Two hours forty-six minutes and twelve seconds… Eleven… Ten…
Veronica sat on the balcony of the hotel room staring at the horizon; her eyes locked on the barely visible outline of the Naval base. She had to leave in just two hours, and then forty-six minutes later he would be there with her. Finally.
Sipping her coffee, Veronica contemplated the last six months. It was hard to believe how things had changed, how she had changed. When she had raced after him as he was leaving on the night her father was attacked, she hadn't really considered the repercussions of her actions. All she knew was that once again, just as her world was on the brink of collapse, there he was rushing in to save it. A few more seconds, or a misplaced inch, and she would have lost both her father and Logan in one fell swoop. All of her reasons for staying away just didn't matter anymore and in her desperation to prevent his departure, she had fallen down the rabbit hole headfirst –no, heartfirst. In the two weeks following that night, she hadn't let herself think about how they were going to work. She'd simply enjoyed the time they had together, getting to know each other again. Not just physically, although she was happy to realize that that part had only gotten better (how was that even possible?), but also as the people they had grown into.
When he'd left and she found herself with endless amounts of time to live in her head again, it was then that the old doubts came creeping back. Could they really make it work this time? Could they legitimately be in a healthy relationship? Because if not, she knew as well as he did that if they couldn't make it now, they would never be able to. She was under no illusions about herself anymore. She needed him, needed him like she had never willingly admitted before, and in order to keep him she had to let go, free fall and trust that he'd catch her. She had felt silly suggesting the meme but the result was so successful she sometimes had to reassure herself that it was all really working.
Now, though, he was coming home. He'd actually be there to talk to—deal with—coexist with—what if it was all just an illusion? What if they needed the distance and email to be able to discuss anything seriously? What the hell kind of relationship was that?
The laptop was next to her on the table, email open. She had started the letter a few days before, but got so busy finalizing everything for Logan's return that it had sat unfinished in her Drafts folder. Veronica found herself kind of sad that she wouldn't be able to get to all the questions on that meme. It seemed kind of pointless to finish it, now that he was going to be right in front of her. Still, she thought back through all of the topics that they covered and was forced to concede that there was one set of important questions that she'd put off for too long.
What the hell, Mars. Might as well send one last set for good luck. Besides, he deserves to see this one. You promised, and you need to keep these promises now.
She had to believe that they could do this face to face. They'd had six months of emails to practice, and now it was time for the main event. She didn't see any way they could possibly be better prepared.
Two hours forty-two minutes and twenty-three seconds.
She closed her eyes and tried to temper the nervous energy that she hadn't been able to turn off all morning. Failing, she began to type.
From: Veronica Mars
Date: Sat, 23 July 2016 11:33
To: Logan Echolls
Subject: Welcome home!
Dear Logan,
I'm sitting in our hotel room waiting to go and meet you. T-minus two and a half hours. I'm all dressed up in the requisite cupcake dress (in the correct colours, courtesy of Mace's fiancée's email full o' tips), snickerdoodles are made (seriously Logan, the Navy makes you do a potluck? They can't spring for beer and chips?), and ice cream is chilling in the mini-freezer. All systems are go (and I do mean ALL, lover!).
Even though you're almost home and you will only get this email after I've let you up for air (sometime in about 3-5 days), I decided to send one last set of meme Q&As. I answered most of these days ago, but really wanted to get to some subjects I've put off for far too long. I hope you're sitting down because I'm kind of serious in this one, babe. Don't worry, I'm sure when we actually discuss these issues live I'll be full of snark and evasive quips but right now I just want to make sure that I'm crystal clear so that there's no misunderstandings.
2. You talked to an ex today, correct?
Correct. Now I know we didn't Skype today, and you know we didn't Skype today, so that means….who did I speak to? ;P
Wasn't Troy. Wasn't Ryan. Wasn't Jason. Wasn't Piz. Certainly wasn't Duncan. SO? Any guesses? Do you even remember who's left?
Yes, it was Deputy Leo. Now, now, don't get that look on your face. He did me a solid on your case, and I had a couple of questions for him about this case I'm working on now. I needed advice about organized crime, and he helped me out.
