Zaofu
Late Spring, 175 AG

Dear Mako -

I don't even know why I am still writing. If you wanted me to know how it felt when Korra wouldn't write to you then guess what? You win. I know.

With Baatar's help I have engaged an architect and builders to start with some very basic and needed repairs on the palace in Ba Sing Se. Next month I will have another coronation there - it won't be with full pomp and ceremony (I'll forgo the dance of the badgermoles, even though, in my heart of hearts, I'd really like to have them) but I already wrote to Zhu Li and she and Varrick will stage the whole thing and film it. Yes, I know you are rolling your eyes but all jokes aside, coronations are big deals and people really do love them. (And frankly, my last coronation really left a lot to be desired.) And by people I do mean just ordinary people. You and I, we don't really run with the ordinary crowd, do we? You were a pro-bender and worked with the Avatar and are on a first name basis with current world leaders. You really aren't just an ordinary person any more, and I certainly never was. But ordinary people? People like your grandmother or even the people you see on the street, those people like a spectacle, and I've always understood that and so does Varrick. To that end there's a metalbender here in Zaofu who will be making me a new crown (more comfortable than the old one, I do hope, that thing was like a stone) and other swanky coronation jewelry and the plan is to send copies of the coronation mover to all of the villages we can so that anyone who wants to see it will be able to do so. (Varrick has some insane idea about people having small mover screens in their own homes but he completely lost me with the innovations involved. I'll stick to being a King, I think.)

Don't worry, I won't sing. Or dance. Or wear taffeta pantaloons.

Well. Maybe a little.

I will surely go to the spa. I think I've earned it for that day. I can't even remember the last time I went to a spa. Republic City, actually, which feels like a million years ago. Also, I need a haircut. Badly. I look like a curly-topped scarecrow.

There's a lot of unrest going on and riots from people who are claiming that what Kuvira did at Coronation #1 means that I am not actually the King, and others who say that Coronation #1 counted and people are actually trying to kill each over this, so the general consensus amongst all the smart people is that we will just do the whole damn thing over again so that when the time comes I can abdicate without half the Earth Kingdom claiming I was never King to begin with and end that particular issue for good. One issue down, twenty thousand to go.

It's politics. It's stupid. I hate it. No. I loathe it.

My job is to show up and look good and smile for the cameras. Well. At least I won't fail at that, right?

Two days from now I'll be meeting in Ba Sing Se with Raiko, Tenzin, Tonraq, those weird creepy Eska/Desna twins (oh, I really dislike them and also, they smell funny) and Firelord Izumi as well as Korra to go over my plans for the Earth Kingdom. Su wanted me to do it here in Zaofu and as much as I would love to stay here, the seat of the monarchy is in Ba Sing Se and it's not about what I want. I'm not asking for permission, by the way. Not for any of it. I will ask for support, but if they give it or not I will continue with my plans for democracy and eventual abdication. If I am going to be a King - even temporarily - then I need to act like one. I sent a long letter to Korra and told her my plans and told her that I sincerely hoped I would still have her support as the Avatar, and a few days ago she arrived in Zaofu with a brand spanking new airship, compliments of Asami, with the royal crest on it. I was so glad to see her that I hugged her, but don't worry, I asked permission first. (I can be taught! Also! She could kill me in a single blow, and seeing as I've already nearly died once this year, I think that can suffice for now.)

For the first time ever, I really had a chance to talk to Korra. (By talking I mean that I listened to her instead of just trying to hit on her. I did apologize, I will have you know. I told you, I'm trying.) I told her about my realization that in some ways we were the same, and that we really can't run away from these things we were born to. She said that for awhile there she didn't want to be the Avatar. I told her that I still didn't want to be the King. She said we were having a kickass pity party, and I showed her where Su keeps all of the best bottles of sake (Wei showed me) and we took a bottle and had a drink (or two or three) to celebrate. She also told me she worries sometimes about how much time she'll have to be away from Asami since she (Korra) will have to be on the move a lot and Asami's work in Republic City is important and necessary and we agreed that being a World Leader is not all it's cracked up to be. And then we finished that damn bottle of sake.

(Yes, the King of the Earth Kingdom was slightly hungover this morning. As was the Avatar, bringer of balance and Harmonic Convergence. Note: morning waterbender forms are not conducive to a hangover. Just in case you ever wondered. However, Chef was sympathetic and made me some horrible concoction that he referred to as "the hair of the polarbear dog" and I drank it down and went back to bed for a few hours, so I do feel marginally better at least.)

Su will also be there for the meeting in Ba Sing Se, for which I am grateful. I really do appreciate her support. Also, she won't let Izumi eat me. I hope.

