU ALL ATE MY WOMAN!"
"Not my idea!" shrugged off Sunny.
"Actually, it was Enya's idea." said Duncan, pointing to the he/she in question.
"Well, we have to eat, don't we?" it said nonchalantly, "She was already dead and she actually was quite good raw."
"Think of it this way, Poe." said Olaf, "We're doomed to die of starvation while we're trapped in here so we might as well preserve ourselves a little longer by eating a carcass. And besides, eventually we'll have to eat each other!"
"And you're next on the menu, Poe." pointed out Sir, "As Mr. the Bean stated last evening, you have quite a good deal of meat on you."
"Yeah!" agreed Mr. the Bean, or, as we call him, Reggie.
"Well, I've been thinking through the night!" announced Esme. "And what have you been thinking about, sweetcheeks?" asked Fernald. Esme slapped him before replying, "Our escape plan. The only thing keeping us from leaving here, is that bell blocking the Trapdoor! If we found a way to budge it, we'll be able to get out!"
"That's a marvelous idea." began Flo. "But how the hell are we going to do it?" finished Tocuna.
"That's what we have to think about!" said Esme curtly.
"Then let's get to thinking about it!" said Duncan, putting on his thinking cap and instructing the others to do the same.
They sat in a circle, thinking caps on, pondering on escape attempts.
Violet stirred sleeply and her eyes fluttered open.
"The hell?" she started quizzically. She was still in the chair that she had occupied during tea the previous evening.
The plate of scones was still before her, now with an indentation showing where her head had been while she slept. The tea things had not been cleared away.
"Oh, you're awake, are you?" came a voice and Dewey emerged from the shadows, still in his Phantom uutfit, "You fell asleep during my Zestfully Yawn-Inducing Krackle-Chatter!" Violet turned to look at her captor and said, annoyed, "Please, don't repeat it all over again! It's not exactly fun hearing about your depressingly, stupid life."
Dewey frowned, "I'm sorry I desipoint. But today is a very special day!"
"You finished potty training?" suggested Violet. Dewey frowned, "Yes, but that's not all! The snow has stopped falling! By this evening, plows will come to save those fools in the hotel. Or perhaps not. For before the plows reach them, the hotel will be nothing more then a smoldering heap of rubble!"
Violet blanced, "You don't mean what I think you mean?"
"Oh, but I do! I got the idea from eavesdropping on Olaf's arrival. They were talking of burning the hotel down once they had found the Chamber Pot. Little did they know that the Chamber Pot was not in the hotel, but down here! So I shall set fire to the building, and kill all those that want the Chamber Pot in the process!"
Violet was horrorfied. Of course, there were people in the hotel that she wanted to burn to a crisp. But her brother was up there as well, as were her, her best friend and her-her platinum friend. Oh! And Mr. Poe was important, or something.
Dewey continued, his voice rising in excitment, "And before I burn the hotel down, you my dear, will have to make a very important decision!"
"What kind of decision?"
"You will have to choose if you would rather like to run away with me after the arson and lead a wonderful life with me. Or if you would like to perish in the fire with your friends and enemies."
Violet looked at Dewey. Spending eternity with him didn't sound so bad when faced with roasting to death. But Duncan was in there. She thought of Duncan. Trapped in that clock, wondering where she was right now, no doubt.
"Oh, this is too easy!" she scoffed, "You burn in the fire, I have to save my friends!" she stormed off towards the tunnel that she had slid down to get to the cavern. Just when she was about to climb up, she heard a 'click!' When she turned around to face Dewey, she saw he was pointing the harpoon gun at her.
"Just one harpoon left, darling!" he said menacingly, "Just enough to run you down. Saving your friends isn't an option! So I think it best, if you chose. Choose wisely!"
Violet thought for a moment, "How would we escape?"
"In that!" Dewey announced, pointing at a little rowboat that stood in the shadow of the Viking longship.
"We take that little boat along the lagoon and into that tunnel for a wild and crazy ride! The boat deposit us at a Zipper-Operated Yodeling Kolander!"
"Isn't a colander a saled strainer. And isn't is spelled with a 'C'?"
"It's very hard to come up with words that start with 'Z', 'Y' and 'K', so I hope you will bear with me!"
"So, there's a boat?"
"Yes!" And the orchestra began to play again:
DINGHY {from 'Something's Afoot'}
Dewey: I'd almost forgot its existence! But it's sitting there ready to use! It's still capable of distance! So step right up and put on your grousin' shoes!
I've got a tiny little dinghy!
{Violet looks down at Dewey's crotch in revulsion}
For you to see!
{Violet backs away slowly as Dewey continues to sing}
But a teeny little dinghy is big enough for only you and me!
Violet: {speaking} And a motor?
Dewey: In a matter of speaking.
Violet: Oh, thank God!
Dewey: {singing} Us in my teeny little dinghy, an instant shake!
Got a teeny little dinghy, big enough to use in our escape!
Violet: Escape? Escape? Did you say Escape?
{she drags Dewey behind her}
Come let us go, let us fly, let us dissapear! Now is the time for the two of us to get OUT OF HERE! Did you say ESCAPE? Yes! He said escape!
Dewey: {speaking} Well, I've hardly used it since last winter. I wonder if I could get it going again.
Violet; Oh, I won't say I word to anyone else!
Dewey: Oh! Look at you, conspiring with the creepy pervert!
Violet: Oh, I was only joking about that. Dewey, think.
{singing}
Us, in your teeny little dinghy, no chaparone! Us, in your teeny little dinghy. Lucky you and I will be alone!
Dewey: Alone? Alone? Did you say ALONE?
{he swings Violet over his shoulder and runs around the cavern with her}
Come let us go, let us fly, let us dissapear! Now is the time for the two of to get OUT OF HERE! Did you say ALONE? Yes, she said Alone!
Violet: Escape!
Dewey: Alone!
Violet: Escape!
Dewey: Alone!
Violet: Escape!
Dewey: Alone!
Violet: Escape!
Dewey: Alone! Alone! Alone!
Violet: Escape! Escape! Escape!
{their voices blend together}
Violet and Dewey: If you've got a teeny little dinghy, you must recall that a teeny little dingy is better then NO DINGHY AT ALL!
Dewey: {speaking} Well, I'm glad you decided to go with me. I'll just get my arson things ready.
{Violet takes the tea tray and hits Dewey over the head with it, he passes out and Violet laughs}
THE CURTAN FALLS
A/N: We're nearing the end, folks! Here's some questions you might be asking...
WILL THE PEOPLE IN THE CLOCK ESCAPE?
WILL THE PEOPLE IN THE HOTEL FIND A WAY TO HELP THEM ESCAPE?
WILL VIOLET SAVE EVERYONE?
HOW TEENY IS DEWEY'S DINGHY?
Some of these questions will be answered in Chapter 11!
Update Coming Next Friday!:)