Man, I'm trying to dig myself out of one hole and instead I bury myself in an avalanche (but as promised, I won't delete that last bit so that you are fully informed). Yes, I'm being careful. No, I won't do anything stupid. I would never do anything that would jeopardize me (us!) that way, not any more. I'm waiting for you here in one piece, as promised. You promised me always, and I promise you the same.
4. Best room for a fireplace?
Our bathroom. Picture it: Natural stone surrounding the hearth, inset into a wall with windows on either side. The windows would look out over the ocean from high up on a cliff. Right in front of the fireplace we'd have a giant claw foot tub, deep enough to allow all six feet of you to soak in water up to your chin and wide enough to hold us both, with a little extra maneuvering room, too. ;)
11. Is trust a big issue for you?
Back in the yellow cotton dress days, you could have looked naïve up in the dictionary and you would have found my picture. I didn't trust blindly, exactly (I was dealing with my mom's issues, after all), but I certainly wasn't what you would call "worldly." I trusted the people I let get close to me. Why not? Why would they lie?
And then Lilly died, and everything I believed in, everything I knew to be the truth, evaporated. Working for my dad, seeing the treachery and the seediness did nothing to disabuse me of my new reality.
I'm going to acknowledge the white elephant this one last time, and then I want to bury it firmly at the bottom of the Pacific. I elected to pay money for a psych degree to figure out my crap instead of paying for some quack's new BMW, and in doing so I came to some conclusions.
In those awful years when you…hated me, deep down I understood. I knew exactly where that hatred was coming from and why. I was just as angry and confused, just as lonely. It hurt anyway, but it made you predictable, and it made you an easy and willing target to aim my own bullets at.
It was when you changed back into pre-drama Logan, that's when I couldn't handle you anymore. Suddenly, instead of insulting me, you were protecting me. Instead of breaking my headlights, you were lending me your penknife to fix my radiator hose. It was a complete 180 right out of nowhere and it felt like I'd been hit in the face with the emotional equivalent of a cast-iron pan.
But it wasn't really out of nowhere, was it? I think I've managed to pin down the start to Lilly's memorial, don't you think? After that, you still harassed me, but the bite was gone. And I swore that when we played poker that Christmas I saw a grudging admiration in your eyes. I was simultaneously so grateful that you seemed to be finding your way back into my life and too scared to trust that it was for good. I didn't know how to keep you from Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde-ing on me again. If I gave in and loved you, and then you reverted back to psychotic jackass mode, it would hurt so much worse than it had before. How would I survive losing you all over again?
I read the following quote once, and it brought me the epiphany that I needed about you and about that time in our lives:
I do not trust people who don't love themselves and yet tell me, 'I love you.' – Maya Angelou
You didn't love yourself at all, and I hated who I had become; what it was doing to those around me. How could I admit that I loved you when, at the core, we were the same and I couldn't stand myself? And worse, what would happen when you realized one day that I wasn't enough for you? I was so sure it would happen eventually because, well, why would you want the dregs of who I used to be?
It has been a very long road but I've had nine years to pack those issues into a big, heavy lead chest. When I decided to stay in Neptune, I closed the lid. When I decided to come back to you, I put on the lock. With these emails, I am throwing it out to sea.
I need you to understand this single truth with no lingering doubts and no ambiguity:
I trust you.
Completely and totally. No awkward questions, no tracking devices.
Forever.
Veronica reread her response, trying to figure out how to lighten it up, pull back on some of the emotion she was still so uncomfortable with all these years later. But she couldn't bring herself to do that to him.
You need him to get this one, Mars. Leave it.
Taking a deep breath, she continued without touching her previous words.
17. Would you be able to date someone who doesn't make you laugh?
Snark is too important to my existence for me to be with someone who doesn't make me laugh. The whole point of snark is the laugh at the end. I will admit that no one comes close to your skill level at snarking. Others have amused me, but my dear, you blow them all out of the water. Your sense of humor is even more appealing now that it's lost the edge of cruelty it used to have. The Navy has instilled tact and humility into you, and it definitely shows in the person you've become.
27. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?
Three: Dad, Wallace, and you. The order varies depending on the quality of the gifts. ;P
30. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?
I don't know that I will ever feel completely comfortable doing that. I do know that this time, I want to tell you everything, and that's new for me. I'm going to take that as a sign that we are doing this the right way.