Tomorrow Korra and I will leave on the airship for Ba Sing Se. Yumi is coming to make sure no one sticks anything into me again and Huan is coming as well. He just up and announced he was going with me - he does that sometimes, just says things unexpectedly - which his mother strongly protested. She's protective of all of her children, but she is like a platypus bear mother with Huan. Luckily Baatar talked her down. The thing is, I could really use Huan. (Well, what I really need is a new Grand Secretariat - Gun is not getting any younger, and he is completely against me abdicating, and frankly, he's hindering me. As much as he annoys me personally I am going to make sure he retires in style, though - he deserves that for all of his years being tortured by the Queen.) I know Huan doesn't want to be the Grand Secretariat - he doesn't really do certain things (like look people in the eye, and if things get too noisy he just gets up and walks out of the room without saying anything to anyone) but he has the most amazing memory of anyone I have ever met and he sees things that other people just don't see. He points them out to me, too, no matter what they are. He's not very politic, but that's one of the things I like about him. I value it.

I asked Tu what he was going to do last night at dinner and he looked at me, rolled his eyes and said, "Unlike the rest of the people here, I'm actually an Earth Kingdom citizen. Where Wu goes, I go." Good old Tu! I would kiss him, but he'd probably bend a rock at me, King or not.

(Speaking of Tu, Huan did, indeed, teach him to metalbend. Huan has missed his calling as a teacher, I think. Tell your brother to watch out, Tu is getting a lot better!)

I have so much to do and think about. I absolutely need to pay a visit to the Southeast Provinces (they are going from bad to worse) and then sit down and figure out how we are going to roll all of this out - separating states without causing border wars, establishing elections because let's face it, in some of those places who even knows if they know what voting actually is and I also need to get rid of the Dai Li because, in my experience, the Dai Li is trouble, they are an incestuous mess who, quite frankly, were probably behind my assassination attempt a few months ago and how I am to do that I have quite literally no idea since they will simply just try to kill me again, I am sure. Not the most pleasant thought, I have to say. There's so much to do and when I start to think about it all I start to get a little panicky. I need help, I really do, I can't possibly manage all of this on my own, but knowing who to trust is so difficult. I just remind myself to take deep breaths, to do my waterbending forms every morning, and to try as best I can to get at least some sleep at night.

Korra says that she just tries to take each decision, each choice as it comes and then move onto the next one, but I feel like I am having a thousand choices all thrown at me at once. I can't possibly grab them all. How many of them will fall from my fingers? I don't want to be known as King Fuck Up, The Last Monarch of The Earth Kingdom.

Is it too late for me to just run for the hills and hide out for the rest of my life?

I wish you were here. I know you are where you are meant to be, and I don't have to be told that you are doing well at your job. I know you are good at it, and I know it wasn't fair for me to demand that you come to Ba Sing Se with me back before Kuvira took out Republic City. That was wrong of me, you are not mine to control. I'm sorry that I tried to force you, I truly am. I hope you can forgive me. It wasn't out of malice, just thoughtlessness and fear.

I miss you.

No matter how crazy things got I always felt so safe with you, and it was the first time I'd ever felt truly safe in my entire life. I went through several bodyguards before I got you, you know. None of them made me feel safe at all. It was too much to ask of you, though, to give up everything you wanted and needed simply to make me feel better. I needed to make myself feel better. And anyhow, I think Yumi has proved herself as a pretty good bodyguard; I know she would give her life to protect me. It's her job of choice, anyhow, it's what she's trained for. I think I have found a good friend, a true friend, my first real friend! in Huan and his support - as just Huan, but also as a Beifong - is invaluable to me. And Tu, wolfbat that he is, keeps me grounded.

I'm going to be okay. It won't be easy, but I can either cry about it or I can put on my crown and make it happen, so I'm going to put on my crown and make it happen. I've got good people to support me, and it will be what it will be.

But if I am going to be honest - and I probably shouldn't be honest, but what do I have to lose at this point, what is the worst thing you will do, never speak to me again? But if I am going to be honest, I was more than a little in love with you. Still am. And I know you didn't return it and I would never ever want to make you uncomfortable or upset about it in any way. I don't want you to be upset or uncomfortable or unhappy about anything in your life, I just want you to be happy. I just wanted to say it, this once. I will never bring it up again, I promise. I just wanted you to know. I know I am a fool, and I know I made you want to tear your hair out, but as excellent as my general education was - and I only had the best tutors, you can be sure - I was never taught how to deal with people outside of ordering them around like servants. Not an excuse, just an explanation. I had to learn how to treat people decently all by myself, and I certainly made a lot of mistakes while figuring it all out. (I'm still making mistakes, I'm sure.) Mako, I am so sorry for any hurt I caused you. Causing you pain was the very last thing I ever wanted to do.

So. Here is what I have learned since I left Republic City: I love you, and because of that, I understand I have to let you go.

Be well. Be happy, please. If you get a chance, watch the coronation mover and think fondly of me. I promise one amazing show, even without the badgermoles!

- Wu