58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
Fourth times the charm? Fifth? What are we up to now? ;P
91. Does everyone deserve a second chance?
I always thought so. But, despite all those times we got back together, I guess that even though I wanted to give you your second (and third, and fourth) chance, I was never truly able to. That lack of trust was such a horrible thing to do to you too, because it meant that we never really had a hope in hell of succeeding. But as I already said above, it was my issues with trust that were to blame, not you.
I think, though, that it's time to discuss Madison. What we have now, it's our final chance. I think we both know it's do or die, and it seems only fair to address the reason we broke up that last time, even if it seems so very irrelevant now. In order for us to work this time, I need to explain to you how I've changed.
You never really knew what happened, did you? No reason you would, I guess, seeing as I never told anyone. I ran into Madison at a lingerie shop while I was shopping for a gift for you. She practically glowed telling me about how you had hooked up in Aspen. While I stood there, already unsure about what I was buying for our date, she critiqued my choice, telling me what you would like better based on her time with you. I was so mortified that it never occurred to me that she could be lying about what happened or that you weren't an enthusiastic participant. On top of that, it's no secret that I was never comfortable with our vastly different levels of experience in the bedroom. As amazing as I found our sex life, I was sure that in the long run, I could never be enough for you. I certainly wasn't as experienced as most of the people you slept with. I heard you with Kendall, Logan, and there was no way I could compete with the images those sounds brought to my mind. I believed Madison because it fed every doubt that I had about myself. I meant it when I said I would never get over her.
And then I didn't mean it so much anymore.
As they say, time heals all wounds. After all of these years, I am absolutely over it. Knowing that you were with someone so inconsequential bothers me less than thinking about all of the sex you've had with women who did matter. I know you loved Carrie, and I don't begrudge you that, truly I don't. But seeing your (so very unsexy) leg erotica hurt my heart in a way I never want it to hurt again. I understand now how you could have beat up Piz and then Gory over that tape; I even get the reunion brawl. For the first time, I understand what seeing it must have felt like for you.
I'm so grateful for second chances now. You have given me one, even though I disappointed you so often by leaving. I'm not leaving ever again; I want to be in your life, forever. Most of all, I've grown up, had time to get comfortable with sex (maybe honed my skills a little bit J). I've come to realize how incredible it actually was between us then (and is now) because it's never been like that with anyone else since. I don't ever want to know anything different ever again.
Fifty-three minutes until you're here. I'll see you soon!
I love you!
~V
The deafening roar of the fighter jets flying in groups of six overhead was like nothing Veronica had ever experienced. It was all was completely surreal. Hundreds of people crowded around the hangar, noisy and boisterous, barely able to contain their joy at finally being reunited with their loved ones. It seemed like every one of them carried a small flag, snapping in the wind. As promised, many of the ladies were dressed in A-lined, patterned dresses. Mace's fiancée had contacted Veronica to provide some survival tips (at Logan's suggestion), and counseled wearing blue and white, the squad's colours. Veronica had scoured the vintage thrift shops for days looking for an appropriate cupcake dress. She'd even found a costume jewelry pearl choker and earring set that suited the look perfectly. She thought that she had done pretty well, all things considered.
She was standing a little apart from the other wives and girlfriends, her excitement tightly controlled compared to their cheering and clapping. She had met Lidia ("Call me Liddy"), Mace's fiancée, but she had so many family members present that she was distracted. The other wives and girlfriends were equally welcoming, but were busy with the arrival of their own Navy heroes. Honestly, this suited Veronica just fine. She'd never admit to Logan that he was right when he said that these events were not really her cup of tea. This was going to be a part of her life now for at least the next four or five years. Maybe longer, depending on what Logan decided to do when his eight-year initial commitment was done. She had better start making the best of it.
The first two groups of planes had already landed. The third and final group, Logan's, could be heard in the distance, and she scanned the sky for sight of them. Suddenly, small dots appeared in perfect V formation. Logan was supposed to be at the head, place of honour in recognition for his injury during the mission. Veronica just stared in awe as the planes swept overhead, turned in perfect unison and came back in for landing. That was Logan up there. Her brain was having problems processing the reality of that thought. She didn't even notice the tears falling down her cheeks brought on by the emotion of it all.
"Pretty spectacular, isn't it?" Liddy shouted over the din.
"I had no idea." Veronica answered, unable to take her eyes off Logan's plane, now rolling to a stop.
"C'mon, let's go welcome our boys home."
The hatch opened, but Veronica refused to move until she was sure it was him. She watched as the two pilots climbed down and pulled off their helmets. Logan scanned the crowd quickly for her face as he stepped around Liddy, who had already launched herself at the other pilot who Veronica assumed was Mace. His face broke into an amused and appreciative smile as his eyes raked over her dress and pearls. She had spent the last 180 days dreaming about that smile and, as his eyes locked on hers, she felt the flush start at her cheeks and settle below her navel. Even from a distance of fifty feet, Logan's gaze could affect her like nothing else.
He made it. Thank you, God.
The anxiety that she had carried from the moment that he walked out of the beach house washed out of her. She felt lighter than she had felt in what seemed like forever. Unable to contain herself any longer -and silently thankful for the flats she was wearing- Veronica took off across the tarmac.
Logan quickly lobbed his helmet to a surprised crewman just in time to catch Veronica as she jumped into his arms. She looked him in the eye and said those magical words to his face for the first time: "I love you." Her lips landed on his, and just like that, they were truly home.
Four hours later, all that could be heard in the dimly lit hotel room in downtown San Diego was the rhythmic slap of their bodies mixed with their panting breaths.
"Logan!"
"Veronica!"
Both names echoed nearly simultaneously. Almost immediately, the pounding on the wall started again.
"We really should let those poor people sleep." Veronica smirked over her shoulder at Logan, who was standing next to the bed, trying to get his breathing under control while slipping out of her and cleaning himself up.
Logan quirked an eyebrow in response and said ungraciously, "Yeah, they can go fuck themselves. Maybe they'll have learned a thing or two listening to us for the last three hours. There is no way that I will let someone else dictate the agenda of my homecoming."
Thinking of the email she sent earlier, Veronica laughed at the irony of Logan's statement.
"Why are you smiling like I just made the funniest joke since Airplane II?"
"I was thinking about the email I sent you earlier." Logan looked at her quizzically and reached for his phone as he settled back into the bed. "Don't worry about it now!" she exclaimed, unsuccessfully grabbing for his arms in an attempt to pull them around her. "We have some serious cuddling to do, and then another round of Let's Wake Up the Neighbours."
"I can cuddle and read at the same time, Bobcat. Multitasking is one of the many talents they teach you in Officers training."
"Wait! Not right-"
But Logan had already swiped open his phone and begun reading.
"-now. Fine, whatever." Veronica rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling, waiting for Logan to finish reading the email. Her waggling foot belied the air of nonchalance she was attempting to project.
A few minutes later Logan closed his phone, replaced it on the bedside table, and rolled to his side so that he was facing Veronica, head propped on his hand.
"And you say you aren't a romantic. I promise you that I will get us that tub." Logan kissed the tip of Veronica's nose. "I have two months to find something acceptable, right? We said two months?" He was giving her an out if she didn't want to discuss the email. He simply stared at her, smiling gently, waiting to see what she would say.
"That's it?" Veronica blurted out, surprised.
"No. How's Leo doing? I hope you thanked him for me while you were there."
"Logan!" Exasperated, Veronica sat up, the sheet pooling around her legs, now crossed Indian style.
Eyes darkening at the site of her naked breasts, Logan took a deep (and slightly frustrated) breath, moved the sheet away from both of them, and mirrored her position. He grabbed both of her hands.
"I can see what you reacted to before. You were talking about hearing me with Kendall."
"Mmmhmm." Veronica was looking down at their joined hands.
"Please look at me." Logan requested softly.
Taking a deep breath, Veronica steeled her resolve to discuss this properly face to face and looked up. She was instantly drowning in the love that she saw there. Suddenly, she was completely confident that they would survive this conversation.
"I'd hoped to have a few more days before having to discuss this."
"All right." Logan acquiesced and leaned forward, his head making a beeline for her neck, ready to start round four.
Veronica put up her hands to stop him, and snorted. "Yeah, because I'll be able to concentrate with this hanging between us."
"Baby, if you have to concentrate while we do this, then I am seriously out of practice." Logan said with a faux-pout.
She kissed him, quick and deep, and then shook her head morosely, "I guess so." Logan lunged at her and began attacking all of the spots he knew would send her into howls of laughter.
"Stop! I want to talk about this, you goof!"
His mission to lighten the mood accomplished, Logan set them both back into their previous positions, holding hands. "You were saying?"
"I wasn't saying anything. I was waiting for your reaction to what I wrote."
"I want that chest thrown so deep into the ocean that it never stops sinking. There, can I enjoy your chest now?" He ducked his head to capture her breast with his mouth.
"Logan! I'm trying to be open and adult here. You are not helping!" Veronica squirmed out of the way, but not before she arched into him slightly, letting them both enjoy his touch before continuing.
Groaning, he pulled back and looked at her again; she really did want to have this conversation. He smiled softly, acknowledging this new aspect of Veronica. He really should enjoy it while he could. His tone serious, he began, "Veronica, I intend to spend the next fifty years of our lives eradicating all memory of the two horrible years I put you through in high school. But that was a long time ago." He searched her eyes. "I'm neither of those people anymore. Both Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde have left the building. I've come a long way since then, and we can only work if you trust the person I am now."
"I know. I trust you." Veronica said unwaveringly.
Logan's eyes shone with pleasure. "You know, I trust you is almost better to hear than I love you. You may not always trust the person you love, God knows our history proves that, but you can always love the person you trust."
Veronica leaned forward to kiss him softly. "I love you too."
"Nope, I was wrong. I love you is still better." Logan couldn't help smiling as he answered in a slightly awed tone. He didn't think he would ever be able to react any differently when he heard her say those words to him.
"About Madison…" Veronica began.
Logan quickly dragged her out of the bed and into the sitting area. He pulled her onto his lap on the couch, her legs on either side, straddling him.
"Logan! What are you-?"
"I don't ever want to bring her name into our bed again." Logan said firmly.
Tenderly, Veronica caressed his face with her hands, and kissed him, eyes open so that he could see the love shining there. "I'm sorry."
Logan looked a little sick at the memories that played in his mind. "I can't change what I've done. Kendall, Madison…all of them."
"No, but I can change how I react to it. I told you, I've moved on. I never realized what a cure a punch to the face is." Veronica's eyes twinkled with the memory of a bedraggled Madison lying sputtering on the floor. "Besides, now I know that your actual favorite lingerie is chocolate chocolate chip and Cool Whip. She was clearly delusional."
"And Carrie?" Logan asked carefully.
Just like that, he watched the twinkle extinguish, and the familiar panic he thought was long forgotten rose in his chest.
"And Piz?" Veronica retorted.
"Pshaw! Nothing but a place holder." Logan responded with a bravado he didn't feel.
"You made love to her."
"I did." Logan looked her straight in the eyes, pausing briefly. "You made love to Piz."
"It wasn't the same as it's always been with you."
"You're right, it wasn't."
They stared at each other a long time, acknowledging in silent conversation that everything that happened before just made them the right people for each other today. Ready to move on and lighten the mood, Veronica smirked. "Wow, physically naked and emotionally naked all at once, and no crater around us to show for it. Yay us for successfully navigating our first grown-up discussion."
"So what's my prize?" Logan's voice was husky, eyelids half-closed, cock twitching in anticipation.
Veronica ground slowly into Logan's lap before climbing off and looking coyly over her shoulder. "Take me to bed, or lose me forever!"
Logan grumbled, "That's never going to get old, is it?"
"Nope." Veronica laughed. "Go get the ice cream and I'll meet you in the bedroom, Lieutenant."
Logan jumped up off the couch, clipped his heels together smartly and saluted. "Aye aye, Captain."
The next morning, Mr. and Mrs. Douglas from Boise, Idaho, hunch-backed and doddering, went down to the front desk to complain that people of their time of life had earned the right to a quiet night's sleep. The desk clerk consoled them with the news that the balance of their hotel bill had been paid in full by one Lt. Echolls, with his apologies and a recommendation that they ask for a different room for the remainder of their stay.